It’s not you, it really is just creeps taking advantage of the situation. “This woman doesn’t have a support system yet – score!” they say to themselves, as they PUT YOUR HAND ON THEIR COCK WHILE YOU SLEEP, WHAT THE HELL? Once you’re settled in a bit more they’ll no doubt slime their way back down into whatever fetid space in between the sewer grates creeps normally hang out in.
cassandrakitty
10 years ago
@ Kittehserf
Actually rather less scary than Moomins, I’d say, but a lot more fun, especially if you give them booze.
Yes! Hopefully, one day I’ll be at a point where they can do shit like this and I’ll be totally unbothered, but until then, I can live with this.
RE: Kittehs
Whoa, LBT, I would love to read your system autobiography!
It’ll be a tough project, but I look forward to trying it.
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago
LOL cassandra, I never found the Moomins scary or creepy, I loved those books.
cassandrakitty
10 years ago
Me neither, but the band are about as scary as fluffy kitten, if you can imagine a fluffy kitten that’s drunk, wearing leather, and singing about trolls stomping around pre-Christianity Scandinavia.
cassandrakitty
10 years ago
(This is not an insult, btw, lurking masculinity and RESPECT obsessed mantrolls.)
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago
A band comprised of leather-clad fluffy kittens singing about trolls would be one I’d want to see.
I found out on the weekend that I should be using jojoba oil daily for where I’m stretching my piercings in my ears. It also means that I’m cleaning my stud things (they have an o-ring on the other side, not a butterfly thing) daily too, so bonus. The oil makes it super easy to get the stud things back in my ear, boy do they just slide/glide in.
I tried my owl 2.5mm dangly ones on Saturday and they were easy to get in. I’m thinking of wearing them tomorrow. Everyone at treatment and at work loved my blue hair today. 🙂
Nice news today: one of my workmates brought me a bunch of daffodils to congratulate me on finishing my first week of radiotherapy. Flowers, yay.
I’m doing all I can to make as many sad boners around me as possible. I feel the need to share the love, or not, around.
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago
Good to hear, pallygirl!
Back in the long ago when I had my ears pierced, my doc said it’s better to wear sleepers than studs while the ears are healing – you can leave them in and rotate them with whatever you need to be putting on them (especially when they’re infected and you need antibiotic cream).
cassandrakitty
10 years ago
Definition of problematic faves – I finally listened to the new Mayhem album, which was sent to me a few weeks ago, and I kind of love it. You really can’t get much more problematic than a church-burning band some of whose (idiot) members have nazi associations famous for their bassist murdering their guitarist.
Varg can still go fuck himself, though.
pallygirl
10 years ago
Ah, yes, when I first got my ear piercings done, I was told to rotate. The new advice is leave it all the fuck alone because rotating it creates scar tissue. Just keep the area clean and dry, and don’t poke at it, rotate the stud, put cream on it, etc. This advice, along with a nickle free stud in my nose, has meant that my nose piercing has healed up nicely in 3 months. I’m waiting on my Hello Kitty end to arrive from the US. 🙂
cassandrakitty
10 years ago
My only piercing related advice is to never get one done just before going to a festival. My friend got her eyebrow done just before Glastonbury once and let’s just say she regretted that decision.
pallygirl
10 years ago
And in other news, as well as developing an allergy to the first moisturising cream they told me to use last week (substitute cream is working well, I have had it drummed into me by everyone that I NEED TO USE CREAM), it transpires that I am now allergic to the bloody special deodorant.
/sigh fuck allergies
So back to the first deodorant I bought, that I then had to take in so they could check it, and it was fine, but in the meantime I had bought and started using the deodorant they recommended after the first treatment, which is the one I am allergic to. Apparently if I end up being allergic to this one, it’s baking soda and water as the remaining option.
So, someone just broke down crying in my bathroom. That hasn’t happened in a while. I was kinda hoping to maintain my streak.
No such luck.
Well at least she seemed better once she got it all out. So there’s that!
Now, how do I deal with having gotten way too much information about other people’s relationships, lack thereof, who is cheating on who and who miserable? Gonna be a real treat to go to work with all these people.
waves hands helplessly around
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago
Put up a “the doctor is in” sign and a price list, Fibi. Maybe people won’t want you to play therapist if they have to pay for it.
Could also just give in to peer pressure, drag the couch in there. With the eclectic design decisions of my apartment, it’d just about work.
Fabolous Fibi’s Fine Fucked Feeling Fixer has a kind of ring to it.
Might make showering difficult (or, if I waterproof the couch, really comfy).
It’s not that “playing therapist” is something I mind – if people need to talk, they need to talk! Hell, I’m their friend I guess. It’d be weird if I didn’t want to listen.
I just never quite know what to do afterwards, like, how am I supposed to go to work with all these people now that I’ve gotten discouring intimate details about their various love-lives, lies and less than likable liabilities? Swear to god I’m not doing that alliteration on purpose, it’s a stress negater.
Sure, you can compartmentalize to some degree but after a while it just becomes… bothersome, like trying to hold back some large and ominous avalanche of questions and words you wish you could squeeze with the “Oh, and how are you” to sort of append “(my apparently mildly abusive co-worker who enjoys cheating on people)?”
Maybe I should consider a bachelor in psychology anyhow. I hear you need it to become an actual licensed therapist.
Flying Mouse
10 years ago
Ugh, I have no advice to give, but I can commiserate, Fibinachi. That situation sounds like what I had at my husband’s last duty station. I worked with a few women married to men in his unit, and one of the other women was having really bad relationship problems. I was fine with listening to her vent at work, but it made things really awkward when I had to attend company functions and see her there with her spouse. I found out a long time later that the husband was also venting at work, and that Mr. FM was having an equal but opposite reaction when he had to socially meet the wife.
Mr. FM got out of the Army and we moved away before that couple reached any kind of a resolution. I hope it all worked out okay in the end.
Re: deodorant. I’ve been using one of those salt rock things for about 30 years. They don’t keep you dry (apparently anti-perspirants are no good for you anyway, because you release lymph toxins through sweating), but they do keep the stink down. I guess it’s possible to be allergic to it if you get one that’s got additives. Just in case you run out of non-allergenic alternatives.
Actual conversation today (I’m spending Eid with family today):
Dad: As a young 20-year-old man, you should be active and healthy.
Little sister: …a man?
Dad: Of course he is. What, you think he’s a woman?
Also, my brother recently read Janet Mock’s latest book Redefining Realness, and when he asked my dad to read it, my dad just said “Transgender is just a way of getting attention.”
Also, my dad is here and keeps yelling at me to come downstairs even though I’ve been up here for no longer than 5 minutes. I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him.
contrapangloss
10 years ago
Ally, hugs.
Hope you can escape soon, and have some good time with the little sisters.
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago
Well, Centrelink spending time and money wisely, as usual. My first “personal contact appointment” (what other kind of appointment is there?).
Centrelink guy: Hi, I’m X, this is your first (etc etc). Still looking for work?
Me: Yep. Going to do some training, what about training payment (etc).
Centrelink guy: Talk to your job provider agency, they handle that. Here’s a sheet for filling in your job searches (hands over A4 sheet).
That was it. Took about two minutes. Seriously, I needed an appointment for that?
Hugs if wanted to Ally, Bee, and everyone else who may need them. Abusive parents fucking suck, and so do creeps.
Speaking of which, I wanted to share something (sort of?) positive that happened this weekend. (TRIGGER WARNING FOR ATTEMPTED DRUG-ASSISTED RAPE)
On Fridays, I go to this bar, always the same one since I’m friendly with the bartender and the atmosphere isn’t too overwhelming. Well, this dude walked in last Friday night and something put me off about him immediately, and I vaguely recalled someone saying he used to be banned from that bar. He sat down beside me, because of course he did (I know there’s no such thing as a creep magnet, but sometimes it can definitely feel that way). And he was trying to talk to me, but I was only giving one-word answers and wouldn’t face him full-on.
My glass was empty, so I was spinning it, because I’m easily amused, and this guy actually took my glass from me to start spinning it himself. Well, he almost knocked it off the table like an idiot, but I caught it and held it away from him. He tried to talk to me some more, and then suddenly hugged me. My body immediately curled into a defensive position I tend to take when someone enters my personal space too quickly. He eventually let go and walked away, so I ordered my second drink (strongbow 😀 ). I was about halfway through that when the creepy dude came back. So I went to the washroom, partly because I had to pee and partly to avoid being hugged by him again. I was hoping he’d be gone again by the time I was done.
Now, for context, everybody leaves their drink unattended up at that particular bar. I’ve even seen people leave their wallets open, and nothing ever happens. Before I started going to that bar, I’d heard people say the creep level was pretty low. And the first time I walked in there, the friendliness of the bartender, and the overall atmosphere of the place made me feel safe, so I kept coming back.
Anyway, I left my half-a-drink and went to the washroom. When I got back, the first thing I noticed was that the other bartenders (it’s four bars in one) as well as some of the bouncers were there. I didn’t think anything of it at first, but noticed my drink was gone. Suddenly I heard the voice of the bartender I’m friendly with and he did not sound happy. I noticed then that they had all surrounded the creep like a pack of wolves (wolves are my favourite animal, which is why I’m happy to use this analogy), and bartender I’m friendly with had a glass of water that he handed to the creep, and said with this mocking edge to his voice, “Hey, Jeff (creep’s apparent name), I have a challenge for you: drink all that. Right now.” I remember thinking it odd because I’ve seen him offer water to people in the past (myself included) and he was always kind about it, and never demanded anyone drink anything all in one go like that.
Well, Jeff just kind of looked at it, and looked pretty scared. Everyone started laughing at him, and then the bartender’s voice got louder and angrier as he kept demanding, “Right now. Drink it, all of it, right now.” Seriously, I’ve been going to that bar for over four months. I’ve never heard that bartender get that angry before. So the creep finally took a sip, but then looked like he was going to puke, so the bartender mocked him, saying, “Oh! Too fast.” Well, the creep spilled it, and then the bartender called him an asshole for making more work for him. He cleaned it up and then the creep tried to apologize, but the bartender was having none of it, so he left. I then mentioned to the bartender that my drink had run away, but I don’t recall getting a clear answer and by the time things had quieted down, we sort of had other things on our minds.
I talked to my friend about it on Monday, and she explained to me that, at a different bar she frequented, when someone’s caught trying to spike a drink, the bartenders and bouncers will try to get the person to drink their own drug. Once the creep does, they get sent out of the bar in a daze until they pass out or get picked up by the cops, which they then get fined for. Now, since the bartender was trying to make this creep drink a glass of water, I don’t know if my drink was spiked at all or if it was tossed just to be safe (I’ll ask the bartender this Friday because I’ve got to know, and I want to thank him), but either way, some woman was protected that night, and a would-be rapist was shamed and humiliated by men he seemed to respect (to judge by other interactions he’s had with them in previous weeks).
We Hunted The Mammoth
@ Bee
It’s not you, it really is just creeps taking advantage of the situation. “This woman doesn’t have a support system yet – score!” they say to themselves, as they PUT YOUR HAND ON THEIR COCK WHILE YOU SLEEP, WHAT THE HELL? Once you’re settled in a bit more they’ll no doubt slime their way back down into whatever fetid space in between the sewer grates creeps normally hang out in.
@ Kittehserf
Actually rather less scary than Moomins, I’d say, but a lot more fun, especially if you give them booze.
RE: Unimaginative
Yay! Like lancing a boil…
Yes! Hopefully, one day I’ll be at a point where they can do shit like this and I’ll be totally unbothered, but until then, I can live with this.
RE: Kittehs
Whoa, LBT, I would love to read your system autobiography!
It’ll be a tough project, but I look forward to trying it.
LOL cassandra, I never found the Moomins scary or creepy, I loved those books.
Me neither, but the band are about as scary as fluffy kitten, if you can imagine a fluffy kitten that’s drunk, wearing leather, and singing about trolls stomping around pre-Christianity Scandinavia.
(This is not an insult, btw, lurking masculinity and RESPECT obsessed mantrolls.)
A band comprised of leather-clad fluffy kittens singing about trolls would be one I’d want to see.
D’awww! They wear little troll ears!
Heheh – look what I just found.
https://i.chzbgr.com/maxW500/943623424/hD8A76D59/
I found out on the weekend that I should be using jojoba oil daily for where I’m stretching my piercings in my ears. It also means that I’m cleaning my stud things (they have an o-ring on the other side, not a butterfly thing) daily too, so bonus. The oil makes it super easy to get the stud things back in my ear, boy do they just slide/glide in.
I tried my owl 2.5mm dangly ones on Saturday and they were easy to get in. I’m thinking of wearing them tomorrow. Everyone at treatment and at work loved my blue hair today. 🙂
Nice news today: one of my workmates brought me a bunch of daffodils to congratulate me on finishing my first week of radiotherapy. Flowers, yay.
I’m doing all I can to make as many sad boners around me as possible. I feel the need to share the love, or not, around.
Good to hear, pallygirl!
Back in the long ago when I had my ears pierced, my doc said it’s better to wear sleepers than studs while the ears are healing – you can leave them in and rotate them with whatever you need to be putting on them (especially when they’re infected and you need antibiotic cream).
Definition of problematic faves – I finally listened to the new Mayhem album, which was sent to me a few weeks ago, and I kind of love it. You really can’t get much more problematic than a church-burning band some of whose (idiot) members have nazi associations famous for their bassist murdering their guitarist.
Varg can still go fuck himself, though.
Ah, yes, when I first got my ear piercings done, I was told to rotate. The new advice is leave it all the fuck alone because rotating it creates scar tissue. Just keep the area clean and dry, and don’t poke at it, rotate the stud, put cream on it, etc. This advice, along with a nickle free stud in my nose, has meant that my nose piercing has healed up nicely in 3 months. I’m waiting on my Hello Kitty end to arrive from the US. 🙂
My only piercing related advice is to never get one done just before going to a festival. My friend got her eyebrow done just before Glastonbury once and let’s just say she regretted that decision.
And in other news, as well as developing an allergy to the first moisturising cream they told me to use last week (substitute cream is working well, I have had it drummed into me by everyone that I NEED TO USE CREAM), it transpires that I am now allergic to the bloody special deodorant.
/sigh fuck allergies
So back to the first deodorant I bought, that I then had to take in so they could check it, and it was fine, but in the meantime I had bought and started using the deodorant they recommended after the first treatment, which is the one I am allergic to. Apparently if I end up being allergic to this one, it’s baking soda and water as the remaining option.
So, someone just broke down crying in my bathroom. That hasn’t happened in a while. I was kinda hoping to maintain my streak.
No such luck.
Well at least she seemed better once she got it all out. So there’s that!
Now, how do I deal with having gotten way too much information about other people’s relationships, lack thereof, who is cheating on who and who miserable? Gonna be a real treat to go to work with all these people.
waves hands helplessly around
Put up a “the doctor is in” sign and a price list, Fibi. Maybe people won’t want you to play therapist if they have to pay for it.
Could also just give in to peer pressure, drag the couch in there. With the eclectic design decisions of my apartment, it’d just about work.
Fabolous Fibi’s Fine Fucked Feeling Fixer has a kind of ring to it.
Might make showering difficult (or, if I waterproof the couch, really comfy).
It’s not that “playing therapist” is something I mind – if people need to talk, they need to talk! Hell, I’m their friend I guess. It’d be weird if I didn’t want to listen.
I just never quite know what to do afterwards, like, how am I supposed to go to work with all these people now that I’ve gotten discouring intimate details about their various love-lives, lies and less than likable liabilities? Swear to god I’m not doing that alliteration on purpose, it’s a stress negater.
Sure, you can compartmentalize to some degree but after a while it just becomes… bothersome, like trying to hold back some large and ominous avalanche of questions and words you wish you could squeeze with the “Oh, and how are you” to sort of append “(my apparently mildly abusive co-worker who enjoys cheating on people)?”
Maybe I should consider a bachelor in psychology anyhow. I hear you need it to become an actual licensed therapist.
Ugh, I have no advice to give, but I can commiserate, Fibinachi. That situation sounds like what I had at my husband’s last duty station. I worked with a few women married to men in his unit, and one of the other women was having really bad relationship problems. I was fine with listening to her vent at work, but it made things really awkward when I had to attend company functions and see her there with her spouse. I found out a long time later that the husband was also venting at work, and that Mr. FM was having an equal but opposite reaction when he had to socially meet the wife.
Mr. FM got out of the Army and we moved away before that couple reached any kind of a resolution. I hope it all worked out okay in the end.
Re: deodorant. I’ve been using one of those salt rock things for about 30 years. They don’t keep you dry (apparently anti-perspirants are no good for you anyway, because you release lymph toxins through sweating), but they do keep the stink down. I guess it’s possible to be allergic to it if you get one that’s got additives. Just in case you run out of non-allergenic alternatives.
Actual conversation today (I’m spending Eid with family today):
Dad: As a young 20-year-old man, you should be active and healthy.
Little sister: …a man?
Dad: Of course he is. What, you think he’s a woman?
Also, my brother recently read Janet Mock’s latest book Redefining Realness, and when he asked my dad to read it, my dad just said “Transgender is just a way of getting attention.”
Life sucks.
Also, my dad is here and keeps yelling at me to come downstairs even though I’ve been up here for no longer than 5 minutes. I hate him I hate him I hate him I hate him.
Ally, hugs.
Hope you can escape soon, and have some good time with the little sisters.
Well, Centrelink spending time and money wisely, as usual. My first “personal contact appointment” (what other kind of appointment is there?).
Centrelink guy: Hi, I’m X, this is your first (etc etc). Still looking for work?
Me: Yep. Going to do some training, what about training payment (etc).
Centrelink guy: Talk to your job provider agency, they handle that. Here’s a sheet for filling in your job searches (hands over A4 sheet).
That was it. Took about two minutes. Seriously, I needed an appointment for that?
Hugs if wanted to Ally, Bee, and everyone else who may need them. Abusive parents fucking suck, and so do creeps.
Speaking of which, I wanted to share something (sort of?) positive that happened this weekend. (TRIGGER WARNING FOR ATTEMPTED DRUG-ASSISTED RAPE)
On Fridays, I go to this bar, always the same one since I’m friendly with the bartender and the atmosphere isn’t too overwhelming. Well, this dude walked in last Friday night and something put me off about him immediately, and I vaguely recalled someone saying he used to be banned from that bar. He sat down beside me, because of course he did (I know there’s no such thing as a creep magnet, but sometimes it can definitely feel that way). And he was trying to talk to me, but I was only giving one-word answers and wouldn’t face him full-on.
My glass was empty, so I was spinning it, because I’m easily amused, and this guy actually took my glass from me to start spinning it himself. Well, he almost knocked it off the table like an idiot, but I caught it and held it away from him. He tried to talk to me some more, and then suddenly hugged me. My body immediately curled into a defensive position I tend to take when someone enters my personal space too quickly. He eventually let go and walked away, so I ordered my second drink (strongbow 😀 ). I was about halfway through that when the creepy dude came back. So I went to the washroom, partly because I had to pee and partly to avoid being hugged by him again. I was hoping he’d be gone again by the time I was done.
Now, for context, everybody leaves their drink unattended up at that particular bar. I’ve even seen people leave their wallets open, and nothing ever happens. Before I started going to that bar, I’d heard people say the creep level was pretty low. And the first time I walked in there, the friendliness of the bartender, and the overall atmosphere of the place made me feel safe, so I kept coming back.
Anyway, I left my half-a-drink and went to the washroom. When I got back, the first thing I noticed was that the other bartenders (it’s four bars in one) as well as some of the bouncers were there. I didn’t think anything of it at first, but noticed my drink was gone. Suddenly I heard the voice of the bartender I’m friendly with and he did not sound happy. I noticed then that they had all surrounded the creep like a pack of wolves (wolves are my favourite animal, which is why I’m happy to use this analogy), and bartender I’m friendly with had a glass of water that he handed to the creep, and said with this mocking edge to his voice, “Hey, Jeff (creep’s apparent name), I have a challenge for you: drink all that. Right now.” I remember thinking it odd because I’ve seen him offer water to people in the past (myself included) and he was always kind about it, and never demanded anyone drink anything all in one go like that.
Well, Jeff just kind of looked at it, and looked pretty scared. Everyone started laughing at him, and then the bartender’s voice got louder and angrier as he kept demanding, “Right now. Drink it, all of it, right now.” Seriously, I’ve been going to that bar for over four months. I’ve never heard that bartender get that angry before. So the creep finally took a sip, but then looked like he was going to puke, so the bartender mocked him, saying, “Oh! Too fast.” Well, the creep spilled it, and then the bartender called him an asshole for making more work for him. He cleaned it up and then the creep tried to apologize, but the bartender was having none of it, so he left. I then mentioned to the bartender that my drink had run away, but I don’t recall getting a clear answer and by the time things had quieted down, we sort of had other things on our minds.
I talked to my friend about it on Monday, and she explained to me that, at a different bar she frequented, when someone’s caught trying to spike a drink, the bartenders and bouncers will try to get the person to drink their own drug. Once the creep does, they get sent out of the bar in a daze until they pass out or get picked up by the cops, which they then get fined for. Now, since the bartender was trying to make this creep drink a glass of water, I don’t know if my drink was spiked at all or if it was tossed just to be safe (I’ll ask the bartender this Friday because I’ve got to know, and I want to thank him), but either way, some woman was protected that night, and a would-be rapist was shamed and humiliated by men he seemed to respect (to judge by other interactions he’s had with them in previous weeks).