Man, would I love to experience Midsummer up in the Nordic countries. It would be worth the loss of sleep (from excessive daylight) to share in some of those traditions.
Marie
10 years ago
@inadvertentfeminist
Sorry, I don’t know what NCFS is.
Also… @marie: I am now a member of so many hiveminds, I’ma need a PA to keep them all organized.
Maybe you really just need some hivemind-organizing hivemind 😛
Marie: Either one. You were just sounding really miserable the other day. I’m glad you’re feeling better about the dog, anyway.
Ally: I hope it goes well. I know your sisters will be really glad to see you.
Marie
10 years ago
@katz
well, like I said I’ve been feeling a lot better about the dog, so thanks again.
NOt really anything else 🙁 Earlier I though my antidepressants were kind of helping but the past week has been the worst. 🙁 I odn’t know if I should go back to my doctor or try to wait it out or what…
inadvertentfeminist
10 years ago
NCSF is the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.
I am kinky. The NCSF has set itself up as the go-to organization for kinky people who are being discriminated against, and abused. They are listed with many mental health and DV organizations across the country. Their founder and PR person is on record, on that other site, blaming and shaming and outing a victim of some of the most heinous domestic violence I’ve ever heard described. She even participated in harassing the victim. She preaches “Go to the cops or STFU,” but in a very smarmy, side-of-the-mouth way that a friend of mine described like this:
“Go to the cops. You don’t have to go to the cops, but look at all the good that happens when you do. If you go to the cops, you need to not speak publicly. You don’t have to go to the cops, but really, you shouldn’t speak publicly anyway, because what if you go to the cops? Look here’s a situation where shutting up and going to the cops worked! Everyone should know you can do this! Oh, a lot of that came from people speaking out? No, that just damaged things, you really need to be quiet and go to the cops. Not that I’m telling you to go to the cops, you get to choose, but hey, if you get assaulted, here’s how to go to the cops.”
And they’re promoting themselves, and raising money, as the primary sex-positive organization in the US. While the PR person, and most vocal board member, uses her influence to silence victims or rape and assault and domestic violence.
cassandrakitty
10 years ago
I wish I could say that didn’t reflect the experience I had with what happens when things go wrong in the kink community but, well, there’s a reason I’m not involved in the community any longer.
@kittehserf – I have seen a comment in an older thread suggesting that you might be a fellow Ricardian (if your historical interests extend across the Channel).
DJG, yep! I am. English history was my thing from before my teens, though it got kind of swamped once le roi de France et Navarre came on the scene. 🙂 I’m still interested – it was fascinating to read about the recovery of Richard’s skeleton, and I love the facial recreation they made.
inadvertentfeminist
10 years ago
@cassandrakitty: I am so sorry that was your experience with kink. No one should have to go through that. I wish I could have helped. Or that someone did. Kink has been one of the most rewarding and satisfying parts of my life, since I got involved in 2005. But too many of the local communities are getting it far too wrong.
In a subculture that is supposed to be based entirely around consensual sexual and S&m activity, and consensual power exchange dynamics, there are, sadly, too many people who don’t understand that undermining consent, and undermining victims, is blatant hypocrisy, and damaging as fuck.
That was my experience, too. Repeatedly. But it wasn’t my ONLY experience. There is value in those communities.
There are a lot of people, myself included, being very LOUD about that exact thing, right now. People have been speaking up, speaking out, and refusing to be shouted down by the BS. Things aren’t solved, by any stretch of the imagination, but they are getting better. Some local communities are stepping up, crafting and enforcing consent policies that work, and supporting victims. Some of the people doing that occupy positions of influence within their communities.
It’s a slow change, but I’m sure you know that. It mirrors a lot of what is going on in the rest of the country. The conversations about misogyny and rape culture, about consent and changing the way we respond to victims who speak out, are among the most popular topics of discussion on FetLife, and have been for about a year, now. There’s pushback, yes. Unfortunate LOADS of it. But it’s only there because things ARE changing.
AL3H
10 years ago
@ArcticApe
Much like June in Melbourne, no?
Sounds Melbourne winter to me. 🙂
BTW, I assume Pagans in Australia/NZ celebrate summer and winter solstice – adjusted to Southern seasons? I understand that mainstream Australian Christmas is kinda like a mix of Finnish Midsummer and Western Christmas.
My family never celebrated the soltice, although I do have two friends that do. However, we do visit family on Christmas day and have a big lunch and dinner – usually a barbecue. Also, as there are a cluster of holidays around Christmas, my father could take three or four days off work and get nearly a two week holiday, so we would all go on holiday for a week, normally to the beach. So, maybe similar, but for different reasons.
My understanding is that there are more friends, lakes, saunas and daylight in the Finnish version, and more heat, playing in the surf and barbecues in the version my family did in Oz.
He raised his voice at me in the car. He kept talking about my hair to tell me that I should get it styled in a masculine way. I feel really triggered right now. It’s okay if people laugh at me.
I feel really triggered right now. It’s okay if people laugh at me.
Nobody’s laughing. You’ll get through this day one way or another. Then you keep on with the next day. Which has the great bonus of No Dad Today going for it.
Nobody is laughing at you, and you’re beautiful and your hair is fine. I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend more time with your sisters.
cassandrakitty
10 years ago
@inadvertent feminist
I was never really a victim of any of that scene crap myself, other than dudely doms attempting to insist that I must want to sub really because all women do (brb, puking), but ended up feeling so disgusted with the overall social dynamics that I just wasn’t interested in being a part of it any more. If people are working from within to change things that’s great, but I’m perfectly happy doing my own thing with no connection to the scene, and honestly I feel like a lot of the insistence that young subs in particular MUST be involved in their local scene is just a way of ensuring that older doms have a steady supply of new play partners. Cynical is me.
I feel so unsafe right now and I have no idea why. He left the house* a while ago. I still feel like someone could come up and just start abusing me, maybe even touching me in bad places, having nowhere else to escape. My PTSD just seems to be getting worse over time and I hate it so fucking much. I just want to feel safe. That’s all I want.
Ally, your father is an abusive fuckhead. I’m sorry you had to have contact with him. He’s wrong about you. He’s wrong about a lot.
Here’s what you posted the other day:
Anyway, in preparation for my transition, I am going to shave/trim all of my body hair. I’m going to get my hair neatly trimmed. And I’m going to try to muster the courage to buy some foundation as well.
And along with all of that, I am going to continue to train my voice. It is now extremely easy to do because I am surrounded by trans women friends who would never insult me for my voice. Many of them are trying to work on their voice as well.
I’m no longer alone. I no longer have to feel like I have no hope in transitioning. It’s all starting to happen. I’m crying in a happy way right now.
You have made some huge and good changes in your life. You dad is just a speed bump. Take care of yourself, get away from your birth family, and get closer to your new, supportive family.
If you feel you are in physical danger, get out of your uncle’s house. Call your therapist and see if there’s a shelter you can go and be safe in.
We Hunted The Mammoth
@Arctic Ape,
Man, would I love to experience Midsummer up in the Nordic countries. It would be worth the loss of sleep (from excessive daylight) to share in some of those traditions.
@inadvertentfeminist
Sorry, I don’t know what NCFS is.
Maybe you really just need some hivemind-organizing hivemind 😛
(ok that was a bad joke)
Feeling any better today, Marie?
I’m going to meet my dad and my little sisters in about an hour. I’m so nervous.
Good luck Ally!
@katz
Better about my dog? Or in general? (I am feeling better about my dog you guys are lots of hlep, thanks :3)
@Ally
Good luck! I hope it goes well.
Marie: Either one. You were just sounding really miserable the other day. I’m glad you’re feeling better about the dog, anyway.
Ally: I hope it goes well. I know your sisters will be really glad to see you.
@katz
well, like I said I’ve been feeling a lot better about the dog, so thanks again.
NOt really anything else 🙁 Earlier I though my antidepressants were kind of helping but the past week has been the worst. 🙁 I odn’t know if I should go back to my doctor or try to wait it out or what…
NCSF is the National Coalition for Sexual Freedom.
I am kinky. The NCSF has set itself up as the go-to organization for kinky people who are being discriminated against, and abused. They are listed with many mental health and DV organizations across the country. Their founder and PR person is on record, on that other site, blaming and shaming and outing a victim of some of the most heinous domestic violence I’ve ever heard described. She even participated in harassing the victim. She preaches “Go to the cops or STFU,” but in a very smarmy, side-of-the-mouth way that a friend of mine described like this:
“Go to the cops. You don’t have to go to the cops, but look at all the good that happens when you do. If you go to the cops, you need to not speak publicly. You don’t have to go to the cops, but really, you shouldn’t speak publicly anyway, because what if you go to the cops? Look here’s a situation where shutting up and going to the cops worked! Everyone should know you can do this! Oh, a lot of that came from people speaking out? No, that just damaged things, you really need to be quiet and go to the cops. Not that I’m telling you to go to the cops, you get to choose, but hey, if you get assaulted, here’s how to go to the cops.”
And they’re promoting themselves, and raising money, as the primary sex-positive organization in the US. While the PR person, and most vocal board member, uses her influence to silence victims or rape and assault and domestic violence.
I wish I could say that didn’t reflect the experience I had with what happens when things go wrong in the kink community but, well, there’s a reason I’m not involved in the community any longer.
DJG, yep! I am. English history was my thing from before my teens, though it got kind of swamped once le roi de France et Navarre came on the scene. 🙂 I’m still interested – it was fascinating to read about the recovery of Richard’s skeleton, and I love the facial recreation they made.
@cassandrakitty: I am so sorry that was your experience with kink. No one should have to go through that. I wish I could have helped. Or that someone did. Kink has been one of the most rewarding and satisfying parts of my life, since I got involved in 2005. But too many of the local communities are getting it far too wrong.
In a subculture that is supposed to be based entirely around consensual sexual and S&m activity, and consensual power exchange dynamics, there are, sadly, too many people who don’t understand that undermining consent, and undermining victims, is blatant hypocrisy, and damaging as fuck.
That was my experience, too. Repeatedly. But it wasn’t my ONLY experience. There is value in those communities.
There are a lot of people, myself included, being very LOUD about that exact thing, right now. People have been speaking up, speaking out, and refusing to be shouted down by the BS. Things aren’t solved, by any stretch of the imagination, but they are getting better. Some local communities are stepping up, crafting and enforcing consent policies that work, and supporting victims. Some of the people doing that occupy positions of influence within their communities.
It’s a slow change, but I’m sure you know that. It mirrors a lot of what is going on in the rest of the country. The conversations about misogyny and rape culture, about consent and changing the way we respond to victims who speak out, are among the most popular topics of discussion on FetLife, and have been for about a year, now. There’s pushback, yes. Unfortunate LOADS of it. But it’s only there because things ARE changing.
@ArcticApe
Sounds Melbourne winter to me. 🙂
My family never celebrated the soltice, although I do have two friends that do. However, we do visit family on Christmas day and have a big lunch and dinner – usually a barbecue. Also, as there are a cluster of holidays around Christmas, my father could take three or four days off work and get nearly a two week holiday, so we would all go on holiday for a week, normally to the beach. So, maybe similar, but for different reasons.
My understanding is that there are more friends, lakes, saunas and daylight in the Finnish version, and more heat, playing in the surf and barbecues in the version my family did in Oz.
I’m really fucking shaken up by the meeting I had with my dad and my little sisters. I can’t think straight. I feel sick. I’m such a failure.
No you are absolutely not a failure, Ally. Your dad is fucking with your head.
He raised his voice at me in the car. He kept talking about my hair to tell me that I should get it styled in a masculine way. I feel really triggered right now. It’s okay if people laugh at me.
You’re not the failure. Your dad’s a failure at being a dad.
For all I know he might be good at something else or lots of something elses, but where and when it matters to you, he’s a failure.
I only got to see my little sisters for 30 minutes. I hadn’t seen them in 4 months.
Nobody’s laughing. You’ll get through this day one way or another. Then you keep on with the next day. Which has the great bonus of No Dad Today going for it.
Treasure those 30 minutes.
In your memory you can highlight your sisters in the foreground and reduce dad to a wrong-coloured background.
Nobody is laughing at you, and you’re beautiful and your hair is fine. I’m sorry you didn’t get to spend more time with your sisters.
@inadvertent feminist
I was never really a victim of any of that scene crap myself, other than dudely doms attempting to insist that I must want to sub really because all women do (brb, puking), but ended up feeling so disgusted with the overall social dynamics that I just wasn’t interested in being a part of it any more. If people are working from within to change things that’s great, but I’m perfectly happy doing my own thing with no connection to the scene, and honestly I feel like a lot of the insistence that young subs in particular MUST be involved in their local scene is just a way of ensuring that older doms have a steady supply of new play partners. Cynical is me.
[CN: sexual abuse]
I feel so unsafe right now and I have no idea why. He left the house* a while ago. I still feel like someone could come up and just start abusing me, maybe even touching me in bad places, having nowhere else to escape. My PTSD just seems to be getting worse over time and I hate it so fucking much. I just want to feel safe. That’s all I want.
*I’m currently staying at my uncle’s house.
Ally, your father is an abusive fuckhead. I’m sorry you had to have contact with him. He’s wrong about you. He’s wrong about a lot.
Here’s what you posted the other day:
You have made some huge and good changes in your life. You dad is just a speed bump. Take care of yourself, get away from your birth family, and get closer to your new, supportive family.
If you feel you are in physical danger, get out of your uncle’s house. Call your therapist and see if there’s a shelter you can go and be safe in.
I’msorry i know a lot of people are repkying to me bu ti[m hvng an anxiety attack i’ll beok but i’ feel horrible osorry