But speaking as someone who has been topless since Monday – I hope those are rosy cheeks, and not sunburnt ones. I saw alarming pinkness on that first picture.
@bunnybunny – If I didn’t live with a family who are determined to take care of me, and make sure I am properly supervised when I’m high, and if I didn’t have savings to live on, until I can work out an alternate revenue source, I would not be able to deal with the pain meds. I’d have to just be miserably in pain, and slowly dying from the sheer stress.
So, yeah, healthy relationship, I guess, but goodness knows, it’s far from ideal. And yes, for every part that I can keep together, there ARE many parts that fall apart. I can’t function on my pain pills, and when I’m in pain, without them, I can only barely function, then.
However, I am actually seeing improvement, and have much hope for the future, and see so many blessings in my life.
How do you manage it? I hope you have some non-opioid options. Pain can really be debilitating, and limiting. Do you have a good doctor, who is willing to work with you to find the best treatment?
If they are anything like you, they will pull through, and be the better for it, in the long run. Not to get all Nietsche on you, but yes, if this doesn’t destroy you, it will make you, and them, better and stronger. It will teach compassion for others, in a profoundly deep way.
This is the thing I try to tell myself in order to cope with stress in my life. It’s part of a thought pattern in which I re-emphasize the fact that “I still have things to do in my life.” (And in turn it’s also a thought pattern that helps me cope with suicidal thoughts.)
Telling myself, in whatever way possible, that I have value as someone who serves others can help me get through the roughest times, although unfortunately it also makes my self-loathing more deeply entrenched in my psyche (because it perpetuates this idea in my head that I have value as a human being only if I am of use to others).
The hospital that did my surgery honestly wants nothing to do with patients who are having pain issues if there is no physical problem with the spine and hardware. When the pain gets bad there’s not much I can do except stay in bed. It’s definitely not chronic pain; it pops up every month or two and usually doesn’t last for longer than a week.
I hope everything works out for you, Michelle. It’s great that you’re seeing improvement.
@Kittehserf – So, I looked up one thing on wikipedia, and have since opened about a dozen links, and got on a roll, and now I just want to read about your Louis. Which one was he, again? Any better sites than wikipedia?
it perpetuates this idea in my head that I have value as a human being only if I am of use to others
This reminds me of a hymn we sing at church – “Have I Done Any Good In the World Today?”
One line was changed some years back. It used to say, “If not, I am worthless, indeed.” Now it says, “If not, I have failed, indeed.”
You may have days, weeks, months, even years, when you “fail,” but you are NEVER worthless.
And you know what? You may be helping others in ways you don’t even realize. Let me give an example:
When I was a teenager, I lived in Germany. My church youth group made arrangements to visit a little old lady shut-in, as a service project. We were going to bring her dinner. My mother (who was one of the youth leaders), my sister and I made a dish to bring. When we got the call that the woman was feeling poorly, and so we were going to bring the dinner to another woman, instead, we were confused. “I thought that was why we were bringing the dinner?” In America, we bring dinner to someone who is ill, or injured. But, we discovered, they did things differently in Germany.
When we arrived at the woman’s house, we did not just hand her the cooked dishes. No, she ushered us in, sat us down at the table, and served us dinner. My sister and I tried to help, but she firmly told us to sit down, and let her serve us dinner. Confused, we did as she bid us.
After the meal, my sister and I tried to clear the table, and do the dishes. The woman firmly told us to sit back down, and chat with the others. SHE would clean up. WE were guests.
We looked at my mother, for clarification, but she was just as confused as we were. Finally, the other youth leader explained that our service project to this shut-in old lady was to provide her with the opportunity to serve someone. She couldn’t go out, so we brought the service opportunity to HER. She was happily being a hostess. Although she didn’t have the strength and stamina (or money!) to cook and serve a big meal for ten guests, when provided with the food, she could do the actual serving, at least, and took pleasure in it.
By letting her serve us, we were serving her.
When you go to others for help, and support, you are likewise giving them an opportunity to be of service. You are letting them help, and get the warm fuzzies and feelings of worthiness. So, even if you can’t actually do any “real” service to others, by giving others the chance to help you, you are, in effect, helping them.
I’ve had to really embrace that philosophy in recent years, as my own capacity for DOING service has nearly disappeared. I had to swallow my pride, and ask for help, and allow other people to serve and show charity to me. It’s hard, actually. But it is real.
And sometimes, you can help people just by smiling at them, and offering them a bit of hope. Sometimes, that’s all you can do, but that’s real service, too. And you probably aren’t even aware of how many people you helped in just such a way.
Not to mention the wisdom and support you give others right here, and other forums.
And I’m sure there are many other ways you “add value” to the world, simply by being a part of it. Ways that you can’t even identify, but someone benefits from them.
So, please don’t ever think you aren’t of value, if you aren’t actively helping others. You are always of value, Ally. ALWAYS.
@bunnybunny – Wow, that’s harsh. They want nothing to do with you? Wow.
I got my improvement through medical massage therapy. My therapist is nationally certified. State certified isn’t really good enough, because the state sets the bar really low. At least, my state does.
I don’t know if massage therapy would work for you. However, it’s a possibility, depending on the type of issue you have. I was amazed at just how many issues massage can help.
Hopefully, those week-long time-outs of yours aren’t too problematic for your work. Or are you able to get along without it?
But speaking as someone who has been topless since Monday – I hope those are rosy cheeks, and not sunburnt ones. I saw alarming pinkness on that first picture.
Thank’ee!
No, they haven’t gotten sunburned yet. We’re quite liberal with the lotion, although cautious around the eyes.
That’s my wee girl in the first photo (as if you couldn’t tell she were a girl) and at the worst she may have grown her first freckle over her left shoulderblade. We don’t know how long it’s been there, though.
First offence: time out
Second offence: TV privileges removed for that day
Third offence: ALL toys confiscated for that day
Fourth offence: removal and confiscation is carried through to the next day to be “earned back”
…Seriously?
Because a 3-year-old can totally understand concepts like rollover punishments.
And she’s expecting him to be good after she takes away all his toys? What can he possibly do that isn’t naughty if she takes away all his methods of entertainment?
Marie
10 years ago
@michelle young
Do you play any multi-player online games, with a chat mode? Like Runescape?
You play runescape? 😀 Me too!
On that note, good news, I’ve been hanging with my brother more often, cuz we’ve been chatting on that site 😀 😀
@girlscientist
I’ve been able to avoid getting cornered by a creepy ex-coworker at the work conference I’m at! It’s taken some cunning, but so far I’ve managed to avoid being alone with him.
yay. Though I”m sorry to hear about you having a creepy ex coworker 🙁
@breakfastman
glad to hear your new job is going well :3
@katz
Did I also mention that she counts toileting accidents as ‘offences?
Um wow. Toiling accidents are not offences. they’re just accidents
We showed her our side of the chart and our rules and she went berserk and accused us of lying on the chart. In front of the kid, who had been so excited about showing mummy how good he had been.
WOw that poor kid 🙁
@michelle
And I frequently go around hugging people, and telling them “I love you.” Mind you, I only do this with people I actually know and love, but I mean, every five minutes, “I love you.”
Hey, taht happens to me when I”m loopy on my panic pills 😀
@falconer
AWw, your babies are so cute! 😀
@katz
…Seriously?
Because a 3-year-old can totally understand concepts like rollover punishments.
And she’s expecting him to be good after she takes away all his toys? What can he possibly do that isn’t naughty if she takes away all his methods of entertainment?
I don’t know 🙁 It reminds me of some of my parents punishment methods later in childhood, but idk if I”d feel weird talkign about them here.
And yeah. even when I was babysitting a 5 year old he found a five minute time out to be super long. No idea what he’d do if I took away his toys. I just don’t htink long punishments are very good for young kids.
And I frequently go around hugging people, and telling them “I love you.” Mind you, I only do this with people I actually know and love, but I mean, every five minutes, “I love you.”
Yep. I do that, too!
Only, I don’t have chronic pain, and can’t do mind altering substances because the feeling of my brain not working quite the way it’s supposed to freaks me out. Literally. They gave me Vicodin in the ER once, and 40 minutes later I was staring at the wall, shivering, crying, and saying over and over again that my head wasn’t working right, and it needed to stop, and I couldn’t focus, and I didn’t like this, and…
… Yeah. Same story with morphine, that other time (which was lame, because morphine’s supposed to make you not care that things are wonky). And whatever they use to knock you out for wisdom teeth surgery. If I ever get chronic pain, I’m kind of hosed. 🙁
My hugs in the presence of family and faux-family are all sober, but silly. My older sister usually just looks amused after the fifth ‘I love you’ of the day, whenever we’re together.
Yeah, I like Runescape. I can’t play it when I’m on my pills, though. It takes too many brain cells, especially if the chat is on. My old clan sort of imploded, when the founder ticked off too many members, and they rage-quit, but it was reeeeaaaalllllyyyyy chatty before that, so it took a lot of brain-power to keep up. My new clan, however, is not chatty, at all, so it’s easier. Basically, I joined that one for the citadel, and as long as I cap each week, they’re happy and don’t bug me with lots of questions.
Still, I have to have some in-depth written notes for things like farm-runs and such, or else I get completely lost, and run out of time on my Greenfingers aura before I finish. I used to have a daily chores list, that was actually laminated! But then I leveled up, and had to re-do it, and didn’t have the laminator any more, so I just have a steno pad with all my notes.
I tried to get my Mom on the game, but she couldn’t figure it out, even with me sitting by her, and helping. It’s just not her thing. So, I took over her membership, and get to play as a noob all over again. That’s pretty fun, actually. Some of those quests, I really wish I could repeat, you know? Garden of Tranquility, for example, is so funny. And Perils of Ice Mountain. I’m doing her as a non-combatant, though, so that changes some things. Mostly, I just send her to Ardougne, and have her bake a million potatoes, or else work on building up her house.
There are a few friends that I chat with, though, and that’s nice. I’ve met some really nice people on Runescape.
Marie
10 years ago
@michelle
I’ve never actually joined a clan 😛
And i’ve been gone for like, 2 yrs before just coming back. I have no idea what any of the auras do XD
That’s pretty fun, actually. Some of those quests, I really wish I could repeat, you know?
oh, me too, so much! I love questing, and I”ve forgotten about osme of the ones I did years ago.
I haven’t met that many people. I used to talk to some more often, but after having been gone 2 yrs I only have 1 friend left. Luckily we both remembered each other 😀
Hey, do you want to add each other on runescape, or is that not something you’d be interested in?
Purple Poodlecat
10 years ago
Long time reader here venturing into the comments for the first time – Hi, all! Sending supportive vibes to Ally, marinerachel, Kat, and anyone else who’s had tough stuff going on recently.
pallygirl
10 years ago
Thanks for the comments re my PhD registration, I will now be spending today finding the form to freeze my registration while I undergo more cancer treatment.
Ally: hugs.
Falconer: so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute.
Michelle: yes, the comments you have made is where I get cross at other atheists (I’m an atheist) who make out that all religion does is harm. You have given some very good examples where religion is actually a huge practical support to people. Until atheism can come up with an alternative support mechanism for people, it can just shut up about all religion being harmful.
bunnybunny: have you found out any information about the surgery(?) you had and the side effects, to know if your outcome is a known side effect? I can’t work out from your comment/s whether it was a known risk or whether medical malpractice or negligence might have contributed. Pain sucks. I’ve had it over the past 3 weeks due to surgery (now actually under control with ibuprofen plus codeine nighttime top ups when I can’t sleep), but I also had really bad RSI in my right wrist and elbow, where the pain was so bad one day I sat ther with a knife against my arm wondering how deep I had to cut before they would amputate. No, I didn’t do anything bad. So I understand how severe pain hurts, and I know how draining and depressing it is – and how mentally and emotionally overwhelming it can be. The Cancer Society has given me some audio CDs on how to relax, do guided imagery, etc to help with pain and lack of sleep – have you considered anything like that might help (apologies if you already have, just trying to think of practical things)?
Kat: the poor child, and hugs to both of you for having to cope with this as well. Stress can contribute to the types of outcomes your child is having at his biological(?) mother’s house, so the horrid stuff she is doing as punishment can make it worse. Having completely different parenting approaches aren’t good for a small child either, and your methods sound great (i.e. it would be good if her’s could be brought in line with your’s). A child psychologist might be able to give you and your partner some good practical advice on how to deal with this situation, as they have a wide range of expertise in dealing with children from various presenting issues (family break-up to DSM-type issues). If it’s any help, I think the two of you are awesome at parenting. 🙂
Bleh. I’m kinda having to slow down on writeathon stuff, because my brain is giving off all the warning signs. We’ve been doing a LOT of memory work and putting a lot of shit together (SPOILER: the news is never good) and I finally figured out today that all the gut wrenches and ED symptoms were probably from that. Like, I’m okay, I’m handling all right, it’s just… I dunno. Having such a tragic backstroy is NOT as cool as random strangers on the Internet told me it would be.
In much nicer news, though, hubby and me will be having our seventh anniversary soon! We’re trying to decide on something cool to do.
RE: Kat
Uh. That sounds like child abuse to me. I mean, shit, he’s THREE. Three-year-olds don’t just piss themselves to manipulate you. And also, he’s a fucking toddler! Toddlers don’t understand days-long punishments. No shit he’d get more and more upset as all his shit is taken away!
Marie
10 years ago
@LBT
all the internet hugs from me if you want them. 🙁
And preemptive happy aniversary, too.
pallygirl
10 years ago
@LBT: sorry to hear that. I am of the impression that tragic backstories in fiction are more interesting to those that haven’t themselves got a tragic backstory – because it stays in the realm of fiction for them.
Ooooo 7th anniversary. 🙂 If you guys do anything, even just put on silly hats, I’ve love to see photos. I’m still at the same email as I used for the artwork with you, if you feel safe to send me anything.
I like photos of other people, and their pets, and their children. 🙂 I really enjoy seeing people having a fun time.
titianblue
10 years ago
Oooh, 7th is copper or wool, isn’t it? that could be fun …
@LBT: sorry to hear that. I am of the impression that tragic backstories in fiction are more interesting to those that haven’t themselves got a tragic backstory – because it stays in the realm of fiction for them.
I can totally believe that. At least on the plus side, I am completely impervious to existential malaise!
Ooooo 7th anniversary. 🙂 If you guys do anything, even just put on silly hats, I’ve love to see photos.
I may have to sketch something! That’d be fun. We’ll probably go hiking… maybe a nice dinner… porn…
@pallygirl – I wasn’t as aware of the risks when I had the surgery because I was thirteen at the time, but I have read a lot about it since and it does seem to be a common side effect. I had most of my spine fused. I’m not sure what exactly is causing the ongoing pain – like I said earlier, the hospital has little interest in these cases because there is nothing for them to “fix” and pain management is not their job. I’m pretty lucky anyway – I’ve read about cases where people are in constant, debilitating pain. Mine comes and goes. I’ll definitely look into the type of CDs you’re talking about. It sounds like they could be really useful in coping with bad pain episodes. Thanks (:
We Hunted The Mammoth
@Falconer – They are adorable!
But speaking as someone who has been topless since Monday – I hope those are rosy cheeks, and not sunburnt ones. I saw alarming pinkness on that first picture.
@bunnybunny – If I didn’t live with a family who are determined to take care of me, and make sure I am properly supervised when I’m high, and if I didn’t have savings to live on, until I can work out an alternate revenue source, I would not be able to deal with the pain meds. I’d have to just be miserably in pain, and slowly dying from the sheer stress.
So, yeah, healthy relationship, I guess, but goodness knows, it’s far from ideal. And yes, for every part that I can keep together, there ARE many parts that fall apart. I can’t function on my pain pills, and when I’m in pain, without them, I can only barely function, then.
However, I am actually seeing improvement, and have much hope for the future, and see so many blessings in my life.
How do you manage it? I hope you have some non-opioid options. Pain can really be debilitating, and limiting. Do you have a good doctor, who is willing to work with you to find the best treatment?
This is the thing I try to tell myself in order to cope with stress in my life. It’s part of a thought pattern in which I re-emphasize the fact that “I still have things to do in my life.” (And in turn it’s also a thought pattern that helps me cope with suicidal thoughts.)
Telling myself, in whatever way possible, that I have value as someone who serves others can help me get through the roughest times, although unfortunately it also makes my self-loathing more deeply entrenched in my psyche (because it perpetuates this idea in my head that I have value as a human being only if I am of use to others).
The hospital that did my surgery honestly wants nothing to do with patients who are having pain issues if there is no physical problem with the spine and hardware. When the pain gets bad there’s not much I can do except stay in bed. It’s definitely not chronic pain; it pops up every month or two and usually doesn’t last for longer than a week.
I hope everything works out for you, Michelle. It’s great that you’re seeing improvement.
@Kittehserf – So, I looked up one thing on wikipedia, and have since opened about a dozen links, and got on a roll, and now I just want to read about your Louis. Which one was he, again? Any better sites than wikipedia?
@Ally
This reminds me of a hymn we sing at church – “Have I Done Any Good In the World Today?”
One line was changed some years back. It used to say, “If not, I am worthless, indeed.” Now it says, “If not, I have failed, indeed.”
You may have days, weeks, months, even years, when you “fail,” but you are NEVER worthless.
And you know what? You may be helping others in ways you don’t even realize. Let me give an example:
When I was a teenager, I lived in Germany. My church youth group made arrangements to visit a little old lady shut-in, as a service project. We were going to bring her dinner. My mother (who was one of the youth leaders), my sister and I made a dish to bring. When we got the call that the woman was feeling poorly, and so we were going to bring the dinner to another woman, instead, we were confused. “I thought that was why we were bringing the dinner?” In America, we bring dinner to someone who is ill, or injured. But, we discovered, they did things differently in Germany.
When we arrived at the woman’s house, we did not just hand her the cooked dishes. No, she ushered us in, sat us down at the table, and served us dinner. My sister and I tried to help, but she firmly told us to sit down, and let her serve us dinner. Confused, we did as she bid us.
After the meal, my sister and I tried to clear the table, and do the dishes. The woman firmly told us to sit back down, and chat with the others. SHE would clean up. WE were guests.
We looked at my mother, for clarification, but she was just as confused as we were. Finally, the other youth leader explained that our service project to this shut-in old lady was to provide her with the opportunity to serve someone. She couldn’t go out, so we brought the service opportunity to HER. She was happily being a hostess. Although she didn’t have the strength and stamina (or money!) to cook and serve a big meal for ten guests, when provided with the food, she could do the actual serving, at least, and took pleasure in it.
By letting her serve us, we were serving her.
When you go to others for help, and support, you are likewise giving them an opportunity to be of service. You are letting them help, and get the warm fuzzies and feelings of worthiness. So, even if you can’t actually do any “real” service to others, by giving others the chance to help you, you are, in effect, helping them.
I’ve had to really embrace that philosophy in recent years, as my own capacity for DOING service has nearly disappeared. I had to swallow my pride, and ask for help, and allow other people to serve and show charity to me. It’s hard, actually. But it is real.
And sometimes, you can help people just by smiling at them, and offering them a bit of hope. Sometimes, that’s all you can do, but that’s real service, too. And you probably aren’t even aware of how many people you helped in just such a way.
Not to mention the wisdom and support you give others right here, and other forums.
And I’m sure there are many other ways you “add value” to the world, simply by being a part of it. Ways that you can’t even identify, but someone benefits from them.
So, please don’t ever think you aren’t of value, if you aren’t actively helping others. You are always of value, Ally. ALWAYS.
@bunnybunny – Wow, that’s harsh. They want nothing to do with you? Wow.
I got my improvement through medical massage therapy. My therapist is nationally certified. State certified isn’t really good enough, because the state sets the bar really low. At least, my state does.
I don’t know if massage therapy would work for you. However, it’s a possibility, depending on the type of issue you have. I was amazed at just how many issues massage can help.
Hopefully, those week-long time-outs of yours aren’t too problematic for your work. Or are you able to get along without it?
Thank’ee!
No, they haven’t gotten sunburned yet. We’re quite liberal with the lotion, although cautious around the eyes.
That’s my wee girl in the first photo (as if you couldn’t tell she were a girl) and at the worst she may have grown her first freckle over her left shoulderblade. We don’t know how long it’s been there, though.
…Seriously?
Because a 3-year-old can totally understand concepts like rollover punishments.
And she’s expecting him to be good after she takes away all his toys? What can he possibly do that isn’t naughty if she takes away all his methods of entertainment?
@michelle young
You play runescape? 😀 Me too!
On that note, good news, I’ve been hanging with my brother more often, cuz we’ve been chatting on that site 😀 😀
@girlscientist
yay. Though I”m sorry to hear about you having a creepy ex coworker 🙁
@breakfastman
glad to hear your new job is going well :3
@katz
Um wow. Toiling accidents are not offences. they’re just accidents
WOw that poor kid 🙁
@michelle
Hey, taht happens to me when I”m loopy on my panic pills 😀
@falconer
AWw, your babies are so cute! 😀
@katz
I don’t know 🙁 It reminds me of some of my parents punishment methods later in childhood, but idk if I”d feel weird talkign about them here.
And yeah. even when I was babysitting a 5 year old he found a five minute time out to be super long. No idea what he’d do if I took away his toys. I just don’t htink long punishments are very good for young kids.
Baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabies, adorable baaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaabies!!!
Ally: I hope you’re able to be kind to yourself. It sounds like you’re doing the best you can in a very bad situation.
Michelle:
Yep. I do that, too!
Only, I don’t have chronic pain, and can’t do mind altering substances because the feeling of my brain not working quite the way it’s supposed to freaks me out. Literally. They gave me Vicodin in the ER once, and 40 minutes later I was staring at the wall, shivering, crying, and saying over and over again that my head wasn’t working right, and it needed to stop, and I couldn’t focus, and I didn’t like this, and…
… Yeah. Same story with morphine, that other time (which was lame, because morphine’s supposed to make you not care that things are wonky). And whatever they use to knock you out for wisdom teeth surgery. If I ever get chronic pain, I’m kind of hosed. 🙁
My hugs in the presence of family and faux-family are all sober, but silly. My older sister usually just looks amused after the fifth ‘I love you’ of the day, whenever we’re together.
Falconer has traded in his teeny babies for big kids!
Yeah, I like Runescape. I can’t play it when I’m on my pills, though. It takes too many brain cells, especially if the chat is on. My old clan sort of imploded, when the founder ticked off too many members, and they rage-quit, but it was reeeeaaaalllllyyyyy chatty before that, so it took a lot of brain-power to keep up. My new clan, however, is not chatty, at all, so it’s easier. Basically, I joined that one for the citadel, and as long as I cap each week, they’re happy and don’t bug me with lots of questions.
Still, I have to have some in-depth written notes for things like farm-runs and such, or else I get completely lost, and run out of time on my Greenfingers aura before I finish. I used to have a daily chores list, that was actually laminated! But then I leveled up, and had to re-do it, and didn’t have the laminator any more, so I just have a steno pad with all my notes.
I tried to get my Mom on the game, but she couldn’t figure it out, even with me sitting by her, and helping. It’s just not her thing. So, I took over her membership, and get to play as a noob all over again. That’s pretty fun, actually. Some of those quests, I really wish I could repeat, you know? Garden of Tranquility, for example, is so funny. And Perils of Ice Mountain. I’m doing her as a non-combatant, though, so that changes some things. Mostly, I just send her to Ardougne, and have her bake a million potatoes, or else work on building up her house.
There are a few friends that I chat with, though, and that’s nice. I’ve met some really nice people on Runescape.
@michelle
I’ve never actually joined a clan 😛
And i’ve been gone for like, 2 yrs before just coming back. I have no idea what any of the auras do XD
oh, me too, so much! I love questing, and I”ve forgotten about osme of the ones I did years ago.
I haven’t met that many people. I used to talk to some more often, but after having been gone 2 yrs I only have 1 friend left. Luckily we both remembered each other 😀
Hey, do you want to add each other on runescape, or is that not something you’d be interested in?
Long time reader here venturing into the comments for the first time – Hi, all! Sending supportive vibes to Ally, marinerachel, Kat, and anyone else who’s had tough stuff going on recently.
Thanks for the comments re my PhD registration, I will now be spending today finding the form to freeze my registration while I undergo more cancer treatment.
Ally: hugs.
Falconer: so cuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuute.
Michelle: yes, the comments you have made is where I get cross at other atheists (I’m an atheist) who make out that all religion does is harm. You have given some very good examples where religion is actually a huge practical support to people. Until atheism can come up with an alternative support mechanism for people, it can just shut up about all religion being harmful.
bunnybunny: have you found out any information about the surgery(?) you had and the side effects, to know if your outcome is a known side effect? I can’t work out from your comment/s whether it was a known risk or whether medical malpractice or negligence might have contributed. Pain sucks. I’ve had it over the past 3 weeks due to surgery (now actually under control with ibuprofen plus codeine nighttime top ups when I can’t sleep), but I also had really bad RSI in my right wrist and elbow, where the pain was so bad one day I sat ther with a knife against my arm wondering how deep I had to cut before they would amputate. No, I didn’t do anything bad. So I understand how severe pain hurts, and I know how draining and depressing it is – and how mentally and emotionally overwhelming it can be. The Cancer Society has given me some audio CDs on how to relax, do guided imagery, etc to help with pain and lack of sleep – have you considered anything like that might help (apologies if you already have, just trying to think of practical things)?
Kat: the poor child, and hugs to both of you for having to cope with this as well. Stress can contribute to the types of outcomes your child is having at his biological(?) mother’s house, so the horrid stuff she is doing as punishment can make it worse. Having completely different parenting approaches aren’t good for a small child either, and your methods sound great (i.e. it would be good if her’s could be brought in line with your’s). A child psychologist might be able to give you and your partner some good practical advice on how to deal with this situation, as they have a wide range of expertise in dealing with children from various presenting issues (family break-up to DSM-type issues). If it’s any help, I think the two of you are awesome at parenting. 🙂
Bleh. I’m kinda having to slow down on writeathon stuff, because my brain is giving off all the warning signs. We’ve been doing a LOT of memory work and putting a lot of shit together (SPOILER: the news is never good) and I finally figured out today that all the gut wrenches and ED symptoms were probably from that. Like, I’m okay, I’m handling all right, it’s just… I dunno. Having such a tragic backstroy is NOT as cool as random strangers on the Internet told me it would be.
In much nicer news, though, hubby and me will be having our seventh anniversary soon! We’re trying to decide on something cool to do.
RE: Kat
Uh. That sounds like child abuse to me. I mean, shit, he’s THREE. Three-year-olds don’t just piss themselves to manipulate you. And also, he’s a fucking toddler! Toddlers don’t understand days-long punishments. No shit he’d get more and more upset as all his shit is taken away!
@LBT
all the internet hugs from me if you want them. 🙁
And preemptive happy aniversary, too.
@LBT: sorry to hear that. I am of the impression that tragic backstories in fiction are more interesting to those that haven’t themselves got a tragic backstory – because it stays in the realm of fiction for them.
Ooooo 7th anniversary. 🙂 If you guys do anything, even just put on silly hats, I’ve love to see photos. I’m still at the same email as I used for the artwork with you, if you feel safe to send me anything.
I like photos of other people, and their pets, and their children. 🙂 I really enjoy seeing people having a fun time.
Oooh, 7th is copper or wool, isn’t it? that could be fun …
Early happy anniversary.
RE: Marie
And preemptive happy aniversary, too.
Thanks!
RE: pallygirl
@LBT: sorry to hear that. I am of the impression that tragic backstories in fiction are more interesting to those that haven’t themselves got a tragic backstory – because it stays in the realm of fiction for them.
I can totally believe that. At least on the plus side, I am completely impervious to existential malaise!
Ooooo 7th anniversary. 🙂 If you guys do anything, even just put on silly hats, I’ve love to see photos.
I may have to sketch something! That’d be fun. We’ll probably go hiking… maybe a nice dinner… porn…
RE: titianblue
Oooh, 7th is copper or wool, isn’t it?
Fifth was leather. This gave us much giggles.
Okay, not the porn, but the sketching or hiking or dinner photos sound great. 🙂
@pallygirl – I wasn’t as aware of the risks when I had the surgery because I was thirteen at the time, but I have read a lot about it since and it does seem to be a common side effect. I had most of my spine fused. I’m not sure what exactly is causing the ongoing pain – like I said earlier, the hospital has little interest in these cases because there is nothing for them to “fix” and pain management is not their job. I’m pretty lucky anyway – I’ve read about cases where people are in constant, debilitating pain. Mine comes and goes. I’ll definitely look into the type of CDs you’re talking about. It sounds like they could be really useful in coping with bad pain episodes. Thanks (: