@bunnybunny: have you seen another orthopaedic surgeon (I assume that was the specialty that did your surgery) for a second opinion about the pain/the long term negative outcomes you’re experiencing from the surgery? I’m hoping there might be a cause that is treatable, that could be picked up by someone else.
The hospital sounds dreadful, they should be bloody well concerned about negative post surgery effects being reported by patients.
@Kat:
Oh boy. It’s a shame kids don’t come with a User’s Manual, because if they did the first page would say KIDS STILL HAVE GROWING BRAINS. THEY ARE STILL DEVELOPING. THEY ARE NOT ABLE TO UNDERSTAND ADULT CONCEPTS.
Trying to keep a kid in line with punishments that aren’t age-appropriate will only lead to problems in the long run. Developmentally a 3 year old CAN’T understand delayed punishments – they’re just not wired for it – so anything that “carries over” from a previous day comes across to them as unexpected and capricious. This can lead to extreme guilt and anxiety to please, or acting out since they’re going to get punished anyway, even if they don’t understand the rules, so why bother being good?
I’m guessing the stepmum would not be amenable to any kind of subtle hints towards more age-appropriate discipline methods…
pallygirl
10 years ago
My two cats who are my occasional lap cats have basically not been off my lap this morning. They are clearly psychic and picking up on all the sad things happening to people here, and are making themselves more available for cat cuddles on your behalfs.
I’m obliging. You’ve all given these two cats lots of smooches and cuddles this morning. 🙂
Michelle – no, I don’t think he’d go for a RenFaire at all, lol. Or if he did, he’d do what he and his little sister (Henriette Marie, sometime queen of England) did a couple of years back. His eldest was throwing a party, very much the stunning beautiful clothes thing. Louis and Henriettte turned up in jeans and leather jackets. “The elders are being outrageous” was son’s wry comment.
Henriette looks stunning in jeans and a leather bomber jacket, too. /envious
My man’s Louis XIII. There isn’t anything lengthy on the ‘net that I know of that’s worth reading, but there are some good short things. I like this page:
An awful lot of short articles just repeat the old Encyclopaedia Britannica entry, or the Wikipedia one (plagiarism, what is that?). The best work on him I know is A. Lloyd Moote’s 1989 bio, which is an e-book these days, but I doubt you want to read an entire book! 😛
That’s a lovely story about being of service to that lady so she could be your hostess – both for its message and for the event itself. Warm fuzzies, yo. 😉
Falconer has traded in his teeny babies for big kids!
That’s what I thought too, katz! 😀
schwardevivre, Purple Poodle, hi and welcome!
pallygirl –
@LBT: sorry to hear that. I am of the impression that tragic backstories in fiction are more interesting to those that haven’t themselves got a tragic backstory – because it stays in the realm of fiction for them.
Fuck yeah. I hate tragic backstories even in fiction. Shit, I wrote a whole (woefully plotless) alternative history book changing Louis’s adult life because the real one sucked so much. I do not like tragedy in any form.
Also, kitty cuddles! 🙂
LBT, happy upcoming 7th, and love that leather anniversary cartoon!
(This is what you get for sitting around nekkid when you’re working on the computer, y’know.) 😛
Lea
10 years ago
Threadrupt
Whoa, three is too young for that stuff! Three is barely out of diapers. The serious chat needs to be about her having realistic expectations.
Ally,
Hugs if you want them. These are rough times for you and certain people seem determined to make them rougher. You deserve better. There are better days ahead, I promise.
pallygirl
10 years ago
@LBT and Fibinachi: it’s all fun and games until someone ends up in the ED. 🙂
More good news, everyone! I mentioned it in the other thread but MY FOOD STAMPS CAME IN! 8D This means me and hubby can celebrate our anniversary with a treat! Maybe we can bake a cake or something.
RE: pallygirl
the sketching or hiking or dinner photos sound great. 🙂
I don’t like taking photos of this vessel (not even for stalking reasons, I just feel it gives folks the wrong idea) but I can try to doodle our celebration for you!
RE: Fibinachi
Just remember – no auto-erotic axysphiation before being engaged!
I assure you, if I’m breathless, it’s for a totally different reason. Also, c’mon, auto-erotic is by necessity done alone!
RE: Kittehs
(This is what you get for sitting around nekkid when you’re working on the computer, y’know.)
…I actually didn’t mean to be naked, it was just I was drawing tiny little blobby people on tiny square-inch panels. Clothes were too much work.
…I actually didn’t mean to be naked, it was just I was drawing tiny little blobby people on tiny square-inch panels. Clothes were too much work.
I believe you.
No, really.
😉
Marie
10 years ago
@LBT
Yay for foodstamps 😀
Tracy
10 years ago
Sorry to be just blunt, but I’m upset and looking for any possible advice/guidance. My BIL is depressed, and stopped working. He’s gone on short-term disability and is seeing a counsellor (though has missed his last few sessions). The issue is that him being in disability has taken a huge toll on their household income and my sister isn’t able to cover the bills anymore, and BIL doesn’t want to talk about it. He stopped working without consulting her and without much warning.
My sister is stressed to the point of constantly vomiting. She (and I) have both experienced depression and she understands, but doesn’t know how to address the money situation without him shutting down; she doesn’t want to make him feel worse, or blame him, but… it’s a bad situation. There are legal situations that need to be addressed as well (ie: his daughter coming to live with them, but no legal papers have been set in motion) that she can’t handle for him, and can’t force him to handle.
Any ideas on how to talk about this with him in a productive, non-blamey way?
pallygirl
10 years ago
@Tracy: make sure your sister has her physical health looked after too, constantly vomiting can have serious medical consequences. Your sister may also require a lot of emotional support as she’s got got a large burden on her shoulders too.
If BIL has stopped working because of the depression (not sure if he has a health issue that caused the depression, that then led to the stop working), it would be best if he got help from a non-family member. I know you mean well, and we all do when we want to offer support to family members, but this can go really badly even when everyone starts with the best of intentions.
I’m not sure whether you mean he has lost his job, or whether he’s taking leave without pay and getting disability for that time. I would encourage him to seek help from a counsellor that specialises in whatever issue(s) your BIL is experiencing. If there is a multi-dimensional element to this, then it may be that an integrated healthcare centre with multiple health disciplines would be better than seeing a single counsellor or clinic that contains only counsellors.
Do you know if he is amenable to talking to someone neutral about the issue(s) he is facing?
pallygirl
10 years ago
@Tracy: sorry, should also have said that you make sure you look after yourself as well. 🙂
Marie
10 years ago
@tracy
Maybe I”m feeling kind of deffensive cuz my depression is too bad for me to work, and I emaphzie a lot with him, but
He stopped working without consulting her and without much warning.
Um, eyah, cuz ppl aren’t psychic and can’t predict when their depression will randomly start acting up….
@bunnybunny: have you seen another orthopaedic surgeon (I assume that was the specialty that did your surgery) for a second opinion about the pain/the long term negative outcomes you’re experiencing from the surgery?
One other option which is not always available … Use goggle or phone book to see if you can track down a pain management clinic and/or a specialist anaesthetist who concentrates on pain management. The anaesthetist I found almost by accident – I think the physio might have suggested him – was absolutely terrific. And his clientele was quite diverse, people like me with arthritis aggravated by other health issues, some workplace injuries, some trauma/car accident, some consequences of other surgeries. He can’t be the only one in the world.
Strangely enough — though not entirely — there are sometimes sports medicine clinics that have people who can help with this sort of thing. Be prepared to be disappointed if you find one but it turns out to be unhelpful. It’s a real lottery, but if you get a payoff you’ll be thrilled to bits.
Only by focussing solely on BiL. Perhaps my inferring was at fault.
Marie
10 years ago
@kittehs
yeah, cuz my comment was just about ‘depressed people can’t predict the fucking future.’ Which was in response to ‘he stopped workign without consulting her/giving her warning’.
and yeah, that would be because depressed people can’t predict the fucking future.
Unless you want me to go ‘oh yeah sorry he should have been able to magically know his depression was going to act up’ so he could warn her, I’m not seeing how h ecould have.
I’m not sure how other people experience depression, but I generally know I’m in a downward spiral long before I’m at the can’t work stage. I don’t mean to pile on, Marie. Depression can be debilitating and hideous. I don’t get the sense that Tracy and her sister are going all “You suck, depressed person!” but are trying to cope with the extremely negative consequences of Tracy’s BiL’s depression.
Any ideas on how to talk about this with him in a productive, non-blamey way?
Who can predict the future? Predicting major illness isn’t exactly anyone’s talent. Your comment rubbed me the wrong way, because it seemed to be ignoring the real problems that have happened, the effects on the whole family, and his refusal to talk about things now. This is about what’s happening now, and no consulting with the people also affected meant no chance to plan.
I’m sorry, Marie, I don’t want an argument (least of all in an open thread).
Marie
10 years ago
@unimaginative
yeah, everyone does experience depresison differently, cuz mine is like ‘fine fine fine fine FUCKING STOP EVERTHING’. your experience isn’t the only one out htere.
Yeah, thanks but that wasn’t the actual bit i quoted I was being defensive about. It wasn’t ‘oh hay tracey I have problem with everything you said’ and I wasnt reading it as ‘you suck depressed person’ i just don’t think expecting a wanring is always possible with depression.
Marie, she never said it was always possible: it’s how it happened.
But without warning isn’t the only way, and your experience isn’t universal either.
Marie
10 years ago
@kittehs
FFS, I was “Ignoring” the other parts because I do not have any fucking advice and have no idea what to do. Do I have to clarify that every single time I only respond to part of someones comment?
We Hunted The Mammoth
@bunnybunny: have you seen another orthopaedic surgeon (I assume that was the specialty that did your surgery) for a second opinion about the pain/the long term negative outcomes you’re experiencing from the surgery? I’m hoping there might be a cause that is treatable, that could be picked up by someone else.
The hospital sounds dreadful, they should be bloody well concerned about negative post surgery effects being reported by patients.
@Kat:
Oh boy. It’s a shame kids don’t come with a User’s Manual, because if they did the first page would say KIDS STILL HAVE GROWING BRAINS. THEY ARE STILL DEVELOPING. THEY ARE NOT ABLE TO UNDERSTAND ADULT CONCEPTS.
Trying to keep a kid in line with punishments that aren’t age-appropriate will only lead to problems in the long run. Developmentally a 3 year old CAN’T understand delayed punishments – they’re just not wired for it – so anything that “carries over” from a previous day comes across to them as unexpected and capricious. This can lead to extreme guilt and anxiety to please, or acting out since they’re going to get punished anyway, even if they don’t understand the rules, so why bother being good?
I’m guessing the stepmum would not be amenable to any kind of subtle hints towards more age-appropriate discipline methods…
My two cats who are my occasional lap cats have basically not been off my lap this morning. They are clearly psychic and picking up on all the sad things happening to people here, and are making themselves more available for cat cuddles on your behalfs.
I’m obliging. You’ve all given these two cats lots of smooches and cuddles this morning. 🙂
Ah, the sweet innonce of young love. It’s so cute! Just remember – no auto-erotic axysphiation before being engaged!
Michelle – no, I don’t think he’d go for a RenFaire at all, lol. Or if he did, he’d do what he and his little sister (Henriette Marie, sometime queen of England) did a couple of years back. His eldest was throwing a party, very much the stunning beautiful clothes thing. Louis and Henriettte turned up in jeans and leather jackets. “The elders are being outrageous” was son’s wry comment.
Henriette looks stunning in jeans and a leather bomber jacket, too. /envious
My man’s Louis XIII. There isn’t anything lengthy on the ‘net that I know of that’s worth reading, but there are some good short things. I like this page:
http://elfinspell.com/LiesandErrorsLouisXIII.html
An awful lot of short articles just repeat the old Encyclopaedia Britannica entry, or the Wikipedia one (plagiarism, what is that?). The best work on him I know is A. Lloyd Moote’s 1989 bio, which is an e-book these days, but I doubt you want to read an entire book! 😛
That’s a lovely story about being of service to that lady so she could be your hostess – both for its message and for the event itself. Warm fuzzies, yo. 😉
That’s what I thought too, katz! 😀
schwardevivre, Purple Poodle, hi and welcome!
pallygirl –
Fuck yeah. I hate tragic backstories even in fiction. Shit, I wrote a whole (woefully plotless) alternative history book changing Louis’s adult life because the real one sucked so much. I do not like tragedy in any form.
Also, kitty cuddles! 🙂
LBT, happy upcoming 7th, and love that leather anniversary cartoon!
(This is what you get for sitting around nekkid when you’re working on the computer, y’know.) 😛
Threadrupt
Whoa, three is too young for that stuff! Three is barely out of diapers. The serious chat needs to be about her having realistic expectations.
Ally,
Hugs if you want them. These are rough times for you and certain people seem determined to make them rougher. You deserve better. There are better days ahead, I promise.
@LBT and Fibinachi: it’s all fun and games until someone ends up in the ED. 🙂
More good news, everyone! I mentioned it in the other thread but MY FOOD STAMPS CAME IN! 8D This means me and hubby can celebrate our anniversary with a treat! Maybe we can bake a cake or something.
RE: pallygirl
the sketching or hiking or dinner photos sound great. 🙂
I don’t like taking photos of this vessel (not even for stalking reasons, I just feel it gives folks the wrong idea) but I can try to doodle our celebration for you!
RE: Fibinachi
Just remember – no auto-erotic axysphiation before being engaged!
I assure you, if I’m breathless, it’s for a totally different reason. Also, c’mon, auto-erotic is by necessity done alone!
RE: Kittehs
(This is what you get for sitting around nekkid when you’re working on the computer, y’know.)
…I actually didn’t mean to be naked, it was just I was drawing tiny little blobby people on tiny square-inch panels. Clothes were too much work.
I believe you.
No, really.
😉
@LBT
Yay for foodstamps 😀
Sorry to be just blunt, but I’m upset and looking for any possible advice/guidance. My BIL is depressed, and stopped working. He’s gone on short-term disability and is seeing a counsellor (though has missed his last few sessions). The issue is that him being in disability has taken a huge toll on their household income and my sister isn’t able to cover the bills anymore, and BIL doesn’t want to talk about it. He stopped working without consulting her and without much warning.
My sister is stressed to the point of constantly vomiting. She (and I) have both experienced depression and she understands, but doesn’t know how to address the money situation without him shutting down; she doesn’t want to make him feel worse, or blame him, but… it’s a bad situation. There are legal situations that need to be addressed as well (ie: his daughter coming to live with them, but no legal papers have been set in motion) that she can’t handle for him, and can’t force him to handle.
Any ideas on how to talk about this with him in a productive, non-blamey way?
@Tracy: make sure your sister has her physical health looked after too, constantly vomiting can have serious medical consequences. Your sister may also require a lot of emotional support as she’s got got a large burden on her shoulders too.
If BIL has stopped working because of the depression (not sure if he has a health issue that caused the depression, that then led to the stop working), it would be best if he got help from a non-family member. I know you mean well, and we all do when we want to offer support to family members, but this can go really badly even when everyone starts with the best of intentions.
I’m not sure whether you mean he has lost his job, or whether he’s taking leave without pay and getting disability for that time. I would encourage him to seek help from a counsellor that specialises in whatever issue(s) your BIL is experiencing. If there is a multi-dimensional element to this, then it may be that an integrated healthcare centre with multiple health disciplines would be better than seeing a single counsellor or clinic that contains only counsellors.
Do you know if he is amenable to talking to someone neutral about the issue(s) he is facing?
@Tracy: sorry, should also have said that you make sure you look after yourself as well. 🙂
@tracy
Maybe I”m feeling kind of deffensive cuz my depression is too bad for me to work, and I emaphzie a lot with him, but
Um, eyah, cuz ppl aren’t psychic and can’t predict when their depression will randomly start acting up….
One other option which is not always available … Use goggle or phone book to see if you can track down a pain management clinic and/or a specialist anaesthetist who concentrates on pain management. The anaesthetist I found almost by accident – I think the physio might have suggested him – was absolutely terrific. And his clientele was quite diverse, people like me with arthritis aggravated by other health issues, some workplace injuries, some trauma/car accident, some consequences of other surgeries. He can’t be the only one in the world.
Strangely enough — though not entirely — there are sometimes sports medicine clinics that have people who can help with this sort of thing. Be prepared to be disappointed if you find one but it turns out to be unhelpful. It’s a real lottery, but if you get a payoff you’ll be thrilled to bits.
Marie, yeah, you’re being defensive, and Tracy’s sister is ill from all this stress too.
@kittehs
and how was I ignoring that?
Only by focussing solely on BiL. Perhaps my inferring was at fault.
@kittehs
yeah, cuz my comment was just about ‘depressed people can’t predict the fucking future.’ Which was in response to ‘he stopped workign without consulting her/giving her warning’.
and yeah, that would be because depressed people can’t predict the fucking future.
Unless you want me to go ‘oh yeah sorry he should have been able to magically know his depression was going to act up’ so he could warn her, I’m not seeing how h ecould have.
I’m not sure how other people experience depression, but I generally know I’m in a downward spiral long before I’m at the can’t work stage. I don’t mean to pile on, Marie. Depression can be debilitating and hideous. I don’t get the sense that Tracy and her sister are going all “You suck, depressed person!” but are trying to cope with the extremely negative consequences of Tracy’s BiL’s depression.
I think you’re being a tad defensive.
Who can predict the future? Predicting major illness isn’t exactly anyone’s talent. Your comment rubbed me the wrong way, because it seemed to be ignoring the real problems that have happened, the effects on the whole family, and his refusal to talk about things now. This is about what’s happening now, and no consulting with the people also affected meant no chance to plan.
I’m sorry, Marie, I don’t want an argument (least of all in an open thread).
@unimaginative
yeah, everyone does experience depresison differently, cuz mine is like ‘fine fine fine fine FUCKING STOP EVERTHING’. your experience isn’t the only one out htere.
Yeah, thanks but that wasn’t the actual bit i quoted I was being defensive about. It wasn’t ‘oh hay tracey I have problem with everything you said’ and I wasnt reading it as ‘you suck depressed person’ i just don’t think expecting a wanring is always possible with depression.
…and ninjaed by Unimaginative, who said it much better, which is a double ninja!
Marie, she never said it was always possible: it’s how it happened.
But without warning isn’t the only way, and your experience isn’t universal either.
@kittehs
FFS, I was “Ignoring” the other parts because I do not have any fucking advice and have no idea what to do. Do I have to clarify that every single time I only respond to part of someones comment?