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Paul Elam: All Your Donations Are Belong to Me

Paul Elam, in his hovel.

Heh. I’m on my annual semi-vacation this week, and was planning on keeping my postings here fairly light. But the news waits for no one. And by “news” I mean the daily parade of ridiculousness coming from the Men’s “Human Rights” camp. So here’s a quick report on the latest bit of high irony involving A Voice for Men.

Well, I was wrong. I’ve often noted that the Men’s Rights movement in general, and A Voice for Men in particular, doesn’t actually provide any real help for any real men. Sure, as far as I can tell, precisely zero of the hundreds of thousands of dollars A Voice for Men has raised from donors over the years has gone into providing actual services for men — say, funding a hotline for troubled men or some other practical program that doesn’t primarily involve yelling at women online. But never let it be said that none of this money gods to help men.

Because, it turns out, that money has been going to help men. Or at least that subset of men that consists of one Paul Elam of Houston Texas.

After being pressed for details about A Voice for Men’s finances by anonymous commenters on Reddit, a certain Twitterer named @DavidFutrelle and a journalist from MSNBC, Elam has finally fessed up and admitted that all the money donated to his website goes directly to him. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s what Elam had to say in a post from yesterday:

Every dollar donated goes right into my pocket. I spend that money on this website and on activist efforts at my own discretion, considering the opinions of the AVFM management team that volunteers to help run this place. … I depend on the site for my living, and to do as much FTSU as possible while I am at it.

In the past, of course, Elam was a bit more, well, elusive about where the money was going, talking about the costs of paying for web hosting and stock images rather than, say, the costs of paying the mortgage of one Paul Elam. Maybe “elusive” isn’t the correct word. “Deceptive” might be more like it.

You may also recall this pitch he once made for donations (I’ve put the best parts in bold):

I am tired of seeing a comparative handful of men and women cough up the lion’s share of financial assistance when most, even some who come here every day to read and cheer on FTSU, won’t cough up five fucking dollars to help us out; who are just fine as long as none of the burden, even a trivial part of it, is on them. …

[T]he longer I am at this, the less patience I have with dead weight, those who think AVFM is a fucking source of entertainment, or a life preserver for when the tables finally, inevitably turn against them.

In a way, I feel even worse now for most of the men who will make contact with AVfM looking for that lifeline. Unless their story is one that has the potential for me to exploit and gain media attention to THE CAUSE, then all I will have for them is a link to this article.

Well, and perhaps this piece of advice.

If the system has ruined your life, join the club. You are now in the ranks of men you have ignored your whole life. My advice to you is simple. Take your fucking quietly and with grace. Expect the same compassion you have always extended to those men who wore the shoes you are now wearing.

If you want things to change, then stock up on Ramen, get cozy in your studio apartment and join us in the fight to fix this shit. Don’t ask us to help you, but rather give your life the only meaning it may have left, as someone ready and willing to turn your meager existence into helping others who have been similarly screwed over.

In other words, Elam told troubled men turning to his site for help that they should stock up on Ramen noodles — and pay his bills. Oh, and on several occasions he’s boasted about taking donations from people taking the money from their unemployment checks.

As for the other people who put in so much time and energy at his site? As far as I can figure it from Elam’s evasive post yesterday, they earn nothing but a “thanks.”

At the end of each day, even with the incredible levels of help I get from people like Dean Esmay, David King, Al Martin and every one of the incredible people who work at AVFM, I am still target number one. I am a target for feminists posing as concerned MHRAs, yellow hacks like David Futrelle, and a target for many in the media who would love nothing better than to publish my personal financial information after putting their disgusting spin on it.

As you might have gathered from that quote, Elam remains indignant that anyone would even ask where the money goes.

And that goes for the money he recently raised that was supposedly earmarked to pay the security costs of AVFM’s conference. About that, he says only:

we hired four police officials (three officers and one supervisor) for coverage of the entire event and also hired a local attorney, paying his retainer in advance.  We also had to engage our regular attorney, and have not yet been billed for their services.

In effect, we spent the money raised on precisely what we said we would spend it on, and have set aside what little remained for the next conference.

Really? According to costhelper.com, off-duty police officers generally cost $40-60 an hour; this Sheriff’s department puts the costs at $27-$31 an hour for each of its officers, including administrative fees. Even assuming that AVFM paid at the top of this range — $60 an hour — it would have cost them only $7200 to pay for four officers working ten hours each of the three days of the conference.

The amount that AVFM might have paid for legal fees depends on how much their lawyers charge per hour, and how many hours they worked. Assuming each lawyer charged $200 per hour and worked thirty hours over the three days of the conference — which I highly doubt — the cost for their legal assistance would have added up to $12,000. If AVFM actually paid even half that for legal fees I will eat my cats.

Even with these extremely generous assumptions, AVFM would have paid out only a little over $19,000 for security and legal fees. AVFM raised more than $30,000 for “security.”

In the interest of full disclosure, I should note that I also ask readers for donations. But I’ve always made clear that aside from donations specifically earmarked for other things the money goes to me. (And the cats.) And I don’t demand that donors pay me $20,000 per quarter — $80,000 a year — on top of whatever donations come in between the quarterly fundraisers, not to mention special “security” fundraisers.

I’m very grateful to those who donate to me — and indeed to everyone who’s contributed time and effort and knowledge and artistic skills to help the site — but I take in only a fraction of what Elam evidently takes in. And I don’t ask for money from those who are themselves broke.

In the comments on AVFM, the regulars are of course rallying around Elam. Then again, I can’t imagine anyone critical of what he does with the money would remain unbanned there for long.

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Ally S
10 years ago

And yes, you can look it up in a dictionary to confirm what I’m saying. “Mental” is often used as a disablist slur.

brooked
brooked
10 years ago

Plus Dr Tara Palmatier, aka A Shrink for Men, is an effing nightmare. Here’s her word vomit defense of Elam’s shit fit over the questions about AVfM’s finances. There are a lot of things wrong with this, but I’m just going to point out how intellectually dishonest it is to pretend her political attack on women and Elam’s critics is based on some sort of actual psychological diagnosis. The raging over VAWA isn’t a good look either, but it’s not surprising because the good doctor said many awful things at the convention. (I think she was the one with the underage Miley selfie.)

Dr_Tara_J_Palmatier
This reminds me of a typical divorce scenario with a high-conflict, narcissistic/borderline/sociopathic ex-wife. They demand all financial records and disclose none.

When VAWA was up for renewal, one of the issues was the lack of transparency and accountability of how money (state, federal and private donations) is spent in the multi-billion dollar domestic violence industry. If memory serves, there has yet to be a proper accounting there. Why isn’t the press asking where all THAT money goes, when feminists still claim violence against women is an ever-growing problem (even though statistics show that violence against women has been on the decline since the 1970s while DV against men has been increasing steadily – Murray Straus et al)?

When I spoke to press at the conference, I did my best to flip their questions back at them.

Press: What about the violent rhetoric?

Me: What about it? If violent rhetoric is posted on AVFM or S4M, the individual is called out and banned. What about the violent rhetoric against men and boys posted by self-identified feminists on Jezebel, Twitter, Facebook, HuffPo, etc., etc.,? #KillAllMen? Why is that okay?

Crickets.

Part of my tax money funds VAWA and other female directed initiatives. Money that I have to pay and have no say in how it is spent. Frankly, I’m more interested in how THAT money is being spent than voluntary private donations to a website that operates on a shoestring budget to support causes I believe in.

marinerachel
marinerachel
10 years ago

Woody? Sir?

Where IS that guy?

katz
10 years ago

Hey, who wants to check out today’s installment of “Reformed Christians’ creepy gender ideas?” TW: Abuse apologia

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

I feel silly, and sad, and sorry if I legitimately confused or annoyed anyone.

Don’t feel bad! As you said, internet, tone, blah blah blah. I just thought it was a fun bit of trivia that German chocolate cake is American. Along the lines of French fries not really being French.

katz
10 years ago

They demand all financial records and disclose none.

That is…literally exactly what Paul Elam is doing.

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

When did feminists claim violence against women is an ever growing problem? I’ve never seen anyone claim that. I’ve only ever heard feminists say domestic violence is still a problem. Which is true!

I’m sure Palmatier provided evidence for that claim right? s/

In fact, domestic violence decreased dramatically in the US after the implantation of the VAWA. Could it be that the MRM hates the programs because they’ve worked?

marinerachel
marinerachel
10 years ago

Speaking of donations, if I may have the floor for a second:

The care package I received from the Mammotheers (which is still serving me well – I had a nutrition bar from it for breakfast during my commute this morning) contained a stack of money. That was excessive. Thank you though.

The residual effect of being shown that sort of kindness has given me such strength. Trite as they are, the expressions “touched” and “moved” have never been so apt in my experience. I want to pay it forward. I’d like to donate the money from the care package on behalf of the Mamotheers.

If it’s on the Mammotheers’ behalf, it’s got to go to somewhere worthy, somewhere we can be proud to contribute to. Can we decide together what to donate this money to? Any and all ideas are welcome.

Please don’t let me derail this discussion though. I’m sure enough of us have one another’s email addresses that we can start a behind-the-scenes chat anyone interested can be brought into.

And now back to your regularly scheduled programming.

Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

“leading expert on paternity fraud”

Yeah? I’ve got a bridge I’ve been trying to sell, you interested?

damselindetech
10 years ago

@marinerachel

Paul Elam?

/ducksflyingproduce

Argenti Aertheri
10 years ago

To state the obvious answer, for those of us in the US anyways — planned parenthood?

marinerachel
marinerachel
10 years ago

It should probably go to Paul Elam.

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

Or the SPLC.

Or maybe some sort of animal rescue?

weirwoodtreehugger
10 years ago

Not PETA though!

katz
10 years ago

Marinerachel: What cause is close to your heart?

girlscientist
girlscientist
10 years ago

Ugh, Tara Palmatier. I read a few articles on her website and listened to her podcast once. She’s the most unprofessional therapist I’ve ever come across: she seemed way more interested in buddying up to the men who were calling her than helping them. I got the impression that her dream was to go barhopping with them and to be regarded as “one of the guys.” She kept using insults to refer to the callers’ partners. I know enough about domestic violence to know that, when you’re trying to help a victim, it’s something you should never do.
Seriously, any money thrown Palmatier’s way goes to feeding her fantasies, not to helping male domestic violence victims.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

@Doug:

one of the speakers at that conference was Carnell Smith, a leading expert on paternity fraud.

You mean a leading activist. I tried to find some accurate stats on “paternity fraud”.
****important disclaimer**** if a female has been sexually active with a couple of males around the estimated time of conception then she may simply have been mistaken in her identification of the father. There is no malice, whereas the term “paternity fraud” – because it contains the word “fraud” suggests purposeful malice on the part of the female.

I found a Wikipedia page that provides some stats on population rates: http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Paternity_fraud and notice how many are small. Although the absolute numbers of fathers affected are large, we’re not talking widescale duping of males by calculating females.

This seems to be the source for the stats bandied by MRAs: http://www.australianpaternityfraud.org/pdf/American_Blood_Banks_study_2001.pdf To save you time, p. 2 of this report states “The median exclusion rate is 29.25% and the
mode is 27.87% with a range of 11.03 – 40.86%.” However, the report is “Prepared by the Parentage Testing Program Unit” which seems to have more recently changed its name to “Relationship Testing Program Unit”.

Some key points about the statistic:
The test statistics include non-paternity cases
“Many of the laboratories report testing a broad range of cases, including relationship tests for routine paternity testing, immigration, prenatal evaluations, and post-mortem evaluations. Almost all of the laboratories reporting performed immigration testing and
reconstruction (family study) cases.” (refer Preface, p.1)

The samples were not randomly selected from the population

Even if the cases only related to paternity queries, these are a biased subset of all births. The reason a person queries paternity is because they are trying to establish whether a particular male is the father. The results would still not be generalizable to all births.

WTF is wrong with MRAs and fucking basic statistics? Fuck.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

Oppps, that blockquote should be a bold.

contrapangloss
10 years ago

pallygirl, I’m afraid that the concept of a simple random sample eludes almost the lot of them.

Sadness.

🙁

marinerachel
marinerachel
10 years ago

Some of my thoughts were Red Cross, Nature Conservancy of Canada, SPCA. The most niche one that came to mind was Marine Mammal Rescue centre here in Vancouver. There are so many great foundations pertaining to disease research and enhancement in care too. Man, this is tough.

pallygirl
pallygirl
10 years ago

@contrapangloss: concepts such as ethics and evidence elude them too.

@marinerachel: do you feel particularly strongly or have a special affinity to any of the ones you mention?

contrapangloss
10 years ago

Marinerachel?

I’m fine with anything, really. Well, I guess I humbly request non-PETA and non-AVFM options, since I don’t really trust either of those two.

One’s all: “We’re going to love and care for all the critters. Never mind that we weren’t actually allowed to hold animals if people surrendered them to us, so we really just euthanized the lot.”

The other’s all: “Yes, we’re helping men! See us angrily hitting our fingers against keyboards!”

They are saddening and awful.

Do you happen to know of any good crisis call lines, or centers, nearby? They might appreciate it!

Or any good local shelters (people, or critters)?

Or any youth programs, that do good things?

Or any poor inventors, trying to get funds to make cool things?

Or you could drop off a bunch of cookies (with ingredient labels, so allergic folks can be safe) at a local job center, or unemployment office, or something…

I dunno.

Do you have any pet issues that you’ve always wanted to support, but didn’t have the change for? Or, do you know anyone else who needs a bit of love and support?

Your call! Glad the package helped, for sure! 🙂

contrapangloss
10 years ago

When in doubt, and when I have too many good options to choose from, I default to a random number or list generator. There’s a decent one here: https://www.random.org/lists/

Leaving things up to the stochastic hands of fate may not rock your boat, though.

House Mouse Queen
10 years ago

Hello Mammothers! So the new schtick, arranged and created by Angry Harry, is to put a highly visible link on the front page of AVFM titled ‘Are MRA”s Misogynists?’ The link takes them to the best 5 con speakers videos.

I say we do another collab, pool our resources and assign people to transcribing the speakers. I’ve done some of Farrell’s already. Now there should be a central repository for JUST the conference. That way we have a link, we all know it, we don’t have to hunt for a post on each speaker. We could just open a wordpress with a good title and go to town.

I know we will still do individual stuff on the speakers but a central location just for this purpose is warranted. Plus, many people can submit and give things about each speaker. Crowdsourcing this would take pressure down to a minimum and less engagement with MRA drivel.

??

House Mouse Queen
10 years ago

Oops, I’m tired as hell. I also wanted to say that Harry’s little trick is for MRA’s to invade comment sections, esp. the ones where they’re mentioned and post the link as a way to counter the fact they are misogynists. MRSydney has a half hearted attempt at this already but will all of us? We can do a superb job of countering so that once they pull out the copy/pasta, we have a link too.

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