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Can Sluts Fall in Love? Heartiste on "hard sluts" and the difference between emotional and "spermal bonding."

Alpha cat demonstrating higher value.
Alpha cat demonstrating higher value.

Love is in the air at the Chateau Heartiste, the online home of the racist, woman-hating pickup artiste with an “he” at the start of his made up name. In a recent post, Heartiste responds to a reader with the plaintive question: Can sluts fall in love?

Heartiste takes the opportunity to drop some (pseudo)science on the questioner. By which I mean he plucks this nugget of not-quite-scientific nonsense from his posterior:

Absolutely. But they can also fall out of love. And they do both more easily than non-sluts.

Sluts are a strange amalgam of genetic, environmental, and “gray area” influences. Hormones are a good example of a gray area somewhere between the environment and genes which shapes character. While I’ve no hard evidence, I’d bet that sluts release less oxytocin than normal women do during lovemaking, which means the hard slut is less likely to emotionally bond when she’s spermally bonded.

Ah love, sweet ineffable love!

It’s not quite clear how Heartiste became an expert on love, since he seems to thoroughly hate the women he spends so much of his life obsessing about.

Elsewhere in the same “reader mailbag” post, for example, he urges another question-writer to gaslight a former girlfriend who is still showing interest in him in order to score some easy sex. I’ve bolded some of the more repugnant bits for those who’d rather skim than read Mr. H.

She wants the lines of communication open, because she still has hope you’ll give her what she needs. Reply, but only a fraction of the time she texts. Initially, keep it friendly and frivolous, but don’t allow yourself to get boxed into a “friends forever?” interrogation. If she starts down that road, first, know she doesn’t really mean it, and second, amputate that rotten limb of conversation promptly. “You’re so funny” is a reply that will light a fire under her hamster’s ass. Anytime she sends you one of those “just thinking about you” texts, reply “aw that’s sweet.” If she texts, “just got our hair done”, reply, “thanks! i needed to know this.”

The idea is that you are reinforcing your relative higher value by repeatedly and (some would say) sadistically mocking her eagerness to keep you in her life.

Allow for a few weeks of this empty banter, then maneuver her into your fornication zone with a disarming suggestion: “If you need to talk, you can swing by tomorrow (tonight’s no good)”. Through the expert deployment of ambiguous promises, you want her to believe you are warming to the idea of a committed, conventional long-term relationship. The goal is increasing perceptions of your “commitment attainability”, and that will require some feints to the beta side. Convinced of your good intentions, you can extract sexual goodies in this manner for another six months or so, before the process begins anew.

What a charmer!

Heartiste is fond of spinning out these sorts of sadistic fantasies, and his fans lap them up. It’s not clear if any of them have spoken to an actual human woman in years.

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GrumpyOldMan
GrumpyOldMan
7 years ago

@kittehserf: There have been a number of cats in my life that are gone but remembered with affection. Another was an odd-eyed white we named Snowflake then nicknamed White Noise because she had an unbeatable purr-motor — my wife would stroke her a couple of times and she would purr her to sleep.
I live in a huge 1780-vintage farmhouse with attached barn and we had no cats when I moved in (it was the house my wife grew up in) 31 years ago. Did we ever have rats and mice! So we got the cats to control the rodents — I’m sure you know all about the fringe benefits of kitties. My kitty (as contrasted to our kitties) is a gray tiger named Seneca (Senny) who follows me just about everywhere about the house and yard. My wife tries to seduce her away with catnip, but it hasn’t worked yet.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

About the “special” thing, you know, even in awesome relationships where people adore each other sex isn’t always special in the sense that seems to be implied here. Sometimes it’s a quickie before breakfast because you need to get to work, and that’s OK. Sometimes it’s super emotional and all about the bonding. And sometimes it’s just two horny people hooking up. All of which are OK. Why can’t people just mind their own business and let people who aren’t them fuck they way they prefer? As long as the other person isn’t trying to get you involved I’m not seeing why the relative level of “specialness” they’re ascribing to their sex lives matters to you.

GrumpyOldMan
GrumpyOldMan
7 years ago

“Whenever these guys write about sex it makes me want to take a vow of celibacy. They just make it sound so unpleasant.”
I’m not a woman, of course, but it seems to me that their attitudes would make a woman feel like having sex with them (definitely not making love!) would be a couple of cuts below a root canal.

pallygirl
pallygirl
7 years ago

The one thing I am glad about is that all their BS is openly available online, so hopefully fewer females will be fooled by these arseholes. Actually, they’re not arseholes because arseholes are useful. They’re more like hernias.

Tracy
Tracy
7 years ago

@cassandrakitty yup, and thanks for bringing it up! My fella and I have been together 17 years (or so) and sex is… well, all sorts of different things for different reasons. Most of our truly ‘special’ moments don’t involve sex at all, at least in the sense of ‘special’ the OP seemed to mean.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

At least after a root canal I wouldn’t need a shower, and it would presumably leave my teeth in better health. I’m not sure what the potential upside to fucking a PUA would be.

Tracy
Tracy
7 years ago

@pallygirl I think they are like pimples. I’d prefer they didn’t exist, but every now and then it’s fun to squeeze one til it pops.

kittehserf
7 years ago

cassandra – “special in the sense that seems to be implied here” is a good point. The use of special with “doe eyed” is the eyebrow-raising bit for me. I call quickies before breakfast as well as the slow and emotional variety of sex special, which doesn’t seem to be at all wha the OP was suggesting.

GrumpOldMan – luckily I’ve never had rats or mice to deal with, ‘cos I would say two out of the dozen-odd kitties I’ve lived with would have had the slightest idea what to do about them. 😀 Even then, those two were more into catching birds.

I love a kitty with a big purr. We’ve had some mighty ones that way, too. Fribbie (real name Freya) is a purrer when she’s claimed a lap. Mads (real name Madeleine) isn’t so much, but damn she does some impressive snoring.

kittehserf
7 years ago

I’m not a woman, of course, but it seems to me that their attitudes would make a woman feel like having sex with them (definitely not making love!) would be a couple of cuts below a root canal.

Definitely.

Plus some dentists are likeable people.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

When I lived in a place that had mice my old cat used to scare them to death, as far as I could tell. I’d find dead mice without a single mark on them, so I’m assuming they died of shock.

He also left me one as a gift once, which I stepped on with my bare foot when I got out of bed. Thanks for that, sweetie.

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

He also left me one as a gift once, which I stepped on with my bare foot when I got out of bed.

*involuntary shudder*

pallygirl
pallygirl
7 years ago

@Tracy LOL: staph aureus can cause boils as well as pimples. 🙂

kittehserf
7 years ago

He also left me one as a gift once, which I stepped on with my bare foot when I got out of bed. Thanks for that, sweetie.

Ewwwwww!

GrumpyOldMan
GrumpyOldMan
7 years ago

My daughter’s kitty gave her a mouse this morning.

GrumpyOldMan
GrumpyOldMan
7 years ago

Oh, in general, it’s not the mice they bring that are a problem. It’s the pieces of mouse.

contrapangloss
7 years ago

My kitty was a rancher: he’d catch voles, bring them in, let them go, and spend hours staring under the refrigerator/couch/whatever.

Once he gave up, we’d usually try to catch them ourselves and release the poor traumatized things.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

I did once catch a mouse before he scared it to death and let it go outside. Kitty was confused as to why I was taking his toy away.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Oh, in general, it’s not the mice they bring that are a problem. It’s the pieces of mouse.

GAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHH

contrapangloss – my Mamie was a hobby farmer. She liked herding daddy long legs. Never was good at stock control, though.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: cassandrakitty

Whenever these guys write about sex it makes me want to take a vow of celibacy. They just make it sound so unpleasant.

Thank god I know decent straight dudes; if these assholes were my only exposure, I probably would’ve sworn off straight guys for LIFE. These guys are TERRIBLE representatives.

As long as the other person isn’t trying to get you involved I’m not seeing why the relative level of “specialness” they’re ascribing to their sex lives matters to you.

But, but, cassandrakitty! Women! Having SEX! In a way that men might disapprove of! THINK OF THEIR BONERS!

RE: strivingally

I think it’s more fundamentally that these Menz have bought into the idea that Real Menz Don’t Have Feelz.

With shit like that, it’s astonishing to me that anyone would WANT to be a Real Man. I’ve been emotionally numb; it’s kinda a hallmark of dissociatives. It suuuuuucked. Why on earth would anyone consider that a noble achievment? What’s the point of being the top of the food chain if you can’t even openly ENJOY it? (And now I’m wondering how this ties in with the Straw Vulcan Super Manly Man Logic; do some guys do this because they think they aren’t allowed to take pleasure in something just for emotion’s sake?)

RE: Argenti

LBT — oh, another flightless bird helpless against cats?

Yup. NZ is truly land of weird birds that can’t fly.

GrumpyOldMan
GrumpyOldMan
7 years ago

One of the reasons my wife decided to keep an otherwise useless male around the house after my sperm-donor role was complete was to pick up and dispose of the mouse pieces.

Fnoicby
Fnoicby
7 years ago

I was so fascinated by Fartiste’s casual mention of “spermally bonded”, like as if it were a thing, I had to check into it.

Turns out it is, maybe, kind of a thing?!
http://jenapincott.com/a-wizards-brew-the-psychobiology-of-semen/

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
7 years ago

LBT — no natural predators I guess. Sucks that this convo is both about the useful things cats kill and the ones they might drive to extinction.

Cassandra — the BF found a tiny dead bunny in the front yard a bit ago — no marks but almost had to have been gotten by a cat given it was right out in the open. Idk about with mammalian prey, but I know they can kill a bird without doing much damage because their mouths are little bacteria farms. Can’t imagine that would happen all that fast though.

(The poor baby bunny got buried in the yard, the first critter interred in his yard. Worst part was that when he first spotted it, until I poked it, I wasn’t sure it was actually dead and not just sick, since it looked more asleep than injured.)

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: Fnoicby

I dunno about that, that sounds pretty unlikely to me. There isn’t THAT MUCH to semen, and surely if it had such an effect on mood, women would’ve long since noticed by now and barrier forms of contraception wouldn’t be the go-to.

RE: Argenti

Bingo. Though weasels and deer and wild pigs were WAY more dangerous to things like the kakapo than cats. Kakapo are BIG.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

That link, lol. Wishful thinking, what’s that?

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

I remember reading somewhere that cats actually kill snakes and amphibians more often than rodents and birds.

kittehserf
7 years ago

(And now I’m wondering how this ties in with the Straw Vulcan Super Manly Man Logic; do some guys do this because they think they aren’t allowed to take pleasure in something just for emotion’s sake?)

Oh yes, this! I so loathe the straw Vulcan sort.

One of the reasons my wife decided to keep an otherwise useless male around the house after my sperm-donor role was complete was to pick up and dispose of the mouse pieces.

Bwahahahaha!

Reminds me of my opthamologist’s comment yesterday: his wife told him if he falls off a ladder and breaks his neck, she’s leaving him. 😀

pallygirl
pallygirl
7 years ago

Living in NZ, I do get a bit tired of cat haters telling me my pets are decimating the wildlife when *they are indoor cats*. I tell them that, and apparently some of them think that indoor cats are not a thing, and I am lying.

We have bird feeders hanging from one eave outside the living room. We call it cat TV.

contrapangloss
7 years ago

Re: Bacteria Farms

Yep. My cat got me really good once. My sister had brought home a kitten, and existing kitty was ticked, and separating them was kind of a challenge. My bites were immediately washed and soaked in antiseptic. Within 12 hours, I had to go to the ER for oral antibiotics. Within 12 more hours, had to go in for IV antibiotics, because the area of of infection had doubled despite the oral antibiotics.

8 IV doses, two separate hunts with a scalpel to relieve abscesses, and a week of precautionary oral antibiotics afterwards to beat his nasty mouth cultures.

Pasturella multocida is nothing to sneeze at.

The cat was very apologetic and cuddly during my recovery. That might have been because we locked him in a room and I was his only source of food, water, and company…

GrumpyOldMan
GrumpyOldMan
7 years ago

“We have bird feeders hanging from one eave outside the living room. We call it cat TV.”
I used to have multi-colored mice in a reptile box that looked sort of like a TV, and the cats would sit there mesmerized and watch the mice cavort.

pecunium
7 years ago

regarding birds and fucking: I have an ex whose mother was an anthropologist working at the LA Zoo, she was one of the few people allowed to interact with the California Condors. One of them had, because of how endangered they were; which affected contact at hatching, had imprinted on a bush.

So when he got horny, he’d get himself off on a bush, and they would collect the semen and use it to breed one of the females.

katz
7 years ago

I think they are like pimples. I’d prefer they didn’t exist, but every now and then it’s fun to squeeze one til it pops.

You’ve found the perfect metaphor.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Am I the only person who glances at “Can Sluts Fall in Love?” in the recent comments bar and sees “Cat Sluts Fall in Love?”

pallygirl
pallygirl
7 years ago

I think the birds have gotten used to the cats. I’m really happy that we have a lot of fantails around us, along with tui. Both of them are very attractive birds.

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

Am I the only person who glances at “Can Sluts Fall in Love?” in the recent comments bar and sees “Cat Sluts Fall in Love?”

How much sex must a cat have to be called a “slut”? Or really, why is slut still a term when it’s meaningless and so subjective?

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
7 years ago

“Spermally bonding” sounds a lot like Tepper’s “Hail Mary Priciple”, which she summed up nicely and I will paraphrase. When people catch a flu, they/we aren’t expected to automatically be immunologists, but when a woman catches *sperm* she is automatically an expert in all things woman, although to be fair Tepper was specifically referring to motherhood. (TW for infanticide, rape, DV; the book is “Gibbons Decline and Fall”.)

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

when a woman catches *sperm* she is automatically an expert in all things woman

What. Does that mean that because I’m not interested in sex that I can’t be a full woman?

katz
7 years ago

the book is “Gibbons Decline and Fall”.

Primates keep working their way into this conversation.

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
7 years ago

@ Alice. Apparently I explained very badly and I apologise.

The Hail Mary Principle was specifically about anti choicers/conservatives/etc, and how they feel that any woman coming into contact with sperm is forever changed by it.

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
7 years ago

@ katz, *gigglesnort*

kittehserf
7 years ago

katz, I sporfled at that.

Gibbons decline and fall if they’ve been doing the Funky Gibbon too long.

when a woman catches *sperm* she is automatically an expert in all things woman

Urgh, that’s like the “you can tell when she’s had sex the first time because she swings her hips more walking” nonsense.

How much sex must a cat have to be called a “slut”? Or really, why is slut still a term when it’s meaningless and so subjective?

1. Any amount, if it’s with Some Other Tomcat.
2. What, you expect misogynists to give up one of their go-to insults for women? Misandry!

kittehserf
7 years ago

Does the super powerful changing nature of spooge count when it’s from a non-earthly* source? Inquiring minds want to know.

*no I am not talking aliens! 😛

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

The Hail Mary Principle was specifically about anti choicers/conservatives/etc, and how they feel that any woman coming into contact with sperm is forever changed by it.

That really, really, really sucks for GSM folks. 🙁

Primates keep working their way into this conversation.

LOL.

I think spending time in history subreddits has ruined me. I can’t think of Gibbon anymore without thinking “damn you for perpetuating the Dark Ages myth”.

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
7 years ago

@ kitteh, exactly! Sperm is magic donchano?

It’s basically one of the tenets of the concept of male superiority. I tend to apply the HMP to *all* sperm worship, which I think applies to the concept of “spermal bonding”.

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

What, you expect misogynists to give up one of their go-to insults for women? Misandry!

Biggest misanderer in the HOUSE!

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
7 years ago

@ Alice, I think the concept is ridiculous. Which is why I loved how it was compared to catching a flu. Sperm is mundane, most men can make it, it’s not scarce, and there is no special magic sperm that will change anyone’s life by mere contact.

I think I should leave this until tomorrow because I’m migrainey and stoned on Gravol.

katz
7 years ago

I almost said “primates keep coming into this conversation,” but I caught myself in time.

Alice Sanguinaria
7 years ago

Shaun – I hope that you feel better soon! From what I hear about migraines, they hurt. 🙁

kittehserf
7 years ago

I almost said “primates keep coming into this conversation,” but I caught myself in time.

Dammit katz, now you owe me a cup of tea and a new keyboard!

Shaun Day
Shaun Day
7 years ago

@ Alice, thanks. For me it’s not so much the actual pain, it’s the lights sensitivity, sound sensitivity, nausea, and in extremes paralysis. The pain is managable (I wish my 4 year old wanted sleep, but she’s always extra energised by having a cold).

@ katz, have I told you how hilarious you are?

kittehserf
7 years ago

Shaun, ow. 🙁