Just a quick note to let you know that the protest against the AVFM Conference at the Doubletree in Detroit is happening right now. You can check the hashtag #NoMRA on Twitter for live updates. Here’s a Ms Magazine blog piece with more details.
I’ll have some thoughts on it all later.
Photo from @Katie_Speak on Twitter.
Seriously, I’d be happy to discuss this on the thread about Paul Elam’s claims. Just absolutely not here.
Please, Anand.
Fuck off anand, this is neither the time nor the place.
Anand: WTF? One, I don’t see any context for that. 2: In case you weren’t so self-involved that you didn’t read a fucking thing on this thread from the past couple of days, there is some really important life and death shit going on.
If you want to talk about the AVfM thing, the thread to do it in is <https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2014/06/03/is-a-voice-for-men-using-phony-death-threats-as-an-excuse-to-smear-feminists-and-raise-a-quick-25k-heres-what-we-dont-know-so-far/ this one (where there are still some questions you’ve not answered).
@ marinerachel
You know that you’re allowed to just completely ignore this guy, right? I don’t mean that in a condescending way, I mean that I’m concerned that he may have convinced you over time that just totally shutting him out is not a valid option that you’re allowed to take if you want to. If that’s what’s happening, please know that there is nothing wrong with just cutting off contact completely if that’s what would make you feel better. You’re not obligated to make him feel better. Taking care of yourself is your first priority right now. If talking to him, or even just reading emails or texts from him, is making you feel awful, then you don’t have to read them. If you’re not up to telling him to leave you alone then you don’t have to, you can just ignore any attempts at communication he sends your way.
Hopefully by the time you get this you’ll already be in the hospital, but nthing the recommendation to read “Why Does He Do That” when you’re up to it. I’m guessing that a lot of the behavior described in that book is going to feel very familiar.
Is there a way to selectively ban Anand (and any other known trolls and/or assholes) from this thread? Given the current direction of the thread I feel like it should be enforced as a shithead-free zone for now. If they were decent human beings they’d realize that this isn’t the time or the place for trolling, but if they were decent human beings they wouldn’t be trolling in the first place, so…
I’m on my phone now, so I can’t access the copy of WDHDT I have. Does anyone else have a link to a PDF version?
Seconding cassandrakitty’s suggestion for a selective ban.
Anand, you need to stay the hell away from this thread. Your comment does pertain to the post, but not to this thread. Read the rest of the thread and hopefully you will understand why your comment is completely inappropriate right now.
Anand, you are now demonstrating that you can steer clear of insults and profanity and still be the biggest asshole in the thread.
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
I’ve just emailed the Dark Lord about a troll-free zone here.
Anand, no trolls in this thread. If you can’t figure out why, fuck you. I’m putting you on moderation. Any complaints about that and you’re banned.
::cheers::
::whistles::
marinerachel — i do not know you, but i care about you. you are in a very difficult situation, i have been in a similar one, many years ago. it does get better, i promise. i hope you are getting all of the help you need and just donated to the care package heading in your direction.
for those who do not know, a paypal fund has been set up and donating is easy.
Marinerachel, I’m glad you’re getting the help you need. I’m adding my good wishes and hugs to the barrel.
When you get through the immediate emergency and are able to, please take another look at what you’ve written in this thread about his behaviour, and go over it with your therapist. Even the stuff that’s not 100% asshole is still controlling and manipulative. Your therapist will help you get some perspective. Take care of yourself, and know that you have a lot of support from us.
I have some of my strength back – applesauce and yoghurt are staying down and I’ve been able to take my meds and some pain management for the headache due to the lack of eating over the last several days. With the headache managed and some food in my body I’m going to try to shower.
I’m despondent. Having seen the hurt he suffered when he and his last girlfriend split and now seeing how easily he chucked me, how badly he wanted to get away from me, how unhappy he was with me and how glad he was to be rid of me, I’m so, so hurt. I’m still so in love with the person he could be. I don’t feel I’ll ever recover from this.
I sent you some cat pics. 🙂 You’re in my thoughts. And being despondent is completely expected, I would be despondent too if I was you. He was a fucking awful shit, you loved him deeply, and strong feelings just don’t disappear overnight.
I’ll pet the cats again for you, and send some positive thoughts your way. I’m so pleased you have access to the internet still. 🙂 🙂
Ooo.. thinking of cats, here’s an entire website devoted to them.
http://catmoji.com/
Argh! I messed up your nym in my last post, marinerachel. Sorry about that!
Thanks for taking the time to keep us posted with how you’re doing. I’ll throw a few more good wishes (and puppy snuggles from my dog) into the bottomless barrel, too.
You’re doing awesome, getting help and keeping some food down. You deserve to be proud of those things.
I know it feels impossible you will ever feel right again, but you will. Anyone who would do anything but be kind and supportive when you are going through a miscarriage is not a good person. It doesn’t matter how good he can be in the right circumstances, when push comes to shove he showed no love to you as a human in pain.
Even if he wasn’t being an utter bastard, him not wanting you would never, ever make you worthless. You are a great person, a wonderful person, and we will keep knowing that no matter how ridiculous it might sound to you right now.
It’s okay to hurt. It is more than okay to be angry. Try and believe that you are a good person, you are loved, and this will pass, because it will. We will all be here for you.
marinerachel, what pallygirl said. It’d be strange if you weren’t going through this pain now. But it will pass eventually.
The person he could be isn’t the person he is, or ever will be. There’s probably a person lots of us could be, but it isn’t going to happen. That person is an ideal, not the actual person here and now, and there’s no sign that your shittastic ex has any desire to be other than he is.
You were with him for how long, and he was never that person. You put in, what was it, a year? of giving, and getting nothing in return but emotional abuse. He’s not a good person, whatever he claims about his past.
THIS. Reminds me of a dear friend; her fiance dumped her when her younger brother and grandmother died within weeks of each other. She’d supported him, but when it came time for him to support her, he flounced. Didn’t want to deal with it, didn’t like not being the centre of attention – even at the funeral he was doing the Nobly Grieving Dude act.
It’s easy to fall in love with the idea of the person that someone could be, but the thing is that you have to live with the person they actually are. Also, being rejected doesn’t mean that you’re worthless (ever, regardless of who’s rejecting who, even if the person doing the rejecting is pretty great). Sometimes people just aren’t a good fit.
Whoot for nutrition! I’m glad the nausea is past, and that you’re able to update us.
Are you still with medical personnel? I’m really worried for you, and I want you to be safe.Miscarriages can be really dangerous, and you need to have someone with you. Please!
You are worthwhile; you are wonderful. If I didn’t think so, I wouldn’t be doing what I’m doing right now. I want to help you, in any way you’ll let me.
You’re more than allowed to feel hurt, but it isn’t hopeless. We’re here for you, and we’re trying to make sure you get the help, support, and care you need.
All my internet hugs, and all my support.
I’ve sent you my and dustedestes contact information. Please, if you need to, call us.
In his most sincere, vulnerable moments, he would agree with everything I said – that his treatment of me was unacceptable, that his unhappiness and insecurity hurt people around him and his relationships with them. In those moments, when he allowed himself to be weak, when he let himself hurt and stopped spouting the delusions he uses to distract himself from his real issues, he wanted to be the person I needed him to, not for me but for himself and he wanted to be with me. Those moments kept me going because I knew it was in him and I knew, when he was being honest with himself, it’s what he wanted. He is so steeped in bullshit though. He didn’t act, didn’t make the necessary changes that would bring him happiness and stop him hurting me. Even though it’s what he wanted on a human level, he’s functioning on a level of absolute bullshit that distracts and deludes him from what he really needs in his life. He’s putting all his effort into things he’s deluded himself will bring him fullfillment without addressing his underlying unhappiness.
I wish I was angry at him right now. Anger would be more productive and would signify progress. I’m just so fucking hurt and feel so worthless. I’m so, so sad. I want to be angry. I’m not there yet. I feel like I’m going to be in this pit of despair forever or at least until someone else comes along and goodness knows I’ll be right back here as soon as they do the same thing to me. I am hopeless. I have nothing. There is nothing good in my life. You’ve all been so wonderful to me but I’m completely unable to appreciate your love and friendship because he’s stolen my ability to take pleasure in anything.
@marinerachel
I’m glad you are taking more steps to take care of your health. I’m sure you also have what it takes to start to heal emotionally as well. Things will get better, no matter how long the process takes.