Love is in the air at the Chateau Heartiste, the online home of the racist, woman-hating pickup artiste with an “he” at the start of his made up name. In a recent post, Heartiste responds to a reader with the plaintive question: Can sluts fall in love?
Heartiste takes the opportunity to drop some (pseudo)science on the questioner. By which I mean he plucks this nugget of not-quite-scientific nonsense from his posterior:
Absolutely. But they can also fall out of love. And they do both more easily than non-sluts.
Sluts are a strange amalgam of genetic, environmental, and “gray area” influences. Hormones are a good example of a gray area somewhere between the environment and genes which shapes character. While I’ve no hard evidence, I’d bet that sluts release less oxytocin than normal women do during lovemaking, which means the hard slut is less likely to emotionally bond when she’s spermally bonded.
Ah love, sweet ineffable love!
It’s not quite clear how Heartiste became an expert on love, since he seems to thoroughly hate the women he spends so much of his life obsessing about.
Elsewhere in the same “reader mailbag” post, for example, he urges another question-writer to gaslight a former girlfriend who is still showing interest in him in order to score some easy sex. I’ve bolded some of the more repugnant bits for those who’d rather skim than read Mr. H.
She wants the lines of communication open, because she still has hope you’ll give her what she needs. Reply, but only a fraction of the time she texts. Initially, keep it friendly and frivolous, but don’t allow yourself to get boxed into a “friends forever?” interrogation. If she starts down that road, first, know she doesn’t really mean it, and second, amputate that rotten limb of conversation promptly. “You’re so funny” is a reply that will light a fire under her hamster’s ass. Anytime she sends you one of those “just thinking about you” texts, reply “aw that’s sweet.” If she texts, “just got our hair done”, reply, “thanks! i needed to know this.”
The idea is that you are reinforcing your relative higher value by repeatedly and (some would say) sadistically mocking her eagerness to keep you in her life.
Allow for a few weeks of this empty banter, then maneuver her into your fornication zone with a disarming suggestion: “If you need to talk, you can swing by tomorrow (tonight’s no good)”. Through the expert deployment of ambiguous promises, you want her to believe you are warming to the idea of a committed, conventional long-term relationship. The goal is increasing perceptions of your “commitment attainability”, and that will require some feints to the beta side. Convinced of your good intentions, you can extract sexual goodies in this manner for another six months or so, before the process begins anew.
What a charmer!
Heartiste is fond of spinning out these sorts of sadistic fantasies, and his fans lap them up. It’s not clear if any of them have spoken to an actual human woman in years.
Oh yes, this! I so loathe the straw Vulcan sort.
Bwahahahaha!
Reminds me of my opthamologist’s comment yesterday: his wife told him if he falls off a ladder and breaks his neck, she’s leaving him. 😀
Living in NZ, I do get a bit tired of cat haters telling me my pets are decimating the wildlife when *they are indoor cats*. I tell them that, and apparently some of them think that indoor cats are not a thing, and I am lying.
We have bird feeders hanging from one eave outside the living room. We call it cat TV.
Re: Bacteria Farms
Yep. My cat got me really good once. My sister had brought home a kitten, and existing kitty was ticked, and separating them was kind of a challenge. My bites were immediately washed and soaked in antiseptic. Within 12 hours, I had to go to the ER for oral antibiotics. Within 12 more hours, had to go in for IV antibiotics, because the area of of infection had doubled despite the oral antibiotics.
8 IV doses, two separate hunts with a scalpel to relieve abscesses, and a week of precautionary oral antibiotics afterwards to beat his nasty mouth cultures.
Pasturella multocida is nothing to sneeze at.
The cat was very apologetic and cuddly during my recovery. That might have been because we locked him in a room and I was his only source of food, water, and company…
“We have bird feeders hanging from one eave outside the living room. We call it cat TV.”
I used to have multi-colored mice in a reptile box that looked sort of like a TV, and the cats would sit there mesmerized and watch the mice cavort.
regarding birds and fucking: I have an ex whose mother was an anthropologist working at the LA Zoo, she was one of the few people allowed to interact with the California Condors. One of them had, because of how endangered they were; which affected contact at hatching, had imprinted on a bush.
So when he got horny, he’d get himself off on a bush, and they would collect the semen and use it to breed one of the females.
You’ve found the perfect metaphor.
Am I the only person who glances at “Can Sluts Fall in Love?” in the recent comments bar and sees “Cat Sluts Fall in Love?”
I think the birds have gotten used to the cats. I’m really happy that we have a lot of fantails around us, along with tui. Both of them are very attractive birds.
How much sex must a cat have to be called a “slut”? Or really, why is slut still a term when it’s meaningless and so subjective?
“Spermally bonding” sounds a lot like Tepper’s “Hail Mary Priciple”, which she summed up nicely and I will paraphrase. When people catch a flu, they/we aren’t expected to automatically be immunologists, but when a woman catches *sperm* she is automatically an expert in all things woman, although to be fair Tepper was specifically referring to motherhood. (TW for infanticide, rape, DV; the book is “Gibbons Decline and Fall”.)
What. Does that mean that because I’m not interested in sex that I can’t be a full woman?
Primates keep working their way into this conversation.
@ Alice. Apparently I explained very badly and I apologise.
The Hail Mary Principle was specifically about anti choicers/conservatives/etc, and how they feel that any woman coming into contact with sperm is forever changed by it.
@ katz, *gigglesnort*
katz, I sporfled at that.
Gibbons decline and fall if they’ve been doing the Funky Gibbon too long.
Urgh, that’s like the “you can tell when she’s had sex the first time because she swings her hips more walking” nonsense.
1. Any amount, if it’s with Some Other Tomcat.
2. What, you expect misogynists to give up one of their go-to insults for women? Misandry!
Does the super powerful changing nature of spooge count when it’s from a non-earthly* source? Inquiring minds want to know.
*no I am not talking aliens! 😛
That really, really, really sucks for GSM folks. 🙁
LOL.
I think spending time in history subreddits has ruined me. I can’t think of Gibbon anymore without thinking “damn you for perpetuating the Dark Ages myth”.
@ kitteh, exactly! Sperm is magic donchano?
It’s basically one of the tenets of the concept of male superiority. I tend to apply the HMP to *all* sperm worship, which I think applies to the concept of “spermal bonding”.
Biggest misanderer in the HOUSE!
@ Alice, I think the concept is ridiculous. Which is why I loved how it was compared to catching a flu. Sperm is mundane, most men can make it, it’s not scarce, and there is no special magic sperm that will change anyone’s life by mere contact.
I think I should leave this until tomorrow because I’m migrainey and stoned on Gravol.
I almost said “primates keep coming into this conversation,” but I caught myself in time.
Shaun – I hope that you feel better soon! From what I hear about migraines, they hurt. 🙁
Dammit katz, now you owe me a cup of tea and a new keyboard!
@ Alice, thanks. For me it’s not so much the actual pain, it’s the lights sensitivity, sound sensitivity, nausea, and in extremes paralysis. The pain is managable (I wish my 4 year old wanted sleep, but she’s always extra energised by having a cold).
@ katz, have I told you how hilarious you are?
Shaun, ow. 🙁