Keep in mind, the guy is claiming to be a mall cop, a Paul Blart:
I am not a ninja, merely a student of the art of Ninjitsu, and I prefer not to have status such as “Ninja” laid upon me, for as yet I am unworthy of the title. I will be completing my ninjisu training in a little over 8 months, and then I will be a Master of Ninjitsu, a true “Ninja”. But it is not my martial arts skills that make me so vital to the security of the mall, it is my tactical and strategic skills honed by years of intens on-site on the job training. My weapons skills are the envy of the squad, and I think that with my expertise I ought to be able to choose an effective and reliab;e weapon for CQC and urban combat, whicch is why I chose SW, the MP5’s are junk comparatively.
Falconer
10 years ago
My favorite bit so far is I AM A NINJATSUE MASTER I WEAR THE SPECIAL SHOES THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES CLIMB WALLS.
They would never use missiles. Larger than a Shrike.
kirbywarp
10 years ago
I’d love to see the course that promises to make you a master ninja in a matter of a year or two… along with a super special certificate and everything.
I have never had to deal with bolt action sniper rifles, these punk’s tastes run to Ack-Ack guns, and I have taken away 4 stens that they probably stole from Grandaddy’s closet, a Thompson hacked short on both ends,a and more pistol-gripped AK clones than i care to count. These kids want blood, and since they will have to go through me to shed any in my mall, I am constantly doging near misses and ricochets, I have taken to doubling up on my regular regimen on Body armor, as you probaly knwo.
(and this is actually from the post about how that strip got censored
pallygirl
10 years ago
LOL @kirbywarp. Given that the photo attached to this post is a bear in a hammock, that was my initial thought, but then got worried when Howard mentioned turning safe search on. Safe search == not actually that safe.
From the cartoon that @Howard posted, it looks like a male g-string, would that be a fair call?
Falconer
10 years ago
LOL @ “grape smuggler” from Howard’s second link.
kirbywarp
10 years ago
@Pallygirl:
Ha, I didn’t know I was being on topic! Welp, I guess the only way forward is more things in hammocks!
Ah internet, you never disappoint. Except for high expectations about safe search, anyway.
“Posing pouches” actually go back to the early days of gay porn. To avoid censorship, gay male porn magazines billed themselves as fitness magazines and their models wore those pouches. Box Turtle Bulletin did a piece on one of the photographers here.
But, anyway, you know how these guys are always posting pictures of themselves decked out in pouches with all their guns? I counted two on the first couple of pages wearing nothing under the pouches but a banana hammock.
…
D:
D8
RE: pallygirl
Can someone please tell me what a banana hammock is, because there won’t be enough brain bleach if I google that term?
DON’T LOOK IT UP!
Falconer
10 years ago
What a wonderful discussion I have started. Sorry, everyone.
And people say femininity is artificial and performative! I feel like I’m watching a bunch of teenage boys screaming, “MY DICK IS BIGGER” “NO MINE MINE”
kirbywarp
10 years ago
@Falconer:
I’d consider anything that ends with hamsters wearing tiny hats in a hammock a success.
Falconer
10 years ago
Oh god, one of our clients is having a melt down because the custody handoff went kablooie this afternoon and the father has one child and the mother has the other and the mother isn’t answering the father’s calls and apparently the mother’s boyfriend is hanging around and our client with the meltdown is worried that the mother’s boyfriend is going to try and start something when the father arrives with the other child.
We Hunted The Mammoth
Keep in mind, the guy is claiming to be a mall cop, a Paul Blart:
My favorite bit so far is I AM A NINJATSUE MASTER I WEAR THE SPECIAL SHOES THAT MAKES THE PEOPLES CLIMB WALLS.
They would never use missiles. Larger than a Shrike.
I’d love to see the course that promises to make you a master ninja in a matter of a year or two… along with a super special certificate and everything.
… *quick googling*
Oh good lord.
You can get a kit with 11 (11!!!) dvds and a little black belt to wear.
The hell is a posing pouch?
This mall sounds SAFE.
To answer this question I did a Google image search, with safesearch on.
I’m gonna need an improved safesearch.
But, anyway, you know how these guys are always posting pictures of themselves decked out in pouches with all their guns?
I counted two on the first couple of pages wearing nothing under the pouches but a banana hammock.
Don’t do that search.
Don’t be a hero.
This guy provides even worse PR for malls than Janet Bloomfield does for the MRM.
I think the banana hammock is the posing pouch, at least according to one image of one made out of candy necklace.
Can someone please tell me what a banana hammock is, because there won’t be enough brain bleach if I google that term?
@cassandra: except people generally need malls more than they need AVfM.
Sorry, LBT, I think I picked up “posing pouch” from Red Dwarf.
It’s what bodybuilders wear so they won’t be obscene. Or, as Howard found out, a banana hammock.
@pallygirl:
I’m just guessing, but it’s probably exactly what you’d expect. (Don’t worry, totally safe for work. Or is it? 😉 )
@pallygirl: A banana hammock is a male genital cover.
Or, at least, without making presumptions about the gender of the person to whom said genitals are attached, a cover for penis & testicles.
Banana Hammock!
(totally worksafe)
(and this is actually from the post about how that strip got censored
LOL @kirbywarp. Given that the photo attached to this post is a bear in a hammock, that was my initial thought, but then got worried when Howard mentioned turning safe search on. Safe search == not actually that safe.
From the cartoon that @Howard posted, it looks like a male g-string, would that be a fair call?
LOL @ “grape smuggler” from Howard’s second link.
@Pallygirl:
Ha, I didn’t know I was being on topic! Welp, I guess the only way forward is more things in hammocks!
Ah internet, you never disappoint. Except for high expectations about safe search, anyway.
“Posing pouches” actually go back to the early days of gay porn. To avoid censorship, gay male porn magazines billed themselves as fitness magazines and their models wore those pouches. Box Turtle Bulletin did a piece on one of the photographers here.
RE: Howard Bannister
But, anyway, you know how these guys are always posting pictures of themselves decked out in pouches with all their guns? I counted two on the first couple of pages wearing nothing under the pouches but a banana hammock.
…
D:
D8
RE: pallygirl
Can someone please tell me what a banana hammock is, because there won’t be enough brain bleach if I google that term?
DON’T LOOK IT UP!
What a wonderful discussion I have started. Sorry, everyone.
Oh god, I can’t stop reading Mall Ninja.
And people say femininity is artificial and performative! I feel like I’m watching a bunch of teenage boys screaming, “MY DICK IS BIGGER” “NO MINE MINE”
@Falconer:
I’d consider anything that ends with hamsters wearing tiny hats in a hammock a success.
Oh god, one of our clients is having a melt down because the custody handoff went kablooie this afternoon and the father has one child and the mother has the other and the mother isn’t answering the father’s calls and apparently the mother’s boyfriend is hanging around and our client with the meltdown is worried that the mother’s boyfriend is going to try and start something when the father arrives with the other child.