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Men's Rights Redditors: Don't help kids in distress, because a "hambeast" might accuse you of molesting her "crotchdumpling."

I‘ve been so busy with all the shenanigans surrounding AVFM and their little conference that I’m afraid I’ve been neglecting the good old Men’s Rights subreddit. Don’t feel bad, Men’s Rights subreddit, for today I took a few moments out of my hard-core semi-vacationing to pay you a little visit!

While there, I noticed the regulars discussing a terrible quandary that faces all modern men: “As a man, would you help a child in distress?”

Here are some of the answers that got upvoted:

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at Tue, [Jul 8], 14 3

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at Tue, [Jul 8], 14 1

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at Tue, [Jul 8], 14 4

 

Yep. Upvotes for a fellow who says he let a three-year-old boy literally fall out of a shopping cart and smash his head open because, oh no, some hypothetical hysterical mother might have accused him of  child molestation.

The details of his story make so little sense I can only assume he’s making the story up — if he was walking past the bakery, how could he have been close enough to “reflexively grab” a child in a shopping cart inside the bakery?

I’m not sure which is worse, the thought that this guy actually let a kid fall and smash his head, or the thought that he made up a story about doing so in order to gain some internet points from MRAs. (Well, the former, obviously, but either way this is a mortifying spectacle.)

But not everyone got upvotes. Here’s a comment that got thumbs down from the Men’s Rightsers  — along with a heavily upvoted reply:

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at Tue, [Jul 8], 14

Human Rights: You’re doing it wrong.

Thanks to r/AMR for pointing me to this lovely thread.

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Phoenician in a time of Romans
Phoenician in a time of Romans
6 years ago

Hands are more bacteria laden than genitals.

And mouths still more so.

Could be worse – http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Bird_anatomy#Urogenital_and_endocrine_systems

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

Psh, fuck hands. Think of MOUTHS, yo. They’re basically bacteria pits; I’m sure pecunium could tell you about the infection risks of bite wounds.

People are filthy. That’s what makes it FUN! 😀

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

Aaaaand ninjaed!

contrapangloss
6 years ago

WWTH; the thing is, I know that! I’ve done the cultures, even…

But, barring micro-cuts or larger wounds, the membranes of the mouth and vagina are far more permeable than the hands, and less easily sanitized. Not that I really like random people touching me… I don’t know where their hands have been!

Regardless, I fully acknowledge my visceral eww reaction is a bit irrational and juvenile. There’s a figurative ton of things I should be more worried about.

Still, bit of squicked about it.

contrapangloss
6 years ago

Cat mouths are disgusting, too. Love my fuzzball, dearly, even though he’s 600 miles away. 🙁

But, IV antibiotic therapy is not fun, y’all.

Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

Contrapangloss — should I whip out my “they’re called condors” gif? 🙂

Seriously though, they do solve that problem!

“I really don’t get this “Adults should grow out of it” thing CVC has about playgrounds…”

I don’t get most of the things CVC seems to think. But yeah, this one is just bizarre, and, to me at least, it reads like a man at a playground = creep, a woman at a playground = meh (or just assuming one of the kids is hers). And no, adults of all stripes, except actual creepers, are allowed to enjoy goofing off as long as the kids get dibs.

Apep — never occurred to you have she wasn’t peeved because you didn’t find her pretty but because you felt the need to point this out?

Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

LBT — yep. For entirely random reasons I’ve heard it from the horse’s mouth that pecunium finds biting to fail the safe test for safe sane and consensual. Cuz mouths are gross.

And dinner is ready! Time to use my icky mouth ^.^

contrapangloss
6 years ago

Argenti:

Should I whip out my “they’re called condors” gif? 🙂

Please, do!

contrapangloss
6 years ago

After dinner, of course.

contrapangloss
6 years ago

Thanks! Glittery words of truth.

Soda fountain of snorted laughter, barely avoided. My aunt’s pooches are looking at me funny, though.

Phoenician in a time of Romans
Phoenician in a time of Romans
6 years ago

Psh, fuck hands. Think of MOUTHS, yo. They’re basically bacteria pits; I’m sure pecunium could tell you about the infection risks of bite wounds.

Well, from my own experience – I’ve never ever caught an STD. But every time I’ve gotten involved in a new relationship, I’ve developed a sore throat from a minor throat infection. Amusingly enough, my wife-to-be and I came down with a sore throat at the same time just after we started seeing each other, which led to her being a bit worried because she didn’t want anyone in our professional community knowing we were together…

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

Are cat mouths that bad? For some reason I always assumed they weren’t. I thought their saliva had all these enzymes that broke down everything gross and that’s why their fur is always so nice and clean. I usually let Dracarys lick my hands if she wants to and they always feel cleaner then when I wash them with soap! Is that gross and wrong? She’s sitting on the ottoman obsessively bathing as I type this.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
6 years ago

Hands are more bacteria laden than genitals.

And mouths still more so.

That’s mainly what I was thinking when I had my “oh, dog, filth EVERYWHERE” moment. Which is kind of funny, since I’m not usually freaked by germs. Oh, well. A foolish consistency is the hobgoblin and all that jazz.

contrapangloss
6 years ago

WWTH:

Cats have really high infection rates for bites. It’s partially because most cats have a bacteria called Pasteurella multocida/em>, which is perfectly fine on the surface of skin, but really not good beneath it. Also, they have thin, narrow little canines that give great puncture wounds. Punctures are notoriously hard to clean thoroughly.

When my cat got me (he was ticked about a new cat interloper, and I was in the way), I immediately washed the wounds with soap, water, and then did a 15 minute soak in hot antimicrobial solution. Even with that, I had a massive infection within 12 hours. Not fun.

contrapangloss
6 years ago

Blockquote mammoth be branching out to italics, eh?

Ann Somerville
6 years ago

” I don’t hold it open for women because it might validate their egos and make them think that someone wants them.”

Strangely I have managed to live my whole life with the assumption no stranger wants to fuck me, and it has not done me any harm. In fact, the idea that random men might suddenly develop a mad desire for sex with my fat, plain middle-aged self is rather terrifying and creepy.

Because my sexual attractiveness to total strangers is not actually at the forefront of my thoughts and hasn’t been since I was a hopelessly unfuckable teenager. Normal adults grow out of this phase, as I did.

Someone holds a door for me, I thank them. I do not use that action as validation. Again, because normal adults do not. (And I use ‘normal’ to mean people who have gone through puberty and come out as functioning human beings. I am far from ‘normal’ in other ways.)

The idea that a man or anyone is holding a door for me as some indicator of my attractiveness is about as likely to enter my head as the idea that if I don’t hold open a door, a Tyrannosaurus will burst through it and eat me. I suspect this is true for almost every single human being on the planet except heavily deluded MRAs.

katz
6 years ago

I mean, even if it did happen exactly as he related (let’s face it, though, it didn’t happen), all it means is that he encountered one rude woman once and he decided to be equally rude back.

As described, sounds to me like he decided to be massively more rude back.

katz
6 years ago

Contrapangloss — should I whip out my “they’re called condors” gif? 🙂

Not sure why you want it, but…

Unimaginative
6 years ago

Ha! That’s exactly what I was thinking, Katz. The typo-ness blew right past me.

Also, it took me an unreasonable length of time to process i.v. antibiotic therapy instead of 4 antibiotic therapy. It must be close to suppertime.

serrana
serrana
6 years ago
kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

@talacaris:

Some have considered it proof that the Intelligent Designer was a municipality subcontractor.

I snortlaughed.

@katz, glad you got there first, I had a “wat?” moment with that typo!

I don’t get squicked out about the thought of, well, intimate partner’s intimate bits, and wouldn’t even if bacteria were A Thing wrt to him. Random people, yeah, keep your fluids to yourself, urgh. But that’s not even thinking about bacteria or infections or whatever, it’s just general grossness.

Kitty spit doesn’t bother me – I’m just slightly bemused that it smells so bad, yet the fur they wash with it smells so good.

I tend not to think about bacteria or be bothered by the idea, generally. Just as well, given Mads makes free with the kitchen bench and neither Mum nor I is the least bit inclined to chase her off.

katz
6 years ago

Kitty spit doesn’t bother me – I’m just slightly bemused that it smells so bad, yet the fur they wash with it smells so good.

I’ve often wondered that too. Why don’t clean cats smell like cat breath?

Unimaginative
6 years ago

I had a body-fluid discussion with a co-worker once. Someone had brought their baby in, and I got a little baby-pee on me. Co-worker was totally horrified. But, she had found a lost dog on her run one morning and took him in to the vet (I think he had been limping or something), and later found that her gym clothes were wet. He had peed on her gym bag. No problem, it was just a little dog pee.

So we had this discussion about how she was fine with dog pee but not baby pee, and I was the complete opposite.

I like animals from a distance, but I’m allergic, and have to wash my hands immediately if I touch one, just in case I forget and then rub my eyes or something. So I have this brain thing that says touch animals -> wash hands -> animals are unclean.

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

@Unimaginative – that’s interesting, ‘cos I’m of much the same mindset as your co-worker. Animal pee, poo, puke – doesn’t bother me. But I prefer not to be around babies because if I got their body fluids on me (and I have a somewhat irrational view of them as liable to leak or explode at any moment), I’d probably throw up. I daresay it’s largely to do with loving animals and wanting to be around them, and having been around them all my life, whereas babies and children … enjoying seeing friends’ youngsters on-screen is plenty. 😛

@katz, I’m just glad they don’t smell like cat breath! Imagine cuddling a kitty who smelled like zir breath, blech …

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

Speaking of kitties: new video from Cole the black cat!

http://youtu.be/r7-fKwgWsQ8

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
6 years ago

Are cat mouths that bad? For some reason I always assumed they weren’t. I thought their saliva had all these enzymes that broke down everything gross and that’s why their fur is always so nice and clean.

The problem with cat mouths is that they harbor bacteria that the human body isn’t used to fighting. Which is why something like 50% of cat bites that break the skin will get infected without treatment (which is why I have to do to the effing hospital every time I get bitten by a cat at work).

LBT
LBT
6 years ago

Enh, I used to think I would never be able to handle being pissed or shat upon. Then I worked at a dairy farm for a short period. Amazing how fast I got used to mountains of shit getting everywhere and all over me!

RE: Argenti

should I whip out my “they’re called condors” gif? 🙂 Seriously though, they do solve that problem!

Condors, eh? Who knew birds were so handy!

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

Condors, eh? Who knew birds were so handy!

I reckon “you’re not doing it unless you’ve got a condor on” would be an interesting line, at least.

brooked
6 years ago

You guys are bringing back fond memories of a cat bite, a bright pink swollen hand and a painful, comically huge anti-biotic shot in the buttocks. As the kids say, good times.

pecunium
6 years ago

re mouths: LBT — yep. For entirely random reasons I’ve heard it from the horse’s mouth that pecunium finds biting to fail the safe test for safe sane and consensual. Cuz mouths are gross.

It’s got nought to with gross, it’s mostly got to do with my not being fond of pain; which just plain puts me out of the mood (blood play is a different set of problems and squicks: but periods don’t kill the mood: again it’s a different issue).

Mouths are a specific sort of “clean” cesspit. The bacteria which inhabit them are, by and large, not going to cause problems… in the mouth.

Move them to a different biota, and all hell breaks loose. One of the things Emergency Rooms look for when there has been an alert put out as the result of someone being beaten is certain types of infections to the hand (or in the case of a person who says the bit someone; hard enough to draw blood, for similar bite wounds). The reason is the combination of saliva, and bacteria, leads to some very specific (and dangerous) sepsis.

But.. so long as one isn’t chomping hard enough to draw blood, it’s not a big deal; unless you are going down on someone who has open lesions (in which case…ew!).

The whole “you piss with that” issue isn’t that big a deal. Urine is, by and large, sterile; enough so that fresh urine has been used to irrigate wounds. Unless you have a kidney, or bladder, infection that’s not really a concern (aged urine is another matter).

So if someone has decent hygiene… have fun.

That said… interpersonal chemistry can be both interesting and disturbing

TMI WARNING Graphic medical details

There was a woman I was seeing, and a couple of days after the first time we had sex I seemed to have a case of the clap. Painful urination, discharge, etc.

Went to the Troop Medical Clinic (I was still on Active Duty), they took a blood sample, swabbed me for clamydia (OMG!!!!! OW… They ram a cotton swab about 2″ up the urethra, then (of course) they pull it out again. The only reason I didn’t pass out is that I was too busy trying not to puke. Only reason I didn’t puke was I was trying not to pass out.

Called her up, told her what was going on. She went to her doctor. Both of us came up clean.

I had a yeast infection.

And, every so often, while she and I were together, I’d get another one. Our actual chemistry didn’t mesh very well.

/TMI WARNING

pecunium
6 years ago

Crap… tag fail.

But… I was looking at the other comments by the person who did the screenshot of cassandra’s comment and found a diatribe about, “betacide” by him; which cited the “Paternity Tests are outlawed in Australia and France nonsense.

Given that it was Apep who was all upset at what Cassandra said, I wonder if he and whomever that was are the same person.

pecunium
6 years ago

So, in the “foolish consistency” and all that, observe:

” I don’t hold it open for women because it might validate their egos and make them think that someone wants them.”

This was said by the same dude who explained that all women have to do to “get someone” is be (ok, they need to be sort of slender, or something, but that’s it).

So if that’s all it takes, she knows lots of people want her, and she can have her pick.

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

It is Bittersteel! Called it.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

And Bittersteel is blog herpes. The fact that he so quickly fixated on me and has now escalated to trying to sic Reddit on me just confirms it.

(I told you guys that he once pulled stuff from years back on the blog I haven’t posted on in forever and quoted it to me on Jezebel, and also referred to photos of me from a dating site, right? He’s a creeper.)

bunnybunny
bunnybunny
6 years ago

And, every so often, while she and I were together, I’d get another one. Our actual chemistry didn’t mesh very well.

Yeast infections can be passed back and forth between partners. Not a fun situation but it happens.

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

I wasn’t here for blog herpes but I don’t doubt it from how he’s been described.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

@cassandra: I don’t remember you saying all that. Fuck creeper, he’s a stalker.

Re yeast infections. I pissed off a male acquaintance once because his partner kept getting yeast infections, which she would treat. I pointed out to her that both parties needed to be treated at the same time, otherwise there was just going to be continual reinfection. He was not happy that thought he was harbouring yeast.

Which reminds me, there is a stationery company in NZ called Candida (http://www.candida.co.nz/). I laugh every time, except when I am about to lick one of their envelopes to seal it.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

@ pallygirl

I take it that he wasn’t experiencing any symptoms himself and that’s why he decided that inconveniencing himself by getting treated wasn’t worth doing, no matter how much discomfort his gf was in?

kittehserf MOD
kittehserf MOD
6 years ago

cassandra, fuuuuck, I didn’t know blog herpes had stalked you elsewhere.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Re Candida the company, my favorite name in that vein is a restaurant called Manpuku (they serve ramen). It’s right up there with the attempt to market the Chevy Nova in Central and South America without thinking that a name change might be a good idea.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

@cassandra: yes, he wasn’t experiencing symptoms. They were both monogamous, so she couldn’t be infected by anyone else. I realise that C. albicans is normal flora in the vagina and the issues are related to abnormal growth/spread (e.g. see http://web.uconn.edu/mcbstaff/graf/Student%20presentations/Calbicans/Calbicans.html and http://www.austincc.edu/microbio/2704z/ca.htm), but being reinfected rapidly post treatment seemed suggestive of partner-to-partner transmission.

He was a manly NZ man(tm).

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

That seems to be the logic behind some cases where guys just refuse to deal with stuff like that. “Well, vaginas are weird, there are always freaky things growing in there (shrugs). Nothing to do with me.”

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

Manpuku: man stomach?

The Mitsubishi Pajero is the one that makes me laugh.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

You’d think huge multinational companies would hire some sort of localization expert specifically to prevent that kind of fiasco.

pecunium
6 years ago

The No Go story is a myth.

Snopes has a detailed explanation

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

Localisation doesn’t completely protect against product name failure either, this springs to mind immediately: http://www.marketingfirst.co.nz/2009/10/evidence-that-the-whole-vegemite-isnack-2-0-fiasco-was-a-genuine-mistake/

pecunium
6 years ago

If it is Mr. Al, he’s changed his problems. But the rest of the backstory has anecdotes which are straight up BritterSteele (the one about “my feminist dude-friend says women should be able to just pick a name out of the phone book” is also repeated).

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Presumably they can’t protect the public from whoever thought it would be a good idea to combine Vegimite with cream cheese either. Ew.

pallygirl
pallygirl
6 years ago

I hate both Vegemite and Marmite, equally. I am an equal opportunity savoury spread hater.

Related question: did you get brought up on meat paste? I used to be fed it as open sandwiches when I was growing up.