Open Thread for Personal Stuff: Very Belated May 2014 Edition

Actually, if you don’t mind, I’d like to hear it. Even if it doesn’t work it’s worth a try.

@Marie

I think all of that would help a lot if there is a tornado watch/warning issued for our area. In fact, that’s kind of like how I used to deal with my phobia – even at the age of 9 I’d call all of my family down to the basement, grab the cat, and get all of the necessary emergency supplies like batteries, radios, etc. It helped me cope a lot. Unfortunately, none of that will help me cope with my current anxiety, but I think your suggestions are still helpful. Thanks.

And now I feel that even talking about it with others is helping me calm down. Sometimes the thing that makes the phobia reach its absolute worst is the feeling of loneliness that comes when people dismiss my phobia and tell me to “get over it”. It’s been 10 years since that phobia and I’ve internalized those attitudes ever since.

Side note: I still remember trying to explain a phobia to a friend, and he stopped me, holding a hand up. “That’s not very logical,” he said.

I was a little sporfled. “No, exactly,” I said. “If it was logical IT WOULDN’T BE A PHOBIA.”

Didn’t get through to him at all.

One time some smug dipshit laughed at me for saying I had a tornado phobia because “everyone is scared of tornadoes.”

Granted, I’d be surprised to find anyone who isn’t afraid of them, but nearly all of those people don’t have any phobia of tornadoes. It’s a nightmare to have this phobia – no other phobia I have consumes me this much. It was even worse when I was 9 because I felt very lonely – like I was the only kid in the world with that phobia. No one but my mom tried to console me whenever my phobia was triggered. Everyone else had one or more of the following reactions:

-“You’re being way too paranoid – stop it.”
-“Look at that cute little genius boy [sic] telling everyone about how to hide from tornadoes.”
-“Hahaha you’re already scared? Let me scare you even more just for a laugh.”

Ally S: That is so mean! I used to have a fair number of nightmares about tornadoes back when I lived in tornado territory. My favourite fix was to hide in the bathtub with a foam mattress over the top.

I just want to offer lots of cupcakes and support to all the trans people on here – I had no idea there were so many! I’m cis, but my BFF is trans, and I was with her through her whole transition. (She was my roommate when she started, and now she’s my downstairs neighbour. Yay for keeping friends close!) I saw the hell she used to live in, and all the positive changes she’s made in her life since she’s been living as a woman. I don’t want to come of as condescending when I say that I am so proud of all of you – transitioning takes more guts than most people will ever have.

Someone mentioned the Oppression Olympics, and it reminded me of a fun game some friends and I have played – the Privilege Olympics! It’s about the same, only everybody points out what (usually ridiculous) privilege the others have. The most hilarious game we’ve had so far was between me, (a tiny pansexual cis woman with a mental illness), my BFF, (a gorgeous, skinny Latina trans dyke), and another friend, who is a big, black drag queen. It can get so silly. We worked out that my BFF had the most privilege of all of us in the context of walking down the street, because she presents as a tall, thin, beautiful woman. Until the wind lifts her skirt, at which point all privilege transfers to me. But we got confused with Rob/Rain, because we had no idea how many male privilege points should be lost if the male is fat and black, and dresses as a woman sometimes. 😉

Thanks for the hugs, Marie. I’m fine. I mean it’s not like it was even remotely a traumatic experience but I’m just reflecting on the absurdity of worrying about combating MRA through under my real name. “oh, I shouldn’t speak up for the movement that supports my rights as a human being. it’s going to be on the internet permanently.”

RE: Ken

“be okay with your body image/ Got work out”

I’m not sure I entirely understand what you’re asking, but for me, the two things are not correlated. You can be okay with your body image and not be healthy. You can be healthy and not okay with your body image. I’m trans and recovering from an eating disorder, and my body image issues had nothing to do with exercise, and couldn’t be cured with exercise.

So I don’t see it as worthy of a split, because they aren’t even arguing mutually exclusive things. That said, I wish people would STFU about exercise being a panacea and stop acting like losing weight = health.

@grumpcatisagirl

. I mean it’s not like it was even remotely a traumatic experience but I’m just reflecting on the absurdity of worrying about combating MRA through under my real name.

well, it’s good to hear it wasn’t traumatic. Still sucks that they were being jerks though.

@LBT

I couldn’t tell what Ken was saying either, so I didn’t respond.

::offers hugs:: Sorry to hear about your food stamps/money troubles 🙁 That sucks.

It’s okay, like things will get better, I just have to get my goddamn food stamps app pushed through. It’s just so aggravating, because I’ve lived in this state less than six months and they’ve dropped the ball on my voting registration, my food stamps, my health insurance, and three times on my disability alone! Nothing I have done in this fucking state has gone right on the first time; it’s always them forgetting to send paperwork, or forgetting to call, or dropping me between the cracks because of bureaucratic reshuffling…

At this point, the poverty line just seems like some faraway dream not even worth thinking about. I’d be happy on just $800 a month. Yeah, $800 sounds amazing…

@LBT: I second your opinion that being poor and having to somehow survive on disability payments sucks major ass. I’m working on a bunch of tiny paintings right now, so I can take them to the park and try to sell some on the weekend. Otherwise, I’m flat broke and will have to beg money from my mum again, and I hate doing that. She’s got little enough as is. The estranged, abusive father-creature could afford to help out, but won’t, because he “doesn’t believe in” mental illness. I’ve got to admit though, if he were to send me a cheque, I’d cash it. Not because I don’t hate him, but because I just need the money. Struggling through the nausea at even seeing his handwriting on the envelope is worth a bit of cash, if I need that cash badly enough.

@Lea

I think the same, i didn’t mean to say their are but that there is a possibility. I was more concerned with the probability of the left fracturing then what causes the fracture.

@ncc1707d

I really hope this doesn’t come across as jumping on you, but I have a few things to say:

(a gorgeous, skinny Latina trans dyke)

I’m assuming that you’re calling her a dyke because she identifies with that term? I just want to confirm since a lot of non-lesbians call other lesbians dykes against their will, assuming that all lesbians are okay with being called dykes.

We worked out that my BFF had the most privilege of all of us in the context of walking down the street, because she presents as a tall, thin, beautiful woman. Until the wind lifts her skirt, at which point all privilege transfers to me.

Please bear in mind that, while passing privilege does exist, it doesn’t grant passing trans women cis privilege. At best it’s conditional privilege, which doesn’t really count as privilege. It’s kind of like how a lot lesbians aren’t recognized as lesbians immediately, but they are still oppressed by lesbophobia.

Also, I still live in “guy mode” as a trans girl, and I have received a lot of transmisogynistic abuse and harassment. Despite the fact that I’m presenting as male. So yeah, while passing can potentially insulate one from abuse and harassment, it usually isn’t the case.

Again, I’m sorry if I seem like I’m attacking you, but I’m a little sensitive to stuff like this these days. I hope you can understand where I’m coming from – and I’ll note that I’m a trans lesbian as well.