Just a quick note to let you know that the protest against the AVFM Conference at the Doubletree in Detroit is happening right now. You can check the hashtag #NoMRA on Twitter for live updates. Here’s a Ms Magazine blog piece with more details.
I’ll have some thoughts on it all later.
Photo from @Katie_Speak on Twitter.
As my husband might say, “girl, go ahead and MAKE that commotion! Any ‘motion is better than no motion.” You could recite Jabberwocky in Esperanto, and nobody here would mind at all. We’re glad to know you’re getting the help you need and deserve. Everyone needs help sooner or later, and I think most of us have been there.
Honey, you just got away from an abuser, and one of their tricks was to make you feel worthless. When I hear you say anything along the lines of you’re not sure that it’s important enough/worth going to the ER, seeing someone immediately, I hear your abuser talking through you.
When those sorts of thoughts start up/you start typing words like that,
if you don’t feel up to countering with “go away thoughts, of course I’m worth it”
can you please substitute
“the wehuntedthemammoth people know I am worth it and that’s what they would do”
and then act that way?
Please? 🙂
Marinerachel, please don’t worry about frightening us, being ungrateful to us, whatever — we want to hear how you are doing and we want to help and that is our choice made of our own volition.
In the meantime, here is the flying scene from How To Train Your Dragon. You are under no obligation to watch anything we post, nor are you required to feel happier if you do. But we will probably post random stuff anyway, unless you would rather us stop.)
marinerachel – you’ve been through a wrenching ordeal, and you’re dealing with not one but two losses. It’s no wonder you feel disoriented and detached. Not only has the rug been pulled out from under you, but the entire floor.
Miscarriage really, really sucks. The physical pain is bad enough, but it’s compounded by intense, profound grief and the knowledge that you’re going through it all for nothing. Hormone levels drop, opening the door for post-partum depression (another cruel irony of miscarriage). That can last for weeks, if not months. Make sure you get good physical followup care. Keep an eye on the bleeding, get checked out to make sure everything looks OK, and talk to the doctor if your emotions are gyrating all over the place. It’s important that you get your mood stabilized and recover from the physical trauma, so you can start processing what happened with the relationship.
Focus on the basics for now: breathe, sleep, fluids, and whatever food you can get down. Keep putting one foot in front of the other. Even if existence seems totally unappealing right now, think of it as an investment for the bright future you know is ahead of you. You’re doing all the right things to rekindle your spark. Have faith, and be tender with yourself. We’re all thinking of you. *hugs*
I don’t feel I have a bright future at all. I can’t trust my own thoughts and feelings though. It’s the harm this man did to me compounded with not-so-old wounds that’s telling me those things. If I want to have any chance at happiness moving forward I need to make a conscious effort to trust what you’re telling me and put one foot in front of the other.
I have an urgent psychiatrist’s appointment on Wednesday morning. I’m really hoping that’s the first step in getting me on the right track re: therapy and meds.
@marinerachel:
I don’t feel I have a bright future at all.
When I hit rockbottom, I felt like that, too. I thought I would never love anybody anymore like the guy who had just rejected me. I thought I would never amount to anything.
I’m doing a lot better now: I love a few people, and love with them is very different from loving that guy, because it’s not constant misery anymore: it’s respect, honesty, care and affection. I’m not yet 100% satisfied with my lot in life, but I’m a LOT more satisfied with my life than I was then.
If I’d given up on that night, there are so many things that I would have missed. I’m glad I resisted that temptation.
Please, let people around you take care of you. You’ve been through a terrible ordeal at the hands of this man. Take it one spoonfull of applesauce at a time.
P.S.: Here is the link to the free PDF of “Why Does He Do That? by Lundy Bancroft, if and/or when you feel up to reading it:
http://www.pdf-archive.com/2014/03/30/why-does-he-do-that/
I can’t sleep. I’m feeling absolutely desperate to talk to him.
Is there someone there with you, you can talk to? I’ll be up for another half an hour or so if you want to email me. I won’t take it personally if you don’t, just putting the offer there.
Hugs!
@girlscientist, thanks for posting that link, I’m reading it now. It’s very insightful.
I don’t think talking to him is a good idea,but maybe you could tell us what you want to say to him? Just rant at us as though we’re him, we won’t mind 🙂
@marinerachel: Is there something that can distract you? Like pop song parodies about science, for instance?
Yes, please talk to us instead.
If you need more scientists dancing/complaining:
Also:
Is anyone here?
Yes! . I don’t have science videos but I can find pony videos if you like.
I just need company, please. Just, anyone who’s present.
Pony short clip:
http://m.youtube.com/watch?v=BniijKHywXM
Well I am here and it is evening here and I am not going anywhere.
Well, where I am, it’s lunchtime and the sun is shining. conflicted about having the office window opneing since on the plus side there is a lovely breeze and on the down side, someone is using a petrol strimmer below the window. Noise vs breeze (the air conditioning here is crap). Votes, please?
Take the breeze.
Breeze it is, Hopefully, we’ll get the smell of freshly cut grass, too.
Meanwhile, this is Witchy Kitty, all growed up. 🙂
http://instagram.com/p/pD7s0Ml-zE/
Oooooo grass smell! 🙂
Can I share a letter I’m writing to the man that I probably shouldn’t send him?
Definitely, share the letter. You can always get David to delete it later, if you want to.