Heh. I’m on my annual semi-vacation this week, and was planning on keeping my postings here fairly light. But the news waits for no one. And by “news” I mean the daily parade of ridiculousness coming from the Men’s “Human Rights” camp. So here’s a quick report on the latest bit of high irony involving A Voice for Men.
Well, I was wrong. I’ve often noted that the Men’s Rights movement in general, and A Voice for Men in particular, doesn’t actually provide any real help for any real men. Sure, as far as I can tell, precisely zero of the hundreds of thousands of dollars A Voice for Men has raised from donors over the years has gone into providing actual services for men — say, funding a hotline for troubled men or some other practical program that doesn’t primarily involve yelling at women online. But never let it be said that none of this money gods to help men.
Because, it turns out, that money has been going to help men. Or at least that subset of men that consists of one Paul Elam of Houston Texas.
After being pressed for details about A Voice for Men’s finances by anonymous commenters on Reddit, a certain Twitterer named @DavidFutrelle and a journalist from MSNBC, Elam has finally fessed up and admitted that all the money donated to his website goes directly to him. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s what Elam had to say in a post from yesterday:
Every dollar donated goes right into my pocket. I spend that money on this website and on activist efforts at my own discretion, considering the opinions of the AVFM management team that volunteers to help run this place. … I depend on the site for my living, and to do as much FTSU as possible while I am at it.
In the past, of course, Elam was a bit more, well, elusive about where the money was going, talking about the costs of paying for web hosting and stock images rather than, say, the costs of paying the mortgage of one Paul Elam. Maybe “elusive” isn’t the correct word. “Deceptive” might be more like it.
You may also recall this pitch he once made for donations (I’ve put the best parts in bold):
I am tired of seeing a comparative handful of men and women cough up the lion’s share of financial assistance when most, even some who come here every day to read and cheer on FTSU, won’t cough up five fucking dollars to help us out; who are just fine as long as none of the burden, even a trivial part of it, is on them. …
[T]he longer I am at this, the less patience I have with dead weight, those who think AVFM is a fucking source of entertainment, or a life preserver for when the tables finally, inevitably turn against them.
In a way, I feel even worse now for most of the men who will make contact with AVfM looking for that lifeline. Unless their story is one that has the potential for me to exploit and gain media attention to THE CAUSE, then all I will have for them is a link to this article.
Well, and perhaps this piece of advice.
If the system has ruined your life, join the club. You are now in the ranks of men you have ignored your whole life. My advice to you is simple. Take your fucking quietly and with grace. Expect the same compassion you have always extended to those men who wore the shoes you are now wearing.
If you want things to change, then stock up on Ramen, get cozy in your studio apartment and join us in the fight to fix this shit. Don’t ask us to help you, but rather give your life the only meaning it may have left, as someone ready and willing to turn your meager existence into helping others who have been similarly screwed over.
In other words, Elam told troubled men turning to his site for help that they should stock up on Ramen noodles — and pay his bills. Oh, and on several occasions he’s boasted about taking donations from people taking the money from their unemployment checks.
As for the other people who put in so much time and energy at his site? As far as I can figure it from Elam’s evasive post yesterday, they earn nothing but a “thanks.”
At the end of each day, even with the incredible levels of help I get from people like Dean Esmay, David King, Al Martin and every one of the incredible people who work at AVFM, I am still target number one. I am a target for feminists posing as concerned MHRAs, yellow hacks like David Futrelle, and a target for many in the media who would love nothing better than to publish my personal financial information after putting their disgusting spin on it.
As you might have gathered from that quote, Elam remains indignant that anyone would even ask where the money goes.
And that goes for the money he recently raised that was supposedly earmarked to pay the security costs of AVFM’s conference. About that, he says only:
we hired four police officials (three officers and one supervisor) for coverage of the entire event and also hired a local attorney, paying his retainer in advance. We also had to engage our regular attorney, and have not yet been billed for their services.
In effect, we spent the money raised on precisely what we said we would spend it on, and have set aside what little remained for the next conference.
Really? According to costhelper.com, off-duty police officers generally cost $40-60 an hour; this Sheriff’s department puts the costs at $27-$31 an hour for each of its officers, including administrative fees. Even assuming that AVFM paid at the top of this range — $60 an hour — it would have cost them only $7200 to pay for four officers working ten hours each of the three days of the conference.
The amount that AVFM might have paid for legal fees depends on how much their lawyers charge per hour, and how many hours they worked. Assuming each lawyer charged $200 per hour and worked thirty hours over the three days of the conference — which I highly doubt — the cost for their legal assistance would have added up to $12,000. If AVFM actually paid even half that for legal fees I will eat my cats.
Even with these extremely generous assumptions, AVFM would have paid out only a little over $19,000 for security and legal fees. AVFM raised more than $30,000 for “security.”
In the interest of full disclosure, I should note that I also ask readers for donations. But I’ve always made clear that aside from donations specifically earmarked for other things the money goes to me. (And the cats.) And I don’t demand that donors pay me $20,000 per quarter — $80,000 a year — on top of whatever donations come in between the quarterly fundraisers, not to mention special “security” fundraisers.
I’m very grateful to those who donate to me — and indeed to everyone who’s contributed time and effort and knowledge and artistic skills to help the site — but I take in only a fraction of what Elam evidently takes in. And I don’t ask for money from those who are themselves broke.
In the comments on AVFM, the regulars are of course rallying around Elam. Then again, I can’t imagine anyone critical of what he does with the money would remain unbanned there for long.
Seconding médecins sans frontières. They’re about to/have launched a scathing report on how bloated and frankly useless many other ‘charities’ are becoming. Interesting/depressing reading.
@Kootiepatra
Excellent! Thank you so much. 🙂
thirding ‘doctors without borders’ because of their rating on charity navigator and the enormous amount of services they provide (beyond medicine) and their global ability to deliver.
Charity recommendation: Children International
it’s 3/4 on charity navigator but has a perfect accountability score (I think it’s dinged because the head makes too much, but even then over 80% of expenditures are on programs). They provide medical care/education/etc. to children in developing countries.
@weirwoodtreehugger
Well, as I recall Roy Den Hollander did try and file such a case. And yes, sending a letter like that IS activism, and so is filing a lawsuit.
@kittesherf MOD
You’ve missed that the term as used has more than one referent.
@brooked
First you personally attack a particular woman by calling her “an effing nightmare”. They you make statements which imply that you oppose such attacks. Give me a break.
@Argenti Aertheri
Paternity fraud exists and is a problem for some men.
@pallygirl
Well, the problem involved here is actually larger than paternity fraud. The problem lies in a father having to pay child support for a child which is not biologically his own when he believed that the child was his biologically.
I made no such claim that such “widescale duping” does happen. However, there DO exist such calculating females. For an example, go read the biography of Albert Ellis. And again, the problem there is larger than just paternity fraud, the problem lies in a father having to pay child support for a child which is not biologically his own when he believed that the child was his biologically. Additionally, except in extreme cases, women do know when they’re having *unprotected* sex or sex that has a significant probability of resulting in *pregnancy*.
@Toolbox
It’s not necessary to reference violent feminist rhetoric. Actions speak louder than words…
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iARHCxAMAO0
http://www.warholstars.org/chron/andydies68n33.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Erin_Pizzey#Overview
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Esther_Vilar
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=FWgslugtDow
@Pithy Pseudonym
If you want to donate to a group that specifically focuses on male rape and DV victims, AVfM is clearly not that group, just as Jezebel or Feministing would not be a site that you would want to donate if you wanted to support a group that specifically focused on female rape and DV victims, because AVfM has a much broader focus, just like Jezebel or Femnisting has a much broader focus. Do you have or have you read Phillip Cook’s book? http://www.amazon.com/Abused-Men-Hidden-Domestic-Violence/dp/0275958620/ref=sr_1_3?ie=UTF8&qid=1404931255&sr=8-3&keywords=philip+cook+violence If you want a group that focuses more specifically, you *might* (I’m not familiar with these groups) look into male survivor http://www.malesurvivor.org/ or the 1 in 6 people, or maybe… though with much less certainty since they don’t focus specifically on males Stop Abusive and Violent Environments http://www.saveservices.org/ or the group that recently indicated that “rape culture” is not a helpful concept R.A.I.N.N. https://www.rainn.org/
@Auntie Alias
Pulling a fire alarm is against the law and is an action which the state can (and should) fine. When done with intent to disrupt someone else speaking it is certainly not an action conducive to open discourse in a free society. The feminists at the University of Toronto Warren Farrell protest also blocked the entrance to the building. That does involve physical obstruction… so even if it is not violence according to your conception of violence, it does involve an attempt to block open discourse in a free society.
@sparky
See my last response.
@sebhai
Many, many feminists consistently claim they are about equality between the sexes. That men end up having to support children which are not biologically theirs, when they believe children are biologically theirs, comes as an *inequality* between the sexes since women universally know about their maternity (excluding hospital mix ups and cases of delusional men and women). It doesn’t matter how such an inequality arises, it’s still an inequality which can get remedied legally without necessarily unjustly depriving people of resources. So, if feminists were about all forms of inequality between the sexes, then they would have a concern with paternity fraud and more generally when men have to raise children where they falsely believe that the children are theirs.
For a while now, N. O. W., the largest organization of feminists, has rather consistently opposed shared parenting.. have a look at this search http://search.yahoo.com/search;_ylt=A0LEVxIAkL1Tfg0ApIdXNyoA;_ylc=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?gprid=Wkezoi8eQbCPNGh4pxh1gA&pvid=QP2x_Dk4LjHB.PsvU4_LQghdNzEuN1O9kAD_5fbI&p=feminists+oppose+shared+parenting&fr2=sb-top&fr=chrf-yff25
Or this article http://www.ifeminists.net/introduction/editorials/2006/0802sacks.html
Doug, you do know that someone pulling a fire alarm is not evidence that Paul Elam is using donations to help men and boys,
Your search turned up antimisandry.com and yahoo answers.
Funny how even major organizations can support fucked up and completely nonsensical understandings of feminist theory and its concepts. RAINN is shooting itself in the foot for denouncing the concept of rape culture.
Well that was one hell of a teal dear! If anyone reads it, can you provide the cliff notes?
Fourthing (?) MSF // Doctors Without Borders — were I capable of volunteering for them, I would, but I’m nuts and they have actual experts, not self-taught hobbyists like myself.
@Doug
Those disruptions weren’t violent if no physical harm was attempted or caused. Exaggerating to demonize one’s opponents is a poor strategy, particularly when AVFM is telling it to the press. That and misogyny are what bite AVFM squarely in the butt time and time again. Instead of learning from it, they become angry and lash out at the press. And this is their version of WINNING!! They’re about as successful as Charlie Sheen was; no one buys it except adoring fans.
@Dougie
Where exactly did I say “oppose such attacks”? Enlighten me.
I bailed on Doug’s post after I saw that most of his “citations” were from YouTube and Wikapedia, and he has like thirty of them.
Protip, calling someone a nightmare because of that person’s beliefs/actions is not the same as attacking someone for being male/female.
I know for a fact quite a few MRA’s don’t like Paul. Unfortunately they have associated with him with links and such. I don’t know MRA and feminist will both go down in a slow death. Paul is getting to the age where he’s getting too old acting so childish. Serious both of the groups need a new hobby such.
I will just watch the cluster f***** battle each other while eating pop corn.
@sparky
I never made any such claim. You’d need to back up to what I was responding to in order to understand what I said.
@Auntie Alias
Apparently you missed the video of the feminists in Argentina, as well as the note about Andy Warhol. I also didn’t link to any instances of FEMEN’s violence. Some of what I referenced did indeed constitute violent behavior. What I referenced that did NOT constitute physically violent behavior DID constitute behavior not conducive to a free and open society that values free speech.
If they’re misogynists, then why has the woman who founded the first domestic violence shelter for women Erin Pizzey consistently supported AVfM?
Why did Senator Anne Cools, who also ran a domestic violence shelter for women speak at AVfM’s conference https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=W0Op4_5_NOM?
Why was Helen Smith there? Or Karen Straughan?
Why was there a group of specifically female MRAs there who call themselves Honey Badgers?
And if they’re getting so squarely bit in the butt, then why do they still have people donating to their site? How did they manage to plan and then hold such a conference?
@brooked
You said
Specifically, “there are a lot of things wrong with this, but I’m just going to point how intellectually dishonest it is to pretend her political attack on women…”
So, an implication here comes as that you find political attacks on women wrong. But apparently, you have no problem politically attacking Tara Palmatier or any of the women at AVfM.
And give me a break about about “raging over VAWA” as not a good look when talking about men’s issues. Earlier versions of VAWA did recommend a mandatory arrest policy for states. And several states have STILL NOT removed such mandatory arrest policies http://www.saveservices.org/dvlp/policy-briefings/why-did-vawa-change-from-a-mandatory-to-a-pro-arrest-stance/
Sure. But, it still doesn’t constitute a personal attack against someone who does have a particular sex.
The fact that some women are misogynistic doesn’t mean misogyny isn’t misogyny. So the fact that the homophobic Senator Cools attended their conference simply means that AVfM was willing to endorse someone who would be willing to throw gay men under the bus, simply because she is also misogynistic enough to fit in well with AVfM.
Doug, just because they have women in their group doesn’t mean they’re not misogynists. -_-
Doug: I did, and it makes no damn sense. I said to prove that the money being donated to Elam was going to help men and boys, you responded by telling me to read your response about the fire alarm.
Which makes no damn sense.
You do know there are such things as internalized misogyny and female misogynists, right? That just because someone is a woman doesn’t mean that their views are right and unable to be criticized, right?
And you do know that what brooked was calling intellectually dishonest was “pretending her political attack on women and Elam’s critics is based on some sort of actual psychological diagnosis.” That Palmatier was suggesting that disagreeing with Elam constituted a mental illness, and equating a mental illness with wrongness.
I don’t know why your fellow MRAs continue to give Elam money. Particularly after he first shamed anyone not donating as failing the cause and told people to live in poverty if need be to donate; then turns around and admits the money all goes into his own pocket. I don’t know why you all keep giving him money.
Well, considering how mismanaged and sparsly attended it was, I wouldn’t be bragging to much about that.
Yes; included in AVfM’s focus is lining Paul’s pocketbook. (I hope Paul and his donors realize the tax implications of Paul admitting that there’s no separate AVfM entity.)
How can we make you guys understand: you cannot donate to AVfM. That is not an option that has been given to you. The only thing you can do is send money to a guy named Paul Elam, at which point he decides if he wants to spend it on maintaining a website, it maybe setting up a conference, you know, whatever. It’s not like some of AVfM’s money is going to Elam, like a salary. AVfM doesn’t have money.
Setting up a conference for only a couple hundred people really is very little trouble, Doug. It is when you get into the tens of thousands that it gets complicated.
*marks off “zombie Solanas” bingo square*
Guess that means I missed absolutely nothing new by skipping that teal deer!
@Doug
Wow, that was not even sort of what I was saying. Dr Tara is set up as AVfM’s pop psychologist expert, with a focus on relationships and divorce. So when she throws out her unfounded “all of Paul’s critics are as crazy and vindictive as ex-wives during a divorce” statement, she diagnosing AVfM’s critics as irrational, if not mentally ill, victimizers. A mental health professional’s opinion of other people’s mental state carries more weight, which is why when doctors offer their opinion about a public figure’s mental health, for example as several did during the aftermath of the Eliot Roger’s murders, they always mention that they did not personally treat that public figure.
Dr Tara is effing nightmare IMHO because she’s feeds the MRAs cartoonish vilification of woman by portraying them as bi-polar vindictive monsters. I also disagree with her about VAWA and do not believe helping female victims of DV precludes helping male victims. I do think encouraging men to seek couple counseling or treatment is a good thing. I also think a lot of popular pop psychologists run into trouble when they diagnose people after a phone call, a short letter or a news article, so my criticisms of Dr. Tara don’t stem just from her association with AVfM.
@rjjspesh
Blockquote high five! 🙂
If Elam and his henchpeople didn’t harass, defame and doxx women and other critics, I wouldn’t give a shit about them because they’re small potatoes. He’s borderline incompetent, so I think chances are good that he’s going to continue to have problems with the IRS, but he’s always been sort of upfront about AVfM not being a charity or anything other that his sandbox. If AVfM fanboys are going to buy his bullshit faux-activism and non-functional advocacy as a point of pride, that’s their (poor) decision.
There are full-on hoax charities that pull in a lot more than 100k annually. Also, while it’s depressing to think of poor people sending Elam more money than they can afford, I haven’t heard any claims that he fleeces individual followers of tens of thousands of dollars. Cult leaders, whether they’re psychological, religious and self-help based ones, can be very, very good at demanding followers hand over more and more money in a short period of time. I had a family member lose almost a million dollars to a religious cult in the 1980s, so Elam’s little fund raisers don’t really bother me, unless a lot more chicanery is going on than we know about.
Just to clarify, I’d still disagree with the guy and see need to call out his bullshit, I just don’t believe in portraying Elam as a mighty anti-feminist warrior.