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Misogyny Theater: Sandman in The Friendzone Bullpen

Welcome to the third episode of Misogyny Theater!

Today, we bring to life (sort of) some audio excerpts from a video by Sandman, a prolific videoblogger and self-described Man Going His Own Way. He addresses such topics as the friendzone, Mr. Big from Sex and the City, and the shelf life of the human vergina. Well, that’s how he pronounces it, anyway.

The audio is taken from his video “Friendzone Revenge,” starting about 3:50 in. I edited his remarks for length and to remove repetition.

As someone who watched a bit of Sex and the City back in the day, I feel that I should note that Sandman’s “analysis” of Mr. Big is pretty much total bullshit. I would also like to note that the show would have been ten times better if Patrick Warburton had played Mr. Big. And possibly painted his face once in a while.

The sound clip of birds tweeting came from freeSFX.co.uk.

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Doug
Doug
7 years ago

There are very few shows that could not be improved by Patrick Warburton. My favorite role of his is Brock Samson in the The Venture Bros.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
7 years ago

Yeah, but if Patrick Warburton played Mr. Big, he’d have to stop and shush Carrie every time “Desperado” came on the radio, and then she’d have to break up with him.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

Wait, wasn’t Patrick Warburton Kronk in Emperor’s New Groove?

I believe him and Eartha Kitt improve everything. (RIP, Ms. Kitt. You were awesome.)

Howard Bannister
7 years ago

@LBT

Ah, the movie that started my love affair with Patrick Warburton.

He has been in many things that were complete crap, but it can never sully Kronk.

Or the direct to TV sequel, Kronk’s New Groove. That was pretty awesome too.

gorillaella
7 years ago

So many mgtows seem to spend their time obsessing about women. So Go your own way.

Sarah
Sarah
7 years ago

How do the women get to go back to the cock carousel if their verginas were almost used up even before they (forced the formerly-friendzoned-now-husbanded guys to) have children? Do you get to recharge your vergina by having kids?

WatermelonSugar
WatermelonSugar
7 years ago

A few thoughts:

–If vagina=vergina, what does penis equal? Penoose sounds good to me, but I am open to suggestions.

–As someone who is about to get married, I fear I have been doing it wrong. My fiance was never in the friendzone bullpen, so of course I failed to bring him in in the 9th. I also don’t have plans to force him to have children and then divorce him in usually-about-ten-years. We dated for years, talked about getting married and what that looked like to us, agreed it was a good idea and now, in engagment, have frequent check-ins about how things are going and what we expect married life to look like. I should have remembered that healthy relationships are misandry.

As an unrelated side note–
My body has celebrated AVFMICMI14’s Conference to End All Conferences’s Day by starting a doozy of a period. I feel proud about that, for some reason; it feels fitting.

samantha
samantha
7 years ago

Has anyone else here seen Mr. Warburton in The Tick? Not the animation, but the sadly short-lived live action.

Yes, everything goes better with Patrick Warburton.

As to our friendzoned MGTOW…Feh.

Howard Bannister
7 years ago

@samantha

Heh heh. The Clark Kent gags. “Whoa! Where did the mild-mannered reporter who was just here go?”

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

Every woman he knows has a bullpen of back up guys? He must not know many. I know no women who have that. These guys are assholes so of course their circle of friends and acquaintances are going to be assholes too. Then they universalize their friend’s shitty behavior to everyone else.

Yes, that analysis of SATC is bullshit. Apparently he’s never watched it. Carrie was madly in love with Big through the duration of the show and the movies. He strung her along most of the time and they broke up a lot but she always went back to him given the opportunity. In fact she carried out an affair with him while she was already engaged to a great guy and Big was at the time, married. To describe Big as the backup man for when Carrie got desperate for a provider is ridiculous.

friendly reader
friendly reader
7 years ago

I love the ridiculously even, rational tone of this video, like what he’s saying makes perfect, obvious sense. He sounds like an NPR reporter, only what he’s saying is abundantly ridiculous. Your first two videos made me angry at the guy, this one just makes me laugh.

jared
jared
7 years ago

The video by this dude sandman exemplifies why these mra’s are a joke not to be taken seriously. These guys such as Paul Elm claim that these men are trying to help find solutions for men such as male suicide and depression, and homelessness. But when you see a video by this mgtow sandman guy, those issues are really a mask behind that these guys are sexually frustrated. This is what Amanda Leavitt made reference to how they hide behind these issues to mask their bitterness looking for a scapegoat.

Who the heck is this sandman guy? This guys got like a whole bunch of mgtow videos he gets donations from his fellow mgtow men to produce them. Their whole deal I think is creating separate countries for men and women because they’ve supposedly sworn of women but yet make dozens of you tube videos about women. Major hypocrites these dudes are. This eerie sandman spends all his time making all these video’s like it is his full time job. Sounds to me I think some creep has to much time on his hands.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

Every woman he knows = no women at all.

This idea that vaginae get used up is so ridiculous, Where do they get this goofy fucking myth?

They’re just angry that none of the women they clearly hate want to let them anywhere near their vaginae. They resent any woman enjoying her sexuality. So they have to invent some make believe punishment for her having sex.

What’s with every woman being straight in these tall tales about? I guess all the imaginary women they dream up are straight because they’d really be bitter if two women were enjoying their sexuality together.

How can they even buy into this “women only marry men they don’t like fucking and the men women do like fucking are all assholes” thing? Most women who are into sex with men marry men they like fucking. They don’t have kids by lying back and thinking of the riches child support will bring (which is good, because child support does not make you rich. It just assists in caring for children who do not stop existing should the marriage end.) Also, if women were attracted to jerks, there mgtow would be dodging thrown panties at every turn.

Also, all kids are conceived in wedlock? All families have kids that are the biological offspring of a woman and a straight dude she secretly hates? Who knew?

Sex is not like baseball. Sex is not a competitive sport and if it were, this analogy fails spectacularly because the men in his analogy are all on the same team and the woman is what? Is she supposed to be the team manager or the coach? It made no sense at all.

I’m also subtracting points from this wrong headed rant because the mgtow said “vergina” instead of “nappy dugout” and that’s just a waste of misogyny and baseball references.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

jared,
Right? I hate cilantro. I avoid cilantro whenever I can. I do not feel the need to obsessively make videos about cilantro.

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
7 years ago

Every woman he knows has a bullpen of back up guys? He must not know many. I know no women who have that.

I did! They were such sweeties, just waiting patiently for their turn at bat. I’d stop by sometimes to bring them orange slices and Gatorade. Gosh, I haven’t seen my bullpen boys since I got engaged eleven years ago… oh, crap. I knew I forgot something. Do you think they’re all still at the ballpark? Surely they’ve gone home by now, right?

bunnybunny
7 years ago

I hate cilantro. I avoid cilantro whenever I can. I do not feel the need to obsessively make videos about cilantro.

I hate cilantro too. It tastes the way that stinkbugs smell. I’ll stop short of making a video about it, though.

Falconer
7 years ago

@Samantha:

Has anyone else here seen Mr. Warburton in The Tick? Not the animation, but the sadly short-lived live action.

Yes, everything goes better with Patrick Warburton.

It’s a secret message! From my teeth!

Leum
Leum
7 years ago

The original video’s a real piece of work too, a hilarious one. Like friendly reader said, his NPR-esque voice just adds to the amusement. I don’t think I’d realized before just how elaborate the conspiracy theory of the friend zone can become. Also, added bonus, MGTOW is apparently pronounced “mig-tau.”

GrumpyOldNurse
GrumpyOldNurse
7 years ago

I wish they would go their own way, already.

@WatermelonSugar

Don’t worry. Mr Grump and I have obviously been doing it wrong for 20 years now, but we both seem pretty happy.

@Flying Mouse

Misandry wins! Without your Gatorade and orange slice, they’ve all starved to death. Mwhahahahahahahaha!

Kevin Kehres
7 years ago

Wait…did he say “get her back on the caulk carousel”?

What does caulk have to do with it? Who doesn’t need a little caulk to seal cracks? Every man and every woman needs caulk in the bathroom and in the kitchen, around door and window frames. Caulk is a good thing.

… oh wait …

Fnoicby
Fnoicby
7 years ago

Um whaaaa?
Is MGTOWing supposed to be inflicting some kind of punishment on women or something? I get the feeling they think women care that they’re going their own way. Lol.

deniseeliza
deniseeliza
7 years ago

Mr Big as a beta provider? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

bunnybunny
7 years ago

Is MGTOWing supposed to be inflicting some kind of punishment on women or something? I get the feeling they think women care that they’re going their own way.

Totally. I have seen so many comments proclaiming, “They’ll be sorry when men stop dealing with this bullshit and society crumbles!” I’m assuming “they” = women, because, you know, who else.

Racnad
Racnad
7 years ago

Going their own way? I don’t care for country music, but I don’t record and post ranty videos about how bad it is.

Fnoicby
Fnoicby
7 years ago

bunnybunny, as many have said before me…I wish they would just GO THEIR OWN WAY ALREADY!!!

“Nobody likes me, everybody hates me, guess I’ll go eat wooooorms!”

gorillaella
7 years ago

I picture him in a superman costume (which is too big for him), walking into the sunset (and back to his Mom’s basement, singing (off key), I DID IT MYYYYY WAAAAAY

sparky
sparky
7 years ago

Ah, these MGTOW always seem like such happy, pleasant chaps.

Random, but does anyone know who coined the term “cock carousel” and when?

It’s just such an odd concept.

Leum
Leum
7 years ago

Um, can we not mock people for having non-standard accents and/or speech patterns? It smacks of a mixture of classism and ableism.

leftwingfox
7 years ago

Beware the pernicious pernis.

Robert
Robert
7 years ago

I did see the live action Tick. Best description of it, that I heard at WonderCon (comic book/fantasy art con), “it doesn’t make me want to stab out my eyes with steel skewers.”

The fascination mig-taus have with SATC is quite curious. It’s been a decade since the show went off the air, and the movie from four years ago got a critical and box office drubbing. Yet it gets dragged out as an exemplar of What’s Wrong with the Wimmins by these crankypants.

Just occurred to me – mig-tau sounds like a Lovecraft monster. How apropos.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

Sorry, Leum. You have a point.

Lea
Lea
7 years ago

Robert,
Don’t say it out loud. You’ll summon them!

Sarah
Sarah
7 years ago

Uhm, yes, I agree with that too. I thought it was that the guy was forcing the pronunciation because it caused him so much repulsion and hatred and didn’t want to fully say ‘vagina’, but if it’s an accent thing I retract that part of the mockery. Sorry about that, I’m not a native English speaker so I’m not great at catching other people’s accents.

strivingally
7 years ago

“mig” is pretty straightforward – the old name for the Mikoyan Russian aircraft design company – but which Tau? Pi times two? The Warhammer 40K race?

As far as the “MGTOW and then YOU’LL BE SORRY” thing goes, it seems like the same self-glorifying, self-pitying crap you get from diehard Ayn Rand fans when they talk about “going Galt”. We’ll all be sorry when they withdraw their brilliance from the world and we finally understand how truly helpless and mediocre we are without them!

Well, off you trot, guys. G’awn. Aaaaany time now.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

Somehow, the doll makes it exceptionally more creepy. Says someone who washed out a moldy coffee press (last time I assume the BF does his dishes!) and then trapped a fly in zir favorite booze glass. This? More icky.

Robert
Robert
7 years ago

Strivingally – that reminds me of my favorite fan theory about the Hunger Games fictional world.

The Capitol is what Galt’s Gulch eventually becomes, which makes the Hunger Games trilogy a sequel to Atlas Shrugged. So, from an Objectivist perspective, Coriolanus Snow is a tragic hero, and Katniss Everdeen is the triumphant villain.

brooked
brooked
7 years ago

Um, can we not mock people for having non-standard accents and/or speech patterns? It smacks of a mixture of classism and ableism.

Someone else pointed out that he sounds like a NPR host and he does sound like someone who could actually do it professionally, assuming he could lay of the Red Pill nonsense. It’s not like people are saying he sounds like a yokel. I may be wrong about this though, because I admit I’m only responding to this because I love the “penoose” vs “pernis” discussion. I prefer the latter by the way.

Happy to see the title of this post give a shout out to the Sandman Mystery Theatre comic. Dian Belmont NOW + 4eva!

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

Robert,
That’s a great theory! I buy it. Although I’ve only seen the first movie and haven’t read any of the books. Waiting for the second movie to show up on Netflix.

kittehserf
7 years ago

I did! They were such sweeties, just waiting patiently for their turn at bat. I’d stop by sometimes to bring them orange slices and Gatorade. Gosh, I haven’t seen my bullpen boys since I got engaged eleven years ago… oh, crap. I knew I forgot something. Do you think they’re all still at the ballpark? Surely they’ve gone home by now, right?

You just left them there to starve, the poor helpless things! That’s it, I’m reporting you to the SPCD!

*Society for the Prevention of Cruelty to Dudes

Somehow, the doll makes it exceptionally more creepy.

Of course. Ventriloquists’ dolls are horrible things, all too often. Ever see Dead of Night? The sequence with a very young Michael Redgrave and the doll is fucking terrifying.

brooked
brooked
7 years ago

@kitteh

As a child I saw Dead of the Night, the movie Magic with Anthony Hopkins and plenty of other horror stories with creepy ventriloquist dolls, so they’re pretty much automatically terrifying to me even before they fake speak. Inexplicably people could make a living being a ventriloquist in the 1970s (google Flowers & Madame, and Willie Taylor & Lester, kids) but these unholy devil dolls never fooled me.

pecunium
7 years ago

Pedantry Alert: MiG is short for Mikoyan and Gurevich,Design Bureau which was made from the last names of Artem Mikoyan and Mikhail Gurevich, the designers after whom the bureau was named. It’s now a publicly traded company (RSK MiG, for Российская самолётостроительная корпорация: МиГ/Rossiskaya Samalyotastroitel’naya Korparatsia:* MiG).

Technically the Design Bureau was just Mikoyan, after Gurevich died in 1970, but the MiG designation for the aircraft was kept.

At this point in time the Russian Federation has consolidated all the various military design bureaus (Yakolev, Ilyushin, Sukhoi, MiG), into the present RSK MiG.

*Transliteration is my own, meant to approximate pronunciation. Roman vowels to replicate unstressed Russian vowels will differ from a direct 1:1 substitution,.

jodiethalegend
7 years ago

My giddy aunt… that was like a MRA catchphrase generator stuck on ‘shuffle’. What kind of woman has time to manage all those men? And if ‘every woman’ has each of those positions on her baseball team filled, then there must be a huge number of men who are are playing for several teams. What happens when those teams play each other? It is so confusing. No wonder they end up being forced to have children with some crafty golddigger, anything must be less work than playing on all those baseball teams…

And ‘used-up vergina’? Do they have a limited number of uses before you need to throw them away and get a new one? Did I waste most of mine on my dodgy ex? Is it still counted as a use if you are DIY-ing? Can I get it reconditioned and set the trip-meter back to zero? Does that make it ‘born again’?

Do they honestly not realise how utterly ridiculous they sound?

Flying Mouse
Flying Mouse
7 years ago

Misandry wins! Without your Gatorade and orange slice, they’ve all starved to death.

That’s it, I’m reporting you to the SPCD!

The tragic thing is that there was no fence around the ball field, and the dugouts weren’t secured either. They could have left at any time…

jared
jared
7 years ago

@leum
The original video’s a real piece of work too, a hilarious one. Like friendly reader said, his NPR-esque voice just adds to the amusement. I don’t think I’d realized before just how elaborate the conspiracy theory of the friend zone can become. Also, added bonus, MGTOW is apparently pronounced “mig-tau.”

Yeah right and NPR. This creep sandman seems like he is some type of mgtow leader who his fellow “mig-tau’s” see him as an mgtow celebrity donating money to him to produce tons of videos. This sandman guy and his vile videos is making a lot of money off his bitterness. He is the Paul Elam of the mgtow wing of the mens hate movement. But his fellow mgtow’s idolize sandman while they sit behind their laptops in their dirty basements not realizing how miserable they really are.

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
7 years ago

I don’t know what’s sadder here: that Racnad thinks he’s said anything insightful, or the possibility that he thinks we’ll like him better if he says something we’ll agree with.

contrapangloss
7 years ago

Yeah… One snark about someone you don’t like anyway does not undo pages of whinging about creep-shaming and friendzoning.

On the subject of ‘women love to have intercourse with jerks’: no.

I have a condition where anything going there is painful. No physical cause, just really, really freaking painful. Worse than breaking my ankle, by a mile. It’s something that, to get over, I’ll need therapy. It won’t be fun. Since I’m not interested in dating at the moment, procrastination nation.

No way in heck I’m going through that for an asshole.

For someone nice, loving, and who I can see growing into happy, silly, geezer years with, maybe. It’d be something to talk with them about.

If they want me to go through treatment just so they can get their rocks off, no happy geezerhood for us. If they are interested in a sexual relationship, but not willing to push me, it’d be worth it to me, to please them (and hopefully, find ultimately satisfying, myself).

If they’re ace, and content with being pillow and cuddles, then no need! Forget this for tormenting myself idea! Yay! Win all around.

For an asshole? Nope. Nope-nope-nope. Too much money, too much time, too many tears to put up with, just for a relationship that’ll make me want to beat my brains out on every availible flat surface.

pallygirl
pallygirl
7 years ago

@contrapangloss: probably TMI but I had vaginismus for years, which meant remaining a virgin for a number of years longer than my friends really wasn’t a hardship. I couldn’t use tampons until I was in my mid-20s – and cervical smears were just horrible. It finally disappeared, although one funny side of it was given the small size of tampons, which I couldn’t get to fit, I really didn’t see how anything larger was going to. Orgasms aren’t something one considers occurring when all one wants to do is have a happy PIV sexual relationship without pain.

A friend who had two children, and had painful sex was told after her second birth that her pain was due to some positional abnormality of (from memory I think it was) her vagina that could be corrected. She was a bit vague about what exactly the OBGYN said.

I feel for you, have you had the issue checked out medically?

contrapangloss
7 years ago

@ Pallygirl:

I’ve had that exact same thought about tampons.

More TMI, but I did get checked out, a while back. My gen practitioner decided 17 was a good age to start getting pelvic exams, and sent me up to the OB floor.

The PA got the dubious honor of doing the first one. I freaked her out a bit, because here was this patient — who the gen practitioner swore was rock steady, with a high pain tolerance, and not overly self conscious — and then I was crying in no time, flinching involuntarily, trembling, and my blood pressure went through the roof. She ran to get the MD – OB, and she couldn’t see anything wrong, so she sent me to a specialist.

The specialist couldn’t find anything wrong, so he told me it was probably all in my head and I should look into therapy. He then handed me a couple fliers on vulvodynia, vaginismus, and offered a referral to a therapist in a different town.

Holding off, because I don’t have the time, don’t really want to and I don’t have anyone I’m interested in, that way, at the moment.

Really not fun. The bright side was that I didn’t have any trouble convincing the OB that she really didn’t need to do a cervix smear because I wasn’t sexually active!

Only, then she moved.

I spent a good 10 minutes trying to convince the new OB that I wasn’t sexually active and that a pap smear for a non-sexually active 22 year old wasn’t necessary, at my last exam.

I gave up, because I got tired of arguing, and brand new medical school grads have to learn the hard way, sometime.

I think she’ll believe me next year.

Robert
Robert
7 years ago

Contrapangloss – good luck with her next year, and thank you for educating a new doctor.