Just a quick note to let you know that the protest against the AVFM Conference at the Doubletree in Detroit is happening right now. You can check the hashtag #NoMRA on Twitter for live updates. Here’s a Ms Magazine blog piece with more details.
I’ll have some thoughts on it all later.
Photo from @Katie_Speak on Twitter.
What Sarah said – downtown is quite safe. Also, Detroiters are wonderful, fun people! Chill out with some. 🙂
Sarah, thanks for the updates.
Any time I hear Detroit being described as if it was an open-air “Escape from New York” LARPing event, I remember that I live in Oakland. It’s actually quite nice, although you wouldn’t know it from what you tend to hear.
Huh, sounds like Detroit has changed a lot in the last couple of decades! When I was growing up just outside Windsor, the only non-awful places I remember there were going to the DIA or the Joe Louis for a Red Wings game. I’ll never forget when I was a teenager and got lost with two friends in a downtown wasteland part of Detroit on our way to a ballet exam. The cops we asked for directions laughed at us, and told us to lock our car doors and not stop for anything!
At least there are some decent people standing up for what’s right in the world.
I got dumped today because the guy I’ve been loving for the past year doesn’t actually care about me. After a year of tolerating his paranoia and constant accusations, doing everything in my power to make him feel safe and assuage his concerns, I told him I needed him to put a little faith in me. It’s the first time I asked anything of him. In response, he dumped me. I feel so fucking worthless right now I can’t bear it. I don’t want to feel anymore. I hate myself and I feel so stupid. I can’t do this anymore.
I’m sorry to hear that Marinerachel.
Hugs if you want them. You’re not worthless or stupid.
I’m so sorry, Marinerachel. You are not worthless. I promise you that. You’re in pain and everything sucks, but you are not worthless, and you’ll make it through this.
*hugs if you want them*
Give yourself a couple of weeks – a couple of months even – to rage and cry and feel what you feel, think what you think.
When it’s all had time to settle, you’ll look back on this as a lucky escape. You really wouldn’t have liked investing even more time, effort and love into someone who would have shown his uncaring, unhelpful side at some time or another. If he’d do it now, he’d do it some other time.
Adding to the “hugs if you want them”.
And no, you aren’t stupid or worthless.
@Marinerachel
I’m so sorry to hear about your pain. You may feel worthless, but you are not worthless. I have felt the same pain, and boy, does it hurt.
You say you can’t do this anymore. If you are feeling suicidal please call someone. (If I misinterpreted what you said, please forgive me.)
What mildlymagnificent said, marinerachel. If anyone’s going to be called worthless in this scenario, it’s him, not you. For all the pain now, you’re better off without him. You’ve had a year of paranoia and accusations – I’m betting it would have gotten worse; he sounds like an abuser in the making.
Lots of hugs from me.
All the hugs, marinerachel! He may not have been physically abusive, but the way he treated you was emotionally abusive. I’m glad you’re away from him, and hope you find happiness soon because you deserve it!
I’m new to commenting here, marinerachel, but I agree with the other posters.
hugs.
@marinerachel: sorry, been sleeping (thanks codeine! 🙂 ) so have only just read your post now. It just fucking hurts when someone you love, that you have given so much support to, quits on you.
I give you the Victoria Cross* of being a loving, supportive partner to an emotional black hole. That’s what he is: he has sucked your attention, money, love, and affection for a year, they have gone past the event horizon never to be seen again. He’s so self-important he’s made himself the singularity in your life.
* You don’t get a Purple Heart because (1) you put yourself out on the battlefield of life and we’re recognising your fighting skills instead and (2) you’re a way cool person and that is also Victoria Cross material and (3) I’m not American so I’m not up on the medal system over there and I only know Purple Hearts from movies and fuck that shit.
You’re allowed to cry and cuss and mourn for the loss of your dreams. But from one who may have been in similar shoes to what you’re in right now, I am celebrating at my end over the fact that you have such a brighter future now than what you would have had with that guy. You are an awesome person, and he didn’t deserve you. I know you possibly don’t feel like at the moment, but you will. And it will be true! 🙂
I will pet each of my cats and tell them the pats are from you (I hope that’s okay).
Fuck I wish I lived closer to each one of you, because I hate being so physically distant and just typing over the internet feels like a cop-out. 🙁
Leander says he hopes you’re okay and sent you a bunch of purring. Sebina came back for more pets and purrs for you too. Panda wanted lots of petting, as did Tukituki. 🙂
Marinerachel:
That’s really horrible, I’m so sorry. You aren’t worthless or stupid and please don’t let this arsehole persuade you to hate yourself. He’s obviously a manipulative user and really not worth another thought.
I have a whole bunch of hugs over here if you’d like them.
Oh god, THIS.
Marinerachel, you are really strong for asking for what you needed. I’m sorry he couldn’t give you his trust. You are not worthless or stupid – you’re brilliant. Hugs.
marinerachel: I’m sorry you’re hurting, but from what you’ve said it sounds like he did you a favour. People like that are toxic. You aren’t stupid and worthless, the fact that he dumped you right when you stood up for yourself is very telling. You showed your worth and your smarts and he chucked a hissy fit because he couldn’t break you down. Abusers don’t want smart, confident people but most other people do. I hope your pain heals soon and you move on to be your awesome self.
Marinerachel, everything the others have said is absolutely true. He is the one with the problem, not you, and you have very fortunately dodged a bullet here. There is someone out there who can give you what you need and love you for who you are, but also you have everything you need to be happy within yourself. You sound like an open and honest person with much more emotional maturity than the dropkick who has just dumped you. Dust yourself off and keep an eye on the future. It is full of possibility. Continue being awesome 🙂
Marinerachel, you are one of the kindest people I’ve met in this site’s comment’s sections. You are not worthless; you are wonderful.
I’m sorry for your pain.
Hugs if you need them.
Love, hugs, and chocolate fudge cake heading (virtually) your way, marinerachel. I know it probably doesn’t feel this way right now, but your life will be infinitely better without that man in it.
Speaking of soul-sucking emotional vampires who never deserved the support and attention of women in the first place, has everyone seen this shit from the Good Men Project?
http://goodmenproject.com/featured-content/cc-you-should-have-given-it-time-an-open-letter-to-elliot-rodger/?utm_content=buffer23977&utm_medium=social&utm_source=twitter.com&utm_campaign=buffer
Why anyone ever thought they were anything other than MRA-lite to begin with I’m not sure. I guess it’s that whole women being socialized to give men the benefit of the doubt thing again.
Cassandra,
That part about the nice Norwegian girl creeped me the fuck out.
Also! Just saw this.
http://www.salon.com/2014/02/27/republican_lawmaker_very_sorry_he_said_men_should_be_able_to_rape_women_if_abortion_is_legal/
What war on women, you guys? Everything looks fine to me. I mean, the guys at AVFM say they love their moms, so everything is fine, right?
Marinerachel, what a total tool. I’m so sorry that happened to you. You deserve better.