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Men's Rights Redditors: Don't help kids in distress, because a "hambeast" might accuse you of molesting her "crotchdumpling."

I‘ve been so busy with all the shenanigans surrounding AVFM and their little conference that I’m afraid I’ve been neglecting the good old Men’s Rights subreddit. Don’t feel bad, Men’s Rights subreddit, for today I took a few moments out of my hard-core semi-vacationing to pay you a little visit!

While there, I noticed the regulars discussing a terrible quandary that faces all modern men: “As a man, would you help a child in distress?”

Here are some of the answers that got upvoted:

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at Tue, [Jul 8], 14 3

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at Tue, [Jul 8], 14 1

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at Tue, [Jul 8], 14 4

 

Yep. Upvotes for a fellow who says he let a three-year-old boy literally fall out of a shopping cart and smash his head open because, oh no, some hypothetical hysterical mother might have accused him of  child molestation.

The details of his story make so little sense I can only assume he’s making the story up — if he was walking past the bakery, how could he have been close enough to “reflexively grab” a child in a shopping cart inside the bakery?

I’m not sure which is worse, the thought that this guy actually let a kid fall and smash his head, or the thought that he made up a story about doing so in order to gain some internet points from MRAs. (Well, the former, obviously, but either way this is a mortifying spectacle.)

But not everyone got upvotes. Here’s a comment that got thumbs down from the Men’s Rightsers  — along with a heavily upvoted reply:

Screen Shot 2014-07-08 at Tue, [Jul 8], 14

Human Rights: You’re doing it wrong.

Thanks to r/AMR for pointing me to this lovely thread.

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Luzbelitx
6 years ago

MRA fear (however delusive it is) tastes almost as good as man tears.

historophilia
6 years ago

I bet you the half a packet of chocolate digestives I am currently scoffing that all these men whining about how you should never talk to or call the police are white.

What the hell do these whiney white dudes have to fear from the police?

Here in the UK and it seems in the US as well, it’s young black and asian men that are actually at risk from the police. They are ones that (in the US) get shot by them, and I have no doubt that if carrying guns was the norm for police in the UK lots of young black and asian men would be shot here.

Hyena Girl
6 years ago

Crotchdumplings… worst soup ever.

I don’t get his insistence to never call the police. I mean, it’s just a minimum level of civic duty when you see someone getting hurt. Not getting involved, sure, random people aren’t really required to but the “walk away and don’t call the police” just comes across as callous.

bunnybunny
bunnybunny
6 years ago

This sort of reminds me of an acquaintance of mine who claims that he no longer holds doors open for women because they complain that it is creepy and offensive, or something. Now he is afraid holding doors will somehow escalate to false rape accusations.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

So “rampaging” is MR-ese for talking or walking while female?

AcidTrial
AcidTrial
6 years ago

Taking time away from their busy days of misogyny to be good, old-fashioned misanthropes instead. Nice.

Jarred H
6 years ago

@bunnybunny

This sort of reminds me of an acquaintance of mine who claims that he no longer holds doors open for women because they complain that it is creepy and offensive, or something.

Where are these legendary women who get offended over someone holding a door for them? I keep hearing about hem, yet have never met one.

jrobie
jrobie
6 years ago

Making no excuses for these monsters, but presumably if Mr. Darklight’s story at all resembles something that actually happened, it was in the bakery section of a supermarket. In my experience at least, standalone bakeries don’t have shopping carts.

Fnoicby
Fnoicby
6 years ago

JarredH, me too! I actually dated a guy for a bit who made this claim. I dunno, I always say a polite “thank you”. :S

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
6 years ago

The details of his story make so little sense I can only assume he’s making the story up — if he was walking past the bakery, how could he have been close enough to “reflexively grab” a child in a shopping cart inside the bakery?

Possibly he means the bakery section of the supermarket? That’s how I read it.

TooManyJens
6 years ago

Yeah, I’m sure the dude who calls children “crotchdumplings” would be really concerned about helping kids out if only he weren’t so afraid someone would call the cops.

tinyorc
6 years ago
Reply to  Hyena Girl

@hyenagirl:
Exactly – if you call the emergency line and say “Hello, I’d like to report a lost-looking child wandering around at X address”, you are under no obligation to give your name or any details about yourself. You can just hang up if you want.

WatermelonSugar
WatermelonSugar
6 years ago

Oh my goodness, those rules.

I find those particularly funny coming from a crowd that says that women who worry about the (very real) fear of rape/street harassment/other female-target crimes are just playing the victim and being dramatic. Apparently constant paranoia about police and walking away from children drowning is just common sense, though.

WatermelonSugar
WatermelonSugar
6 years ago

And why on earth would rule number 4 be a thing? Why not tell a sexual partner you have had a vasectomy? Talking about the measures one takes for birth control has always been something I do with my sexual partners.

fromafar2013
6 years ago

In the survival list, #11 males aren’t to talk to the police ever, under any circumstances. Ever.

What do male police officers do?

Or male EMTs?

Or male fire fighters?

Or male lawyers?

Etc, etc, etc…

saphy
saphy
6 years ago

Boycotting acts of human decency: such brave and wondrous men.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Yeah, it’s not as if telling them you’ve had the vasectomy magically makes them able to impregnate themselves, so what’s the point in not telling them?

WatermelonSugar
WatermelonSugar
6 years ago

@cassandrakitty–

Maybe in a magical world where all women are out to spermjack and trap men in false paternity, it’s like the ultimate trump card?

As in:
*twirls mustache* Mwa ha ha, but I have had a secret vasectomy that I didn’t tell you about so I could reveal it dramatically in the event that I was trapped in a situation just such as this! Touché, m’lady, and good day!

Jarred H
6 years ago

@WatermelonSugar I’m guessing that if you believe you live in a world where the only reason any woman ever has sex with a man is to spermjack him or otherwise trick him into giving her a reason to collect child support, it makes a weird sort of sense to not tell your partner you’ve permanently foiled her dastardly plans After all, if she knew, what other reason would she have to keep having sex with you?

And I’m again reminded what a horribly depressing world these men believe they live in.

Ally S
6 years ago

Soooo on the one hand, they emphasize the absolute importance of fathers being involved in their children’s lives no matter how abusive said fathers are. And on the other hand, they think it’s okay for men to literally ignore a woman being assaulted on the street and a child about to drown. How are they not the abusive father’s lobby again?

And no, I’m not going to buy the argument that a father who is abusive towards children and women and girls he doesn’t know won’t be abusive towards his own children and the women and girls in his life.

WatermelonSugar
WatermelonSugar
6 years ago

@Jarred H

Haha, great minds think alike!

freemage
freemage
6 years ago

WatermelonSugar:

#4 is advocating lying by letting women who are interested in having a child believe you are still capable of fathering one. Sex under false pretenses is pretty much stock-in-trade for these asshats.

On women and doors: I routinely hold doors for women, and I never encounter that attitude. Of course, I never also try to turn it into a pick-up line, or otherwise attempt to portray it as anything other than a common courtesy, which I also routinely perform for men (it’s my feeling that the door should be held by whoever gets there first, if you’re both going the same way, or by whoever is ‘outside’ [ie, in the area with the most free space, usually the direction the door goes] if you are crossing paths). Bogus ‘chivalry’ that is being used as a means of trying to make a woman feel indebted to you in order to get her to keep talking to you (and letting you make your pitch) is a pretty bog-standard technique for men who believe women should lack agency.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

“I would quite happily let a child die to save my own ass from a threat that may not even exist. You’re going to give me full custody now that you know this, right?”

magnesium
magnesium
6 years ago

Human rights for men and boys. Except if the boys are drowning or being kidnapped. Then fuck ’em.

Harlan
Harlan
6 years ago

You keep your vasectomy secret so you’re in prime “gotcha!” position when your hypothetical partner attempts paternity fraud. Duh.

Ugh. That line of thinking made my head hurt.

tinyorc
6 years ago

Jarred H:

Where are these legendary women who get offended over someone holding a door for them? I keep hearing about hem, yet have never met one.

RIGHT? I have an otherwise-very-reasonable-and-intelligent male friend who told me a story about a woman getting bolshy with him because he opened a door for her. This was his counterpoint to a story I was telling about a particularly nasty incident of street harassment I had experienced the day before. This, along with “a woman was once very rude about rejecting me”, was his evidence for “both sides are as bad as each other” and “sometimes feminists take things too far.”

I was just sort of gaping at him thinking about the blinding levels of privilege you must have to think that a woman not being delighted by your chivalry is the same thing as being followed down the street by a man who thinks you should give him a blowjob because – and I quote – “you’re fucking ugly, it’s not like you’re going to get a better offer.”

WatermelonSugar
WatermelonSugar
6 years ago

On holding doors:

I live in the South, in the US, so my views on this are a bit skewed. Everybody down here holds doors. I hold doors, even, because it’s polite and that’s how we roll in the South. I have never had an issue while holding a door for anyone, nor have I had an issue with anyone holding a door for me.

Well, minus my best friend.

He only holds doors for me if I look “like a lady,” ie am wearing a dress/makeup/ look “nice.” I call him on that every single time because it’s obvious. I still love him to death, but we always have a talk about why that is something he feels like he has to do under those parameters.

Ally S
6 years ago

[CN: rape]

“I watched a woman being raped in an alley and chose not to help her even though I was perfectly able to do so. Marry me and let me have joint custody!”

Harlan
Harlan
6 years ago

Oh–

Everyone is someone’s crotchdumpling.

magnesium
magnesium
6 years ago

I always assumed the “women freak out when you hold the door” line to be one of those “hysterical feminists are ruining the world” fever dreams that people have. I did once have a friend post a super angry Facebook rant about a women who didn’t say “Thank you” when he held a door for her, though, using some unfortunate language and referring to her as a “stuck up bitch.” I suspect if you encountered that enough times, you might be reluctant to let people hold doors for you in the future.

I have also had a couple dudes act weird about me holding a door for them. But since I live in the real world with real problems, a mildly socially awkward moment with a dude who can’t parse a woman holding a door for him hasn’t lead me to stop holding doors for people.

bunnybunny
bunnybunny
6 years ago

So these inexplicably rude and ungrateful women are indeed reaching epidemic levels of door-indifference. Perhaps this can be addressed at the next men’s rights conference.

Sredni Vashtar
Sredni Vashtar
6 years ago

@WatermelonSugar and @cassandrakitty: I think the idea behind not telling your partner you’ve had the vasectomy might be that women hate sex but love children, so they will only let you fuck them if they think there might be some genetic material in it for them? That’s just conjecture though, as I am not myself an MRA – I’m just a child-crazy female who would help a lost, vomiting child without even running a cost-benefit analysis like a rational person would.

Jarred H
6 years ago

@magnesium

I did once have a friend post a super angry Facebook rant about a women who didn’t say “Thank you” when he held a door for her, though, using some unfortunate language and referring to her as a “stuck up bitch.” I suspect if you encountered that enough times, you might be reluctant to let people hold doors for you in the future.

I’ve heard similar stories and to be honest, I tend to wonder if a lot of these “offended women” tales involve something beyond simple door-holding.

Also, I’d like to think that if I do ever run into a woman to takes issue with me holding a door for her, I’d apologize, walk away, and get on with my life. Not least of all just for the reason you point out.

Sredni Vashtar
Sredni Vashtar
6 years ago

(Guess that’s why I don’t work in STEM huh)

tinyorc
6 years ago

magnesium:

I did once have a friend post a super angry Facebook rant about a women who didn’t say “Thank you” when he held a door for her, though, using some unfortunate language and referring to her as a “stuck up bitch.”

I get thinking “rude!” if you hold a door for someone and they don’t acknowledge it with a quick “cheers” or whatever, but taking it so personally that you post an angry sexist Facebook rant is, dare I say it, being entirely over-sensitive.

Feminism gone mad = women no longer thanking men on bended knee for performing acts of basic courtesy.

Jarred H
6 years ago

@tinyorc

…who told me a story about a woman getting bolshy with him because he opened a door for her.

Maybe I’m reading too much into the words here, but “opened a door for her” rather than “hold a door for her”? Does that imply he wasn’t opening the door to also go through it himself? Because if so, it does raise a few other questions for me. Like, was he just standing next to a door when this woman approached it?

And yeah, it’s pretty ridiculous to compare those experiences to street harassment.

WatermelonSugar
WatermelonSugar
6 years ago

@Sredni Vashtar–

That makes sense (in that is doesn’t make sense at all and is therefore likely the thought process behind Rule #4).

In real life, though, it seems really irresponsible not to discuss having a vasectomy or not. I don’t know any women who are all “DON’T TELL YOUR SEXUAL PARTNERS YOU HAVE AN IUD!” I screamed it from the roof top when I had mine. And I am sure MRA-types would be very fussy indeed if a sexual partner didn’t disclose an IUD/other contraceptive method/tubal.

I think it’s also influenced by the fact that women are held responsible for birth control in general.

tinyorc
6 years ago

Jarred H:

I’ve heard similar stories and to be honest, I tend to wonder if a lot of these “offended women” tales involve something beyond simple door-holding.

Sometimes I wonder if I’ve been one of those horrible offended women in some guy’s personal narrative of his life, because I occasionally only give a quick nod when someone holds a door open for me because I am in a hurry/distracted/tired/having a brain fart/not in possession of working vocal cords because it’s 8am and I haven’t had my tea.

Could my decidedly unfeminine curtness have been assimilated as further evidence of the feminists “agenda” getting out of control? Quite probably.

Although, I do occasionally get annoyed with guys (mainly my male friends) who insist on holding doors open for me and other women when it is just not logical – like when it’s a pull instead of push or there’s not a lot of room or there are other people coming from the other direction and you have to awkwardly squeeze around them or maneuver under their arm to get through and there’s a lot of unnecessary jostling and it’s like DUDE IT WOULD BE SO MUCH MORE EFFICIENT IF WE EACH JUST WENT THROUGH ONE BY ONE. I PROMISE MY DELICATE LADY WRISTS WILL NOT BREAK IF YOU LET ME BEAR THE FULL WEIGHT OF THE DOOR.

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
6 years ago

And why on earth would rule number 4 be a thing? Why not tell a sexual partner you have had a vasectomy? Talking about the measures one takes for birth control has always been something I do with my sexual partners.

I don’t know about you, but I won’t bother fucking a guy unless there’s a chance I can spermjack him. A vasectomy is a dealbreaker, obvs.

yutolia
yutolia
6 years ago

I think this is just an excuse for them to not get off their lazy asses and do something. “Oh, I can use false rape accusations as an excuse to not have to help people who need it? Awesome!” Sadly, I can totally see them having this thought process (although maybe subconsciously in some).

Kootiepatra
Kootiepatra
6 years ago

@Jarred H:

Where are these legendary women who get offended over someone holding a door for them? I keep hearing about hem, yet have never met one.

I confess, I have had a few times of being bothered that someone held the door open for me.

I mean, I don’t mind in the slightest if a man gets to the door ahead of me, or happens to be standing there, and opens the door. I say thank you. (This accounts for probably 90+% of my door-opening experiences.)

I get a bit squicked out when a man falls all over himself to rush ahead of me and get the door with a grand flourish. But you know how I respond? I grumble a bit inwardly, but I say thank you and keep walking. Because it’s just a door.

I was, however, full-on bothered by the guy who I’m just barely acquainted with, who hollered at me to wait for him to get there so he could open the door for me. I just said, “No thanks, I’ve got it,” and let myself through. I proceeded to be intensely bothered by the fact that he followed me and lectured me on how I really need to learn to let guys get the door for me.

I responded, “Not really,” and kept walking.

I guess I’m the one traumatizing dudebros and killing chivalry.

Skye
Skye
6 years ago

I actually did get freaked out by a guy holding a door for me once. Where I live, it’s common for the door to be held open by whomever gets there first. This is normally no big deal. My freshman year at college, I was heading towards a building and was about a foot from the door when some guy I hadn’t seen came running up from behind to get the door. I didn’t yell at him though; I just mumbled thanks and went through. I couldn’t get one of my guy friends I later told to understand why this creeped me out. He said I was too feminist.

bunnybunny
bunnybunny
6 years ago

If women were only interested in sex for procreation, then no women would use contraception. But as we all know, there are 527 methods of birth control for women, and approximately -2 for men. What gives?

WatermelonSugar
WatermelonSugar
6 years ago

@emilygoddess

So true! I keep forgetting that I am doing feminism wrong by forgetting to spermjack. I’ll have to read The Evil Empire 101 again.

I wonder if these imaginary-secret-vasectomy guys leave condoms behind at their sexual partners’ houses, thinking “Mwa ha ha, she may try and spermjack me but little does she know my ejaculate contains nary a sperm to be jacked!”

historophilia
6 years ago

Maybe the whole “don’t tell your partner about your vasectomy” is because they have this weird obsession with being cuckolded and being forced to raise the biological child of some “bad boy” or being trapped in a relationship by their partner secretly stopping taking the pill or whatever to get pregnant?

Maybe they think “ah yes when my partner sleeps around with bad boy alpha’s, gets pregnant and then comes to me claiming that it is mine I can reveal that no you scheming hussy it cannot be mine because I have had a vasectomy I will not be trapped into the prison of marriage!”.

Or because they assume that women regularly lie about being on some form of contraception in order to get pregnant and “trap” men they don’t see why they shouldn’t lie as well.

The fact is that there is only one kind of situation where lying to your partner about contraception is ok and that is when it is an abusive relationship and there is a risk that the abusive partner would sabotage it. This being an extremely common form of abuse. For example, a woman in an abusive relationship whose partner is pressuring her to get pregnant when she doesn’t want to and who has been hiding or destroying birth control pills could secretly get the contraceptive injection (I read an article written by a woman who was in a situation very like this) and tell their partner they had stopped taking the pill. This would protect them from unwanted pregnancy and also protects them from the risk of violence or further abuse from their partner by appearing to follow their wishes.

But lying to your partner about contraception, especially in the case of MRA’s who are most straight, cis men where it is your partner and not you who is the person who is capable of pregnancy and all the risks that entails, is utterly irresponsible.

If you can’t talk honestly and openly with your sexual partner/s about contraception then you shouldn’t be having sex with them.

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
6 years ago

Whoops, ninja’d by everyone ever.

Bogus ‘chivalry’ that is being used as a means of trying to make a woman feel indebted to you in order to get her to keep talking to you (and letting you make your pitch) is a pretty bog-standard technique for men who believe women should lack agency.

It also feeds their persecution complex, because they can complain about women wanting both equal rights and “chivalry” (having doors held for them). Apparently holding doors for women should allow you to opt out of treating them like people.

Everyone is someone’s crotchdumpling.

I’m not even into ironic cross-stitch and I want this on a pillow.

tinyorc
6 years ago

WatermelonSugar:

In real life, though, it seems really irresponsible not to discuss having a vasectomy or not. I don’t know any women who are all “DON’T TELL YOUR SEXUAL PARTNERS YOU HAVE AN IUD!”

I can actually see the logical of not telling a male partner you have an IUD, particularly in a casual context. For some reason, a lot of men don’t seem to realize that preventing pregnancy is not the only reason to wear a condom. If a dude knows you can’t get pregnant, he might be more likely to pressure you into having sex without a condom. In fact, I’ve had guys try to pressure me into condomless sex even when I’ve explicitly told them I’m not on any form of birth control – even one dude who tried to slip it in without one when he thought I wasn’t paying attention.

I don’t really understand the mentality of men who act like wearing a condom is some huge inconvenience they must endure because of demanding women, especially in casual contexts. Like, dude, you have no idea where I’ve been, do you not care about your own health? Do you think you are magically immune to STDs because you can’t get pregnant?

WatermelonSugar
WatermelonSugar
6 years ago

First try at block quotes, let’s see if I can do it on my phone…

If you can’t talk honestly and openly with your sexual partner/s about contraception then you shouldn’t be having sex with them.

Yes. This. So much of this.

emilygoddess - MOD
emilygoddess - MOD
6 years ago

@Watermelonsugar, you should really update to the new edition of the EE101. In addition to the new spermjacking rules, there’s a whole new chapter on how to fake being a geek girl, and an updated list of approved candle scents.

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

Apparently WorldsEndGirlfriend doesn’t understand basic biology. You see, living things are not immortal. For a species to survive it must reproduce and some of those offspring must survive. If every man gets a vasectomy male survival will not occur beyond those males that have already been born. What a stupid comment. I’m glad he’s not reproducing though!

Did anyone in that thread post any evidence at all that men who try to help children in danger routinely get accused of being pedophiles? I’ve never heard of a man saving a child’s life and then get jailed for it. That’s just ridiculous. I have seen news stories about men saving children’s lives and being lauded as heroic though.

Googling ‘man saves child from drowning’ turns up 1,310,000 results. Every story on the first page is positive towards the man. No stories ended in the man being called a pedophile.

If mothers are cringing away and holding on to their young children when Popriarchy is around it might just be because he’s creepy as fuck. Not because he’s a man.

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