Just a quick note to let you know that the protest against the AVFM Conference at the Doubletree in Detroit is happening right now. You can check the hashtag #NoMRA on Twitter for live updates. Here’s a Ms Magazine blog piece with more details.
I’ll have some thoughts on it all later.
Photo from @Katie_Speak on Twitter.
marinerachel – It’s true! The Dark Lord really is ferrets in cat suits in a man suit! You have been visited!!!!
Do ferrets really bite as much as common assumptions would suggest that they do? They look so cute.
Yep. Weasels bite. Ferrets are still pretty wild (they haven’t domesticated very well) to an extent I have trouble calling them pets. You can live alongside them and you can care for them and they’re entertaining as hell to watch but a ferret won’t be your companion.
They’re illegal to keep as pets in my state, but a lot of people seem to do so in other places, so I wonder if getting bitten all the time is something they just kind of resign themselves to.
(just commenting to get comment notification)
I’ll spare y’all my parrot spiel, but this is exactly how I feel about most parrots (right down to the biting).
marinerachel, I’m coming in to this thread really late, but I’m glad you’re being cared for and went to a therapist. I’d like to echo everyone here and say that you are worthy and you do matter. Things will get easier and better. You are better off w/o this jerk in your life.
As to ferrets, I’ve had friends w/them and while they weren’t generally very cuddly and are really curious, they didn’t bite much more than some cats of some other friends.
I’m coming in late too, but WOW, huge kudos to you marinerachel for being so proactive about your own self-care. Maybe you don’t see yourself that way, but I think you’re incredibly brave and perceptive.
I’m a complete fucking idiot.
This story gets sicker and sicker. My mood’s going to take another severe nosedive for the next week. I’ve got my friend and my shrink and my new meds on hand to get me through the next chapter of this crisis. This is going to be epic though. Boy, do I feel cheapened. I feel so fucking disrespected and insulted right now.
@marinerachel: I have to go out now, and feel free to email me privately if you want to talk, and don’t want to share publicly.
I know this feels like hell, and I wish it would get better for you soon.
/hugs
@marinerachel,
Please know you aren’t cheapened. Someone disrespected and insulted you. You are still you, the same person who deserves to get through this, to be happy again and feel good about yourself again.
I’ve never experienced this before but I actually feel the desperate need to have sex with someone just to prove I can and so I can get that guy out of my fucking head every time I masturbate. I feel fucking filthy. He still owns my heart and my body by all accounts and he’s absolute fucking filth. Jesus christ, what the fuck is wrong with me? This may have been the worst mistake of my life. It isn’t possible for me to fuck up this badly ever again. I’m nearly experiencing bronchospasms, I’m so worked up with disgust over what’s happened to me. UHG. I’m going out for a drive to pick up my friend from work. I can’t stay still. I feel fucking disgusting. Jesus christ.
I want to throw up, I’m so fucking disgusted.
Hugs if you want them. 🙁
Thank you. I’m just disgusted. I’m disgusted. I think people might just be disgusting.
I know how you feel. Sometimes I just hate everyone, just because of all of my experiences with horrible human beings. You aren’t alone. It’s a pain that many of us deal with. Eventually when you are healed, you will be able to look back on this and be understanding of others in situations similar to yours, and you can reach out to them. If you can be so loving towards someone who has hurt you, you can be loving towards everyone else. And that is why you matter, you aren’t worthless. Take care. Sorry if I’m being incoherent or weird.
But of course it must be stressed that you should also love yourself, too. Please don’t try to be supportive for others without also being supportive of yourself.
And even if you lacked the capacity to be loving, you would still matter as a human being and still be deserving of kindness. I didn’t mean to imply that you are only worthy because you are deeply loving towards others. I’m sorry.
@marinerachel, You’ve been through and are still going through a traumatic time, both physically and emotionally. Who knows what is happening hormonally/chemically in your body after all that.
Plus love and desire don’t get turned off like a tap, even for someone who our heads tell us we should hate.
Hugs if you’d like them & it sounds like a drive might be a useful distraction, as long as you feel well enough.
@marinerachel: if you’re worried about sexual fantasies, the thing is, they’re just fantasies. While I think the dude is an abuser, I am perfectly okay with the idea that he’s attractive, you’ve had sex with him and, funny old thing, he’s in your fantasies.
The neat thing about fantasies is that you control them. You get what you want, how you want, when you want it. I’ve had fantasies where I would hate it in real life (plus the rules of physics don’t seem to apply, nobody gets cramp, etc), but they’re still smexy. Fantasies are fantasies, you like what you like.
The only time I would think there is an issue is if the fantasies interfere with your recovery.
Does that help?
And as one who used to – in actuality – like to eat crunchy peanut butter and golden syrup on toast, I am not one to judge what is or is not “disgusting”.
Fwiw, no one can cheapen you. Dating an abuser or even just a terrible person does not lessen your intrinsic worth. You are valuable, even if you don’t fully believe that at the moment.
Oh, marinerachel, the memories are coming back for me. I can remember an old boyfriend that I thought had ruined me for a decent sex life forevermore. Attraction and lust = him, and I couldn’t separate the two.
And then enough time passed, and I did manage to get him out of my head. I didn’t do anything special, time just worked it’s magic.
I’m not living your life, so I can’t promise the same will work for you. But there’s hope out there.
marinerachel – let me know if you want to meet up for coffee or anything, if you feel like a new face would help. It’s perfectly fine if that’s not the case! I just want to make sure you know the option’s there. I haven’t been posting much because I’ve been a bit swamped with work, but I’m here for you if there’s anything I can do to help.
I know the world can feel like such a shitty place sometimes, but it can get better, and I have full faith that it will for you.
@marinerachel: *hugs*
Hold on, you’ll be okay sooner than you think.
I’m travelling now for a work conference, so I won’t be here very much for the next week, but please know that you’re in my thoughts and I’m sending positive thoughts your way.
I would LOVE to meet up, dustedeste. I’ll email you in a sec. I’m absolutely fucking livid right now. I’m disgusted. Absolutely disgusted.