Since we have an open thread: does anybody know of a good impartial Beginner’s Guide To MRA/PUA/[whatever flavour of misogyny] site? It’s pretty hard to find anybody describing the basics of the “Men’s Rights” origin and general tenets without coming down pretty strongly either approvingly or disparagingly. (FTR I’m all for disparaging these guys at every opportunity, I’m just looking for something with a little more distance and detachment, if that’s possible).
Kim
10 years ago
Maybe you should queue up some open threads to post automatically on the first of every month. Can you do that in .com wordpress? This is a .com, right? not .org?
I just got back online, after a break, and read through the posts of the last couple of weeks. Bleh. Glad I missed it. I’m especially glad I missed the fake-father’s day stuff. Yikes! Father’s Day has always been special to me. I love my Dad.
So, personal stuff, I just “celebrated” Father’s Day, by remembering my dead Dad. He died just about a year ago. It was rather funny, actually. The day the men from church came and put in a ramp for him, because he was in the hospital recovering from an amputation (Note – Ingrown toenails are DANGEROUS!), is the day he fell. He was due to come home in just three days! So, they put in the ramp one day, sat with us at the hospital that night, and then took the ramp out the next day. Happy Father’s Day, Dad! I hope you like it in Heaven.
Actually, I know he does like it in Heaven, because he came to visit my mother, not long after he died. He was happy, and laughing, and she was livid, because she was in her underwear, and he brought friends. LOL. She has no idea who the other two guys were, but Dad was smiling and laughing and having a ball. He was wearing his all-time favorite suit, too. Not white robes, or anything angelic. Nope. He was wearing his favorite green jaeger-suit, from Germany. Heaven is not, apparently, what we were always told. But he’s happy, and he wanted her to know it. She was quite comforted (after she got over being embarrassed about being in her underwear), and told us all about it.
For Father’s Day, in particular, I invited my brother and his family to the pool, my treat. It was a lot of fun, and I got so sunburned, I have been staying in my room, topless, ever since. That was fun on Tuesday, when the missionaries came to dinner. I yelled out, “Is it safe to come out, yet?” because I really had to go to the bathroom, but, like I said – topless. It’s OK with just my Mom and my sisters, because I hold something up in front of my breasts, but those poor young men would have been waaaayyyyyy too scandalized.
Actually, that would have been funny, but I do have to face them on a Sunday, so…
Doh!
Sorry posted the link in isolation.
Was wondering if y’all had heard this-Paul Elam stating “consequences” for women are missing; states AVfM/RH will host their personal info/daily routes
I just went to the last thread, and read the last page, only, of comments. There are too many to do more than that.
However, I have to say to Ally S. – ALL THE JEDI-HUGS IN THE WORLD!!!!!!
Don’t believe the haters that call themselves your family. You have always been so good and kind to me, and I refuse to believe anyone who says that you are less-than wonderful. So don’t you believe it, either!
As to the letter idea, I second that a letter would be dangerous. But, if you can establish some other form of communication, that might be good. Will your sisters, for example, be able to access this website? You could tell them your screen-name, and to watch out for the monthly personal threads. I don’t know. That might be too public, and easy for them to be caught.
Oh! Idea! Do you play any multi-player online games, with a chat mode? Like Runescape? If so, maybe you could invite your sisters to join you in the game, and you could private chat with them there. The game mods may keep a log, but most of the time mere players aren’t able to log the conversations, so it should be safe enough, with no record for the ‘rents to read later. You can have real ongoing conversations with them, that way, and with screen names that they know, but the ‘rents don’t know, you can keep the whole thing on the sly. Runescape has a play-for-free option, so as long as you can access it on the internet, money won’t be an issue. I chat with my sister that way, sometimes, and she’s only in the next room. But when we’re both playing, it works better than shouting through the walls. We always call each other by our screen names, in case someone else is hanging around on screen. There are alternate ways of chatting, too. Public chat, is just talking for anyone to read, and then there are private messages, and friend chats lines, where anyone who is in the friend group (invited to join) can chat, and then there are private clans. You have several options, so you can get as personal as you want, really, and it’s pretty safe. Of course, my only experience with this is Runescape, but there may be others that will work.
Only you know your real situation. Please be careful. And I hope that things get better in the future, and that your sisters are able to make it through and be stronger at the end. Keep in touch as best you can. At least you have more options nowadays than a few decades ago.
Would you accept prayers, for you and your sisters?
girlscientist
10 years ago
I’ve been able to avoid getting cornered by a creepy ex-coworker at the work conference I’m at! It’s taken some cunning, but so far I’ve managed to avoid being alone with him.
Yaaay, girlscientist! I know how hard that can be. Been there, done that. Unfortunately, it caused me to miss out on some stuff I really wanted to do. Hopefully, you will be able to accomplish all your goals for this conference.
Also, Ally – I totally sympathize about being high. I’ve been on my pain pills for the last two weeks. It’s hard.
I never could understand why people would get high for fun. I do not find it fun. It’s just too hard to function. But sometimes, it is necessary.
You do what you need to do, and stay safe, please. I like you too much to lose you.
BreakfastMan
10 years ago
Things have been going very well for me recently. New job is great, I like all the people I am with. I even got a promotion, of sorts! Things are going just fine in the BreakfastMan household, all things considered. XD
@marinerachel – Wow. That person was just… I don’t know. A trainee, maybe? I hope.
Anyway, hopefully they’ll talk to your psych and get it all worked out. You have every right to be ticked off about that. How very unhelpful, and even triggering. YIKES!
My stepson’s mum took him for 10 days while my partner and I went on holiday. When we got back, it was to various texts bemoaning his behaviour and saying we needed to have a serious talk. We were a bit nonplussed because his behaviour with us (where he spends 60% or more of his time) has been as good as any three year old’s if not significantly better. Apparently he has been talking back, saying “shut up” to everyone, hitting, throwing things and deliberately soiling himself (he is toilet training just now). To cope with these things she came up with this chart and just handed it to us like – this is what you’re going to do. She didn’t even ask if we maybe already had techniques (spoiler: we do). Her techniques are:
First offence: time out
Second offence: TV privileges removed for that day
Third offence: ALL toys confiscated for that day
Fourth offence: removal and confiscation is carried through to the next day to be “earned back”
Did I mention he’s three? Did I also mention that she counts toileting accidents as ‘offences?’ Did I also also mention that he has spontaneously declared “mummy smacks me if I pee myself” multiple times now – we’ve been very careful not to act shocked or sympathetic in case he is lying, but up until now he hasn’t told a lie any more sophisticated than “no, I haven’t just had a sweet so I clearly need another one” or variants on that theme.
We took the chart, we wrote down our rules which have been in place for over a year, and we followed the chart our way. I’m not saying this to be competitive, but her tactic is “punish by removing basic enjoyments” and ours is “special rewards conditional on set good behaviours plus timeouts for general misdeeds after he’s been warned.” Her *three days* on the chart had ten sad faces including two toileting accidents, our *seven days* had five sad faces including zero toileting accidents.
We showed her our side of the chart and our rules and she went berserk and accused us of lying on the chart. In front of the kid, who had been so excited about showing mummy how good he had been.
bunnybunny
10 years ago
I never could understand why people would get high for fun. I do not find it fun. It’s just too hard to function. But sometimes, it is necessary.
Some recreational drug use is “for fun” but also certain people are genetically predisposed to substance abuse and addiction. I’m glad you’re not having that issue with your pain meds, I’ve known too many people who have.
Michelle – that’s so cool that your dad visited your mum, but I am so rolling my eyes that he bowled in with total strangers and didn’t even check if she was dressed! Shades of Truly, Madly, Deeply. 😀
Mind you I think Louis could top that: he was there when I was born. Mum didn’t know, of course, but she wasn’t too impressed when she found out a few years back.
I always thought the idea of white angelic robes very boring – if I had to go for robes I’d go for the sort one sees in some Renaissance paintings, much more colourful. But clothes, actual different clothes, are so much fun. When I first started catching glimpses of Louis, he was in a very simplified version of the sort of style he wore as an adult in his earthly days. Then he started experimenting with mixtures, like jackets that had a fairly 70s vibe to them. For the last few years he’s settled into a pretty basic jeans and tee shirts with lots of lovely knitwear.
I’d love to see him in the sort of full court dress he wore for great occasions, or in the gorgeous armour in his portraits, but I don’t think he’s interested: it’s all too long ago and his earthly memories weren’t exactly happy ones.
Ally, I just want to add my voice to the chorus of people who are telling you how brave you are. I am 40 years old and have only just been managing to build some boundaries for myself with regard to my family’s emotional abuse. What you are doing is shatteringly difficult. Much love to you.
@Kat – Wow. I have no words for the step-kid’s mum. Just wow. And I’m very glad the kid spends most of his time with you!
@bunnybunny – yeah, alcoholism actually runs in my family, on BOTH sides. I came thiiiiiiissssss close to being addicted to codeine, when I was 18. I mean, literally counting down “only 23 more hours until my next dose!” Then I heard about my cousin, who actually killed a woman to get drug money. He had just been sentenced to prison. That’s when I vowed I’d rather live with the pain than an addiction, and I threw the medicine away. I spent 20 years with chronic pain, before my accident gave me a different kind of pain, and a different medication to deal with it.
My current medication makes me reeeaaalllllly stupid, and high, but it is not addictive for me. If I’m having a good day, I can go without the meds without any withdrawal symptoms, at all. Unfortunately, I do know that some people are addicted to this same medication. We (my family and I) keep a close eye on it, but it’s been a long time, and I still don’t have withdrawals whenever I don’t need it, so I think it’s a good match for me.
It’s funny how different chemicals can react differently in different people, huh? It’s almost like we’re individuals, or something!
I have to admit, I really do enjoy the feeling of nitrous oxide. It almost (ALMOST) makes it worth getting a cavity. But other than that, I don’t really enjoy the feeling of being high. Not only do I get really stupid, and say and do dumb, or even dangerous, stuff, but it’s just not really fun for me. Maybe it’s a different kind of high? I’ve never done “recreational” drugs, so I don’t have a basis for comparison, I suppose. Nitrous oxide just makes me so darned relaxed, I don’t care if the dentist drills my tongue. It’s not so much “fun” as it is extremely mellow.
I don’t get mellow on my pain meds. I get stupid, and I get more easily upset. Riding in a car – I panic a LOT. But I’m also more observant. As in, I constantly point out things I see, even if they have absolutely no bearing on what’s happening at the moment. “Oh, look! A cow!” If something is bright, colorful, or otherwise pretty, I will comment on it.
Now, my family are highly entertained by me when I’m high. My sister is still laughing about “the noodle incident.” Last week, I had a freak-out melt-down in the middle of the night, when I went to the kitchen for a snack, and saw that someone had put thin spaghetti in the regular spaghetti container, and we had no regular spaghetti in the house, and “It’s a CALAMITY! I don’t know WHY it’s a calamity, because I’m high, but it IIIISSSSS!” Yes, I’m self-aware when I’m high. That was the funniest part for her. Well, for her. My other sister wasn’t nearly so amused, because I woke her up, to ask for her help in comparing spaghetti thicknesses. It’s not my fault she sometimes sleeps with the light on. I thought she was awake. However, she is very understanding and forgiving of me, when it’s clear I’m high. Thank goodness.
A few days ago, I started a sentence, and five words later, couldn’t remember what I was going to say. Laugh riot.
And I frequently go around hugging people, and telling them “I love you.” Mind you, I only do this with people I actually know and love, but I mean, every five minutes, “I love you.” And pat them on the head. And then, I have to go through the house, and make sure I get everyone, equally, including the pets. “I love you.” Pat pat pat.
I am very blessed that my family find this hilarious, and not annoying as all get-out. It could be very different.
My sister says, though, and I take great comfort in it, that my behavior while I’m high proves that I’m a good person. Some people are well-behaved when sober, but get become downright awful when they’re drunk, because they are doing what they really want to do, and not considering the consequences, or their inhibitions. She says that people’s true nature comes out when they are drunk or high, and “mean-drunks,” are basically just acting on their true desires, that they would otherwise squelch. But because I am a “happy drunk,” she says that means I don’t have those dark, cruel aspects.
Hah. Little does she know. No, really, I have dark cruel aspects. I just torture my Sims, and play role-playing games where I can whack monsters, and get it all out there, instead of directing it at real people. Video games are like therapy for me, when I’m angry or hurt. It’s cathartic. And once I work through the anger or the pain, I can be mellow again. Holding a grudge for long takes up too much energy, and I just don’t have the stamina to be angry for long.
Wow. Sorry for that long post. I just got on a roll.
Hello and welcome, schwadevivre! I really like your username.
If anyone needs a moment of cute, my babies are both walking now; we’re taking them to the pool now that it’s (boiling) hot out; and today is their second day of daycare.
@kitteh – I take it he wouldn’t go for a renaissance faire? We have a faire near here every spring, and I love it. I enjoy dressing in garb, when I can. But I have to agree – that old-fashioned stuff is nice for a day, but I wouldn’t want to live in it. Very restrictive.
@Ally – Know that you are not alone. It’s hard, pulling away from toxic family, especially when you want to be close to the rest of your family. Actual physical distance can help.
My Dad somehow managed to protect us from our grandparents abuse, while simultaneously teaching us to love and respect them. I don’t know how he did it. He was amazing.
I think, though, that you have that same capacity – to be amazing! You can’t physically be there, between your sisters and the hurts of the world, but I’ve seen your words, and as long as you can maintain contact with those girls, you can help them. You have a wisdom in you, and a strength, that you can share with them.
If they are anything like you, they will pull through, and be the better for it, in the long run. Not to get all Nietsche on you, but yes, if this doesn’t destroy you, it will make you, and them, better and stronger. It will teach compassion for others, in a profoundly deep way. And, it will teach you and your sisters to stand up for other victims, when you are in a position to do so.
Optimist me is not trying to minimize your pain, but to give you something hopeful to cling to, when the times are hard, and the way is dark, and the hurtful lies are eating at your soul. You have the opportunity here to do something great, to be great! Not conquer-the-world great, like Alexander, but healing-the-heart great. That battle is more important than anything fought with swords or guns.
And you are not alone. You have friends who will support you, when you need it.
bunnybunny
10 years ago
Yeah. I have back pain from a spinal surgery I had when I was younger, but I don’t take medication as I am a recovering heroin addict and there’s just not really any way I wouldn’t abuse opioid painkillers. I was a high-functioning addict (to the extent that that exists) and graduated college and held a good job during my addiction. But for every part of your life that you can keep together, there are as many parts that are inevitably falling apart when you are an addict.
Painkillers do affect people differently. I’m glad you’re able to maintain a healthy relationship with pain management!
We Hunted The Mammoth
Continued from here:
https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2014/05/19/open-thread-for-personal-stuff-very-belated-may-2014-edition/
There are several active discussions going on there; please take a look at them before posting here.
Since we have an open thread: does anybody know of a good impartial Beginner’s Guide To MRA/PUA/[whatever flavour of misogyny] site? It’s pretty hard to find anybody describing the basics of the “Men’s Rights” origin and general tenets without coming down pretty strongly either approvingly or disparagingly. (FTR I’m all for disparaging these guys at every opportunity, I’m just looking for something with a little more distance and detachment, if that’s possible).
Maybe you should queue up some open threads to post automatically on the first of every month. Can you do that in .com wordpress? This is a .com, right? not .org?
strivingally – I don’t know; I first read about the scrotosphere here.
I, too, first read about it here.
I just got back online, after a break, and read through the posts of the last couple of weeks. Bleh. Glad I missed it. I’m especially glad I missed the fake-father’s day stuff. Yikes! Father’s Day has always been special to me. I love my Dad.
So, personal stuff, I just “celebrated” Father’s Day, by remembering my dead Dad. He died just about a year ago. It was rather funny, actually. The day the men from church came and put in a ramp for him, because he was in the hospital recovering from an amputation (Note – Ingrown toenails are DANGEROUS!), is the day he fell. He was due to come home in just three days! So, they put in the ramp one day, sat with us at the hospital that night, and then took the ramp out the next day. Happy Father’s Day, Dad! I hope you like it in Heaven.
Actually, I know he does like it in Heaven, because he came to visit my mother, not long after he died. He was happy, and laughing, and she was livid, because she was in her underwear, and he brought friends. LOL. She has no idea who the other two guys were, but Dad was smiling and laughing and having a ball. He was wearing his all-time favorite suit, too. Not white robes, or anything angelic. Nope. He was wearing his favorite green jaeger-suit, from Germany. Heaven is not, apparently, what we were always told. But he’s happy, and he wanted her to know it. She was quite comforted (after she got over being embarrassed about being in her underwear), and told us all about it.
For Father’s Day, in particular, I invited my brother and his family to the pool, my treat. It was a lot of fun, and I got so sunburned, I have been staying in my room, topless, ever since. That was fun on Tuesday, when the missionaries came to dinner. I yelled out, “Is it safe to come out, yet?” because I really had to go to the bathroom, but, like I said – topless. It’s OK with just my Mom and my sisters, because I hold something up in front of my breasts, but those poor young men would have been waaaayyyyyy too scandalized.
Actually, that would have been funny, but I do have to face them on a Sunday, so…
Just a note to introduce myself – British, over 60 also known as intaglio and playonwords
http://yourlisten.com/NLibertusOnline_tw/pauls-threat
Doh!
Sorry posted the link in isolation.
Was wondering if y’all had heard this-Paul Elam stating “consequences” for women are missing; states AVfM/RH will host their personal info/daily routes
I just went to the last thread, and read the last page, only, of comments. There are too many to do more than that.
However, I have to say to Ally S. – ALL THE JEDI-HUGS IN THE WORLD!!!!!!
Don’t believe the haters that call themselves your family. You have always been so good and kind to me, and I refuse to believe anyone who says that you are less-than wonderful. So don’t you believe it, either!
As to the letter idea, I second that a letter would be dangerous. But, if you can establish some other form of communication, that might be good. Will your sisters, for example, be able to access this website? You could tell them your screen-name, and to watch out for the monthly personal threads. I don’t know. That might be too public, and easy for them to be caught.
Oh! Idea! Do you play any multi-player online games, with a chat mode? Like Runescape? If so, maybe you could invite your sisters to join you in the game, and you could private chat with them there. The game mods may keep a log, but most of the time mere players aren’t able to log the conversations, so it should be safe enough, with no record for the ‘rents to read later. You can have real ongoing conversations with them, that way, and with screen names that they know, but the ‘rents don’t know, you can keep the whole thing on the sly. Runescape has a play-for-free option, so as long as you can access it on the internet, money won’t be an issue. I chat with my sister that way, sometimes, and she’s only in the next room. But when we’re both playing, it works better than shouting through the walls. We always call each other by our screen names, in case someone else is hanging around on screen. There are alternate ways of chatting, too. Public chat, is just talking for anyone to read, and then there are private messages, and friend chats lines, where anyone who is in the friend group (invited to join) can chat, and then there are private clans. You have several options, so you can get as personal as you want, really, and it’s pretty safe. Of course, my only experience with this is Runescape, but there may be others that will work.
Only you know your real situation. Please be careful. And I hope that things get better in the future, and that your sisters are able to make it through and be stronger at the end. Keep in touch as best you can. At least you have more options nowadays than a few decades ago.
Would you accept prayers, for you and your sisters?
I’ve been able to avoid getting cornered by a creepy ex-coworker at the work conference I’m at! It’s taken some cunning, but so far I’ve managed to avoid being alone with him.
Hello, schwadevivre. Have you received your welcome package?
http://artistryforfeminismandkittens.wordpress.com/the-official-man-boobz-complimentary-welcome-package/
Yaaay, girlscientist! I know how hard that can be. Been there, done that. Unfortunately, it caused me to miss out on some stuff I really wanted to do. Hopefully, you will be able to accomplish all your goals for this conference.
Good luck with your continued safety.
Also, Ally – I totally sympathize about being high. I’ve been on my pain pills for the last two weeks. It’s hard.
I never could understand why people would get high for fun. I do not find it fun. It’s just too hard to function. But sometimes, it is necessary.
You do what you need to do, and stay safe, please. I like you too much to lose you.
Things have been going very well for me recently. New job is great, I like all the people I am with. I even got a promotion, of sorts! Things are going just fine in the BreakfastMan household, all things considered. XD
@marinerachel – Wow. That person was just… I don’t know. A trainee, maybe? I hope.
Anyway, hopefully they’ll talk to your psych and get it all worked out. You have every right to be ticked off about that. How very unhelpful, and even triggering. YIKES!
Take care.
@pallygirl – Congratulations! Good for you!
My stepson’s mum took him for 10 days while my partner and I went on holiday. When we got back, it was to various texts bemoaning his behaviour and saying we needed to have a serious talk. We were a bit nonplussed because his behaviour with us (where he spends 60% or more of his time) has been as good as any three year old’s if not significantly better. Apparently he has been talking back, saying “shut up” to everyone, hitting, throwing things and deliberately soiling himself (he is toilet training just now). To cope with these things she came up with this chart and just handed it to us like – this is what you’re going to do. She didn’t even ask if we maybe already had techniques (spoiler: we do). Her techniques are:
First offence: time out
Second offence: TV privileges removed for that day
Third offence: ALL toys confiscated for that day
Fourth offence: removal and confiscation is carried through to the next day to be “earned back”
Did I mention he’s three? Did I also mention that she counts toileting accidents as ‘offences?’ Did I also also mention that he has spontaneously declared “mummy smacks me if I pee myself” multiple times now – we’ve been very careful not to act shocked or sympathetic in case he is lying, but up until now he hasn’t told a lie any more sophisticated than “no, I haven’t just had a sweet so I clearly need another one” or variants on that theme.
We took the chart, we wrote down our rules which have been in place for over a year, and we followed the chart our way. I’m not saying this to be competitive, but her tactic is “punish by removing basic enjoyments” and ours is “special rewards conditional on set good behaviours plus timeouts for general misdeeds after he’s been warned.” Her *three days* on the chart had ten sad faces including two toileting accidents, our *seven days* had five sad faces including zero toileting accidents.
We showed her our side of the chart and our rules and she went berserk and accused us of lying on the chart. In front of the kid, who had been so excited about showing mummy how good he had been.
Some recreational drug use is “for fun” but also certain people are genetically predisposed to substance abuse and addiction. I’m glad you’re not having that issue with your pain meds, I’ve known too many people who have.
Michelle – that’s so cool that your dad visited your mum, but I am so rolling my eyes that he bowled in with total strangers and didn’t even check if she was dressed! Shades of Truly, Madly, Deeply. 😀
Mind you I think Louis could top that: he was there when I was born. Mum didn’t know, of course, but she wasn’t too impressed when she found out a few years back.
I always thought the idea of white angelic robes very boring – if I had to go for robes I’d go for the sort one sees in some Renaissance paintings, much more colourful. But clothes, actual different clothes, are so much fun. When I first started catching glimpses of Louis, he was in a very simplified version of the sort of style he wore as an adult in his earthly days. Then he started experimenting with mixtures, like jackets that had a fairly 70s vibe to them. For the last few years he’s settled into a pretty basic jeans and tee shirts with lots of lovely knitwear.
I’d love to see him in the sort of full court dress he wore for great occasions, or in the gorgeous armour in his portraits, but I don’t think he’s interested: it’s all too long ago and his earthly memories weren’t exactly happy ones.
Ally, I just want to add my voice to the chorus of people who are telling you how brave you are. I am 40 years old and have only just been managing to build some boundaries for myself with regard to my family’s emotional abuse. What you are doing is shatteringly difficult. Much love to you.
@Kat – Wow. I have no words for the step-kid’s mum. Just wow. And I’m very glad the kid spends most of his time with you!
@bunnybunny – yeah, alcoholism actually runs in my family, on BOTH sides. I came thiiiiiiissssss close to being addicted to codeine, when I was 18. I mean, literally counting down “only 23 more hours until my next dose!” Then I heard about my cousin, who actually killed a woman to get drug money. He had just been sentenced to prison. That’s when I vowed I’d rather live with the pain than an addiction, and I threw the medicine away. I spent 20 years with chronic pain, before my accident gave me a different kind of pain, and a different medication to deal with it.
My current medication makes me reeeaaalllllly stupid, and high, but it is not addictive for me. If I’m having a good day, I can go without the meds without any withdrawal symptoms, at all. Unfortunately, I do know that some people are addicted to this same medication. We (my family and I) keep a close eye on it, but it’s been a long time, and I still don’t have withdrawals whenever I don’t need it, so I think it’s a good match for me.
It’s funny how different chemicals can react differently in different people, huh? It’s almost like we’re individuals, or something!
I have to admit, I really do enjoy the feeling of nitrous oxide. It almost (ALMOST) makes it worth getting a cavity. But other than that, I don’t really enjoy the feeling of being high. Not only do I get really stupid, and say and do dumb, or even dangerous, stuff, but it’s just not really fun for me. Maybe it’s a different kind of high? I’ve never done “recreational” drugs, so I don’t have a basis for comparison, I suppose. Nitrous oxide just makes me so darned relaxed, I don’t care if the dentist drills my tongue. It’s not so much “fun” as it is extremely mellow.
I don’t get mellow on my pain meds. I get stupid, and I get more easily upset. Riding in a car – I panic a LOT. But I’m also more observant. As in, I constantly point out things I see, even if they have absolutely no bearing on what’s happening at the moment. “Oh, look! A cow!” If something is bright, colorful, or otherwise pretty, I will comment on it.
Now, my family are highly entertained by me when I’m high. My sister is still laughing about “the noodle incident.” Last week, I had a freak-out melt-down in the middle of the night, when I went to the kitchen for a snack, and saw that someone had put thin spaghetti in the regular spaghetti container, and we had no regular spaghetti in the house, and “It’s a CALAMITY! I don’t know WHY it’s a calamity, because I’m high, but it IIIISSSSS!” Yes, I’m self-aware when I’m high. That was the funniest part for her. Well, for her. My other sister wasn’t nearly so amused, because I woke her up, to ask for her help in comparing spaghetti thicknesses. It’s not my fault she sometimes sleeps with the light on. I thought she was awake. However, she is very understanding and forgiving of me, when it’s clear I’m high. Thank goodness.
A few days ago, I started a sentence, and five words later, couldn’t remember what I was going to say. Laugh riot.
And I frequently go around hugging people, and telling them “I love you.” Mind you, I only do this with people I actually know and love, but I mean, every five minutes, “I love you.” And pat them on the head. And then, I have to go through the house, and make sure I get everyone, equally, including the pets. “I love you.” Pat pat pat.
I am very blessed that my family find this hilarious, and not annoying as all get-out. It could be very different.
My sister says, though, and I take great comfort in it, that my behavior while I’m high proves that I’m a good person. Some people are well-behaved when sober, but get become downright awful when they’re drunk, because they are doing what they really want to do, and not considering the consequences, or their inhibitions. She says that people’s true nature comes out when they are drunk or high, and “mean-drunks,” are basically just acting on their true desires, that they would otherwise squelch. But because I am a “happy drunk,” she says that means I don’t have those dark, cruel aspects.
Hah. Little does she know. No, really, I have dark cruel aspects. I just torture my Sims, and play role-playing games where I can whack monsters, and get it all out there, instead of directing it at real people. Video games are like therapy for me, when I’m angry or hurt. It’s cathartic. And once I work through the anger or the pain, I can be mellow again. Holding a grudge for long takes up too much energy, and I just don’t have the stamina to be angry for long.
Wow. Sorry for that long post. I just got on a roll.
Hello and welcome, schwadevivre! I really like your username.
If anyone needs a moment of cute, my babies are both walking now; we’re taking them to the pool now that it’s (boiling) hot out; and today is their second day of daycare.
@Michelle C. Young
All good thoughts, prayers, etc. are welcome.
@kitteh – I take it he wouldn’t go for a renaissance faire? We have a faire near here every spring, and I love it. I enjoy dressing in garb, when I can. But I have to agree – that old-fashioned stuff is nice for a day, but I wouldn’t want to live in it. Very restrictive.
@Ally – Know that you are not alone. It’s hard, pulling away from toxic family, especially when you want to be close to the rest of your family. Actual physical distance can help.
My Dad somehow managed to protect us from our grandparents abuse, while simultaneously teaching us to love and respect them. I don’t know how he did it. He was amazing.
I think, though, that you have that same capacity – to be amazing! You can’t physically be there, between your sisters and the hurts of the world, but I’ve seen your words, and as long as you can maintain contact with those girls, you can help them. You have a wisdom in you, and a strength, that you can share with them.
If they are anything like you, they will pull through, and be the better for it, in the long run. Not to get all Nietsche on you, but yes, if this doesn’t destroy you, it will make you, and them, better and stronger. It will teach compassion for others, in a profoundly deep way. And, it will teach you and your sisters to stand up for other victims, when you are in a position to do so.
Optimist me is not trying to minimize your pain, but to give you something hopeful to cling to, when the times are hard, and the way is dark, and the hurtful lies are eating at your soul. You have the opportunity here to do something great, to be great! Not conquer-the-world great, like Alexander, but healing-the-heart great. That battle is more important than anything fought with swords or guns.
And you are not alone. You have friends who will support you, when you need it.
Yeah. I have back pain from a spinal surgery I had when I was younger, but I don’t take medication as I am a recovering heroin addict and there’s just not really any way I wouldn’t abuse opioid painkillers. I was a high-functioning addict (to the extent that that exists) and graduated college and held a good job during my addiction. But for every part of your life that you can keep together, there are as many parts that are inevitably falling apart when you are an addict.
Painkillers do affect people differently. I’m glad you’re able to maintain a healthy relationship with pain management!