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Over on the Men’s Rights subreddit, the neverending struggle against imaginary feminists continues apace. Today, one brand-new Redditor, a self-described former feminist, won himself several dozen upvotes from the regulars by bringing them a literally unbelievable tale of his adventures with a coven of slap-happy feminists.
I stopped calling myself a feminist a few years ago when I went to a meeting and was told “men are inly allowed in this safe space if they participate in a slap circle.”
The idea was that it would be harder for me to intimidate with my six foot stature if all the women had a chance to slap me in the face. I left.
Another guy actually did it.
It’s all true. I WAS THAT GUY.
BUT WHO WAS PHONE?
Actually, no. If this dude’s story is true, I will literally eat my cats.
While most of the Men’s Rightsers commenting in the thread seem to have swallowed this story whole, “slap circles” aren’t actually a thing in feminism.
They are a thing, though, amongst bored and/or drunk young men (and sometimes women) around the world, as countless videos on YouTube can attest.
As as site called Hungry Teen explains, a “Slap Circle” is
A great way to bond with friends, release aggression and stimulate the face. The Slap Circle is a game made for the more hardcore, daring person and can be used as a test for finding the manliest of the group. Although adopting female fighting techniques, the slap circle appeals far more to men. Nothing is required for this game, other than a hand, a face and a set of balls.
All you do, is stand in a circle and slap the person to your right in the face, while waiting for a slap from the person on your left. If you’ve had enough, you step out of the circle and the last two standing fight it out for the winner.
I eagerly await stories in the Men’s Rights subreddit detailing Andrea Dworkin’s demand that all men and boys be forced to take the Cinnamon Challenge and all those insidious mandatory nut shot seminars being forced upon all college students unfortunate enough to be born with a pair of balls.
Thanks to Cloudiah for the heads up, and the good people of the AgainstMensRights subreddit for the Hungry Teen quote.
Feminists are well known for our slap-circles. They’re the traditional method of opening any consciousness-raising event and/or feminist conference.
Rancid nads, who simply cannot get enough of us, posted:
“I’ve never heard of slap circles in feminism either, but if this is something that bored and/or drunk young men (and sometimes women) sometimes so, then it’s entirely possible that a drunk and bored group of women identifying as feminists asked him to do this. If be nervous if I were one of your cats right now.”
Um, rancid nads, what in the ever loving fuck are you implying now? Do we have to explain what bullshit smells like, now? Moron.
I mean, it’s theoretically possible that all human achievement is actually due to the intervention of ancient aliens but it doesn’t seem likely.
You’re neither witty nor original. What a surprise.
Nequam: There’s no image embedding or editing. Trolls are why we can’t have nice things, isn’t that right, Rancid?
I’m absolutely confident that the cats are safe, though I can’t say the same for anyone trying to involve them in a slap circle.
You know, it’s entirely possible that monkeys might fly out of my butt at some point.
Not at all very likely, but entirely possible.
You know an attempted zinger has failed when people are confused rather than offended.
Once again: **giggle-snort**
Oops, sorry, that was directed at racnad and his “well, it might have happened that some feminists at some point in time used a slap circle as some kind of initiation rite.”
Obviously that story is false because everyone knows that feminists prefer fish slapping.
@katz
A new addition to the feminist dive bar? I think so.
Cock scrunchies, man-hating feminists, misandric drinks and snacks, whore penguin waitresses, and now fish-slapping. This will certainly help us establish a new base for our matriarchal vanguard. The Revolution is coming.
“Although adopting female fighting techniques…”
Did this make anyone else cringe? After the slapping thus will commence the hair pulling & slights about your outfit…sheesh.
And definite up-vote to the addition of fish-slapping to the feminist dive bar.
piratejennie – yeah, that was my reaction.
Fish-slapping for the win!
“Um, rancid nads, what in the ever loving fuck are you implying now? Do we have to explain what bullshit smells like, now? Moron.”
I’m sure a lot of you would like to slap me.
Heh, I would quite possibly do the slap circle thing. Don’t judge me.
At our muay thai club, on your birthday you wear a belly pad and everyone in the club punches you in the gut as hard as they can. It’s funny! At another club in our city you have to spar everyone in the club back to back. Exhausting.
It’s hard to explain if you’re not into it, but it isn’t about enjoying hurting people. Everyone gets to be on the receiving end and if you take yourself too seriously you won’t last long.
/defensive I-swear-having-that-sense-of-humour-doesn’t-make-me-a-bully-derail. 😛
Portlandia is a documentary.
This article…I can’t even! ????????????!
Great answer, magnesium!
It’s true. I went to the feminist book store and the womyn there made me participate in a slap circle to check my privilege, and then refused to sell me a cock scrunchie because capitalism is violence against womyn.
And Heather Graham was there!
Oh yay, this is here!
As an antidote, here are some CATS FREAKING OUT. (My favorite is #8.)
GAAAAH I just had a couple of pushy religious types come to the door. Despite the sign in Big Red Letters telling ’em they’re not welcome.
Me, while pointing at the sign: “Can you read?”
::Dude tries to push his spiel::
Me: “CAN YOU READ?”
::slams door::
I was fine with the slap circle, but then they tried to make me sing that song about the 90s and it gave me flashbacks to 90s fashion and I had to leave early.
Apparently we can invite those drug-abusing dolphins to the bar too. We can have an indoor pool, maybe? Anyway, yeah, junkie dolphins. They get high on fugu. Also watch out for monkeys, they might steal our drinks.
http://www.bbc.com/future/story/20140528-do-animals-take-drugs
(This one is courtesy of Mr C., who’s still stuck at work.)