Just a quick note to let you know that the protest against the AVFM Conference at the Doubletree in Detroit is happening right now. You can check the hashtag #NoMRA on Twitter for live updates. Here’s a Ms Magazine blog piece with more details.
I’ll have some thoughts on it all later.
Photo from @Katie_Speak on Twitter.
I’m twelve weeks pregnant. The first eight weeks featured unusual bleeding I mistook for a period and initial pregnancy tests were negative. Now all bleeding has ceased: no unusual spotting or sort of periods – and preg tests are consistently coming back positive. I want to die. I can imagine few things worse than this. I just want to die.
@marinerachel: *internet hugs to you* He’ll probably be back with roses and excuses. I know you’ll be tempted to take him back, because you’re an awesome and kind person, but take a break from him and I’m sure that after a while you’ll realise that you’d much rather go through the pain of a break-up than stay another minute with this guy.
@ cassandrykitty
Regarding that Good Men Project shit, I didn’t read all of the article or the comments (I know better), but I did catch this part in the author description: “He has a wife and two boys, but that could change if his wife ever gets her way…”
That tells me all I need to know.
@ marinerachel
Are you in a place where you can access abortion care easily, if you decide that’s what you want? If not, and you need us to help you find options that might be available to you, let us know. If that’s not what you want, and you need alternatives, we can probably help with that too. If what would help most would be just having people to talk to about what you’re going through, then we can be your sounding board too, if you want.
We have a lot of people from a huge variety of backgrounds here, including a bunch of people who’ve been knee-deep in feminist activism for years. This is exactly the kind of situation in which we should and hopefully can serve as a resource for a community member who needs help. So please, if there’s anything that you need that we might be able to help with, just ask.
@ BritterSweet
Seriously, they’re MRAs. This shit reminds me why I chose the nym that I did, because I feel like I’ve been sitting here going “wait, how is it that other people can’t see these guys for who they are?” since one of our community members was writing for that damn site.
An MRA who claims to be a “good man” isn’t a non-MRA, he’s just a liar.
@marinerachel: oh gosh, I just read your last comment. Please don’t lose hope! I’m sure you have more options than you realise. Is there a doctor you can go to? Or if you are in the US, a Planned Parenthood? Whatever you decide, things are not hopeless, and there are people who would be more than happy to help you without judging you.
Maybe calling a women’s shelter would be a good step. If this guy has been having jealous fits and has been tampering with your birth control, that’s very serious.
oh em gee the comments under that ms article!
Someones like ‘feminists just get annoyed by our truths so they dig out some horrible thing we’ve said about rape to use as a straw man against us’.
LEARN WHAT STRAW MAN MEANS!
Gah, the weather is far too nice for this horror.
Adding to the love for Marinerachel. It must be awful but it will get better.
And I just saw the update from Marinerachel. Things are never hopeless. As cassandrakitty says there’s a whole bunch of people here with lots of experiences. Please just ask for anything you need and know that people care a lot.
@marinerachel, fuck, sometimes it feels like life just eases up a bit so it can pull it’s arm back a little further before it gives you another wallop.
Have you got someone you can talk to, to work through emotions, let alone choices and so forth? I really feel that a safe person that you can physically access, who is caring (and if you want can give you options and facts) would be so helpful.
I wish I could assist. I’m thinking of you.
marinerachel – that’s a new layer of awful compounded on the original terrible. Is your ex aware that you’re pregnant? Make every effort to keep him at arm’s length while you’re deciding what to do. He’s already demonstrated that he’s selfish, controlling, and doesn’t have your best interests in mind. Is there anyone else you can turn to for emotional support – a trusted friend, family member, co-worker, clergy?
We’re all here for you. There’s a lot of caring commenters here who can give good, realistic advice if needed, or just offer a shoulder to cry on. Internet hugs. You’re not alone in this.
We’re all here for you. There’s a lot of caring commenters here who can give good, realistic advice if needed, or just offer a shoulder to cry on. Internet hugs. You’re not alone in this.
Absolutely!
marinerachel, which country/which state are you in? if you let us know which country you’re in then we can probably give some more specific help.
If you’re in the UK, get yourself to a GP or to a sexual health clinic and they will be able to give you advice and support.
Also for more internet based advice and support I really recommend the forum, Friends of Captain Awkward. It’s a forum dedicated to giving advice and support, from everything from practical recomendations of help to pictures of cats: http://friendsofcaptainawkward.com/forum/index.php?sid=708b9e7e314204e6459ca58c5ac8b9e5
There are loads of really incredible people there who have access to helpful advice and who come from all walks of life.
We are all rooting for you and we want to help you.
I need an ultrasound to determine whether it’s ectopic. If it is, I’m going to the hospital for emergency termination. I’m trying to figure out the fastest way to get an abdominal ultrasound in BC. Unless it is ectopic, I have no business taking up space at the hospital but I don’t know how to get a referral and appointment for an ultrasound in the next day or two. I guess I’ll use a walk in clinic, tell them my concern and have the doc refer me and the office assistant make the appointment for ASAP.
If it’s not ectopic I have a decision to make but abortion services are readily available whether I choose to utilised them or not. I just know they become less accessible after twelve weeks so I have to think and act fast, certainly before sixteen weeks.
Also, zero chance of him or me tampering with birth control. I have an IUD.
marinerachel,
I’m sorry this is so hard and that you’re hurting. You have every right to “take up space”. You deserve to be wherever you need to be.
You did the right thing in standing up for your needs. You don’t need a man like that in your life. You aren’t worthless. You’re wonderful. I’m so glad you are someplace safe where you can get the medical help you need at this time. You’re going to be OK. Even though you can’t find your hope right now, it will turn up.
Have a virtual cup of hot tea on me. Hugs, if you want them.
I’m sorry I can’t give you more. You deserve all the support. I’ll be here though and so will alot of other people who care about you. <3
So glad you’re in Canada! At least that makes the access part of things easier if you need it.
@Robert
I had coffee in Grand Lake not long ago and had a good laugh about that, actually. The only scary thing there was the prices. Yes, there are sketchy parts of Oakland, and the cops are sometimes more harm than help, but really, the reason people think it’s some kind of terrifying dystopia is racism.
@marinerachel:
Also, zero chance of him or me tampering with birth control. I have an IUD.
Oh, okay. That’s a relief. Sorry I jumped to conclusions.
I’m glad that you have options with regards to the pregnancy. I’m keeping my fingers crossed for you. And I second the recommendation for the Captain Awkward forums. I’m on there, and plenty more awesome people.
*hugs* *hugs* *hugs* hugs* *hugs* to you.
I’m going to tell him. I don’t know if it’s of any value and I’m certainly not going to engage in any kind of discussion with him on the matter. He won’t be part of the decision making or outcome, regardless what I chose. I don’t want his involvement or support or input. I feel ethically obligated to inform him though. I’ll do it in a medium that prevents his from responding.
@marinerachel, More hugs if they’re wanted. Let us know if we can help.
Can someone please advise me whether this justifies a visit to the ER? I don’t know whether this is an emergency yet but the fastest way to find out is an ultrasound at the hospital. Hospitals are for acutely ill people though, not people who think they may be. It will take days to get an ultrasound outside the hospital though.
marinerachel: I’m so sorry you’re going through this.
Since you have an IUD and it’s failed, I’d say going to the ER is not a waste of resources. You need peace of mind, go.
I went last Monday morning for a rash all over me that turned out to be a drug reaction to an anti-inflammatory. I felt I might be wasting everyone’s time, but no one at the ER made me feel that way.
marinerachel, if you are in Vancouver, what about the USB Hospital? It’s a level below an ER and it does ultrasounds.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/UBC_Hospital
*UBC Hospital
Seeing as you have an IUD and you’ve already had unusual bleeding and there’s a risk of an ectopic pregnancy, I’d say the ER is the right place to be. You really, really do not want to risk an ectopic pregnancy going to shit while you wait for an ultrasound.