You know how they say “smile and the world smiles with you?” Apparently, that’s all wrong, at least according to our dear old friend Vox Day (Theodore Beale). The fantasy author and human shitstain says this old saw needs a rewrite: smile, and the world’s true Alphas laugh at you. As Mr. Day-Beale explains:
Women say they resent it when men tell them to smile. And well they should. An instinctive smile, when one is not expressing pleasure or recognition, is a submissive gesture. This is why attractive women tend to smirk in response to the big goofy submissive smiles sent their way by lower status men.
And then, presumably, those sexy ladies will quickly excuse themselves and make a beeline for the nearest ALPHA fantasy author standing grimly in the corner, quietly judging everyone and thinking unkind thoughts about John Scalzi.
But what if you’re one of those big goofy smiling submissive dudes? How do you capture some of that broody Alpha magic for yourself? It’s simple: Don’t turn that frown upside down.
One easy way to increase your perceived level of alpha is to simply not smile at strangers. Instead, just reply with a nod or a pleasant word. One can be perfectly civil without grinning at everyone like an idiot, and it’s always interesting to see the difference it makes in people’s perceptions.
Just don’t overdo it, lest the ladies think you’re, for example, some sort of weirdo misogynist so filled with fear and loathing for everything female that you’ve actually set up an entire blog devoted to telling the world what an awesome alpha you are.
I’m not talking about walking around glowering; self-conscious anger is much worse than indiscriminate smiling. But women have always been drawn to brooding men, so rather than turning them away with a gesture of preemptive submission, give them something to which they can be drawn.
To be perfectly fair, though, this does work with most Bronte sisters.
Lea – makes you wonder if it’s his excuse, because he’s such a miserable toad-dropping that he can’t even manage a happy or friendly smile.
Those pics were gorgeous. Love me a happy smiling guy ::points at gravatar::
I wonder if it occurred to Vox that VD has long stood for venereal disease?
Seems apt.
The broody PUA face could work if you look like this, though.
So all those politicians campaigning with their big, toothy grins are being “submissive”?
Cat – I am Russian-born, too. It’s a different culture. My mother and I once tried (in vain) to explain to a newly arrived Russian woman why Americans who asked her “how are you?” weren’t being phony. She couldn’t understand why someone she had only just met was so interested in her well-being. We could not make her understand that it was a form of politeness. I think smiling comes under the same category.
As for women being attracted to “brooding men”, it isn’t that they seem so “alpha” and serious that attracts certain women. It’s that they seem broken and sad and as we used to say with a friend of mine when she’d fall for another endlessly needy person, “My love will heal him!”
Everybody wants to be a hero. That’s what can be attractive about a person who seems to need saving.
Lea: That’s why my motto is if you want a fixer-upper, buy a house. People make shitty renovation projects.
Yeah, it’s nothing to do with wanting to be dominated, it’s actually the same impulse that leads women to rescue abandoned kittens, except that it tends to result in the mankittens doing something obnoxious to the women attempting to “rescue” them.
Brooding doesn’t work with me. I see a brooding man and I immediately think he’s either a big pouting baby, trying too hard not to smile which means he reads shit like the inspiration for this post, or he’s a threat. Or I figure, if he’s brooding in a particular way, that he’s just busy over there brooding, like I do sometimes, which means he’s not interested in conversation or anything else.
Also yeah, this particular convention doesn’t seem to be cross cultural. I’ve been to several countries where men smile A LOT and women don’t, and smiling seems to be a kind of aggressive hey HEY kinda thing, and I’ve been in other countries where people just aren’t particularly smiley, and no one even notices that I don’t smile much either, cuz I’m not particularly smiley. But I’ve yet to read anything an MRA writes that admits there’s such a thing as other cultures to begin with.
That makes sense.
I’ve heard that male German exchange students often think southern women are flirting with them when they first get here and are disappointed when they find out that people just smile at and speak to strangers here.
It is a cultural thing, but also may be gendered thing. A transwoman explained to me that when she was learning to better pass she learned some things about body language and this is what she told me:
Her: When you pass another woman and it’s just the two of you, do you always smile at her?
Me: Yes.
Her: Do you know why you do that?
Me: To be nice?
Her: No. You’re letting her know it’s safe behind you. She can keep walking that way and know that it’s OK.
I never thought about it before she said that and I don’t know if she’s right, but I think about it now. We pick up mannerisms without meaning to. Maybe there is something to her theory.
Disquietingly, and as sometimes happens in these cases, here Mr. Beale is about one-tenth right. “Don’t seek to unload your emotions on strangers, even if those emotions are happy and peppy; the strangers may not want to (over)share,” is good advice. But as usual Mr. Beale has to extract an entire doctrine from a chance insight, and that’s where he goes wrong. It’s a bad idea for a constitutionally grumpy man to force a grin; everybody who sees him is going to know that the grin isn’t genuine. Even socially-awkward people are going to know that the grin isn’t genuine, and then he (the constitutionally-grumpy man, I mean) is going to get a reputation for dishonesty and for being a downer. Nor should a cheerful soul force a scowl; that’s going to look like the put-on it is. I think probably moderation is the key: don’t be false to your real character but don’t force it down everybody’s throat, either. But what you have there is a question of manners, not theology, so naturally Mr. Beale is at a loss.
I don’t know whether a glowerscowl would have worked on the Bronte sisters or not…I mean, they were authors; surely they were aware that what they were writing was fiction.
I do think Americans are often nice and friendly in a transparently phony way and I really get annoyed with that.
That said, genuine smiles and laughs are great. I like men who can laugh and are funny and smile when they see cute animals or taste good food or drink.
Most of the men I’ve known who’ve been successful at attracting women are outgoing and friendly. I have no idea what VD is on about. Brooding vampires like Dracula, Louis and Angel (but not Edward. Fuck Twilight) are sexy as fictional characters would likely get tiring in real life.
Off topic: There were some amazing things on HBO tonight.
Right Said Fred made an appearance on John Oliver
On Game of Thrones there was … wait for it… a MAMMOTH!!!
The only time I remember actually liking Angel was when he got turned into a wee little puppet man. The brooding was much more fun, pleasant, and not obnoxious when it came from a felt puppet.
LOL!
Cassandrkitty,
That reminds me of a quote by Mark Twain.
“If you pick up a starving dog and make him prosperous he will not bite you. This is the principal difference between a dog and man*.”
*That’s man as in mankind.
I liked Angel better as Angelus. Sure, he was an asshole, but at least he had some fun!
I don’t think Heathcliff would be terribly sexy irl.
He and Katherine were pretty dysfunctional people.
They don’t exactly get a happy ending either.
Hamlet is another sexy but broody dude and he doesn’t do so well.
Both of their love interests die tragically.
(spoiler alert!)
Even more modern brooding heroes like Batman (comic, not film) or Angel don’t get happily ever afters.
They’re tragic characters and unlucky in love. They aren’t roll models for long term relationships.
This entire post, and hellkell’s comment, made me laugh out loud. Now there’s a pack of Very Serious he-alphas circling the house and quoting Kierkegaard. Help.
(Wait a minute…are Vox Day and his ilk actually dementors?)
I liked Angel best when he sang “Mandy”.
@contrapangloss: The only time I remember actually liking Angel was when he got turned into a wee little puppet man. The brooding was much more fun, pleasant, and not obnoxious when it came from a felt puppet.
And the fight between the “wee puppet man” and Spike was hil-friggin’-larious.
It sounds like Vox Day is suggesting that men should all do a thorough impression of the emotionless Herr Flick from the Britcom “Allo Allo.”
Anne Rice’s vampires struck me as How Not To Do Brooding – they came across as the perpetual teenagers most of them seemed to be. Hurk!
I wish I’d known the term mankitten when we had Magnus. Would have suited that evil-tempered ratbag right to the ground. “No, Mags, I am not tickling your belleh however cute you try to look*. I value my hands and would like to keep them.”
* He wasn’t very good at it. Having a face like a pit bull is a bit of a handicap when you’re a cat.
A cartoon that goes along with the Bronte Sisters one (though not that much with the actual subject of discussion) – “My roommate is Dark.” http://english.bouletcorp.com/2012/02/01/darkness/
Teenage me loved Anne Rice’s vampires so much.
I lol:ed at this.
I can’t resist posting Angel puppet videos