Open Thread for Personal Stuff, July 2014 Edition

I need some advice, y’all.

I previously mentioned I was chatting with a nice man who, literally mid-message exchange, stopped responding. My last message had been innocuous. He just didnt respond to it. We’d been talking for weeks daily and often throughout the day. Then communication on his end just stopped.

I’m an online acquaintance so I don’t feel entitled to information about his life. I do feel entitled to a head’s up that the person I’m talking to will no longer be speaking to me though. No one likes to be left hanging. Ideally he’d tell me why he would no longer be speaking to me in case it provides insight from which I can learn something. Really though, I just would have appreciated a “GTG4evabai”. I feel disrespected.

Worse than feeling disrespected though, I’m worried. Maybe he died. I’m pretty distressed about this person’s sudden disappearance.

A couple days after his disappearance, I messaged him with “So, what happened?” I didn’t want to come off as hostile or nagging or freaking out but I wanted to portray my desire to understand what had happened. No response.

I’m worried about him. What I know is he’s in the UK on vacation but we were chitchatting after he’d arrived there so that shouldn’t impact his ability to respond. It doesn’t appear he’s blocked me because I can still see him on Google+.

I don’t want to pester or make demands of an online acquaintance but is it reasonable that I try one more time to make contact with him? I was thinking something along the lines of, once he’s back in the country, “Really, it’s cool if you don’t want to chat but please let me know you’re alright. I’m concerned”.

Argenti

“Fruitloopsie — I’ll pop over to the Borg in a bit to see what you’ve got up :)”

Thanks I don’t know if I post it right.

Me too. I’m half annoyed and half worried. Because we don’t have an established friendship though I don’t know how to proceed. Should I even be irked with someone who, for all intents and purposes, is a stranger not saying goodbye? And is it a violation of boundaries to continue trying to make contact with a stranger who may well be choosing not to interact with me? Should I take it as a hint that he hasn’t responded or is one last effort worthwhile?

I want to reach out one more time, maybe two, just to find out whether he’s OK. When he’s back in the country I’d like to try via email to connect one more time just to determine he’s alright. Am I overstepping boundaries by doing that to someone who hasn’t been responding to me though? My absolute last ditch effort would be leave a note at his work. He shared his name and career and place of employment so that I know those things isn’t creepy. He was very forthcoming with that information. Would a box of homemade cookies and a note saying “Welcome home, hope you’re alright. It’s fine if you don’t want to hang but please text or email me to let me know you’re OK” be pushing it?

He doesn’t use his Google+ account so, unfortunately, while I can see it which I think means I’m not blocked and he can still receive IMs and emails from me, there’s no activity to indicate he’s alright.

I’ve had a surprisingly not bad 20th birthday at my uncle’s place. No one forced me into discussing awkward and/or triggering matters, and instead just tried to have a good time. I also got a massive amount of money from family members. And my step-mom got me a new hoodie, which is nice and soft and perfect for chilly weather in Santa Cruz. She even ensured that it was two sizes larger, just the way I like my hoodies.

And as expected, the food was pretty good as well. I ate only a small portion since I prefer to enjoy food rather than eat until I can’t move anymore, but it was still good. I also got a cake that wasn’t an Oreo cake – as much as I love those, it was nice to get a different cake.

Most of all, though, I sense that a lot of love went into this birthday. Even my least favorite family members managed to make me feel loved rather than some object of judgment they often see me as despite their good intentions. Everything felt genuine and very warm, and all of my family members went out of their way to be loving towards me.

Happy birthday Ally! I’m happy it went so well, it’s amazing how even simple gestures of kindness can improve things so much, isn’t it?

@Marinerachel, cookies might be pushing it, but if you know where he works you could find out through them if he’s alright? Just say you’re a friend who can’t get in contact with him and just want to know if he’s still working there?

Happy birthday Ally!

Happy Birthday Ally! Glad it was good!

You’ll feel effects within an hour. How strong they are and how long they last is dependent on your tolerance, your mass and the dosage.

He did let me know ahead of time he’d be out of country for three weeks and followed through when I asked him to let me know when he arrived safely. We were shooting several messages back and forth every day for the first week he was in the UK.

It does seem really rude and I am annoyed. I’m a pretty quick study though and would not have expected this kind of behaviour from him. That’s why I’m wondering if something hasn’t happened.

I’m accustomed to feeding everyone so “Welcome home, here, eat this” seems very normal to me but, yes, from the perspective of most it probably seems like smothering. Won’t do dat. Come to think of it, the fact food is part of almost everything that occurs in life (it’s how you celebrate and how you heal wounds and how you welcome people and send them in their way and show them respect and show them love, etc.) to me is probably a huge contributing factor to my unsafe body fat percentage.

I am going to try one more time. If he already doesn’t want to hear from me it will only make him want to hear from me less. Nothing lost. If it results in me finding out he’s OK, it’s a win. If he doesn’t respond at all I may indulge my curiosity and poke my nose in his place of work in a few weeks to find out if he ever returned.

Hey Ally, Happy Birthday 🙂

@marinerachel: thanks for the comments re valium. Good luck with what you decide to do.

I hope this isn’t selfish or inappropriate to post. I’m having a pretty rough time this weekend. Nothing major is going on, just irritating brain stuff. I’m pretty overwhelmed with work (which has been horrible for a long time) + class + trying to move and feeling like none of it is ever going to get done. I feel like I’m going to end up being this big failure with no educational prospects, no job, and no friends.

I tried a few things to get me back on track today. Watched some Scrubs, ate some comfort food. I’m also trying to get through my reading, rather than just sitting on the couch. But it’s hard, and I’m all alone right now, and there’s really not a single person here that I’m close enough to that I could say “hey, I’m having a rough time, do you want to go to a movie or sit on a patio or something?” And it just really helps to talk, so that’s why I’m talking to you guys.

@hannasoumaki, that does help, thank you. I’m sorry that your family and friends aren’t giving you the support that you need right now.