Just a quick note to let you know that the protest against the AVFM Conference at the Doubletree in Detroit is happening right now. You can check the hashtag #NoMRA on Twitter for live updates. Here’s a Ms Magazine blog piece with more details.
I’ll have some thoughts on it all later.
Photo from @Katie_Speak on Twitter.
MarineRachel — when my ex-fiancé became an ex, I had that same sort of “you’re all trying to be nice, but I don’t deserve it, or anything besides pain”. You don’t have to appreciate it, you just have to allow us to care for you, because we’re going to either way so take the easier route and let us get you a care package and animal videos and whatever else you need!
I get that it hurts, and it will, possibly for longer than people think it should. Those people are assholes, you’re allowed to hurt for as long as you need to. And you’re allowed to be angry when you need to be. And to just stare at a wall when you lack the will to do anything. And to curl up in a nice bubble bath if that suits you, or lie around with your beverage of choice (avoiding alcoholic ones is probably a good idea though). If you need to cry, cry, if you need comfy socks, wear some, if you don’t have any, say so and we’ll make sure you get some!
Whatever you need to do to survive, it’s the right thing to do. And no one here is expecting you to put on a smile and be all “thank you!!!”, we’re just hoping, expecting really, that you’ll survive this. Because you deserve more than the pain you’re feeling.
And I can only speak for myself here, but I’ve got a backlog of good things from this community, it’s time I pay it forward. How’d I acquire said backlog? Because everyone here is awesome (except anand), and that includes you, especially you, because you’re doing what you need to to ensure you stay safe, despite how hard that is for you right now. That makes you extra awesome. Tell the part of your brain arguing that you’re not awesome that Argenti says it should STFU.
@ Marinerachel
I know you’re by yourself right now, but when people get back, can you maybe arrange with them to have them stop you if you’re about to cave in and talk to the guy? Have them take your phone away until the urge passes or whatever.
(I’ve done this with friends who were about to drunk dial their exes in a moment of alcohol-induced brain shutdown before.)
Distractions? Got any favorite videos you know all the lines to? A puzzle or something to keep your hands busy? Some scrap paper to fold into origami, or tear to shreds?
Seconding kitteh’s distraction question:
I’ve got a pinterest board full of silly flash games that I can open up, if you just need something to do, to help being alone be more bearable. I know that’s been a thing that I’ve found helpful in the past, when I’ve been experiencing anhedonia and just generally been unable to deal with my emotions. It can be good to just immerse in something stupid and ignore everything else for a little bit. Does that sound like something that might help?
What Ally said. A lot of us have been in a similar place to you; we don’t expect you to believe anything we’re saying right now but to cling to the belief that you will eventually.
You don’t owe us anything for caring. You deserve caring. You are doing so fantastically to have got help even though you don’t really want it right now.
Also seconding Argenti. Something to focus on, even if you don’t want to do it, will help a little. Just keep talking to us if it helps at all to get it out, and have some contact. You are a great person.
Just keep talking to us for the next hour and a half.
We can distract you with funny or cute videos if you want.
Here’s a classic video:
In the interest of distraction, here’re a bunch of silly games that I have found enjoyable at one point or another. May I recommend Auditorium, Loops of Zen, fl0w, and Music Catch specifically? I find them very soothing.
And this isn’t cute animals, but it’s my go-to video when I’m distressed:
Oh my goodness those kitties! 😀 Ours have all been terrified of vacuum cleaners.
If I ever take the form of a cat, I will try to find the nearest vacuum cleaner and do what the first cat did. That looks like so much fun.
Did I just talk about turning into a cat as if it’s a real possibility? I’m weird these days…
Wanting to be a cat is a natural state of being for a mere human. We all aspire to the greatness of the Furrinati.
Would you like to see some pictures I took at the zoo the other day? They’re mostly pretty bleh quality but it has baby chimps and sleepy animals being adorable (that photobucket feels the need to put in a weird order. Hurrumph.)
Hopefully it works!
http://s255.photobucket.com/user/Hrovitnir/library/Zoo%20pictures?sort=3&page=1
Thank you everyone.
I didn’t realise how frightening some of the things I’m saying are. I thought I was doing much better than I am. I didn’t think my low mood warranted going to the ER. I actually believed it would be unethical for me to use the ER for psychiatric matters unless I was in imminent danger of harming myself or already had. I thought I should use the hospital to help me with the physical symptoms and deal with the low mood on my own.
I was wrong. This is a psychiatric emergency, even though I don’t believe I’m in danger of hurting myself right now. I’m going to listen to the Mounties and see a psychiatrist in emerge tonight.
I’m so sorry for frightening you all. I’m not in imminent danger, not at all, and I’m going to get some help now for what’s going on in my head instead of just asking for help with my body. I’ll be much more careful in the future to think about how my words could be perceived. I don’t want to frighten anyone.
You have nothing to apologize for. We just want you to be ok.
I have to be more careful about what I say here. I’ve caused far too much of a commotion, much more than getting dumped warrants. I’ll update you guys when I get home.
Marinerachel, we’re just concerned about you, we want you to be safe! There’s nothing wrong with asking for help when you need it. When you’re in the midst of all this it can sometimes be hard to believe that you deserve to be taken care of but you do, and help is there for you. And we’re here for you.
I’d much rather you said what you did, marinerachel, and got help, than bottle it all up. I’m really glad you’re getting help. You’re not alone!
WWTH’s got it precisely. You just focus on taking care of yourself right now, marinerachel; don’t worry about apologizing to us for anything.
Don’t be more careful for us. It is scary but we want to help. You don’t need to censor yourself.
You deserved and needed the care of ER, and you deserve the attention you’re getting here.
Are you alone now? Do talk to us. We’re more than happy to talk to you about whatever; bad feelings or cats or whatever helps.
You didn’t just get dumped! Stop downplaying the shit your last week has been! I won’t recap it for you, but I gave my mother the really short version and she sends her sympathies.
*more hugs* take care of yourself — that’s the only thing you have to worry about right now!
marinerachel, I’m so sorry that you’ve had such a horrible time. I’m very happy to hear that you’re getting the care you need.
(((((((((hugs)))))))))
If marinerachel is lurking and/or anyone else would like a freaking awesome gif, I present a tiny pig playing with a cat:
http://catstitsfeminism.tumblr.com/post/88348987800/fatpeoplecatpeople-kitty-and-piggle-much#notes