Sometimes I hunt the misogyny, sometimes it wanders up right up to me and says hello.
Today’s post is an example of the latter. Below, a slightly edited comment that someone left for me this morning. It’s a response to a post of mine about a dreadful post on Return of Kings in which a fellow calling himself Billy Chubbs argued, with absolutely no evidence, that a recent high school shooter was driven to murder because of his “probable sexual frustration,” Chubbs went on to argue that young women are “selfish” because they don’t have sex with guys they’re not attracted to.
Anyway, my new commenter – posting under the name “whogoesthere?” – thinks that I and the other commenters here were being too hard on Chubbs’ “very good argument.” And so he deposited this giant rant, which in many ways is even scarier than Chubbs’ original.
He’s a tad verbose, so I’ve trimmed out some stuff that isn’t relevant to his general, er, thesis. And I’ve also taken the liberty of adding a few paragraph breaks and bolding a few of the best (i.e. worst) bits.
When men don’t get the women they want they turn to violence.
Not a good start here, because this just isn’t true. In this case, the phrase “not all men” is, for once, appropriate. Most men don’t get violent when they’re turned down.
This is established all over the animal kingdom and offers a good example about how it applies to humans, that snotty girls who keep their sexual treasures to all but a few males cause the remaining males to snap. …
Animals do all sorts of things that humans don’t do, and we can’t always learn from their behavior or assume that it relates to our own lives.
Or maybe the Evo Psych crew is just looking at the wrong animals. When banana slugs can’t find a partner to have sex with, they simply fertilize themselves. There’s a lesson here, I think, for the angry incels of the world: you can’t always get what you want, and when you can’t, sex with yourself is better than murder.
High school is a massively sexually charged winner take all environment. … Today’s high school is basically an ongoing audition for a porno video and the guys and girls who don’t make the cut can only sit at home and masturbate.
wat
It’s demeaning and hits a major blow to a person’s sexual identity to not be invited to frolic with the beautiful people.
Somehow most people, regardless of gender, manage to survive even if they’re not frolicking with Charlize Theron and/or Channing Tatum.
I’m sorry but almost no men go on wild shooting rampages if they have a beautiful female in their keep.
In their keep?! Also, no. Charles Manson was surrounded by beautiful young women. Yet he orchestrated multiple grisly murders.
The only guys that do so are bank robbers and thieves, generally guys at a later stage of life more fixated on money.
wat
Human beings naturally assess the amount of sex going around them and judge themselves in relationship to the amount and type of sex others are getting.
You know, you can’t actually tell how much and what kind of sex someone is having just by looking at them. Yes, there will always be people in the world having more sex with you. And some of these people are having sex with people you would probably like to have sex with. There are also people who are smarter than you, funnier than you, who can play chess or kickbox better than you, who have hundreds or thousands of times more money than you do.
That’s life. Life isn’t fair.
This makes sense because from a reproductive standpoint sex is coveted, and sex with beautiful thin, young women are the most coveted. Being the first to spoil these young women sexually is viewed reproductively as a guarantee of parentage, thus this is why males instinctively covet and burn with passion for these females.
Ah, yes, it was only a matter of time until the creepy pedo-justifying Evo Psych assfacts made their appearance. Not all men “burn with passion” in their pants for virginal high school girls.
This is why we have “morality” which is in its essence is a promise not to flaunt or indulge in sex moreso than the lowest man or woman in your tribe. This is what is meant when people say “morality went out the window.” They mean someone with more sexual prowess is openly indulging in sex and broadcasting it to stimulate the jealousy of the underclasses.
I’m pretty sure that’s not what people mean when they say “morality went out the window.”
This teen killed people cause he thought that beautiful girls were out of reach. The high school environment merely rubbed it in his face. Yes drugs to treat ADD might’ve eroded many of the impulse control functions in the teen, but the rage against the high school was still the gasoline.
[citation needed]
He might’ve had a picture or two taken with a girl next to him, but oftentimes those high school girls lie and simply eat up the male’s offerings without granting sexual access, but grant it to a random stud.
How dare young women choose who to have sex with, and who not to!
I’m not saying the girl he killed deserved it, it’s only that when you are in that frame of mind you cannot tell who is having more sex than others and you simply fill in the gaps with rage.
Wait, so if she had turned him down he would have been justified in killing her?
The beautiful girl simply represented everything that the teen couldn’t get. The steady love and wild sex of a valuable young girl.
Yeah, I think you’re confusing high school with porn again. His rampage lasted roughly a minute and a half. He shot her because she was there.
All the other theories posted on this site seem comical, self-righteous and weirdly off-point. It’s like you’re assessing the situation as an asexual senior citizen or righteous prude.
Not a lot of “prudes” here. Just people who find the “women need to have sex with ‘nice guys’ or these ‘nice gys’ will kill you all” to be a somewhat problematic argument.
Generally men want sex with young thin beauties who validate their existence.
Some men do. But most men, among those who are sexually attracted to women, aren’t as neurotically fixated on this small slice of the female demographic – women in their teens and early twenties who are somehow both virginal and sexually “wild” – as manosphere men seem to be. And most people don’t base their entire self-worth on whether or not they’re having sex with beautiful people.
Some men prefer women older than them. Some like women who are fat. Plenty of men don’t fixate on a particular physical type and are attracted to all sorts of different women. Believe it or not, whogoesthere, there are lots of men who are more interested in what’s in a woman’s head than they are in whether or not she matches up with some particular checklist of physical attributes.
If society removes all of the social pathways to attaining such a beauty, such as making prostitution illegal, increasing shame for men who seek sex, rewarding females and males called manginas who identify and mock the sex seekers and so on… this will lead to depression in men and all of the behaviors surrounding it, including shootings. Sounds pretty much like a logical line of reasoning to me.
And that’s the problem. It’s not actually a logical line of reasoning at all. It’s more like a sort of blackmail.
Men don’t kill women because they can’t have “the steady love and wild sex of a valuable young girl.” Sometimes men kill women because they feel entitled to have sex with these “valuable young girls” and become bitter and enraged when they can’t find a “valuable young girl” who agrees with them on this particular point.
It’s not the lack of “sexual access” that’s the problem. It’s the notion that your desire for “sexual access” means more than the right of that person to say “no.” It’s the notion that society has done you wrong because you can’t (at least at the moment) get laid. It’s the idea that your desire to have sex with a particular kind of woman somehow trumps the right of other people to live.
I mean, what the fucking fuck.
Oh, by the way, there’s no evidence that the shooter in question – Karl Halverson Pierson – was motivated by sexual frustration. His intended target was the school librarian, who is also the school’s debate coach. Pierson was obsessed with debate, and had some sort of grudge against the coach.
Fridge Logic Revelation, I love it!
Though I suspect in our house it would turn into You Will Open The Fridge Now messages from the kitties.
It makes sense when you realize that by “reasonably physically fit” he means “potential lingerie model”.
I’m guessing reasonably physically fit means 10 pounds heavier than a Victoria’s Secret model.
Haha. Ninja’d!
We had bubble and squeak for dinner, and husband made a strawberry rhubarb tart for dessert. He puts up with me making things like that, because he knows I like them. Tomorrow we’re having roast chicken with dressing and gravy, which he will have no problem with whatsoever.
Also, from Undue, I have learned that life is like a bar fight in which everyone uses everyone else. I’m guessing that that is how he experiences life, which is a lowdown dirty rotten shame.
A rhubarb tart? Be still my Brit heart.
(I love rhubarb. Makes me sad that hardly anyone seems to like it here even though it’s readily available.)
And I would say I probably find about 50% of the women between 20-30 attractive. The ones interested in long-term relationships with me, though, they’re in the other 50%. Those are the only ones I have so far referred to as being anything like repulsive.
Undy: Doing things I don’t like to impress women?
Way to miss the point (or lie about what was said).
No one said “find something women like, even if you hate it”.
Nope, that’s still the vending machine model of human psychology. What’s been said is, “find something which interests you, because having an interest makes one more interesting”. It also makes one happier.
Trust me, I’m not spending a couple of hours a week just looking at my olive tree (to see which branches need clipping to 1: keep it’s shape and 2: control it’s growth while, 3: stunting same), or anchoring green beans to strings, or pruning my grape, because I think women find it cool.
I don’t sit in the garage and practice scales, and alternate fingerings on my pennywhistles for the delectation of the women either.
I do them because I like plants. I like the way the pale gree of new leaves looks as they peek out of the silvery grey bark. I like the way the mature leaves are dark and glossy. I even enjoy the fading to brown of the aged leaves before they drop off the plant.
I like being able to jam with other people.
I’m not a great whistle player. My bonsai are never going to be given awards.
I do sell my yarns, mostly so I can afford to buy more fiber and not be just pouring money into a hole. But I also give some away. I do that because I some of my friends knit. I also make yarns to order.
I don’t do any of those things (nor any of the rest of my hobbies), “to get chicks”. I do them because they please me.
And yeah, some of my hobbies are interesing enough (or stereotypical enough) that they get attention from women (some of them are atypical enough it happens too; e.g. spinning). I admit it; fencing tends to lead to people chatting me up (sometimes men, but mostly women). Dancing too.
But that’s a side-effect.
That’s the difference between us. You see human interaction as transactional, and I don’t.
Take flirting (since I’m the person who said it was all about sincerity). I flirt with almost everyone. I do it because I like people. I do it because letting someone know you like them is a pleasant thing. It makes them happy. Sometimes this leads to awkward moments. A friend thought I was really into her, because we have common interests, and I flirt; sincerely. Since she sees a lot of insincere flirting she took it for more than it was. So we talked about it, and her feelings were hurt, because I wasn’t interested.
On the downside, sometimes I think I’m getting signals I’m not. Because I travel in poly circles, and people flirt back. Usually it’s nothing but banter. But sometimes I’m not sure. Then I have to decide if I’m interested.
I know you won’t believe it, but I’m not trying to brag. I’m trying to show you there are other ways of dealing with the world than being a greedy little shit who treats others as things.
Hell, look at this thread: I’m helping katz, because I have a skill/resources which fills a void in her work. So I’m reading books of Russian proverbs and aphorisms, looking for ones which would be likely to be used by soldiers in the 1940s, during the Great Patriotic War.
So when we headed to my in-laws to help them get rid of stuff before they move to Florida (and score, I got a copy of Berenbaum’s Cake Bible) I didn’t zone out on my phone, or read Niall Ferguson’s, “The Pity of War”, but rather spent time flagging them for her.
Guess what… We’re never gonna shag. She might buy me a beer at a pub we both like the next time I’m in town, but that would be gravy.
Because I can help her do something better, and that makes me feel good.
Feeling good, about oneself, is the key component to bliss.
BTW, for those who like board games, played a really good one at a game cafe this weekend: Good enough that we bought it (one of us bought the parent set, one bought the major expansions, and one [who was buying a different game, the minor expansion).
Flash Point: It’s a co-operative game.
Not competitive at all. Everyone is playing on the same team. It’s about fighting fires. If you rescue enough people, you win. If you don’t, you lose. People can die, or the building can collapse; which is how you fail to rescue enough people.
So you plan things, and talk about what the best way to use your move is. And the fire does what fire does.
We won the first game, lost the second; had FUN the whole time. Best part about it is it doesn’t trigger people into being asshole players. I have a competitive streak. I don’t mind losing. I hate the feeling that I can’t win.
This game can’t make one feel that way.
So yeah, tote’s worth it.
Eeeeeexcellent. I do know the Cryillic alphabet, so no transliteration needed; you can send along the original Spanish. (Long live that joke!)
I guess I just wanted to say it’s not the video games that are his problem, as it’s totally possible to enjoy video games in a healthy way just like any other hobby. It’s even possible to make it a lifestyle or a career, just like anything else. There is a stereotype of loser gamers that Undies here is doing nothing to dispel, but it’s not the video games that are the problem, it’s this guy. It wouldn’t matter what his one interest was, if he engaged in it in the same way.
Coincidently, I just read this article in Cracked about a porn star. I know it’s ghost written, but he sounds like an interesting guy. Again, it’s the way Undies engages with things that is the problem, not the things themselves. His unwillingness to explore his interests further/socially or to try new things.
katz: I still have 5-600 to go through. I’ll try to get some to you tomorrow.
And it is much appreciated. You are most definitely on for beer, or perhaps more thematically appropriately, kvas.
Um, I haven’t kept up on this thread, but I think I suggested und do things simply to be more appealing to women. My feeling was that since he’s already being fake with women 98% of the time, he might as well get some hobbies to round out his false persona. I felt that was more practical than trying to convince him to grow a soul. Start small, etc.
My Internet impression was that und is extremely depressed, and that’s part of what’s causing his intense feelings of disconnection. He also seems to be an extremely selfish and unpleasant person, so it’s a bit of a chicken and egg problem. If he gets a hobby, perhaps the depression lifts somewhat, he gets less bleak, he becomes less repellent, he develops real connections with other people, which lifts his depression. At worst, he could be an empty husk with an interesting hobby, as opposed to an empty husk whose highest aspiration is to spend ten years with all the pornography money can buy.
On the other hand, I can’t take him completely him seriously, and so I can’t say that my advice was entirely serious either. In any case, I’m not a regular on this board, and my views aren’t representative of the community. This is assuming he referred to my advice. I can’t be sure about that since I’m female, and thus too fluffy-headed to see the world for the cruel, cock-blocking place that it truly is.
Cheers to David Futrelle and his coverage of the men’s conference train wreck. I’ll be off now.
@kittehserfs asks
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they have 2 salons in the US, one 500 miles from me, the other 3k. i was lucky to find a stylist reasonably close who had received their training. fabulous guy and most definitely the best cut/color/style job i have ever had, post chemo (and that’s a 20 year period for me).
even if the products are beyond what you are willing to pay, the website has great videos for cuts/styles and styling tips that i think you will appreciate.
also, sorry to be late to this party, but a very happy belated birthday to you!
@underoos — i am packaging up your comments in a neat little booklet to read as goodnight stories. they are that boring.
@woody — shut up (have been waiting a while to do that)
peace out,
OMG can I eat at your place Robert can I can I huh?
My brain tried to turn that into gravy-flavoured beer. 😛
Win! 😀
Ain’t that the truth! I’d also guess, given what he’s like, his choice, among all the zillions of types of games would be … mmmmyeah no. Ditto porn: can you imagine him watching porn that doesn’t objectify or degrade women?
fauxmy, hi, thanks x2! Ouidad is getting lots of recommendations, I see. Wonder if it’s sold here …
::googles::
Yes, it is, but holy shit the conditioner is $65!!!
::snicker:: I think he’s been subjected to a soul boycott. “I ain’t inhabiting that bloke! Far too much ground to make up!”
If und were being advertised for souls looking for real estate: “Small, dank, chilly. Very little sunlight. No amenities. Roommates, pets forbidden. Prime location! A real fixer-upper for the soul who wants a challenge!!”
Love it! XD
well, my guess based on his age, blandness and general jerkitude (and not having seen any comments of his referring directly to the games he likes) I’d guess online FPS, which ignore women entirely. I can’t think of any games that would make me side-eye a guy for liking. I just played Deadpool, which had some questionable moments, because Deadpool is an arsehole, but that doesn’t say anything about someone who plays it.
I know you don’t play games, and I think you assume they are far worse than they are.
I suspect the porn he watches would be pretty bland too, since he doesn’t seem to have much passion for anything.
@Und – would you care to tell me just what games you play?
Is there not a games pecifically for whiny assholes who believe in PUA crap? You’d think some enterprising developer would get on that.
Not overall, but the sort of sexist shit where one gets to kill sex workers. If the majority of video games were awful, I’d be surprised if Mammotheer gamers liked such a variety. 🙂
OT they’ve arrested the scum they think raped and murdered that woman in the Botanical Gardens the other day. He’d got to NSW.
AFAIK that only happens in one game – grand theft auto 4, which is a game i love. It is not something you are required to do as part of the games, so playing that game doesn’t mean you think it’s fun to kill sex workers.
You can’t base your opinion of all games on one game you’ve only heard one thing about. Most games are on par with movies in their sexism, and some manage to not be sexist at all beyond making the main character a white dude.
Re: Computer games
I don’t see the issue with playing some computer games. For example, when I am feeling stressed I go home and play civ iv, and after an hour or two, I feel much better. In addition, the commands are in the language of the civilization you play, so it feeds into my language hobby.
While I am currently only playing civ, I have played others, with the closest I have gotten to a fighting game being neverwinter nights.
That being said, I pick the games I play, and I have seen computer games that I would not want to play.