Men's Rights Redditors: Don't help kids in distress, because a "hambeast" might accuse you of molesting her "crotchdumpling."

From that Telegraph article, bolded for emphasis:

The damage caused by Harris, Hall and Savile could have a lasting impact on male behaviour, and the way men are perceived in public when in the vicinity of vulnerable children.

This is literally the most self-centered thing I have ever read.

Here’s a thought: why don’t we dismantle the social structure that enables rich famous men to move through life with absolute impunity and no sense of responsibility towards fellow humans who are not other grown men? You know the social structure, I mean guys? Tip of my tongue… begins with P-, ends in an -archy or something. If only we had some sort of movement that was seeking to rebalance power in the upper echelons of society and embed accountability mechanisms at all levels across cultural, political and economic spheres? Has anyone heard of a movement like that? I can’t think of one for the life of me.

I just don’t see why the door-holding thing needs to be gendered. It’s a nice, helpful gesture, and why shouldn’t everyone make those towards each other? It’s when men only seem to do it for pretty women, and only because they want something in return, that I start side-eyeing things and it turns into the same sort of icky gendered interaction as when random men demand that you smile as you walk past them.

NZers can be quite rude (example: retail staff) but there’s one thing that seems to be a peculiar niceness with Wellington folk. Everytime one of us gets off the bus, we thank the driver. As one is supposed to exit by the back door (located in the centre side of the bus) this does involve some voice raising to be heard by the driver. I did this in Auckland, because it is so ingrained in me, and I got stared at. By everyone.

* by respect i mean you have the right to not be street harassed, to be relatively safe and to be allowed to go about your business.

Freemage,
If you see this, thank you.
You were entirely correct and I was overly defensive. That was ugly, internalized classism coming out.
I was absolutely picking on one group of people and insulting the creepy ones painted the not creepy ones as automatically bad and that isn’t the case. The reason I meet the oogy ones is I’m hanging out with cool people who look just like them and most people who are not from here would take one look at me and make the same sort of assumptions I just encouraged. I’m perpetrating a stereotype by associating bad behavior with one group. It was shitty of me and I’m sorry I brought what are clearly issues I need to examine here and dumped them in this thread.

I know why it was fresh in my mind and why I was ruminating on it, but that wasn’t a reason to double down.

I’m sorry. I’ll check myself next time I go to post something so nasty.

So weird. Most people would literally jump in front of a bus, risking their very existence, to save a child from danger, but MRAs would do nothing because of just the possibility of being yelled at…

This reminds me of the very well publicized stories of men (gasp) jumping in front of approaching subways to save others (if I recall correctly, in one case a guy who had a seizure and the other a child whose stroller rolled onto the tracks)

What’s up with these guys in the OP?

I’m a mother. My husband says I’m an overprotective, hyper vigilant mother, but there are people who would debate him on that. A few would be men who’ve done things like grab my son when he’s been toddling toward the river that borders a local playground, or run forward to catch my daughter when she’s stumbled on staircases or fallen off her bike. These guys just caught my kid, glanced around until they found mom, and handed the little one over. It was really nice of them to be concerned about some random kid. It never occurred to me that they might have wicked ulterior motives, and I should call the police.

It’s pretty easy to distinguish the creeps from the people just trying to help. The guy who kept leaning over the booth at a restaurant to talk to my kids (who ignored him) after I’d made it pretty clear that we wanted to enjoy a nice meal in peace? Creepy as hell. So was a security guard we met at the art museum yesterday. She kept trying to tickle my little guy, even after he’d told her stop because he didn’t like it, and we’d changed galleries once to escape. After we evaded a third tickle attack I finally picked him up and told him loudly that if the lady didn’t stop, we’d go to the front desk and ask for someone to make her stop. She melted away after that.

So, OP guys, really, it’s pretty easy. Helping a kid in trouble – not creepy, actually very nice. Disrespecting a kid’s boundaries in an every day situation – red flags everywhere. And I hate ham, so please refer to me as a “Cheesebeast” while you’re ranting about me and my crotchdumplings.

Flying Mouse,
I’ve found that one person will tell you you’re overprotective and the next person will tell you you are negligent for doing the exact same thing. You have to do what you think is best.

I’ve seen guys come ambling a little closer and a little closer to where my youngest was playing alone twice. I’m not always right up close, but I’m close enough and I’m watching. Both times, I saw them look for me, miss me and them amble a little closer. Whether they were concerned that they didn’t see an adult and came to check it out or not, I don’t know. But both times, when I let them know I was there, they took off in another direction. It may have been that they merely felt awkward. It may not. I don’t care. I’m wary of strange people getting too close to my kids when they don’t see me nearby. I have every right to be.

A guy in a truck tried to pick me up as I was walking to my bus stop when I was a kindergartner. Those were the days right before “stranger danger” hit the scene and before Adam Walsh. I’m lucky that I was a smart ass little kid. He offered to drive me to school and I told him he was between me and my bus stop, because I just had to cross the street and I’d be there and that’s where he placed his truck. I said something like, “You’re in my way”. I thought he was an idiot. Clearly I had a back pack and clearly it was time for buses to be running. What sort of knuckled head didn’t know that? I didn’t realize that he knew where he had positioned himself and had probably seen me walking alone before. He tried twice and then left. I told my babysitter about the “stupid man” and that was the last time I walked to the bus stop alone.

I know another woman my age who was playing in the street with her neighborhood friends at about the same age when two men suddenly pulled up in a truck and one got out and tried to catch one of them. When he couldn’t grab one of them quickly, he got back in the car and they both took off.

Yes, you are more likely to get molested by someone you know, but that does not mean creeps don’t nab kids.

Anybody shaming women (I notice that they shame women, not men, as if men are not protective of their children too.) for being too wary of sexual predators either for their own safety or for the safety of their children is, in my opinion, probably a creeper or creeper wannabe themselves. You know that if that woman or her child are assaulted, those will be the first people to blame her for not being attentive enough or for not taking enough “precautions”.

Complaining that kids being raped means that they might get the side eye, is so entitled and without basic empathy that it does make me more wary. People who so flippantly shrug off a child’s pain that they feel justified to use it as an excuse to complain about an inconvenience or a reason to ignore a child in danger is not a person I want near my kids or me.

Anybody shaming women (I notice that they shame women, not men, as if men are not protective of their children too.) for being too wary of sexual predators either for their own safety or for the safety of their children is, in my opinion, probably a creeper or creeper wannabe themselves.

This is the thing that always pops into my head.

Anybody shaming women (I notice that they shame women, not men, as if men are not protective of their children too.) for being too wary of sexual predators either for their own safety or for the safety of their children is, in my opinion, probably a creeper or creeper wannabe themselves.

Yeah. Probably not a pedophile, but almost certainly of the, “she asked for it” school of thought, and also likely to think that only “the right sort of no” equal non-consent.

Well that got long!

Seriously though, don’t tangle my wig, it’s cheap and I like being able to play a redhead (who here is surprised my wig is ginger?)

I’ve found that one person will tell you you’re overprotective and the next person will tell you you are negligent for doing the exact same thing. You have to do what you think is best.

Falling back on my religious roots for a moment to sigh: Ain’t that the gospel!

@katz: you used the whole “smile” thing as a comparison, it’s not the same thing. By telling a woman to smile a person intrudes in such a way that makes whatever that woman feelings thought,choice,idea, or reason not to smile invalid. opening a door is different in that it’s clear the next person is coming in the door, they need the door to open in someway . their thoughts are not invalidated, feelings and reasons are not treated as unimportant. the day goes on in it’s normal way except they did not open the door themselves.

But if you expect a “thank you,” then you’re invalidating any reason they might have not to say “thank you.” (Yes, it’s hard to think of good reasons not to thank someone–vow of silence? Raised Dothraki?–but once you start passing judgment on the validity of other people’s reasons for acting the way they do, you’re on very shaky ground.)

I am also pretty skeeved out by your implication that, by leaving the house, one is beholden to interact with people. What if I just want to go on a nice quiet walk? (Why yes, I am an introvert.)

I mean, you don’t. But to expand on what kittehserf said, basic courtesy is like the oil on the engine of society. We all enter into dozens of tiny social contracts with strangers every day, and and so we have commonly-accepted scripts for moving through those interactions smoothly. Of course, no one has the right to expect interaction from another person, but I think the primary reason we don’t let doors slam in the face of the stranger who is following us into a building – and say things like please, thank you, excuse me – is that we are literally just saying “I acknowledge your presence, fellow human being”.

Well yes, it’s nice to show basic courtesy to other people. It’s nice to hold doors for people; it’s nice to thank people when they hold doors for you. But it’s not nice to demand courtesies, however basic, from other people. After all, you’re not greasing the wheels of society by deciding that some random stranger is a total jerk.

So yes, do nice things for other people. But if you want a positive response out of them, you should ask first to ensure that they want the nice thing done. (“Can I get the door for you?”) If you don’t ask, then you should accept that you may have done a nice thing for no reward, which is OK.

katz is saying that people who engage in social kindnesses ought not be dickish about it.

Just so.