The One Gentleman of Alberta: A Craigslist personals disaster [UPDATE: … which is probably fake]

UPDATE: D’oh! It looks like this Craigslist ad is a fake. A very similar “gentleman” posted a very similar Craigslist Personal a little less than a year ago, as this Huffington Post story at the time reported. That gentleman claimed to be living in California, not Canada.  So unless the fellow who wrote this ad just moved to Edmonton, it looks like a big ol FAKE.

But it’s still pretty funny.

Hey ladies! Are you a “worthy” woman between the ages of 18-27? Do you like men who think most women, including possibly you, are terrible? Are you looking for a long-winded, judgmental jackass who is definitely older than you but who won’t specify his age, what kind of music he likes, or whether or not he likes dogs until after you’ve met? Do you enjoy reading giant walls of text on the internet that randomly erupt in ALL CAPS and inappropriate “quotation” marks?

Oh, and do you live in Alberta, Canada?

Well, then, you’re in luck, because I have found the man for you! Correction: the GENTLEman for you. Nestled away in the men seeking women section of Craigslist, Edmonton, there’s a self-described

very nice, mature , “gentleman.” with a higher college degree and education. I have my own house (not apartment), car, motorcycle, income, etc. I am of European descent (Spanish/Austrian). A professional man with a GOOD BACKGROUND. Better than 99% of what you will find, GUARANTEE #1.

And all you have to do to in order to meet this fine fellow is to read through his 3500 word, 28-question FAQ to make sure you don’t disagree with him about anything, from the playing of video games (bad) to the proper age difference between men and women in relationships (“Generally speaking the MAN should be OLDER than the woman because females mature or age faster than males (both physically and mentally). This is a scientific fact.”)

You should also have a recent photo, not blurry, that depicts how you look “today.” Without a “hat.”

CURRENT means how you look “today,” NOT “yesterday.” For example, if you had long and black hair yesterday but short and blonde today, don’t send me a photo showing your “older or previous” look. CLEAR means NO “hats,” “sunglasses” or “fuzzy” photos and so forth.

So what else does this fellow require from you?

A proper ID.

Regardless of the age you tell me, don’t be surprised if I ask to see your ID or Birth Certificate to verify.

A willingness to travel, if you don’t live in Edmonton.

As long as we are both in “Alberta” Canada. it’s not a major problem UNLESS you are unwilling or unable to “drive” –OR- use public transportation including the bus or train. … I may ask you to drive or travel to me on the first meeting to “test” if you are serious.

A love of challenges. Sorry, “challenges.”

I wish we lived in a “perfect” world and everything was across the street from my house or within walking distance so none of us would need cars, trains or airplanes. Unfortunately, we don’t live in a perfect or ideal world. This world is full of “challenges” for everyone. Relationships (especially “successful” ones) require enormous time, energy and effort from both man and woman. Relationships are like a full time “JOB.” It’s NOT “EASY.” If you are not able or willing to commit to the challenges of the “job” then you are not ready for the “job.”

You can’t be a lesbian. Unless you’re one of those sexy bi-curious style lesbians that likes men and also likes having threesomes involving other sexy lesbians but not anything weird yuck.

I am not against a bi or bi-curious girl who want to remain honest and loyal to her man I will consider the opportunity as an extension of your wants and needs and if we are a match then I would be ok with it on special occasions (not on a regular basis). Only sharing you with other women friends (no bi guys or gay guys or trannies or other wierd mixed genders. Never will i consider that ever so don’t ask.)

You have to like dudes who argue with you even before you send your first message to them.

Real men are hard to find let alone come by and I consider myself to be one. … It’s ignorant and ridiculous to judge someone so quickly without ever talking to them, meeting them and not even spending 10 minutes with them. Trust me, I am not like your ex-boyfriend or husband. I’m much better. Don’t be quick to judge someone (especially negatively) until you really get to know them which takes time.

But you shouldn’t want to “argue” back because it’s just not ladylike.

Asking questions is fine but “arguing” is NOT attractive. You have a right to disagree BUT if your intention is to “argue,” just do us both a favor and don’t contact me at all. Men, in general, are TURNED-OFF by aggressive or argumentative woman BECAUSE it is characteristic of a traditional “masculine” person and NOT someone feminine. Have you heard of the “Bitch” stereotype? That’s what I mean. When men date the opposite sex they don’t want to feel they are with another man but with a female.

You probably shouldn’t have much self-esteem.

Tell me something about yourself that I or other men cannot $$ PURCHASE $$ for a few dollars off the street and you will have my attention. Being cute or attractive is no doubt appealing but NOT sufficient. Sadly and more humorous, most girls think just being “cute” or “pretty” will get them far or that’s all they need to be successful with men. Sorry, this is not the case especially with smarter and more intelligent men with resources. We know better and not easily fooled by just a “pretty” girl.

Also, don’t be a gold-digger.

My headline says “Gentleman” or “Professional” it doesn’t say $ATM$ Machine. If you are looking for an ATM Machine to finance and “spoil” yourself look somewhere else. You have to appreciate the company of a “gentleman” and at the same time appreciate any amount he spends on you, if any. He has no obligation to spend a dollar on you BUT he MAY depending on what he thinks you are worthy and deserving of (not what you think) and how well you reciprocate and show appreciation for it. If you are focused on his money instead of him or if you are a gold-digger, escort or prostitute don’t bother.

Be prepared to commit to the “JOB.”

[A] “relationship” … is like another “JOB.” You have to be “available” and willing to set aside time to show up to the “JOB.” You have to resolve whatever “outside” distractions or obstacles you have (i.e., other jobs, school, etc) so you can be available for at least 2-3 full days per week and at various times including weekends for dating, hanging out, etc.

And don’t ask questions! Remember, curiosity “killed” the CAT.

NO other information about me besides what is already stated here until you supply the “6” items requested. Why? I don’t want to spend a lot of time answering your questions UNTIL I know who you are and know you are serious. This will give me confidence that I’m not wasting a lot of time answering questions to a fake or phony person. As of right now, and if you have been reading this far, you know A LOT more about me than I know about you.

You’ll have to read his profile to see the rest of his conditions. It’s all a bit complicated.

But you’ll have to move fast, because a prize like this guy isn’t likely to remain single for long!