Open thread! As always: No trolls, no MRAs.
This is a general open thread; for more personal stuff, go here.
Oh,and the pic above is from a hilarious new website called Manfeels Park, which mashes up whiny MRA complaints with … Jane Austen.
Categories
@AngryMouse: The only podcast I listen to consistently is The Dismal Jesters (which has unfortunately recently ended, but you can still go through the backlog). It was a pretty hilarious comedy and geekery podcast that featured some of the most absurd comedy ever recorded. Here is one of my favorite bits as a sample:
T/W: Suicide, self harm
@Leum
I logged out before I saw your post but wanted to I just wanted to offer my support & hugs.
Anecdata, but I was on the flip side of this situation with my second serious suicide attempt.
My best friend in the world called me and I was already so doped by the pills I answered the phone & when he heard how slurred and disoriented my speech was he immediately called emergency services.
Long story short; I’m alive and 20 years later we’re still best friends.
You absolutely did the right thing.
More hugs and a basket of kittens to pet.
@Erik; I, along with a lot of feminists, are sympathetic to a lot of the issues MRAs claim to care about, like circumcision, societal assumptions about fathers vs mothers, and male suicide rates. But every time we argue with MRAs and try to find common ground, they go straight to blaming feminists really quickly. We’re fed up with it, so we go straight to the mockery on this site.
If you’re one of the mythical moderate MRAs who want to fix men’s problems without using women as a scapegoat, then good for you, but why are you affiliated with a hate group?
Thanks for the support and hug everyone.
@Leum
How are you doing?
@kootiepatra – I’m basically neutral on the P&P assessment, but suppose Jennifer Ehle to have the most recognizably Austenian face. If the selection were made on character alone, what would you say to Mary Crawford?
Stand-Up Comedians: I enjoy Brent Butt, who was Brent Leroy in Corner Gas. I haven’t seen any problematic -isms, which could mean he doesn’t indulge in them, or it could mean that my unthinking prejudices are aligned with his so I don’t notice them. But mostly, his humour seems self-deprecating to me.
@piratejennie:
I’m feeling the best I can under the circumstances. Gonna do some good self-care today, have some fun with one of my fellow mentally ill friends who’ll understand what I’m going through. One of my other support group people told me that the police almost certainly contacted her parents, so I don’t have to worry about that. All I can do now is wait till she contacts me.
@Leum
I am so glad you are taking the time for self care and have a good support system. All my best thoughts to you and your friend.
Yeah, those are the borked statistics. The real statistics are actually not all that similar (they’re actually mostly in favor of abortion, for instance, IIRC), although lopsided in their own way.
Josh Blue is another really funny comedian, although he won Last Comic Standing so I suppose that qualifies him as “famous.”
Years ago I saw what must have been one of George Carlin’s last TV concerts. He made some jokes about rape. I am quite serious. I never saw him the same way again.
@erik
Hey, fuckhead, if you want people to take your ‘misrepresenting mras’ point seriously, #1 find a different fucking site and #2 don’t be an ableist fuckhead.
~toodles.
@Leum
Omigod. I have no fucking idea what to say. I have no fucking idea what to do, but fuck. DO NOT CALL THE FUCKING POLICE HAVE YOU EVER BEEN MENTALLY ILL AROUND THE POLICE? IT”S NOT FUCKING FUN!
@weirdwoodtreehugger
Woww, how teh fuck is that the right thing?
Seriously extremely uncomftorable with how many people think calling the police on your friend is okay,a nd thats from someone who’s got suicidal urges.
ugh just not sure what to say but super skeeved out by this whole fucking thread.
GOod fucking god maybe everyone else has had better experiences iwth this stuff, but I am just NO, JUST NO at hte moment.
Okay, maybe that comment was too angry.
I’m just leaving this thread, sorry guys, I cannot think clearly about any of this.
@Marie
Unless you’ve already gone…I was one of the people who supported Leum in his decision and I have had both multiple suicide attempts and still experience (I am guessing lifelong) mental health issues.
I feel awful that anything I said upset you and would be happy to talk about it further within whatever setting you feel comfortable.
@pirate jennie (tw instantutionalization)
eh. I’d already gone but not from the whole site so I saw you in the comment rss.
I don’t know. I can’t talk about this. Maybe it is ….. I just can’t get over how accepted it is to call the police on your friends. I don’t even know if its always a bad fucking thing but just how quickly so many people went ‘no it was right’ and it seemed without much about what else to do.
fuck I can’t even talk/ think > I just don’t know . fuck.
And so many people going ‘well I did for my friend and we’re still friends’
but idk. myabe its different from me. My parents had me instantutionalized when I was younger because of my depression. Maybe it’s different because they weren’t worried abotu me commiting suicide? But the whole thing even 9 years later fucking upsets me so much.
And that so many people here have called the police on their friends makes me feel unsafe and unwelcome. And I know that my mom probably thinks we’re on good terms, but we really aren’t, because I can’t get over what she did.
And maybe there are other depressed/suicdal ppl who think what leum did was okay but I don’t know. I’m not skeeved out by you, jennie
its just people who arne’t depressed/suicidal who still are backing it, I feel like so alienated and i don’t knwo.
Its just a huge fuckin touchy subject and I don’t even know if I”m being reasonable I just can’t think about any of this clearly.
Marie, I don’t mean this as a “gotcha” at all, but just as an honest question: What would you recommend people do if they have a friend who they think is at serious risk of suicide?
@Katz
I already said in my first comment, I have no fucking clue.
I’d rather my friend be angry at me for calling the cops than be dead.
@Alex:
You’re kidding. Warren “unemployment is to men what rape is to women” Farrell is the closest thing MRAs have to a moderate? No wonder I’ve never seen anybody espouse their views in a self-aware and empathetic way.
Marie
I’m sorry to hear that. I had sudicidal urges too every since I was very little I’m a lot better. I have anxiety and depression just severe emotional problems I would get very upset over just little things. In other words I’m a very sensitive person.
My personal opinion i think calling the cops would create more stress and I rather have someone just be calm with me and talk to me.
I can’t tell you what were your parents were thinking I can’t say anymore than that but I’m just saying that you are not the only one.
If anything that I just said offended someone I am truly sorry.
Sorry, Marie, didn’t mean to put you on the spot. I think we all kind of have no clue and are just trying to figure it out.
T/W: suicide, involuntary institutionalization
@Marie
I think (please forgive any presumptions) I do understand your position, having had the police called in my first suicide attempt. They treated me with contempt and as barely competent to answer even basic questions, although no drugs were involved and I was lucid. Subsequently I was kept involuntarily for 72 hours and then released back to the police.
I have never been in a position where I needed to call for outside intervention with suicidal friends, but I hope I would make the choice that would prevent them from ending their life.
I don’t want to further exacerbate a conversation that is painful for you, but please feel free to talk about it with me further at any time (I can send you my email) if you would like. I would hate for you to feel unsafe or unwelcome, I know I am new here but I really enjoy your comments and your warmth and humor.
[CN: suicide, self-harm mention]
I am all for taking care of and ensuring the safety of people who are suicidal. And if someone I knew tried to kill themself I’d definitely try to stop them. I am ready and willing to do whatever I can to help someone who is having a suicidal episode.
But I’m going to have to agree with Marie here. I know people who have been literally traumatized by police visits prompted by concerned friends calling 911. If I knew someone who is at risk of being suicidal, I’d try to visit them or at least get someone else to visit them that they trust and feel safe around. And during the visit I’d like to just talk to them and offer whatever support I can (and if I can’t offer support, I’ll attempt to defer to someone else fit for that role). I’d also hand them helpful hotline numbers.
I would try to say things such as “I’m here for you no matter what” and “I love you very much as a friend and I think you deserve to live a happy life.” What I’m trying to convey is that, if someone doesn’t want the police called on them, it’s far better to just try to be there for them as much as they can so as to avoid a situation in which you would otherwise call the police. Console them, comfort them, be there for them – just don’t call the police.
It’s really important to be respectful of people’s boundaries even if they are feeling suicidal. Calling the police, depending on the person, is a huge boundary violation and can be traumatic as well.
If anyone is wondering what authority I have on this subject, note that I have had to deal with several people coming to me during their suicidal episodes, and I have had feelings of suicide as well. I also speak as someone with PTSD and so would undoubtedly be traumatized by someone calling the police on me in case of a self-harming/suicidal situation of mine.
@Marie
I think the situations between what happened to you and what happened to Leum’s friend are a bit different.
Leum’s friend was in danger- if an outside third party had a plan, means, and intent to kill Leum’s friend wouldn’t you contact the police? Why is it different because the person who was threatening Leum’s friend was Leum’s friend?
From what I gathered from reading your posts, it did not seem you were in any immediate danger (please correct me if I’m wrong). Also, these were your parents; they had the means and opportunity to react differently- like get you a therapist or the school counselor involved instead of locking you up. There really wasn’t anything else Leum could do for zir friend.
[CN: institutionalization, suicide]
I also speak as someone who has friends who have been involuntarily institutionalized due to having a suicidal episode. They have nothing but negative things to say about their experiences.