Alex, hugs if you want. That sounds beyond awkward and a bit terrifying, to be honest.
First day of house sitting going swimmingly. I love ‘my’ new old pooch. She’s a sweetie who doesn’t ask for much, but get’s really happy when unsolicited affection is given.
Good dog making at least one thing right in the world.
Thanks, dad, for indirectly stopping me from getting my refill of hormone prescriptions. Thank you. I knew you were right all along for forcing me to “spend time with the family” instead and watch you beat up my own little sister right in front of me and yell at everyone and then yell more about how you aren’t yelling at all and that therefore my sister has no reason to “whine”!
Every time he comes over to my uncle’s place (where I’m staying currently) he constantly tells me to stay downstairs with everyone else, especially him. I have told him over and over again that I don’t like interacting with people all the time – especially not people who trigger me constantly like my dad (although I didn’t tell him that) – but he never listens. I wish he would stop hurting me and my sisters, I wish he would stop controlling my life. Sometimes the way he treats me hurts so much that I wish that he was dead. I know it’s harsh and I obviously don’t want him to die, but he makes my life so miserable. At the very least he makes me feel like I want to die.
Now I’ll have to wait until Monday at the earliest to get my prescription refills, and it’s possible that I’ll have to wait till as late as Thursday. Currently I only have enough left for tonight and tomorrow morning. I’m really scared.
My dad hit my little 8-year-old sister on her backside really hard to intimidate her, and I could tell she was in pain. She ended up crying in the car, and my dad kept telling her to stop crying because “I wasn’t yelling at you – I was just upset and telling everyone to be quiet! Now, be quiet!” Later on my older sister and I convinced her to sit in the backseat row with the two of us, my sister held her for a while and I was trying to quietly talk to her about how it’s okay to cry even if someone isn’t specifically yelling at you. I don’t know if she heard or understood me, but I tried.
serrana
10 years ago
Ally, you’re a good big sister. She might not have completely taken in what you said tonight, but she’ll remember.
I”m going to be pretty much AFK from this weekend on, for about a month. We are doing a honeymoonish sort of thing. We’d already planned on LonCon, and ShamrocKon (because a friend of ours is GoH, and it’s only a week after and IRELAND!*
So we are visiting family in Brighton (our other partner has family who retired there. She is a minister (methodist, I think), and then we head to Sidmouth Folk Week and then to Stonehenge, London, Dublin (by train/ferry) and then to a family wedding in Canada.
It’s going to be busy (argenti, I will ping you with my overseas cell number, I think you can iMessage me; because I’ve done it with a friend in Amsterdam). I’m sort of nervous, because I’ll be meeting some people I respect (a lot) whom I’ve not met in person before.
But the British Museum, the Globe (we are taking in a play; from the seats), and Herefordshire Ciders, and pubs, and the Thames, and, seisuns, and the Book of Kells, and…. yeah.
Between London, and Ireland, I have the vague feeling that I am making aliyah: Mme. Pecunium allows as this is probably not a misplaced sentitment.
So I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy tonight with my nephew. What a fun movie! The opening broke my heart though. The hero’s mom, when he was a little boy, dies of cancer, pretty much on screen, and it traumatized him (and me). So, if you want to see the movie, and you would find that scene painful, go late. The rest is a big, goofy, action-packed comic book hero movie.
I”m going to be pretty much AFK from this weekend on, for about a month. We are doing a honeymoonish sort of thing. We’d already planned on LonCon, and ShamrocKon (because a friend of ours is GoH, and it’s only a week after and IRELAND!*
So we are visiting family in Brighton (our other partner has family who retired there. She is a minister (methodist, I think), and then we head to Sidmouth Folk Week and then to Stonehenge, London, Dublin (by train/ferry) and then to a family wedding in Canada.
It’s going to be busy (argenti, I will ping you with my overseas cell number, I think you can iMessage me; because I’ve done it with a friend in Amsterdam). I’m sort of nervous, because I’ll be meeting some people I respect (a lot) whom I’ve not met in person before.
But the British Museum, the Globe (we are taking in a play; from the seats), and Herefordshire Ciders, and pubs, and the Thames, and, seisuns, and the Book of Kells, and…. yeah.
Between London, and Ireland, I have the vague feeling that I am making aliyah: Mme. Pecunium allows as this is probably not a misplaced sentitment.
That sounds great, have a fantastic trip.
hannasoumaki
10 years ago
How can someone sink even lower in their abrasiveness even in the face of a child’s completely open reaction of whats going on around them? Just reading about your father makes me feel ill, I can’t imagine the sheer tension living with him must be. I hope to God you stay safe even with him, Ally.
hannasoumaki
10 years ago
I have a bad habit of belatedly looking up words I should know by now … “abrasive” doesn’t even come close. Toxic’s much more fitting.
pallygirl
10 years ago
@Ally: what you have described as happening to your sister is child abuse. There should be no ongoing pain from physical correction, and there is a strong argument that no correction should be physical anyway. (Logic = if the behaviour was performed against an adult and it would be a crime, then why should the same behaviour be legally defensible if made against a child.)
@Alex: bloody hell, I’m pleased you’re okay. What would be great is if the suspected spiked drink was actually analysed for substances associated with drink spiking and the bloody spiker prosecuted under criminal law. That would make them (a) known to police and (b) give them a criminal record which will help protect any future (potential) victims. My worry is that he will now be more subtle in how he does drink spiking, I don’t think he will change his behaviour.
@pecunium: have a nice time. 🙂
Flying Mouse
10 years ago
@Ally: what you have described as happening to your sister is child abuse. There should be no ongoing pain from physical correction, and there is a strong argument that no correction should be physical anyway. (Logic = if the behaviour was performed against an adult and it would be a crime, then why should the same behaviour be legally defensible if made against a child.)
Damned straight. I’m sorry that happened to your little sister, Ally. You’re a good big sister to try to comfort her, even though I know it must have been hard with your dad sitting so close by.
Ehhhhnggggh. Found another email from our father. This one (which predated the nastygram by two days but got sent to a different email address, thus why I didn’t find it till now) is the “nice” one, all about how we should keep taking care of ourself, and our parents will keep taking care of themself, and if we ever want to talk about anything we like, our father is available.
It’s all very nice until you realize that the email he’s responding to (a year after the original) is about how during the Raping Year, our parents were completely passive and later punished us for coming out. So yeah. Taking care of themselves is not something our parents ever had trouble doing.
Also, even in the “nice” email, the one thing he was most clear about was how much he didn’t like that I was having to filter my emails through other people. (I had to start doing this because I needed someone to reality-test me.)
It’s so frustrating, because even though I KNOW the “nice” email isn’t all that nice, I can still feel my perception of reality warping, wondering if maybe I’m just some pathological liar making all this shit up about our wonderful parents because I’m crazy and sick and pathologically seeking attention and asspats.
I hate this. I really, really wish our parents would just leave us the fuck alone. Not be nice. Not be mean. Just leave us alone.
Well, admittedly, I’d love to have a happy relationship with them, but they still haven’t even acknowledged that the Raping Year really HAPPENED since the night I told them. It’s not going to happen.
It’s like, how do parents work? I don’t even know. It’s like, there’s the kind I see in books and on TV, and then there’s parents like ours, where everything looks happy but once you peel back the surface, there’s just void.
I’ve gotten the emails now filtered away so I never have to see them if I don’t want to, and all future ones will be filtered away. I’m just weird and compulsive and keep things so I can prove to myself I’m not just making it all up.
You know shit be sad when I find myself hoarding terrible letters just to prove to myself I’m not making shit up to make my backstory more tragic.
We Hunted The Mammoth
Alex, hugs if you want. That sounds beyond awkward and a bit terrifying, to be honest.
First day of house sitting going swimmingly. I love ‘my’ new old pooch. She’s a sweetie who doesn’t ask for much, but get’s really happy when unsolicited affection is given.
Good dog making at least one thing right in the world.
Hurray for good dogs and good men!
(And creepy Jeff sucks).
Alex, that was super creepy. Also offering hugs. Hugs for the bartender too–it’s great to see people standing up for basic decency.
Thanks, dad, for indirectly stopping me from getting my refill of hormone prescriptions. Thank you. I knew you were right all along for forcing me to “spend time with the family” instead and watch you beat up my own little sister right in front of me and yell at everyone and then yell more about how you aren’t yelling at all and that therefore my sister has no reason to “whine”!
Thank you so fucking much.
Holy fuck, Ally! I’m so sorry your dad is such a pustule.
Ally, Unimaginative said what I’m thinking. So sorry.
Ally, your dad is the absolute worst. I can’t believe how awful he is. I hope your sister is ok.
Every time he comes over to my uncle’s place (where I’m staying currently) he constantly tells me to stay downstairs with everyone else, especially him. I have told him over and over again that I don’t like interacting with people all the time – especially not people who trigger me constantly like my dad (although I didn’t tell him that) – but he never listens. I wish he would stop hurting me and my sisters, I wish he would stop controlling my life. Sometimes the way he treats me hurts so much that I wish that he was dead. I know it’s harsh and I obviously don’t want him to die, but he makes my life so miserable. At the very least he makes me feel like I want to die.
Now I’ll have to wait until Monday at the earliest to get my prescription refills, and it’s possible that I’ll have to wait till as late as Thursday. Currently I only have enough left for tonight and tomorrow morning. I’m really scared.
My dad hit my little 8-year-old sister on her backside really hard to intimidate her, and I could tell she was in pain. She ended up crying in the car, and my dad kept telling her to stop crying because “I wasn’t yelling at you – I was just upset and telling everyone to be quiet! Now, be quiet!” Later on my older sister and I convinced her to sit in the backseat row with the two of us, my sister held her for a while and I was trying to quietly talk to her about how it’s okay to cry even if someone isn’t specifically yelling at you. I don’t know if she heard or understood me, but I tried.
Ally, you’re a good big sister. She might not have completely taken in what you said tonight, but she’ll remember.
I”m going to be pretty much AFK from this weekend on, for about a month. We are doing a honeymoonish sort of thing. We’d already planned on LonCon, and ShamrocKon (because a friend of ours is GoH, and it’s only a week after and IRELAND!*
So we are visiting family in Brighton (our other partner has family who retired there. She is a minister (methodist, I think), and then we head to Sidmouth Folk Week and then to Stonehenge, London, Dublin (by train/ferry) and then to a family wedding in Canada.
It’s going to be busy (argenti, I will ping you with my overseas cell number, I think you can iMessage me; because I’ve done it with a friend in Amsterdam). I’m sort of nervous, because I’ll be meeting some people I respect (a lot) whom I’ve not met in person before.
But the British Museum, the Globe (we are taking in a play; from the seats), and Herefordshire Ciders, and pubs, and the Thames, and, seisuns, and the Book of Kells, and…. yeah.
Between London, and Ireland, I have the vague feeling that I am making aliyah: Mme. Pecunium allows as this is probably not a misplaced sentitment.
Ally, I like my big sister and all, but I wish I had a big sister as great as you.
Pecunium, have a wonderful honeymoonish!
Pecunium, have a wonderful time! Ah, to be in England …
Your dad is terrible, Ally. I’m so sorry you and your siblings have had to deal with a parent like that.
The IOF is now attacking Gaza’s only remaining power station, leaving most Gazans without any access to sanitized water or electricity: http://mic.com/articles/95224/the-situation-in-gaza-has-taken-a-horrifying-turn?utm_source=policymicTWTR&utm_medium=main&utm_campaign=social
So I went to see Guardians of the Galaxy tonight with my nephew. What a fun movie! The opening broke my heart though. The hero’s mom, when he was a little boy, dies of cancer, pretty much on screen, and it traumatized him (and me). So, if you want to see the movie, and you would find that scene painful, go late. The rest is a big, goofy, action-packed comic book hero movie.
That sounds great, have a fantastic trip.
How can someone sink even lower in their abrasiveness even in the face of a child’s completely open reaction of whats going on around them? Just reading about your father makes me feel ill, I can’t imagine the sheer tension living with him must be. I hope to God you stay safe even with him, Ally.
I have a bad habit of belatedly looking up words I should know by now … “abrasive” doesn’t even come close. Toxic’s much more fitting.
@Ally: what you have described as happening to your sister is child abuse. There should be no ongoing pain from physical correction, and there is a strong argument that no correction should be physical anyway. (Logic = if the behaviour was performed against an adult and it would be a crime, then why should the same behaviour be legally defensible if made against a child.)
@Alex: bloody hell, I’m pleased you’re okay. What would be great is if the suspected spiked drink was actually analysed for substances associated with drink spiking and the bloody spiker prosecuted under criminal law. That would make them (a) known to police and (b) give them a criminal record which will help protect any future (potential) victims. My worry is that he will now be more subtle in how he does drink spiking, I don’t think he will change his behaviour.
@pecunium: have a nice time. 🙂
Damned straight. I’m sorry that happened to your little sister, Ally. You’re a good big sister to try to comfort her, even though I know it must have been hard with your dad sitting so close by.
Ehhhhnggggh. Found another email from our father. This one (which predated the nastygram by two days but got sent to a different email address, thus why I didn’t find it till now) is the “nice” one, all about how we should keep taking care of ourself, and our parents will keep taking care of themself, and if we ever want to talk about anything we like, our father is available.
It’s all very nice until you realize that the email he’s responding to (a year after the original) is about how during the Raping Year, our parents were completely passive and later punished us for coming out. So yeah. Taking care of themselves is not something our parents ever had trouble doing.
Also, even in the “nice” email, the one thing he was most clear about was how much he didn’t like that I was having to filter my emails through other people. (I had to start doing this because I needed someone to reality-test me.)
It’s so frustrating, because even though I KNOW the “nice” email isn’t all that nice, I can still feel my perception of reality warping, wondering if maybe I’m just some pathological liar making all this shit up about our wonderful parents because I’m crazy and sick and pathologically seeking attention and asspats.
I hate this. I really, really wish our parents would just leave us the fuck alone. Not be nice. Not be mean. Just leave us alone.
Well, admittedly, I’d love to have a happy relationship with them, but they still haven’t even acknowledged that the Raping Year really HAPPENED since the night I told them. It’s not going to happen.
It’s like, how do parents work? I don’t even know. It’s like, there’s the kind I see in books and on TV, and then there’s parents like ours, where everything looks happy but once you peel back the surface, there’s just void.
I don’t know. I’m having a crazy day I guess.
LBT, can you block them completely? Is there any reason not to?
I’ve gotten the emails now filtered away so I never have to see them if I don’t want to, and all future ones will be filtered away. I’m just weird and compulsive and keep things so I can prove to myself I’m not just making it all up.
You know shit be sad when I find myself hoarding terrible letters just to prove to myself I’m not making shit up to make my backstory more tragic.