Anti-AVFM Conference protest happening now in Detroit; see Twitter hashtag #NoMRA for updates [No Troll thread]

@cassandrakitty

Since you’ve obviously been to Desi restaurants before, have you ever seen Pakola before? It’s a famous Pakistani ice cream soda that’s pretty good, although it has a bit of a rose water aftertaste that some people dislike.

@ Ally

I’ve never tried that one, but I like rose water so I might like it better than the regular cream soda. What I really wish I could easily get is the rose/lemon iced drink, you know the one I’m talking about? I’m not sure what they call it in Pakistan, I’m used to it just being referred to as rose sharbat.

Now I want a cream soda or vanilla coke.

Seconding what GirlScientist said. This guy is simply not suited to be in a relationship right now. It’s not about you, it’s about him having some serious issues.

When I was still a Muslim and fasted for Ramadan, I broke my fasts with Medjool dates and Rooh Afza milk. They both go really well together.

It is about me though. If I were worthwhile he’d be willing to work through all these issues alongside me. No, he wouldn’t be ready for a serious, full time relationship for a long time but he wouldn’t be willing to toss me either. He’s chucked me and told me to find someone else because he never wants to be with me.

I know he did. He fought so hard for me before. Now he just wants to get away from me and for me to stay away from him. I am so hurt.

There’s an Irish potato pancake called boxty, made with a mixture of fresh raw grated potatoes and mashed potatoes. They’re good, too.

Cream soda is especially good if you keep kosher, since you can eat it with meat foods (fleischig) OR dairy (milchig).

Regarding miso – one thing I’ve done is simmer a couple of pieces of bacon in miso broth, then take them out, fry them, and garnish the broth with bacon bits and hard cooked egg. If you don’t eat pork, or meat in general, you can simmer kombu in the broth instead and add julienned kale or greens.

Dang, now I’m hungry.

Marinerachel, I don’t know if this will be helpful, but maybe think of your ex as cigarettes, and you just quit smoking. You know you feel lousy, and one good drag would make the pain go away, but don’t give in. You’re better off without, even if it doesn’t feel that way right now.

Even though you are the one that was hurt, his issues aren’t about you. If it wasn’t you, it would have been somebody else. He *chose* to hurt you. He *chose* to blame his actions on his issues instead of working through them. He *chose* to take, and take, and take, and he also *chose* to not support you when you needed it.

He has made deliberate choices that hurt you. And that does *NOT* reflect on your worth. It reflects on him and his shitty facsimile of humanity. These choices that he made had nothing to do with how awesome you are, even if you think you aren’t. It has every bit to do with how self-centered an asshole he is.

While it is painful beyond words to see a beautiful relationship you thought could happen explode and die, that doesn’t mean you could have done anything different. It doesn’t mean that there was any way to avoid it, apart from him not being a douchecanoe.

And while I can’t imagine how much you hurt right now, somewhere in the back of your mind, I’m sure you recognize that staying away from him is the best thing you can do. Think of it this way – does he deserve to be in your presence or hear from you? NO! He has demonstrated that he absolutely does not deserve to even see your written words, much less be in physical proximity.

I truly hope that, soon, you will see just how much more you deserve. Because you deserve every beautiful thing in the world.

The only reason he treated you the way he did is because he’s a selfish, insensitive asshole. That is all. You did nothing wrong.

Hear, hear.

Wow. Okay, my internet was out for two days. Marinrachel, I’m so glad you’re okay. Thanks to everyone who helped. I know you’re not feeling great, but that’s to be expected. Seriously, though, you ARE worthwhile and you will meet someone who sees that. And honest to goodness, unless you’ve met and spoken to his exes, you can’t know for certain that he was any better to them than he’s been to you. He’s just an awful person. The unfortunate thing about abusers is they don’t show their abusive side all the time. They show enough good and “potential” to be good to keep their targets attached for as long as they want them. The fact that he wanted to be friends means he wasn’t done with you. But abusers want things on their terms and only their terms. That’s why he dumped you when you asked him for the simplest thing. He then hoped having you as just a friend would mean he’d get to continue to take from you and maybe you’d be less likely to ask for anything. Abusers treat even the best people like shit beneath their shoes – and you ARE one of the best. You deserve and will find someone so much better. Someone even better than your good ex because you and this person will mesh way better. The feeling that you’ll never love another person again can be utterly soul-crushing, but I promise that you will.

I feel as though his acceptance is required in order for me to exist. None of my accomplishments feel worthy without his approval.

Nope. You don’t need to define yourself by someone else’s approval. You’re a good person on your own.

Some good therapy over the last three years would have enabled him to develop self-awareness and a sense of security that would have enabled him to have healthy relationships now. Instead, he’s used medical school and unhealthy relationships as an excuse not to work on his emotional wellbeing.

Please don’t try to rescue him. Please don’t try to excuse his behaviour.

Please focus on yourself. Be “selfish”, you really really need to put yourself ahead of everyone else at the moment.

You said this has happened:

This is actually the fourth time he’s done this and I’ve been so quick to believe he’ll follow thru with the steps required to get secure and happy every time he comes back to me because in those honest weak moments we’re on the same page. The overwhelming majority of the time though he’s making excuses and repeating comforting lies that allow him to avoid making these necessary changes in his life.

So this will likely be the result of more trickery on his part and not actual change:

If he comes knocking though I will not let him in without him fully comprehending the harm he’s done, being remorseful and showing me he’s committed to and actively tackling his profound insecurity and harmful his behaviour.

Is this dude in medical school? He shouldn’t be in any helping profession.

What’s a brussels cookie? I keep thinking brussels sprouts (ewwwwwwwwwwwwwww).