Anxiety attack is gone, and it appears that literally all of the severe weather is missing our area. Just barely missing, though – there is a tornado that has touched down in Denver.
It will be nice to actually have money again, I won’t lie. The job itself isn’t exactly what I wanted when I set out to find a job, but I think it will work and possibly help me get my foot in the door. 🙂
Marie
10 years ago
@ally
glad to hear that your anxiety attack is gone and the weather missed you. Yay!
I just got back from the Failure reunion concert and it was amazing. They didn’t have an opening band so there was time for them to do two sets and were able to play a significant amount of their catalog. It was such a perfect (day early) birthday present.
One of the nice things about getting older is that the bands I loved as a teenager are now getting back together for reunion tours. Yay!
New picture – a certain man looking pensive, against a stormy sky. (No, it’s not a dark and stormy night.) I had the strongest push to do a picture of him before – not an urge, a push.
Boogerghost, don’t think of moving to Oz until we’ve got rid of this government – it’s busy outdoing the Republicans in victimising the most vulnerable (example: people under thirty will have to wait six months to get unemployment benefit). We’ve also got the most disgusting Prime Minister we’ve ever had. When a caller to talkback radio tells him that a) she’s on the age pension, b) she has terminal illness and c) she has to work on an adult sex line to have enough money to survive, his response is to wink and smirk.
Marie, thanks! 🙂
Marie
10 years ago
@kittehs
When a caller to talkback radio tells him that a) she’s on the age pension, b) she has terminal illness and c) she has to work on an adult sex line to have enough money to survive, his response is to wink and smirk.
christ, what an asshole.
grumpycatisagirl
10 years ago
christ, what an asshole.
Yeah, seriously. The guy should be thrown out. Stop contaminating beautiful Australia.
beegee
10 years ago
@K
I hope I’m just massively projecting here but your post reminds me of where I was 10 years ago and now bf has ruined me financially. He was never good with money, but wanted to be the breadwinner and the big man in the house. Again, I hope I’m really projecting but being financially irresponsible and forcing the partner to pick up the slack can be a sign of possible financial abuse.
With that being said, if his problem is just a resistance to budgeting then I can understand. Not everyone likes to budget, but we all have to live within our means. I found that what worked for me in the past when I managed my own money was an “envelope system” where I seperated the money into catagories as soon as I got it. One of my envelopes was for “spending money”, and I spent as recklessly as I wanted from it, but the catch was that when the money was gone, it was gone, no whining, and no borrowing from other envelopes.
It can be really hard to adjust when you’re first starting out and your “spending money” envelope is practically nil. If he can’t adapt, or if he blames you for all his woes, then you’re better off living on your own until he figures out how to manage his money on his own. He may have to figure this stuff out on his own, please don’t allow him to drag you down with him! You don’t want to be digging yourself out from a relationship-induced hole in your 30s like I am.
Also consider why you’re cohabiting. I’m not making a moral judgement here-I’ve been cohabiting myself for 10 years, but in my personal experience over time cohabiting relationships can be as hard to get out of as marriage is but they don’t always offer all the protection that marriage does. Depending on the local laws co-habiting couples may have to go out of their way to make legal agreements to protect both partners. Again, no judgement, but just something to think about so you can protect yourself. I really wish that someone told me this when I was your age.
Anyway, as for myself, I’ve been working little by little on getting myself set up. Some of the things that I’ve done so far is;
-call a therapist to get emotional support
-ordered a credit report to check out what kind of damage he’s done
-researched on how to get a PO Box so that I can get my bills sent to them so that I KNOW they are being paid on time.
-researched child support laws
-tried to find ways to make some spare money because I have basically NOTHING in savings.
Things that I will be doing this weekend;
-Talking to my father and letting him know that I will be leaving and ask if I can store some of my stuff at his house and whether he could vouche for me in court. Based on past behaviour I don’t expect that my father will be supportive and based on how the laws on cohabitation are here I may loose most my furniture. 🙁
Anyway, you guys have been a huge help to me. Truly, you’re about the only people that have taken me seriously. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Fellow mammotheers in Colorado: please stay safe. We have been getting golf-ball-sized hail, 60 MPH winds, and tornadoes all over northeastern Colorado. Luckily, our city has avoided the worst of the severe weather, but over the past three days Denver and the eastern adjacent areas have had at least 11 tornado warnings – about half of which were actual touchdowns. On top of all of that, there is a high risk of localized flooding.
Most people seem to be coping with the weather just fine, but for me it’s a nightmare. I almost feel as though the weather is trying to be sadistic towards me. I can’t even walk outside the library to get something to eat right now, even though I’m starving (I haven’t eaten anything today), because I can’t stop thinking “What if my skull gets pummeled with hail? What if a tornado rips the city apart? What if there is another flooding emergency in this city like last year?” X_X
Fuck this phobia. I feel for anyone else who has it because it ruins my entire day once it gets triggered.
grumpycatisagirl
10 years ago
Ugh. Ally, I hope this all over for you sooner rather than later.
What also pisses me off is that the forecast over the past 3 days has been alarmist as fuck (“DAMAGING WINDS TORNADOES PING PONG BALL SIZED HAIL AND FLASH FLOODING TODAY”) but NOTHING is hitting us so far. I’m constantly on the edge yet nothing bad is happening, and that’s just making my anxiety worse. It’s eating away at my confidence. I know no one is to blame for this, and I know that Colorado weather is erratic at this time of the year, but I wish things weren’t so plagued by uncertainty.
hrovitnir
10 years ago
Bah, Ally, that’s not cool at all. I do not have a weather phobia but I can relate because I had a phobia of natural disasters as a child. Phobia/something that resembles that anyway, because it’s gone now. But I was really afraid of earthquakes, volcanoes, tornadoes and hurricanes. I had nightmares, declared I would never go to countries with those things (only earthquakes are an issue here really) and even as a young adult standing where I could see a dormant volcano made me super uncomfortable.
CN: Minor discussion of sexual assault and abuse, no details.
I really think it’s a lack of control thing. My mother was terribly traumatised by sexual assault and abuse and tried to “save” me by warning me at a young age… I have big issues around sexual assault and anything that pushes those “out of your control” buttons has pretty serious effects. Ticking has given me panic attacks and I have NO sense of humour about tickling at all.
Interestingly we had a series of fairly major earthquakes last year and I wasn’t at all afraid. Not even regular level afraid. And I think *that* is because years and years of my family pushing me until I lost all control, overwhelmed by emotional pain, then make up and start again taught me to eventually be extremely calm in an actual emergency. Asking someone to please not talk about something bigoted? Can result in depressive episode and difficulty leaving the house. Violence? Switch over to preternaturally calm, I can deal.
/CN
I came here to say Marie, I am addicted to your tumblr now. I have about 8 tabs open because I want to share all the awesomeness but can’t flood my Facebook all at once with too many anti-bigotry posts (I mean, that would just be *weird*. I should stick to the insincere “if you love your beautiful daughter” posts. Eugh, I’m so judgemental. :/ )
Marie
10 years ago
@Ally
::offers hugs::
@hrovitnir
I came here to say Marie, I am addicted to your tumblr now. I have about 8 tabs open because I want to share all the awesomeness but can’t flood my Facebook all at once with too many anti-bigotry posts (I mean, that would just be *weird*. I should stick to the insincere “if you love your beautiful daughter” posts. Eugh, I’m so judgemental. :/ )
Wait, you’ve seen my tumblr? You like my tumblr? ::Squees:: 😀
Okay, the weather is finally calming down now…thank god.
@hrovitnir
I’ve been scared of volcanoes as well, but not nearly as much as tornadoes. I remember when I was 11 and afraid of Mount St. Helens in Washington state erupting. I thought that, if it erupted, the ash would fall in Colorado and then kill everyone due to its toxicity.
Here’s a radar image loop from the Denver/Boulder NWS radar. I’m in Boulder. These massive storms keep creeping up really close and then start dissipating as soon as they are within a certain distance. X_X
Also, hrovitnir, here’s my Tumblr in case you have one and want to follow me: disaffected-dyke.tumblr.com
hrovitnir
10 years ago
Marie | May 22, 2014 at 6:15 pm
Wait, you’ve seen my tumblr? You like my tumblr? ::Squees:: 😀
😀 You shared adorable ratses, and it was all downhill from there. Uphill? That doesn’t sound better! You have my favourite mix of righteously angry and cool/cute stuff.
I had someone on FB once say they thought I enjoyed being angry. I thought about it and concluded: “kind of? It’s better than being miserable? I seek out people being ANGRY about horrible things because it’s much better than reading everyone else NOT CARE about horrible things.”
Ally S
@hrovitnir
I’ve been scared of volcanoes as well, but not nearly as much as tornadoes. I remember when I was 11 and afraid of Mount St. Helens in Washington state erupting. I thought that, if it erupted, the ash would fall in Colorado and then kill everyone due to its toxicity.
Also, hrovitnir, here’s my Tumblr in case you have one and want to follow me: disaffected-dyke.tumblr.com
Oo, yes please. Don’t have a Tumblr but read a bunch of them from bookmarks. I love your writing but I don’t want to pontificate all over your blog so Tumblr ftw.
Tornadoes are awful. Now I am less afraid I feel like they are awful/freaking amazing but still. How do they exist?? My volcano thing came after reading about how nothing can stop lava. At about 6 or 7. Now I also know it’s pretty slow and most people get killed by smoke/ash so yay?
Still have had nightmares in recent years about being trapped and having to walk into lava: thanks brain.
I mostly feel like NO FAIR that you’re being triggered by this shit with everything else. It’s completely and utterly unmalicious but still feels like kicking a dog when she’s down.
Marie
10 years ago
@hrovintir
😀 You shared adorable ratses, and it was all downhill from there. Uphill? That doesn’t sound better! You have my favourite mix of righteously angry and cool/cute stuff.
aww thanks ::blushies:: Rats are some of my favorite animals, I’ve kept two pairs over the course of my life, but didn’t get more after my last rat died. She kept going for nearly three years, even though her sister died after one and a half 🙁 But she was adorable and affectionate and a little clumsy, and I miss her dearly. I was afraid if I got more right after she died I’d feel like I was trying to replace her.
Um anyway that got out of hand. But I love rats, and reblog them whenever I see them.
I had someone on FB once say they thought I enjoyed being angry. I thought about it and concluded: “kind of? It’s better than being miserable? I seek out people being ANGRY about horrible things because it’s much better than reading everyone else NOT CARE about horrible things.”
Me too, tbh. I think some of my worst feeling is when I’m just downright apathetic, and even hearing something, I can’t care. It happens most when my depression is super horrible.
But even when I’m not depressed, I find anger a first emotion to many things: family members being dicks, horrible stuff happening, ect. And it took a while to realize that anger was okay, if you aren’t hurting people with it. I spent so long when I was younger feeling like some kind of monster because anger was a ‘first stop’ emotion for me, and I’m glad that’s over.
I got out of hand. But I like righteous anger. Or even not-righteous anger, so long as you aren’t hurting people.
We Hunted The Mammoth
Anxiety attack is gone, and it appears that literally all of the severe weather is missing our area. Just barely missing, though – there is a tornado that has touched down in Denver.
@BreakfastMan
Yay for employment! ^_^
@Marie
@Ally S
It will be nice to actually have money again, I won’t lie. The job itself isn’t exactly what I wanted when I set out to find a job, but I think it will work and possibly help me get my foot in the door. 🙂
@ally
glad to hear that your anxiety attack is gone and the weather missed you. Yay!
RE: BreakfastMan
Woo! Congratulations!
RE: girlscientist
I shall get to work on uploading that chunk of the Thing in the Drain! Stay tuned!
BreakfastMan, yay for employment!
I just got back from the Failure reunion concert and it was amazing. They didn’t have an opening band so there was time for them to do two sets and were able to play a significant amount of their catalog. It was such a perfect (day early) birthday present.
One of the nice things about getting older is that the bands I loved as a teenager are now getting back together for reunion tours. Yay!
New picture – a certain man looking pensive, against a stormy sky. (No, it’s not a dark and stormy night.) I had the strongest push to do a picture of him before – not an urge, a push.
http://i.imgur.com/R99INg7.png
@kittehserf, No, I unfortunately do not live in Oz. Loved Melbs though. 😀 Would definitely consider living there some day!
@kittehs
Nice pic 😀
Boogerghost, don’t think of moving to Oz until we’ve got rid of this government – it’s busy outdoing the Republicans in victimising the most vulnerable (example: people under thirty will have to wait six months to get unemployment benefit). We’ve also got the most disgusting Prime Minister we’ve ever had. When a caller to talkback radio tells him that a) she’s on the age pension, b) she has terminal illness and c) she has to work on an adult sex line to have enough money to survive, his response is to wink and smirk.
Marie, thanks! 🙂
@kittehs
christ, what an asshole.
Yeah, seriously. The guy should be thrown out. Stop contaminating beautiful Australia.
@K
I hope I’m just massively projecting here but your post reminds me of where I was 10 years ago and now bf has ruined me financially. He was never good with money, but wanted to be the breadwinner and the big man in the house. Again, I hope I’m really projecting but being financially irresponsible and forcing the partner to pick up the slack can be a sign of possible financial abuse.
With that being said, if his problem is just a resistance to budgeting then I can understand. Not everyone likes to budget, but we all have to live within our means. I found that what worked for me in the past when I managed my own money was an “envelope system” where I seperated the money into catagories as soon as I got it. One of my envelopes was for “spending money”, and I spent as recklessly as I wanted from it, but the catch was that when the money was gone, it was gone, no whining, and no borrowing from other envelopes.
It can be really hard to adjust when you’re first starting out and your “spending money” envelope is practically nil. If he can’t adapt, or if he blames you for all his woes, then you’re better off living on your own until he figures out how to manage his money on his own. He may have to figure this stuff out on his own, please don’t allow him to drag you down with him! You don’t want to be digging yourself out from a relationship-induced hole in your 30s like I am.
Also consider why you’re cohabiting. I’m not making a moral judgement here-I’ve been cohabiting myself for 10 years, but in my personal experience over time cohabiting relationships can be as hard to get out of as marriage is but they don’t always offer all the protection that marriage does. Depending on the local laws co-habiting couples may have to go out of their way to make legal agreements to protect both partners. Again, no judgement, but just something to think about so you can protect yourself. I really wish that someone told me this when I was your age.
Anyway, as for myself, I’ve been working little by little on getting myself set up. Some of the things that I’ve done so far is;
-call a therapist to get emotional support
-ordered a credit report to check out what kind of damage he’s done
-researched on how to get a PO Box so that I can get my bills sent to them so that I KNOW they are being paid on time.
-researched child support laws
-tried to find ways to make some spare money because I have basically NOTHING in savings.
Things that I will be doing this weekend;
-Talking to my father and letting him know that I will be leaving and ask if I can store some of my stuff at his house and whether he could vouche for me in court. Based on past behaviour I don’t expect that my father will be supportive and based on how the laws on cohabitation are here I may loose most my furniture. 🙁
Anyway, you guys have been a huge help to me. Truly, you’re about the only people that have taken me seriously. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.
Fellow mammotheers in Colorado: please stay safe. We have been getting golf-ball-sized hail, 60 MPH winds, and tornadoes all over northeastern Colorado. Luckily, our city has avoided the worst of the severe weather, but over the past three days Denver and the eastern adjacent areas have had at least 11 tornado warnings – about half of which were actual touchdowns. On top of all of that, there is a high risk of localized flooding.
Most people seem to be coping with the weather just fine, but for me it’s a nightmare. I almost feel as though the weather is trying to be sadistic towards me. I can’t even walk outside the library to get something to eat right now, even though I’m starving (I haven’t eaten anything today), because I can’t stop thinking “What if my skull gets pummeled with hail? What if a tornado rips the city apart? What if there is another flooding emergency in this city like last year?” X_X
Fuck this phobia. I feel for anyone else who has it because it ruins my entire day once it gets triggered.
Ugh. Ally, I hope this all over for you sooner rather than later.
What also pisses me off is that the forecast over the past 3 days has been alarmist as fuck (“DAMAGING WINDS TORNADOES PING PONG BALL SIZED HAIL AND FLASH FLOODING TODAY”) but NOTHING is hitting us so far. I’m constantly on the edge yet nothing bad is happening, and that’s just making my anxiety worse. It’s eating away at my confidence. I know no one is to blame for this, and I know that Colorado weather is erratic at this time of the year, but I wish things weren’t so plagued by uncertainty.
Bah, Ally, that’s not cool at all. I do not have a weather phobia but I can relate because I had a phobia of natural disasters as a child. Phobia/something that resembles that anyway, because it’s gone now. But I was really afraid of earthquakes, volcanoes, tornadoes and hurricanes. I had nightmares, declared I would never go to countries with those things (only earthquakes are an issue here really) and even as a young adult standing where I could see a dormant volcano made me super uncomfortable.
CN: Minor discussion of sexual assault and abuse, no details.
I really think it’s a lack of control thing. My mother was terribly traumatised by sexual assault and abuse and tried to “save” me by warning me at a young age… I have big issues around sexual assault and anything that pushes those “out of your control” buttons has pretty serious effects. Ticking has given me panic attacks and I have NO sense of humour about tickling at all.
Interestingly we had a series of fairly major earthquakes last year and I wasn’t at all afraid. Not even regular level afraid. And I think *that* is because years and years of my family pushing me until I lost all control, overwhelmed by emotional pain, then make up and start again taught me to eventually be extremely calm in an actual emergency. Asking someone to please not talk about something bigoted? Can result in depressive episode and difficulty leaving the house. Violence? Switch over to preternaturally calm, I can deal.
/CN
I came here to say Marie, I am addicted to your tumblr now. I have about 8 tabs open because I want to share all the awesomeness but can’t flood my Facebook all at once with too many anti-bigotry posts (I mean, that would just be *weird*. I should stick to the insincere “if you love your beautiful daughter” posts. Eugh, I’m so judgemental. :/ )
@Ally
::offers hugs::
@hrovitnir
Wait, you’ve seen my tumblr? You like my tumblr? ::Squees:: 😀
Okay, the weather is finally calming down now…thank god.
@hrovitnir
I’ve been scared of volcanoes as well, but not nearly as much as tornadoes. I remember when I was 11 and afraid of Mount St. Helens in Washington state erupting. I thought that, if it erupted, the ash would fall in Colorado and then kill everyone due to its toxicity.
@ally
glad to hear the weather’s calming down.
Here’s a radar image loop from the Denver/Boulder NWS radar. I’m in Boulder. These massive storms keep creeping up really close and then start dissipating as soon as they are within a certain distance. X_X
Also, hrovitnir, here’s my Tumblr in case you have one and want to follow me: disaffected-dyke.tumblr.com
😀 You shared adorable ratses, and it was all downhill from there. Uphill? That doesn’t sound better! You have my favourite mix of righteously angry and cool/cute stuff.
I had someone on FB once say they thought I enjoyed being angry. I thought about it and concluded: “kind of? It’s better than being miserable? I seek out people being ANGRY about horrible things because it’s much better than reading everyone else NOT CARE about horrible things.”
Oo, yes please. Don’t have a Tumblr but read a bunch of them from bookmarks. I love your writing but I don’t want to pontificate all over your blog so Tumblr ftw.
Tornadoes are awful. Now I am less afraid I feel like they are awful/freaking amazing but still. How do they exist?? My volcano thing came after reading about how nothing can stop lava. At about 6 or 7. Now I also know it’s pretty slow and most people get killed by smoke/ash so yay?
Still have had nightmares in recent years about being trapped and having to walk into lava: thanks brain.
I mostly feel like NO FAIR that you’re being triggered by this shit with everything else. It’s completely and utterly unmalicious but still feels like kicking a dog when she’s down.
@hrovintir
aww thanks ::blushies:: Rats are some of my favorite animals, I’ve kept two pairs over the course of my life, but didn’t get more after my last rat died. She kept going for nearly three years, even though her sister died after one and a half 🙁 But she was adorable and affectionate and a little clumsy, and I miss her dearly. I was afraid if I got more right after she died I’d feel like I was trying to replace her.
Um anyway that got out of hand. But I love rats, and reblog them whenever I see them.
Me too, tbh. I think some of my worst feeling is when I’m just downright apathetic, and even hearing something, I can’t care. It happens most when my depression is super horrible.
But even when I’m not depressed, I find anger a first emotion to many things: family members being dicks, horrible stuff happening, ect. And it took a while to realize that anger was okay, if you aren’t hurting people with it. I spent so long when I was younger feeling like some kind of monster because anger was a ‘first stop’ emotion for me, and I’m glad that’s over.
I got out of hand. But I like righteous anger. Or even not-righteous anger, so long as you aren’t hurting people.