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a voice for men antifeminist women bears Dean Esmay domestic violence erin pizzey excusing abuse FemRAs imaginary backwards land misandry misogyny MRA oppressed men radfems oh my sexual harassment shit that never happened straw feminists

Erin Pizzey and the Canadian Elevator of Misandry

Men in Canadian elevators are sometimes also used as chairs.
Men in Canadian elevators are sometimes also used as chairs.

Does anyone here understand string theory and dark matter and all that physics crap? Because I am seriously beginning to wonder if Men’s Rights Activists literally live in an alternate universe that only partially intersects with our own.

In the universe I live in, Canada is a lovely and somewhat uncannily polite country to the north, the home of Rush and Kate Beaton and, I’m pretty sure, a lot of bears. To MRAs it is a land under the bootheel of a radical feminist gynarchy in which men cower in elevators because they are deathly afraid of being accused of sexual harassment.

No, really.

I was skimming through an old interview with good old Erin Pizzey, A Voice for Men’s pet domestic violence expert, probably because she’s the only one who thinks jokes about eating “battered women” — you know, like batter fried chicken — are hilarious.

In the interview, she was telling Dean “Long Tie” Esmay about a speaking tour she’d made in Canada — a place she describes as “one of the worst countries in the world.”  No, really. Here’s what she had to say about her harrowing ordeal:

I did a six week tour, with Senator Anne Cools, all across Canada. And there were some wonderful … uh, men’s groups, just struggling to keep going. And as we traveled and talked to men’s groups, we realized how terribly dangerous it is because it’s almost as though the entire government and the judiciary–the same people–had been infiltrated by very radical feminists out to get men. And I talked to people all the way across Canada. You know my mother was Canadian, and I’m half Canadian, and it hurt actually. See I was a child in Toronto, and my feeling as we went through is real fear. I remember I was working with Anne in the Senate and I walked in to the lift, and this man who was in the lift with me was cowering over in the corner. And I came out and I said to Anne, “What on earth was that about?” And she said, “Men are frightened. They just don’t know when they’re going to be told they’re sexually harassing somebody.”

I’ve highlighted several of the passages which I think may have entered our universe from the Bizarro Men’s Rights multidimensional wormhole of misandry.

But, seriously, what planet does this woman live on? Does she actually think something like this really happened? Was there really a man in an elevator with her who was literally cowering in the corner because he thought she would accuse him of  some sort of sex crime? Was there a man there at all? Was there even an elevator? Is Canada a real country? THEN WHO WAS PHONE?

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brookingstyler
brookingstyler
6 years ago

he was probably standing in the corner with his eyes completely averted. You used the most exaggerated of possibilities.

Winter Walker
6 years ago

I’m feeling good today. Ontario has finally just elected out first female Premiere, and she’s gay, too! Only one of her opponents was a man, and he was the Conservative representative. (Go figure.)

I feel proud to live in a province where the people will vote for who they think is the best person for the job, with gender and sexuality virtually a non-issue in the campaign. It was wonderful to see our new Premiere bring her partner onstage during her acceptance speech, and to see them cheered like any straight couple in their position would be.

And I couldn’t be happier that World Pride will descend on my fair city at the end of the month, in a cloud of rainbow glitter, to celebrate the beauty of love and diversity. I’ll be walking in the Trans March, as an ally with my awesome BFF.

All this beautiful equality has something to do with the Canadian MRM, I think. There are no doubt plenty of tightie-whities tying themselves in manly knots today, knowing that the people actually voted for a (gasp) GAY WOMAN. This obviously means that hunting season on bigots starts tomorrow. I kid, but some of them probably actually believe it. I think they’re running scared. They better be, because the people have spoken.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

If we’re talking about amazing CanCon, I’ve been absolutely glued to Orphan Black.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

Winter Walker — I applaud my northern neighbors 🙂

Athywren and titianblue — I was thinking of the recent movie, but I’d forgotten about the show. My blood to coffee ratio has been off lately.

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

It’s nice to hear about provincial politics from provinces other than Alberta :). Here, I feel tempted to join the Conservatives just so I can have a voice in the leadership race, which is pretty much the only way to influence our government.

Congratulations to Ontario!

pecunium
6 years ago

Men with Brooms is brilliant. For a different sort of CanCon “Bon Cop, Bad Cop” is a dark, funny, warped, bilingual film (run it with the English Subtitles) about an OPP/SQ cop working together (somewhat reluctantly) to solve a crime of questionable jurisdiction.

Lee
Lee
6 years ago

Kitteh: Washington, DC actually, but the complaints about the lifts being slow are valid here, too. The ones in the parking garages at some stations are often faster than the ones in the stations!

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

I adore Orphan Black! My favorite clone is Allison ever since the singing Meredith Brooks scene.

marinerachel
marinerachel
6 years ago

God, I love Bon Cop, Bad Cop.

Howard Bannister
6 years ago

Man, Orphan Black. Watched the first season all out of order, and it didn’t matter, it was brilliant.

Can’t wait till disk 2 hits DVD. Can’t wait. (no spoilers!!!)

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
6 years ago

Howard, I think season 2 is on Hulu. They’ve been advertising it pretty aggressively.

ncc1707d
ncc1707d
6 years ago

Bon Cop, Bad Cop was a good one! And I will forever love Forever Knight, my favourite pre-Buffy vampire show.

ncc1707d
ncc1707d
6 years ago

Viscaria – I’m so sorry to hear that you have to deal with Alberta politics, it must be downright painful! At least that’s the impression I’ve gotten from visiting Alberta and from keeping up with National politics to a decent degree.
Just remember that most of the rest of the country isn’t always so bad, and stand strong. We’ve got your back. 🙂

Isabelle
Isabelle
6 years ago

Awesome news from Ontario! 🙂

Viscaria
Viscaria
6 years ago

@ncc1707d

Just remember that most of the rest of the country isn’t always so bad, and stand strong. We’ve got your back. 🙂

I’m only ashamed that we here, with all of our oil money, so rarely have the rest of the country’s (and the world’s) back. But that’s a bit of a digression.

Unimaginative
Unimaginative
6 years ago

Here’s a thing I recently learned about Alberta (yeah, I’ve only lived here pretty much my whole life): northern-ish Alberta was populated* mostly by immigrants directly to Canada from Europe. southern-ish Alberta was populated mostly by the scions of rich American families. It was apparently a cheap option for expanding the family empires, and an out-of-sight place to stick their useless, scandalous sons. Also, manifest destiny. This explains (to me) a LOT about the differences in Alberta-ness between the north and south.

*by populated, I of course mean the dominant white population, which is obviously the only population that matters /sarcasm

(In fact, Amber Valley was mostly populated by escaped slaves smuggled to Canada by the underground railway. So OF COURSE, the close-by townships, settled much later by european immigrants, are noticeably racist and think those black folks should go back to africa.)

And I’m probably blowing a lot of details, because my brain is swiss cheese.

Tracy
6 years ago

@Winter Walker *fistbumps* Busband and I were over the moon when the results came in… and a majority at that! After all the crap with the mayor (I am in TO), my faith in humanity has been restored, at least temporarily.

@Unimaginative, didn’t know that about AB. Interesting.

Bon Cop Bad Cop is fantastic! Another hilarious CanCon is Tucker & Dale vs Evil – highly recommend if you like comedy horror. It’s on US Netflix, not sure about UK or other Netflixes (Netflixi?)

Re: the OP – I read the transcript of the interview, and it’s one of the worst interviews ever on both sides. It read like Erin and Dean were in the same room, but having two totally different conversations; neither of them really addressed anything the other said. Like they were having a conversation while playing Sudoko and texting or something. And kudos to Dean for preparing for the interview by at least reading part of her book, well done.

pecunium
6 years ago

Also, Passchaendale: if we are looking for Paul Gross. The ending is a bit over the top, but other than that it’s pretty solid. Depressing, but good.

Toolbox
Toolbox
6 years ago

I came across this: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/debate/article-2074284/Domestic-violence-To-say-emotional-abuse-bad-insults-battered-wife.html

I’d say she was the lowest form of life, but parasites have certain values. Bleh. I do find it interesting that she thinks throwing a glass of wine at someone is acceptable. Or screaming vicious comments at people. I suppose she could just be trying to rationalize the kind of abuse she throws at people as well.

Ally S
6 years ago

@Toolbox

My hatred for Erin Pizzey has just skyrocketed. I have been emotionally abused for as long as I can remember, and she says this shit to an audience that includes victims of emotional abuse. I am so triggered by that article. I hate her so fucking much. She is fucking ruining lives with this nonsense. And she doesn’t even care. She is evil.

Ally S
6 years ago

[CN: graphic description of domestic abuse]

Oh, and she talks about throwing wine glasses at people. Yeah.

GUESS WHAT, YOU ABUSIVE PIECE OF SHIT? ABUSERS HAVE THROWN OBJECTS LIKE SCORCHING HOT CERAMIC BOWLS AT WALLS CLOSE TO ME FOR THE SAKE OF INTIMIDATION, AND THEN MADE TO CLEAN UP THE FUCKING MESS WITH NOTHING BUT PAPER TOWELS. I NEARLY BURNED MY OWN HANDS TRYING TO CLEAN IT UP. IT’S NOT FUCKING OKAY. IT’S FUCKING TRAUMATIZING AND NO ONE DESERVES TO GO THROUGH IT. GO FUCK YOURSELF ERIN PIZZEY

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

“I mean sure, that guy killed his kids too, but obviously that’s his wife’s fault.”

Ally S
6 years ago

I can’t even mock Erin Pizzey anymore. She is too much of a threat for me to want to just call her out through ridicule. Anyone who engages in abuse apologia, of course, contributes to a culture of abuse, but her words and her advocacy work directly harm the lives of abused people. She is actively harmful.

tanksmom756
tanksmom756
6 years ago

Sigh, asking someone to stay off the phone because you are expecting a call is not abuse, and honestly not that much of an issue thanks to cell phones and call waiting.

Telling someone they can not have access to a phone so that you can cut them off from any potential help is abusive.

Who the hell thinks that chucking an object at another person just because you’re mad at them is a healthy response? If you wouldn’t do said action to your boss because it would get you fired is a pretty damn good reason not to do to the person you love.

There are no winners in the abuse Olympics. All abuse is terrible and just because one might break a bone does not make it better, worse or the same as abuse that breaks your spirit.

Also, while I’m by no means an expert, doesn’t most emotional abuse eventually amp up to physical abuse?

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

ALL THE TRIGGER WARNINGS

“To me, the definition of domestic violence is quite clear: if you are not in fear of your life, you are not suffering it.”

The fuck is this fucking shit?! I don’t even…

Ally’ straight. This isn’t just apologia, Pizzey is actively harmful. And terrifying.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

Ally’s right*

wtf autocorrect? Ally’s not straight >.< bad autocorrect!

Ally S
6 years ago

Also, while I’m by no means an expert, doesn’t most emotional abuse eventually amp up to physical abuse?

In my experience, yes.

Ally S
6 years ago

@Argenti

Uh oh. Maybe this is a sign that I’m not acting gay enough. Noooooo

(jk)

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

Putting Pizzey in charge of any sort of domestic violence program is like electing a pyromaniac as head of the local fire depatment. She seems to actively enjoy seeing and hearing about people being abused.

Ally S
6 years ago

She seems to actively enjoy seeing and hearing about people being abused.

So much so that she also believes that women enjoy being abused by men. Abuse is just a wonderful thing to her, so how can it be bad for anyone else?

:: vomits ::

brooked
brooked
6 years ago

I don’t get how you can separate emotional abuse and physical abuse. Are there physically abuse people that aren’t also emotionally abusive, who tell the person they physically abuse that they are wonderful, encourage them to be independent and live for themselves? Are there emotionally abuse people that isolate people, verbally uncut them and emotionally dominate them without threatening physical violence, abandonment or terrible consequences, such as the abuser’s suicide?
Also, I think it would be hard to make emotional abuse, by itself, a jailable offense. I think Pizzey realizes that, since she adds throwing things, destroying property and denying a partner access to communal property and shared finances. Those things sound pretty physical and/or criminal.

Argenti Aertheri
Argenti Aertheri
6 years ago

“Are there emotionally abuse people that isolate people, verbally uncut them and emotionally dominate them without threatening physical violence, abandonment or terrible consequences, such as the abuser’s suicide?”

Yeah, my gaslighting ex. My anxiety took care of the TERRIBLE THINGS part.

Toolbox
Toolbox
6 years ago

Abuse can come in many shapes and forms. Some of it is physical, some abusers prefer the the threat of violence to loom over their partners. Some abusers will use shouting, hurling insults to degrade their partner. Others will rely on building over time with subtle criticisms and hidden put-downs.

As it is, Pizzey usually pops up whenever there’s a new DV law to inform us how misandrist it is. Anything thing that benefits women is “going too far” and antagonising men for being men. Given that she had no problem allowing abusive men into her shelter, and even allowed them to confront their partners, I doubt people’s safety was ever her concern (she also thinks denying men entry to women’s shelters is unfair, that it is treating all men as evil….yeah). One woman, I recall, on Mumsnet I think, described how Pizzey would insult her when she came to her for help. She also spent more time on her abusive boyfriend, telling her to ‘keep her mouth shut’ when the man of the house was speaking.

Many people stay in abusive relationships, not because they’re ‘addicted’ to being hit, but because the emotional abuse and manipulation has left their (probably already damaged) self-esteem in a shattered mess. They might even have been guilt-tripped, and return feeling as if they over-reacted – I mean, he does say she always takes things the wrong way, after all! – or they worry their partner might commit suicide and return to stop it. They feel their partner is a ‘good man at heart’ and they can bring the best out of him if they just love him more. Or they may fear the retribution and return hoping his beating “won’t be so bad” because they were only gone for a little while. They may feel this relationship is as good as it gets and feel they need to rescue it. Many abusers weave their abuse through moments of love, kindness and affection; many of them will do a seemingly loving thing and later turn it on its head; buying gifts and taking them away, signing her up for a school course and then claiming she selfishly spends no time with him. etc

Many abusive relationships start with romantic bliss, pure love and affection. This changes over time and the patterns of abuse become more apparent. Many people will fight to return to this initial pleasure, accepting the abusers claims that they are the problem, and they have made him feel unloved, unneeded with their selfish ways.

DV laws could help save people before the violence begins. It could help abusers before they’ve seriously assaulted anyone. Pizzey, it seems, thinks we should just wait until the person is in serious danger of being murdered.

Auntie Alias
Auntie Alias
6 years ago

This is reminiscent of the way misogynists are dismissive about any sexual assault that isn’t rape. At the root of it is the desire for women to suffer, IMO.

mildlymagnificent
6 years ago

A friend of mine had a good saying about this. She’d left her abusive but non-violent (yet) husband when her child was just a babe in arms. She’d ended up in a therapy group with several women who’d suffered severe, repeated physical abuse. At one stage she ventured the opinion that she didn’t really belong there because she hadn’t been physically injured. What they said was No!

Then one woman said, “Our husbands hurt our bodies. Your husband tried to destroy your soul.”

kittehserf
6 years ago

::catches breath::

That is a good saying indeed.