mildlymagnificent – well you guys had Don Dunstan, so if nothing else you can feed off that smugness for a few decades yet.
Lib-Nats: however bad you think they are, they’re worse.
pallygirl – not migraines (never had them), but I don’t like socialising in big groups anyway, never did. I hate having to talk socially in the situation you describe, too. It’s not only the sense of “I have nothing interesting to say/it’s rude to talk about oneself,” but that I’m cynically sure I will have zero interest in the other person. I hope we’re not supposed to socialise at this info session I have next week. Ain’t going to happen.
I am very bad with socialising. Lived alone for over 15 years now, which I love, but doesn’t help with social anxiety. Sometime in the next couple of hours an ex of mine is visiting, bringing his wife (never met her) and their male kidlet.Haven’t even seen him in over a decade cos he’s been living in Germany as her househusband, so not even sure I’ll have anything to talk about with him, let alone his wife. Oh yes..I am also kinda kid-phobic.
Wish me luck ?
Trying to decide if I have time to try and bake a cake…
Flying Mouse
10 years ago
Good luck, gilshalos! Trying to reconnect with people from the distant past can be hard. I met up with some old high school friends while back (my mother decided to set us up for lunch. Nothing like being twenty-nine and still having play-dates arranged on my behalf…). We didn’t have much in common anymore, but we still had a nice time. Hope your visit goes that well or better.
And I wouldn’t worry too much about the little guy. If his parents are worth their salt, they’ll probably bring toys or books to keep him occupied. Failing that, you can always give him some stuff from around your house to play with (provided he’s at the right age for that). My kids loved/still love pretending to cook with real bowls and whisks and the like, and you can do stuff like bury little trinkets or coins in rice or beans and give him a spoon so he can dig them out. I’ve had good luck entertaining my older nephews (aged 9 and 11) with card games. If you’ve got a deck around, spades or war can keep a kid happy for a good long while, plus it’s something for you all to do (handy if conversation starts lagging).
That’s all unsolicited advice of course, so ignore it or tell me to kiss off as needed. Hope you all have a nice time 🙂
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago
Crumbs, lots of luck, gilshalos!
How old’s the kidlet? I’d guess odds are he won’t want to talk to a strange adult anyway. Hope not, at least – I never know what to say to children either. Silence is golden. 😛
*checks* 3. For some reason I kept thinking 5. I am told he likes frogs and redheads. I have lots of frog toys and I have red hair. :> If he’s anything like his dad, he’ll have the charm of the devil 🙂
Visit went quite well. Wife is nice, kid is the image of his father. I made an unexpected hit with one of my frog toys which I gave him, and got a hug in return for 🙂
Flying Mouse
10 years ago
Hurray! Glad everybody had a nice time 🙂
Arctic Ape
10 years ago
Oh, if you want to try a sleeping mask but find them uncomfortable, an alternative is to make one from the leg of opaque stockings. Just cut the top and foot off and sew or pin it to the right length. It’s as comfortable as a lot of the masks out there.
tl;dr: Ranting about sleep mask-related pet peeve.
I know that some people absolutely can’t tolerate sleep masks (assuming you need something to shut out light), and it might also depend on your mood and how hot the weather is. However, I suspect that in many cases people end up buying a crappy mask and then figure sleep masks are bullshit. I know about one really well-designed mask (more on that later), and everything else generally looks or has proven poorly designed.
First, you need two straps: one to go above the ear and one to go below. Not a single strap to go over the ear or wherever it slips from there. This should not be a difficult concept, yet it fails almost every time. If you customize the straps from elastic, don’t use too wide or strong strap to avoid constriction and chafing.
Second, the mask part should be strongly contoured to fit the nose bridge, if you want it to fit tightly. This probably also requires a little structural rigidity. A soft flappy mask will likely not fit well, and it also clings to your face. Obviously, a rigid mask is also uncomfortable if it doesn’t fit well.
Third, the mask needs to breathe or it gets soggy, whether it’s hot or not. Breathing sleep masks probably always permeate some light, but then again this prevents your eyes from being super hyper sensitive when you take the mask off. Anyways, unless the fit is super good there will be some light peeking from edges.
My favorite mask is called “Travel Blue Comfort Set” by Cassinna (try googling for resellers relevant to your area). It’s in the order of $10 where I live. Or at least was, since I’m not sure whether anyone is currently selling it in Finland. I have some stocked, as they wear out in year or so.
Also, in case the drink doesn’t taste very good, feel free to add whatever other kinds of tea, herbs, etc. to the drink.
pallygirl
10 years ago
Thanks for all the sleeping ideas. I had tried a mask once, but didn’t like the pressure on my face.
Re the Travel Blue Comfort Set, one website seems to suggest I shouldn’t try to eat or inject the materials:
WARNING: This product contains chemicals known to the state of California to cause cancer, or birth defects or other reproductive harm.
Viscaria
10 years ago
Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime is one of my all-time favourite teas you can buy at the supermarket. More like ANYTIME tea!
I thought I’d pop back to the thread to say that I had felt myself sliding into a breakdown when I last posted something, but I’m doing way better. I’m congratulating myself for stuff like waking up with my alarm, going to work every day, not doing anything to get fired, and doing my readings and assignment (even if my mark was kind of shitty) despite feeling like the walls were closing in.
The whole family (including boyfriend) helped me get all of my stuff moved today, which I didn’t think was possible. They’re the best. So are you folks!
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago
But, but, I always try to eat my sleep masks! D:
That’s almost as good as a clothing label whose washing instructions reminded parents to take the child out of the garment before putting the garment in the washing machine. I’m hoping this is a Chinese-English translation fail.
I have a little collection of sleep masks. Most of them are freebies, the ones handed out on planes, and a couple I made from stockings. The hot weather thing is the main problem I find – even in our latitude, when daylight fucking saving is on, it’s light late at night, so the mask’s needed, but it’s still too hot to wear it. I can’t imagine dealing with the light in an Arctic summer.
Viscaria, so glad to hear you’re feeling better!
pallygirl
10 years ago
Yay Viscaria! 🙂
I am sooooooooooo tired, but I managed to finish 3 craft projects today, mainly just sewing in ends. I hate sewing in ends. For the Ravelers, I have put the photos up. 🙂
Unimaginative
10 years ago
My parents are borderline hoarders, and they have a couple of outbuildings at the farm that have collected tons of stuff over the last 30 years. We (the siblings and I) have been trying to gently persuade them to downsize for years, to very little effect. In general, they agree that’s a pretty good idea, but the idea of packing all that crap up and dealing with it has been overwhelming for everybody, and it’s emotionally hard for my mom to give up her hedge against the poverty she grew up in (50 years ago–my folks have been pretty comfortable financially for the last 40 years at least).
Lately, something has clicked in my mom’s head, and today, one of my brothers, nephew, and I removed 2 pickup trucks full of garbage and recycling, and have flagged another 2 or 3 pickup trucks worth of stuff for a future garage sale. I can’t even tell you what a relief it is. And I got a sunburn, so summer has officially happened for me this year.
cassandrakitty
10 years ago
Mammotheers may want to take a look at and then sign this petition. This guy was shot in the face and blinded by the cops for existing while black, basically. They claim he pulled a gun on them, he says he never carries one. Looks like they’re trying to pin a drug conspiracy charge on him to cover up the fact that they shouldn’t have shot at him.
pallygirl, yay! I’ll have a look on Ravelry shortly.
I started my sideways-knit jacket today. Or at least, I’ve done a swatch, figured out the needles size to use (I never believe what they have on the label) and cast on the sleeves. I guess that counts as having started. 😛
cassandra, can non-USians sign the petition, or would it be ineffective/counterproductive?
cassandrakitty
10 years ago
Hmm, I don’t actually know the answer to that. Does anyone?
So, I haven’t commented in here in a really long time, but I kinda thought y’all could commiserate with me about all these rapey/weird dating experiences I’ve had lately. Last night, I went out with a guy I met online, who I was emailing with for about a month and seemed totally fine. Until he tried to imprison me in his house at the end of the night.
The worst part is, now he’s getting in touch with me and even though I’m very strongly feeling all the hells noes, I also am lonely enough to not want to cut off any possible new friends. On top of the ingrained MUST BE NICE lady stuff that I’m already dealing with. Anyway, this is only the third and latest really bad online dating experience I’ve had since moving to a new city. I can’t help feeling like it’s my fault! My old therapist said that once you’ve been traumatized, you seek out similarly traumatic situations. So maybe that’s it?
cassandrakitty
10 years ago
@ Bee
It’s not your fault, it’s society’s fault for socializing men to think that kind of behavior is OK. I would strongly suggest that you cut off contact with that guy – behavior like that tends to escalate rather than getting better, so if he went directly to “try to imprison in house” on the first date, then he is a very dangerous person.
I know it sucks to be lonely, but someone who would act like that isn’t your friend. You deserve better friends than that, so please tell this guy to fuck off and wait for nicer people to come along.
I’ve been in similar situations a lot. I used to deal with a lot of “friends” who were really unpleasant and unsafe to be around, but I pushed myself to be nice because I was afraid of being lonely again. Please listen to your intuition if you can, and I’m sorry you’re going through all of that. :: hugs ::
Last night, I had a nightmare about me being poor, losing all of my money and essential belongings, and becoming homeless. It was a really upsetting and frightening dream, and I felt triggered by it even after I woke up. Later on, I started having invasive thoughts of suicide. I was telling myself how much I wanted to die and how I deserved to be abused again because it would be the only way of me learning to stop being a burden on others. I’m feeling better now but I have lingering self-hatred and loneliness.
Thanks, dad, for helping me get a trauma disorder. It means a lot to me because without it, maybe my life wouldn’t be nearly as miserable. Such a difference you’ve made in my life.
kittehserf MOD
10 years ago
Dear gods, Bee, seconding everything cassandra said. Cut off all contact with him immediately, block him, make sure he can’t find you. That guy’s got Ariel Castro written all over him. He’s not going to end your loneliness. He might want to end your life, though.
If you’re looking for companionship, why not get away from the dating scene and look for interest groups? Taking that pressure off yourself and find people of whatever sex with common interests seems a better proposition for meeting people who might become friends, at least in the group context.
Catching up here, LBT, really sorry you’ve had to deal with all this shit.
Ally, ugh, that’s really shitty. Fight that jerkbrain! You didn’t deserve any of the abuse you endured and you do deserve a life without more abuse. You’ve got a lot of people here who care about you a lot.
Bee, sorry to hear about the creeps you’ve been meeting; it’s not your fault. There are a lot of creeps out there. And I second (third?) the advice on cutting this guy out of your life.
pallygirl
10 years ago
Bee, believe the little voice that tells you that something’s wrong – your intuition is really clever that way. And you’re not a creep magnet, no-one is, it’s just pure bad luck. There is nothing wrong with you. 🙂
Ally: take care. When are the bras arriving (still excited for you!!!)?
We Hunted The Mammoth
mildlymagnificent – well you guys had Don Dunstan, so if nothing else you can feed off that smugness for a few decades yet.
Lib-Nats: however bad you think they are, they’re worse.
pallygirl – not migraines (never had them), but I don’t like socialising in big groups anyway, never did. I hate having to talk socially in the situation you describe, too. It’s not only the sense of “I have nothing interesting to say/it’s rude to talk about oneself,” but that I’m cynically sure I will have zero interest in the other person. I hope we’re not supposed to socialise at this info session I have next week. Ain’t going to happen.
I am very bad with socialising. Lived alone for over 15 years now, which I love, but doesn’t help with social anxiety. Sometime in the next couple of hours an ex of mine is visiting, bringing his wife (never met her) and their male kidlet.Haven’t even seen him in over a decade cos he’s been living in Germany as her househusband, so not even sure I’ll have anything to talk about with him, let alone his wife. Oh yes..I am also kinda kid-phobic.
Wish me luck ?
Trying to decide if I have time to try and bake a cake…
Good luck, gilshalos! Trying to reconnect with people from the distant past can be hard. I met up with some old high school friends while back (my mother decided to set us up for lunch. Nothing like being twenty-nine and still having play-dates arranged on my behalf…). We didn’t have much in common anymore, but we still had a nice time. Hope your visit goes that well or better.
And I wouldn’t worry too much about the little guy. If his parents are worth their salt, they’ll probably bring toys or books to keep him occupied. Failing that, you can always give him some stuff from around your house to play with (provided he’s at the right age for that). My kids loved/still love pretending to cook with real bowls and whisks and the like, and you can do stuff like bury little trinkets or coins in rice or beans and give him a spoon so he can dig them out. I’ve had good luck entertaining my older nephews (aged 9 and 11) with card games. If you’ve got a deck around, spades or war can keep a kid happy for a good long while, plus it’s something for you all to do (handy if conversation starts lagging).
That’s all unsolicited advice of course, so ignore it or tell me to kiss off as needed. Hope you all have a nice time 🙂
Crumbs, lots of luck, gilshalos!
How old’s the kidlet? I’d guess odds are he won’t want to talk to a strange adult anyway. Hope not, at least – I never know what to say to children either. Silence is golden. 😛
*checks* 3. For some reason I kept thinking 5. I am told he likes frogs and redheads. I have lots of frog toys and I have red hair. :> If he’s anything like his dad, he’ll have the charm of the devil 🙂
Visit went quite well. Wife is nice, kid is the image of his father. I made an unexpected hit with one of my frog toys which I gave him, and got a hug in return for 🙂
Hurray! Glad everybody had a nice time 🙂
tl;dr: Ranting about sleep mask-related pet peeve.
I know that some people absolutely can’t tolerate sleep masks (assuming you need something to shut out light), and it might also depend on your mood and how hot the weather is. However, I suspect that in many cases people end up buying a crappy mask and then figure sleep masks are bullshit. I know about one really well-designed mask (more on that later), and everything else generally looks or has proven poorly designed.
First, you need two straps: one to go above the ear and one to go below. Not a single strap to go over the ear or wherever it slips from there. This should not be a difficult concept, yet it fails almost every time. If you customize the straps from elastic, don’t use too wide or strong strap to avoid constriction and chafing.
Second, the mask part should be strongly contoured to fit the nose bridge, if you want it to fit tightly. This probably also requires a little structural rigidity. A soft flappy mask will likely not fit well, and it also clings to your face. Obviously, a rigid mask is also uncomfortable if it doesn’t fit well.
Third, the mask needs to breathe or it gets soggy, whether it’s hot or not. Breathing sleep masks probably always permeate some light, but then again this prevents your eyes from being super hyper sensitive when you take the mask off. Anyways, unless the fit is super good there will be some light peeking from edges.
My favorite mask is called “Travel Blue Comfort Set” by Cassinna (try googling for resellers relevant to your area). It’s in the order of $10 where I live. Or at least was, since I’m not sure whether anyone is currently selling it in Finland. I have some stocked, as they wear out in year or so.
(Can you tell I’m a connoisseur on this thing?)
RE: sleeping
I recently came up with a really good recipe for a drink that helps me fall asleep:
-1 tbsp of ground kava
-two teabags of Sleepytime tea (Celestial Seasonings makes it and it’s easy to find in most stores I think)
-1/2 tsp of honey
Add hot water, let the stuff steep for a few minutes, and then add the honey and kava and stir.
Also, in case the drink doesn’t taste very good, feel free to add whatever other kinds of tea, herbs, etc. to the drink.
Thanks for all the sleeping ideas. I had tried a mask once, but didn’t like the pressure on my face.
Re the Travel Blue Comfort Set, one website seems to suggest I shouldn’t try to eat or inject the materials:
Celestial Seasonings Sleepytime is one of my all-time favourite teas you can buy at the supermarket. More like ANYTIME tea!
I thought I’d pop back to the thread to say that I had felt myself sliding into a breakdown when I last posted something, but I’m doing way better. I’m congratulating myself for stuff like waking up with my alarm, going to work every day, not doing anything to get fired, and doing my readings and assignment (even if my mark was kind of shitty) despite feeling like the walls were closing in.
The whole family (including boyfriend) helped me get all of my stuff moved today, which I didn’t think was possible. They’re the best. So are you folks!
But, but, I always try to eat my sleep masks! D:
That’s almost as good as a clothing label whose washing instructions reminded parents to take the child out of the garment before putting the garment in the washing machine. I’m hoping this is a Chinese-English translation fail.
I have a little collection of sleep masks. Most of them are freebies, the ones handed out on planes, and a couple I made from stockings. The hot weather thing is the main problem I find – even in our latitude, when daylight fucking saving is on, it’s light late at night, so the mask’s needed, but it’s still too hot to wear it. I can’t imagine dealing with the light in an Arctic summer.
Viscaria, so glad to hear you’re feeling better!
Yay Viscaria! 🙂
I am sooooooooooo tired, but I managed to finish 3 craft projects today, mainly just sewing in ends. I hate sewing in ends. For the Ravelers, I have put the photos up. 🙂
My parents are borderline hoarders, and they have a couple of outbuildings at the farm that have collected tons of stuff over the last 30 years. We (the siblings and I) have been trying to gently persuade them to downsize for years, to very little effect. In general, they agree that’s a pretty good idea, but the idea of packing all that crap up and dealing with it has been overwhelming for everybody, and it’s emotionally hard for my mom to give up her hedge against the poverty she grew up in (50 years ago–my folks have been pretty comfortable financially for the last 40 years at least).
Lately, something has clicked in my mom’s head, and today, one of my brothers, nephew, and I removed 2 pickup trucks full of garbage and recycling, and have flagged another 2 or 3 pickup trucks worth of stuff for a future garage sale. I can’t even tell you what a relief it is. And I got a sunburn, so summer has officially happened for me this year.
Mammotheers may want to take a look at and then sign this petition. This guy was shot in the face and blinded by the cops for existing while black, basically. They claim he pulled a gun on them, he says he never carries one. Looks like they’re trying to pin a drug conspiracy charge on him to cover up the fact that they shouldn’t have shot at him.
http://www.change.org/petitions/every-urban-community-in-the-usa-justice-for-kwadir-felton
pallygirl, yay! I’ll have a look on Ravelry shortly.
I started my sideways-knit jacket today. Or at least, I’ve done a swatch, figured out the needles size to use (I never believe what they have on the label) and cast on the sleeves. I guess that counts as having started. 😛
cassandra, can non-USians sign the petition, or would it be ineffective/counterproductive?
Hmm, I don’t actually know the answer to that. Does anyone?
So, I haven’t commented in here in a really long time, but I kinda thought y’all could commiserate with me about all these rapey/weird dating experiences I’ve had lately. Last night, I went out with a guy I met online, who I was emailing with for about a month and seemed totally fine. Until he tried to imprison me in his house at the end of the night.
The worst part is, now he’s getting in touch with me and even though I’m very strongly feeling all the hells noes, I also am lonely enough to not want to cut off any possible new friends. On top of the ingrained MUST BE NICE lady stuff that I’m already dealing with. Anyway, this is only the third and latest really bad online dating experience I’ve had since moving to a new city. I can’t help feeling like it’s my fault! My old therapist said that once you’ve been traumatized, you seek out similarly traumatic situations. So maybe that’s it?
@ Bee
It’s not your fault, it’s society’s fault for socializing men to think that kind of behavior is OK. I would strongly suggest that you cut off contact with that guy – behavior like that tends to escalate rather than getting better, so if he went directly to “try to imprison in house” on the first date, then he is a very dangerous person.
I know it sucks to be lonely, but someone who would act like that isn’t your friend. You deserve better friends than that, so please tell this guy to fuck off and wait for nicer people to come along.
@Bee
I’ve been in similar situations a lot. I used to deal with a lot of “friends” who were really unpleasant and unsafe to be around, but I pushed myself to be nice because I was afraid of being lonely again. Please listen to your intuition if you can, and I’m sorry you’re going through all of that. :: hugs ::
[CN: suicide, drugs, abuse]
Last night, I had a nightmare about me being poor, losing all of my money and essential belongings, and becoming homeless. It was a really upsetting and frightening dream, and I felt triggered by it even after I woke up. Later on, I started having invasive thoughts of suicide. I was telling myself how much I wanted to die and how I deserved to be abused again because it would be the only way of me learning to stop being a burden on others. I’m feeling better now but I have lingering self-hatred and loneliness.
Thanks, dad, for helping me get a trauma disorder. It means a lot to me because without it, maybe my life wouldn’t be nearly as miserable. Such a difference you’ve made in my life.
Dear gods, Bee, seconding everything cassandra said. Cut off all contact with him immediately, block him, make sure he can’t find you. That guy’s got Ariel Castro written all over him. He’s not going to end your loneliness. He might want to end your life, though.
If you’re looking for companionship, why not get away from the dating scene and look for interest groups? Taking that pressure off yourself and find people of whatever sex with common interests seems a better proposition for meeting people who might become friends, at least in the group context.
Catching up here, LBT, really sorry you’ve had to deal with all this shit.
Ally, ugh, that’s really shitty. Fight that jerkbrain! You didn’t deserve any of the abuse you endured and you do deserve a life without more abuse. You’ve got a lot of people here who care about you a lot.
Bee, sorry to hear about the creeps you’ve been meeting; it’s not your fault. There are a lot of creeps out there. And I second (third?) the advice on cutting this guy out of your life.
Bee, believe the little voice that tells you that something’s wrong – your intuition is really clever that way. And you’re not a creep magnet, no-one is, it’s just pure bad luck. There is nothing wrong with you. 🙂
Ally: take care. When are the bras arriving (still excited for you!!!)?