Heh. I’m on my annual semi-vacation this week, and was planning on keeping my postings here fairly light. But the news waits for no one. And by “news” I mean the daily parade of ridiculousness coming from the Men’s “Human Rights” camp. So here’s a quick report on the latest bit of high irony involving A Voice for Men.
Well, I was wrong. I’ve often noted that the Men’s Rights movement in general, and A Voice for Men in particular, doesn’t actually provide any real help for any real men. Sure, as far as I can tell, precisely zero of the hundreds of thousands of dollars A Voice for Men has raised from donors over the years has gone into providing actual services for men — say, funding a hotline for troubled men or some other practical program that doesn’t primarily involve yelling at women online. But never let it be said that none of this money gods to help men.
Because, it turns out, that money has been going to help men. Or at least that subset of men that consists of one Paul Elam of Houston Texas.
After being pressed for details about A Voice for Men’s finances by anonymous commenters on Reddit, a certain Twitterer named @DavidFutrelle and a journalist from MSNBC, Elam has finally fessed up and admitted that all the money donated to his website goes directly to him. But don’t take my word for it. Here’s what Elam had to say in a post from yesterday:
Every dollar donated goes right into my pocket. I spend that money on this website and on activist efforts at my own discretion, considering the opinions of the AVFM management team that volunteers to help run this place. … I depend on the site for my living, and to do as much FTSU as possible while I am at it.
In the past, of course, Elam was a bit more, well, elusive about where the money was going, talking about the costs of paying for web hosting and stock images rather than, say, the costs of paying the mortgage of one Paul Elam. Maybe “elusive” isn’t the correct word. “Deceptive” might be more like it.
You may also recall this pitch he once made for donations (I’ve put the best parts in bold):
I am tired of seeing a comparative handful of men and women cough up the lion’s share of financial assistance when most, even some who come here every day to read and cheer on FTSU, won’t cough up five fucking dollars to help us out; who are just fine as long as none of the burden, even a trivial part of it, is on them. …
[T]he longer I am at this, the less patience I have with dead weight, those who think AVFM is a fucking source of entertainment, or a life preserver for when the tables finally, inevitably turn against them.
In a way, I feel even worse now for most of the men who will make contact with AVfM looking for that lifeline. Unless their story is one that has the potential for me to exploit and gain media attention to THE CAUSE, then all I will have for them is a link to this article.
Well, and perhaps this piece of advice.
If the system has ruined your life, join the club. You are now in the ranks of men you have ignored your whole life. My advice to you is simple. Take your fucking quietly and with grace. Expect the same compassion you have always extended to those men who wore the shoes you are now wearing.
If you want things to change, then stock up on Ramen, get cozy in your studio apartment and join us in the fight to fix this shit. Don’t ask us to help you, but rather give your life the only meaning it may have left, as someone ready and willing to turn your meager existence into helping others who have been similarly screwed over.
In other words, Elam told troubled men turning to his site for help that they should stock up on Ramen noodles — and pay his bills. Oh, and on several occasions he’s boasted about taking donations from people taking the money from their unemployment checks.
As for the other people who put in so much time and energy at his site? As far as I can figure it from Elam’s evasive post yesterday, they earn nothing but a “thanks.”
At the end of each day, even with the incredible levels of help I get from people like Dean Esmay, David King, Al Martin and every one of the incredible people who work at AVFM, I am still target number one. I am a target for feminists posing as concerned MHRAs, yellow hacks like David Futrelle, and a target for many in the media who would love nothing better than to publish my personal financial information after putting their disgusting spin on it.
As you might have gathered from that quote, Elam remains indignant that anyone would even ask where the money goes.
And that goes for the money he recently raised that was supposedly earmarked to pay the security costs of AVFM’s conference. About that, he says only:
we hired four police officials (three officers and one supervisor) for coverage of the entire event and also hired a local attorney, paying his retainer in advance. We also had to engage our regular attorney, and have not yet been billed for their services.
In effect, we spent the money raised on precisely what we said we would spend it on, and have set aside what little remained for the next conference.
Really? According to costhelper.com, off-duty police officers generally cost $40-60 an hour; this Sheriff’s department puts the costs at $27-$31 an hour for each of its officers, including administrative fees. Even assuming that AVFM paid at the top of this range — $60 an hour — it would have cost them only $7200 to pay for four officers working ten hours each of the three days of the conference.
The amount that AVFM might have paid for legal fees depends on how much their lawyers charge per hour, and how many hours they worked. Assuming each lawyer charged $200 per hour and worked thirty hours over the three days of the conference — which I highly doubt — the cost for their legal assistance would have added up to $12,000. If AVFM actually paid even half that for legal fees I will eat my cats.
Even with these extremely generous assumptions, AVFM would have paid out only a little over $19,000 for security and legal fees. AVFM raised more than $30,000 for “security.”
In the interest of full disclosure, I should note that I also ask readers for donations. But I’ve always made clear that aside from donations specifically earmarked for other things the money goes to me. (And the cats.) And I don’t demand that donors pay me $20,000 per quarter — $80,000 a year — on top of whatever donations come in between the quarterly fundraisers, not to mention special “security” fundraisers.
I’m very grateful to those who donate to me — and indeed to everyone who’s contributed time and effort and knowledge and artistic skills to help the site — but I take in only a fraction of what Elam evidently takes in. And I don’t ask for money from those who are themselves broke.
In the comments on AVFM, the regulars are of course rallying around Elam. Then again, I can’t imagine anyone critical of what he does with the money would remain unbanned there for long.
Kitteh, that second bit should be </blockquote>
Okay, Doug, as a male sexual assault victim, why should I donate to Paul versus directly donating to a sexual assault victims assistance organization?
Flying mouse,
Thanks. Hugs back at you. And my family too. I’m starting to think it’s genetic.
Oh fuck, I forgot that blockquote auto italic!
Let me try that this way…
• Single charismatic leader. — charisma is arguable
– Instant friends. — sorta, the enemy of my enemy is my friend
– They hide what they teach. — eh, not before, but since Elam tried sanitizing AVfM idk
• Say they are the only true group, or the best so why go anywhere else.
• Hyped meetings, get you to meetings rather than share with you. — I think the conference fits?
• Experiential rather than logical. — *dies laughing* dear gods yes
– Asking for money for the next level. (Eh? Not CoS, but they are always after money “for the cause”)
• They do not allow their teachings or practices to be questioned. If you question, then automatically the group assumes that something is wrong with you. It can never be the case that anything is wrong with the group’s practices or teachings. Often they will try to shut you down by accusing you of having a “bad attitude”. — See above OP
• They will push you to obey by using guilt. They will demand complete “submission” to the group, its leaders and its teachings. They will do this by making you feel absolutely rotten about yourself. They will ridicule you and attack any weakness you might have (or invent weaknesses you might have if they can’t find any). Their goal is to break your will by causing you mental anguish. — this is their whole deal, taking the red pill will make you see all these horrid things and you’ll be angry, or are you some kind of mangina?
• = yes
– = maybe
Noes omitted.
Poo. My first comment and I left the wrong email address.
Thanks, Argenti! I’ve got that saved in notepad now.
piratejennie – be afraid, be very afraid.
For all you Firefox users, there’s a Text Formatting Toolbar add-on that makes life sooooo much easier. No need to write the code, just highlight your text and click the appropriate button – it works for adding links like the ones I just did here, too.
@deniseeliza
Exactly. It’s the transparency that makes the majority of the difference, but also the manner in which the request for donations is approached.
David has never harangued or shamed his participants and readers into donating and has certainly never implied that those who either choose not to or cannot donate are freeloaders who are not worthy of his time and effort, getting what they deserve when they are affected by the patriarchy or any other agency or system of belief.
I feel silly even having to write this because it seems so self evident. This blog lists a clear and cogent statement about its general intent and how the donations are spent.
It occasionally links to or asks for dedicated donations for clearly outlined specific events or causes, and in these cases offers to make public the receipts for monies spent.
AVfM does no such thing and the primary spokesperson reacts with defensive vitriol whenever questioned by even his own supporters, giving vague non-answers about knowing how best to spend donations to continue the campaign to FTSU and fund undefined activism.
This is just a one to one comparison of this single site against AVfM, but it is one that can be repeated easily with similar independent blogs, even ones that are not feminist or liberal leaning.
Nitram and flying mouse, are we related?
Seriously, that sounds eerily familiar.
@kittehs
Wellup, you created a new experience in my ability to snort stuff through my nose while laughing; I just blew a few tomato seeds onto my keyboard.
Red plum tomatoes: Taste 10, Texture 10, Aroma 10, Nostril Feel -2
No. No one does, except Paul Elam.
Why should we think he’s using it to help men, in the absence of any evidence? All existing evidence indicates he’s a complete asshat — which is to say, not someone I would trust in any way. The fact that he’s set things up so that literally no one can provide any checks and balances on him individually does not inspire any confidence.
This is not the way a legitimate organization would operate.
I read plenty of blogs which do bleg posts every so often. Usually they mention the cost of maintaining the website, specifically mention what the money will be going towards, and certainly don’t abuse the readership for being insufficiently generous (in fact several of them specifically say that people in financial hardship shouldn’t feel obligated to donate).
If AVfM feels the need to do things differently, whatevs. But to be hostile to even the *idea* of asking what the money goes towards? That’s not the reaction of a benevolent human rights organisation.
I’m glad I’m not the only one getting a cult vibe from this whole mess. Studying cults and propaganda made me prone to see it everywhere, so I don’t like to say anything most of the time.
The bit about forced sacrifice for the cause was particularly gut-punching, and it’s eerie how much overlap there can be between how a cult operates and an abusive relationship.
It’s shit like that e-mail to Serwer that once and for all prove to me how insincere Elam is.
Someone who is trying to promote a social activism movement (read: scam/hate group) that he wants taken seriously by mainstream and affect real social change doesn’t write furious, obscenity-laden e-mails to reporters asking simple, direct questions because he recognizes how obviously counter-productive that is. Elam not only does this, he willingly publishes said email on his own site. Elam isn’t terribly bright, but he’s smart enough to know what a terrible idea that is. As I see it, the truth is that he doesn’t actually give a crap.
Owwwww!
@Adam
He also addressed his email to “Mr Sewer” [sic] as a terribly clever play on the name Serwer. Like JudgyB, Elam seems to take his social cues from volatile right wing radio and internet trolls, so hysterical denunciation, paired with insults, is his go-to response.
I can’t quite decide if this is a fake persona he assumes to play to his troglodyte fans/marks or if he really is a rage-filled abusive jerk who can’t stop himself. I actually always assumed it was the former because he seemed to be able turn it on and off, but he’s been blowing up at everyone and everything after the conference brought him a little mainstream coverage. I would enjoy this AVfM train wreck more if it didn’t involve them abusing and harassing people, because I like how they don’t do themselves any favors with their abysmal behavior.
How are somewhat homophobic penis jokes appropriate for a domestic violence hotline? What the fuck? Sorry (no I’m not) if I can’t take that seriously.
I’m about to be pedantic about a stupid thing here. German chocolate cake is apparently not actually German. It was invented by an American man whose last name was German.
The only reason I know that is because I specifically looked it up. I wondered how something called German chocolate has coconut in it since coconut is not exactly native to Germany.
@Auntie Alias
Yeah… actually it is NOT. The phrase “going mental” refers to talking about psychological issues.
@katz
No, it doesn’t boil down to that. If it did, you could demonstrate how it boiled down to exactly that.
I will, because there’s already enough evidence to support that proposition.
@magnesium
Again, AVfM has supported Vladek Filler. They have done a series on male victims of domestic violence. They DO raise awareness about issues that males do face.
@kittehsherf
I had no idea what you’ve talking about, until I read a comment response to what someone else asked about. So, actually, for me, it WAS difficult to use such and it WAS difficult for someone else before.
@Pithy Pseudonym
I didn’t say or imply that you should donate to Paul instead of a sexual assault victims assistance organization. I haven’t seen anything on AVfM which implies that *you* should do that either.
@cloudiah
It isn’t in the absence of any evidence. Again, Vladek Filler did get help. They’ve tried to help Nicholas Alahverdian. There’s a series called “going mental” about men in abusive relationships. They had a series about men who were getting abused in relationships which did link to DAHMW. Paul Elam did organize that recent conference, and one of the speakers at that conference was Carnell Smith, a leading expert on paternity fraud. Due to the number of people attended it probably becomes more likely than not that some victim of paternity fraud got helped because of that conference. Anyone who reads AVfM thoroughly will end up thinking about male genital mutilation. It does come as likely enough that at least one non-consensual neonatal male genital mutilation might get prevented because of some father or mother reading AVfM and then seriously thinking about MGM and doing research on it. I know they once had a radio program on Vasalgel, which *might* someday become a viable means of male fertility control.
Come on… in the absence of *any* evidence? That’s almost like believing that no MRAs have tried to do anything for men when it’s the National Coalition for Men that is currently suing the Selective Service System in the U. S. for sex discrimination. When it was the National Center for Men lead by Mel Feit that supported Dubay vs. Wells case http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Dubay_v._Wells When it was a letter by the National Coalition for Men that *prompted* they city of Glendale to institute self-defense classes for men. http://ncfm.org/2014/05/action/ncfm-sends-letter-to-dana-point-mayor-lisa-bartlett-protesting-women-only-self-defense-class/
http://ncfm.org/2014/06/action/ncfm-in-the-news-our-work-causes-the-city-of-glendale-california-to-offer-free-self-defense-class-for-men-as-well-as-women/
When it was MRAs in India who effectively protested such that the court struck down mandatory arrest policies http://www.avoiceformen.com/feminism/feminist-governance-feminism/mra-protests-prompt-highest-court-of-india-to-overturn-provisions-of-vawa/
It comes as one thing to critique Paul Elam and his methods. It comes as one thing to claim that Paul Elam does more harm than good. However, it is simply not a rationally defensible position that there is no evidence that Paul Elam has used any of his resources to help men other than himself.
Not in small enough words for you to understand, I’m afraid.
This random fact makes me happy.
I too would like to donate some excess cat fur. Darrow sheds enough each week in the summer to make an entire other cat.
Complaining about self defense classes for women is activism now? What’s next? Getting a bar to stop ladies night?
Oh, and I don’t think Doug is Woody. Woody’s posts never seem to be more than two or three sentences long.
@ WWTH
… I was joking about the cake, but serious about the hot potato salad. It’s a family thing, since grandpa is a first generation German immigrant. He was born in NJ, but before my German great grandparents finished filing for citizenship, and he grew up speaking primarily German at home, and English at school. We joke about the cake, a lot. Especially since Grandpa loathes coconut with a passion… and melted cheese. He hates that, too.
I forgot that internet is awful about transferring tone, and that I wasn’t typing to people with the shared historical frame of reference.
I feel silly, and sad, and sorry if I legitimately confused or annoyed anyone. 🙁
Yet amazingly, non-trolls manage to ask how it’s done, rather than whine about it.
You’ve also failed basic idiom: “going mental” is slang and it is indeed ableist.
You really want to go on moderation, troll? Just keep pushing your luck.
Huzzah! The WHTM Fur Fund grows apace! Soon there will be enough for self-generating cats to take over the internets.
Oh, wait …
What are you talking about? I hear people say that all the time about mentally ill people. I’ve even heard mentally ill people themselves say things like “I’m going mental today”.