Open thread: Interventions? No trolls, no MRAs.

Oh boy, so many feels, none of which are more coherent than a brain dump.

So, I’ve been on nearly every side of this, except actually being involuntarily committed. Threatened suicide over webcam with my then fiancé, a serious attempt without telling anyone until after (one good side of that I guess — in my fucked up state afterwards I started reading comments here BECAUSE OF how fast they can go, kept my mind busy), talked friends down, lost friends to suicide, seen what that does to people, terrified of being committed. So. Many. Feels.

On one hand, I do NOT want to be inpatient. Otoh, I fucking wish I could’ve done more for the people who came to me suicidal, and the ones I lost. Particularly my ex-FWB’s brother — my ex-FWB would’ve risked his own life to save his brother, and never got the chance. And he probably could’ve helped, because he’s talked me down before.

Idk if calling the cops is ever the ideal answer, but sometimes it might be the least shitty option of a variety of shitty options. Ideally, should I ever be dangerously suicidal again, I want a friend to just sit with me, let me cry, or babble, or stare at the wall rocking, or whatever I need to do, while keeping potentional methods out of my reach. But that’s a lot to ask of someone, particularly if they have no personal experience with suicide — we’re human, we tend to freak when someone we care about is in danger, regardless whether it’s that they’re a danger to themselves, or they’re physically ill, or a car accident (even a minor one), or what have you. And in those situations, logic goes kaput.

Of course, there are times when hospitalization, pseudo voluntary or forced, will do more harm than good — my freshman year I came dangerously close to being put on medical leave and sent back to my parents’…after the mandatory 72 hour hold that is. If the ex-fiancé had told anyone what I did, I’d have gotten myself sent back to my father, who was, then, still very abusive (this was before my brother fought back and broke a few of asshole’s ribs, funny what having your abusive victim fight back does to abusers)

And on the third hand, I had to call my BF before commenting, because he did a few stints in the local kiddie psych ward, and agreed that ideally, you do what I want (which I knew already, we had this discussion previously), but if you can’t do an at home suicide watch, or get the person stable enough to not be in danger, then yeah, you call 911. As a least resort, and only as a last resort.

I think that’s all I’ve got atm, I’m sure my brain will dump more thoughts later though.

In cheerier things, the 55g has been sterilized and set back up and is cycling its biofilter. So more fishies for me soon. Also, boiling 20lbs of sand is tiring.

I’m so sorry about your friend, Leum. You did the best you could with the tools you had available – I hope she’ll come to realise that.

Leum, my advice? Apologize, tell her you were afraid for her life and didn’t know what else to do, ask her what she would have wanted, when she says she wanted you to let her die, and she probably will, tell her you care about her too much to let that happen. Make it clear as day that you care about her, and failed at an attempt to help her, ask her what she needs, listen.

Not saying you aren’t doing some/all of that, just saying what would’ve helped me if I were in her shoes. She’s going to be mad, perhaps furious, accept that, then tell her you still care about her. That’s what’s gotten me through the worst patches — having people tell me that I’m not a burden and that I can push them away if I want, I can hide in my room and not talk to them, I can be furious at them, and they’ll still care about me. That’s overwhelming when you feel like a stain on humanity. If nothing else, it, for me, breaks the endless feedback loop of how terrible I am.

At the least, talk to her enough to tell her that you’re sorry you broke her trust, you thought you were doing what was best, and that you care about her too much to just stand by while she kills herself.

I know I don’t post here, but I’ve had to deal with this situation a few times and usually in those cases in a sort of months long thing where the person would absolutely kill themselves if the cops showed up. To protect myself and be able to keep giving them help, I put up the following boundary: I will not call the police on you, if you promise me that I won’t be the last person you call. It’s not ideal, but it made it possible for me to function without the fear that I’d be the one who failed to talk them out of it in the end. Take care of yourself, and purrs and fur from my cats.

I ended up writing an email to apologize, since she hasn’t been online. Haven’t heard back since then, but that’s okay, because I don’t really have the spoons to do have a conversation with her just now.

@ Leum I can’t say it better than Argenti did. You did the best you could in a horrible situation.

Not caught up, and not on topic, but kitteh, 13~14C works out to mid to high 50sF — it’s summer here and that’s what I’m looking at for tonight. I have no sympathy if that’s what you call winter! Winter here? It’s a blessing if it’s over 0C, and often less than -7C~ (rough conversions are rough)

Strewth, Argenti, sounds like you’re getting Summer Fail over there!

It’s a fierce day here today. The sun’s out at the moment – must be a gap in the clouds somewhere, because the view out the front is solid steel-grey, and it’s only just stopped raining. I should nip out and empty the bin, it’ll have lots of water in it by now.

Lots of extra hugs for everyone: so many terrible things.

But that’s a lot to ask of someone, particularly if they have no personal experience with suicide — we’re human, we tend to freak when someone we care about is in danger, regardless whether it’s that they’re a danger to themselves, or they’re physically ill, or a car accident (even a minor one), or what have you. And in those situations, logic goes kaput.

Exactly, Argenti. (You call that an incoherent brain dump? Pffft!)

But that’s a lot to ask of someone

This. I had a whole, long thing typed out, but it got incoherent, so suffice it to say that Argenti nailed it. Leum, you have to choose the option that is the least bad for you.

Argenti is also right about the weather. This morning at 7:00, the weather network person was noting that it was already a very warm 14 C. SUMMER! (It got up to about 25 today, in between thundershowers.)

Update – we brought our son home today. He’s doing MUCH better, is on new meds, and is very glad to be home. We got In n Out burgers (take out) for dinner to celebrate, and my husband and he went to see the new Transformers movie. Tomorrow I’m making eggplant parmesan, which is one of his favorite dinners. While he was gone, husband and I cleaned his bedroom. It’s the cleanest it’s been this year. He graciously forgave us.

“He graciously forgave us.” XD

Other than your unconscionable decision to clean his room (I kid), that’s great news!

Great news, Robert!

And LOL about your son graciously forgiving you. Sounds like he’s learning how-to stuff from the Furrinati.

Excellent, Robert! I’m happy to hear this.