Just a quick note to let you know that the protest against the AVFM Conference at the Doubletree in Detroit is happening right now. You can check the hashtag #NoMRA on Twitter for live updates. Here’s a Ms Magazine blog piece with more details.
I’ll have some thoughts on it all later.
Photo from @Katie_Speak on Twitter.
He told me he hoped we could be friends. I wanted to ring his fucking neck. How can he say that? I’m experiencing the extraordinary pain of heartbreak and he tells me he wants to be my friend like it’s some fucking consolation prize. This is the man who pissed and moaned about his ex “friend-zoning” him at the end of their relationship. Now, what she did was not at all nice but moving on, not shedding a single tear, and thinking you can be pals with the person you just took a massive shit on and never apologised to, with absolutely no recognition of the harmful behaviour you engaged in for the duration of the relationship IS EXACTLY WHAT HE’S DOING TO ME. It just emphasized the pain of the rejection I was experiencing. It just made it more insulting. I just felt more disrespected. I have every reason to completely fucking hate him right now. He’s taken advantage of my kindness for over a year and decided now that it’s no skin off his nose for us to “just be friends”. He wants to fucking ruin me and for it to be consequence-free to him, for me to remain in his life to the extent it’s comforting to him despite the harm he’s done. He doesn’t want to reflect on ANYTHING I’ve told him that resulted in me being extremely hurt and damaged by our relationship. He insists he’s only responsible for half the harm when I was a fucking saint the whole time, thinking short term pain meant long term gain. In actuality, as soon as I needed anything from him, just for him to put a little faith in me, he dumped me. He accused me of having a life shrouded in mystery and therefore trust couldn’t develop. All we ever talk about is him so of course he knows less about my life AND his memory sucks. It’s all my fault though.
@marinerachel. Fuck him. He called off the relationship so he ***doesn’t*** get to make any kind of comments along the “hoped we could be friends”.
That’s just more fucking emotional abuse from him. That’s him more than having his cake and eating it too.
***You*** decide whether you want to be friends with him, or even if you want any more contact at all.
Fuck him (figuratively).
Oh, Honey, no. You want the pain to stop.
It will. You will outlive the pain and you’ll be happy again.
I promise.
Please consider calling a suicide hotline. suicidal ideation is not something you should try to endure alone. Don’t be afraid to reach out.
http://crisiscentre.bc.ca/
Anywhere in BC: 1-800-SUICIDE (1-800-784-2433)
Online Chat Service for Adults: http://www.CrisisCentreChat.ca (Noon to 1am)
@marinerachel: this: http://www.baggagereclaim.co.uk/can%E2%80%99t-we-just-be-friends/
Seriously marinerachel, you dodged a bullet when he left.
He might have sucked you dry for years and years. If this is how you feel after one year of him, what would 5 or 10 have done to you?
Go on and hate him. Hate the shit out of him. Hate him with the white hot heat of a thousand suns.
It won’t hurt him and it will help you move on.
Say what you will about the Dark Side, but it will sustain you for a time.
…and our cookies are the best cookies.
http://blog.mondotees.com/wp-content/uploads/2010/06/SWCookies.jpg
Marinerachel, have more hugs.
Your ex is the jerkiest jerk who ever jerked, and Sir Jerk should feel free to step on a million broken Legos, pet a thousand cacti, bathe in all the skunk musk, sleep in all the pig manure, and let a hundred Clydesdales step all over his bare feet.
You did not ask him for too much. He’s a poltroon. A right bastard. A nattering nincompoop of nabob.
I’m not feeling charitably towards mister jerk.
You are wonderful. You are strong. You are kind. You are thoughtful. You are dealing with his jerkifitude on top of one of the most stressful things I can imagine.
You are incredible.
I’m going to listen to “one more minute” by weird al, and direct it to your awful jerk of an ex. Friends, yeah, right!
Also, what Lea said.
Friends, huh? Nope!
I’m just saying, if you were to tell him all the reasons why you don’t consider him a friend, ranging from “you are a soul-sucking emotional vampire” to “why would I want to be friends with someone who doesn’t trust me?”, then nobody would blame you.
Also, I have a better non-lethal curse than the Lego one. May a cat leave many small rodents by the side of his bed in just the right spot that he ends up stepping on them in his bare feet when he first wakes up, and may he then have to clean the carpet.
He feigned concern for my health. Really, he was just curious as a medical student. The ultrasound revealed a uterine pregnancy. They removed my IUD which decreased my likelihood of miscarriage to 40% but warned me I’d have a loss in the next few days if the removal of the IUD triggered it.
I begged him to let me keep it. I have nothing left in my life. I will never love someone like I love him again. Never. I never want to be in a relationship again. I want to be alone and never want to risk that hurt ever again. I’m in a good place to have a child. We had an initial discussion of him waiving parental rights. He accused me into manipulating him into unprotected sex which I did encourage because I love him and hate condoms and wanted to feel him and I have an IUD. I did push for it. I provided vaginal contraceptive film too. He went with it. Now he feels I made him do it. I insisted there would be no consequences for him though. He’d waive rights and responsibilities. My ex who is a terrific man offered to co-parent with me. I begged him to let me keep it but to please, please agree to completely disassociate from me. He’s done so much harm. If he genuinely wanted something to do with the kid and could do so without harming me or them, of course I’d encourage it. I begged and begged for him to seriously consider zero contact though and to entertain the possibility he terminate all rights and responsibilities without me having to. I begged him to just leave me alone and let me have this. He’s taken everything else away from me. It wouldn’t require anything from him to be leave me alone to carry the pregnancy to term and let me love the kid. I told him though that ultimately the choice was his because if me having the baby meant further pain for me and maybe a child or if it would be too painful for him not to associate with a child of his I could never have them. I begged him to consider though. I pleaded. He didn’t respond.
I’m on the toilet now miscarrying. I’m also vomiting a lot. I can’t keep fluids down much less solids. I’m weak and light headed. I need to go to hospital.
marinerachel, please go to the hospital as soon as you can. Please stay safe. We’re all here for you and you matter, your health matters, and your life matters. Please take care of yourself.
Awwww, marinerachel- I swear I’ve been exactly where you are. My advice is avoid all contact with this guy, you need to protect yourself. He shouldn’t be allowed to take anymore of you. Just know that this, too shall pass- and you’ll appreciate it that much more when you do have a healthy relationship with someone.
marinerachel,
I am so, so sorry this is happening to you. PLEASE go to the hospital.
I stopped right there. You did WHAT?
No. No. No. No. All the no.
This is not up to him.
Please, stop talking to him. Just stop. He’s not your boyfriend or your friend. He’s a punch-ass abusive shit. Do not engage. He’s going to keep saying abusive stuff to you and accusing you of things. He’s an awful human being.
Do what you want. It’s your body.
marinerachel,
You are hurt so bad right now. I’m so sorry.
What you feel is rough stuff, but it will not last forever.
Yes, you will love again.
You will trust again.
You will see yourself in a better light again.
He has not broken you. He’s just wounded you so much that it feels like he has.
Do not go through this alone. Please call someone. Please be safe.
Please go to the hospital, and they may have a counsellor there that you can talk to.
I’m so sorry.
I just saw that you are miscarrying.
Please go to the hospital right away and know that you are in our thoughts.
I hope you get all the help you need and feel healthier soon.
marinerachel, please, please call emergency services and get to the hospital. you can get through this. we’re here to support you.
Honey, please call for an ambulance right now. Worry about the shithead later – for now please just take care of yourself.
The people who work in emergency services will want to help you. Please call them.
I don’t want help. I just want to fucking die.
marinerachel: Please go to the ER. We don’t want you die.
This shithead is not worth dying for.
Please, please, please, please call for an ambulance. Please. That’s what they’re there for.
I’m terrified for you, and i want to be there for you, and please get an ambulance. There’s so much that could be going so badly, and please, get help.
Please, call now. Please.
marinerachel, I am not in your situation, and only you know the extent of your emotional pain, but we all understand that this is overwhelmingly heartbreaking for you. It’s so much to deal with. But that doesn’t change the fact that you and your health are vital. Please seek medical help. Please. You’re a wonderful person and you don’t deserve to be hurt – emotionally or physically. You deserve love, kindness, respect, and safety. Please don’t neglect your own needs.
Please, don’t do this, don’t let this fucking bastard do this to you. Please. Call an ambulance. Please.
Call your parents, friends, anyone. Just get an ambulance.
Please.
marinerachel, you haven’t been left with nothing. You have all the rest of your life. You mentioned another ex who’s a good person – your pain now is caused by ONE person, one shithead who should have the most painful corns ever, for the rest of his life, and never, never meet another person to manipulate.
Whether or not you have another relationship, you are a good person, you are loved – just look at the responses here! We care about you. Please, please call emergency services. Your life isn’t something to throw away because of that scumbag. Apart from anything else, why let him do that? Why give him that power? Fuck him, you’re better than that, you’re not his thing to dictate to.