My cousin’s 5 year old daughter was just diagnosed with Asperger’s. 🙁
Does anyone happen to have a link to some good online reading material about the genetic component of autism? My brother is autistic, my mother’s cousin’s daughter is too and now this. It seems to run in my family. I did some internet research in the early aughts but there must be a lot more up to date studies released since then.
Ok, this is my first personal post on a personal stuff thread.
By the end of next week I’ll be attending an audience for alimony, which my daughter’s father stopped paying around August. Since then I had to move out of the tiny place I was renting, but luckily I talked to my family and they agreed I could live in my grandparents’ home (both of them passed away in the past few years) until it’s sold.
This is just one more step in a long, long story. When we broke up our child wasn’t one year old, he tricked me into a court audience were I got a very crappy deal, which meant a ridiculously low amount of money, and he visited her a few hours on weekends. Nearly all I did during that “negotiation” was cry. I’m still amazed my then-lawyer thought it was a godd idea to sign that.
We were able to make a way more decent arrangement with private lawyers two years ago (mine was provided by my worker union), without going to court. Of course, it was all started because he threatened with not paying anymore.
And then one day he showed up and said he’d been fired from his new job in a well known IT company (with great salary and benefits) and he just didn’t feel like looking for a new job in the same field, or in any big company or involving 8 hour shifts at all, because it was “too stressing” for him. I can’t believe he said that with a straight face, since that’s the kind of job I’m keeping because I have to raise a child.
So his brilliant plan was to start from scratch as a freelance yoga teacher and Chinese medicines and nothing related to jobs that pay taxes or have health benefits, and since he won’t be making as much money as before -no problem, he won’t pay alimony! Problem solved, right?
I found a new lawyer (a totally badass lady) and I sued him. Court process here requires two instances of conciliation. The first one was a month ago, he managed to avoid the court notification and didn’t show up. So my lawyer pulled some sort of law trick and now the court considers him notified and he must attend the next one. If he doesn’t, it’ll be hold against him in the actual trial (but he will buy a few months of time)
In the mean time, I had to live with a third of my income cut off. Not nice and not easy but hey, I’m still standing. And I also have my compañero who’s been there for me all the time, and we went through the hard times together, as family. Since I moved to my family’s house, about a month ago, things have gotten much better.
I’m a bit nervous about the upcoming audience, but mostly I’m really worn out by this whole situation.
I hope it all goes as well as possible, Luzbelitx! What a rough situation.
Bad_dog
10 years ago
@ K
You’re handling a lot at 19, and it sounds like you are doing the best you can. By the sounds of it you have a realistic understanding of your situation as well. You deserve all the hugs for juggling all that. Honestly, I’m 30 and I’m not sure if I could handle things… Anyway, I don’t really have much for advice, sadly. You could suggest to your boyfriend that he take on a part time job to help out while getting freelancing set up?
All the hugs for anyone else who wants them too…
I rarely comment but lurk a lot… And I think I left a personal thread comment a few months ago when I was pretty down… I’m in a slightly better place now. Going to see family across the country in a few days and I’m really looking forward to the visit. I’m still pretty lonely and I have only one close friend in the whole friken province at the moment. I am feeling better enough now though to want to start dating seriously again. But I have no idea where to start… O.o Like noooooo clue. Online dating was a disaster for me 5 years ago, so I concider that option out. Also I’m never home because of work and I’m ridiculously shy… I think I’m going to be foreveralone. I can’t even get a cat either because of work traveling >_<
I’m so pissed off at my step-dad. It’s like he refuses to empathize with anyone who doesn’t have as much stamina, endurance, and strength as he does.
LapDragon
10 years ago
I’m late to the thread, and I don’t really comment here much… But I just wanted to say that its been 5 months since I quit smoking.
pineapplecookies
10 years ago
Very happy for you, Inurashii! 😀 And I also don’t get TERFs at all..
Well, since last time I posted things are much better. I finally got a job – even tough it is a temp job, it is still a job! 🙂 – and my depressive moments are not as heavy as before. I am sure it has to do with the job.
I still fear the future a little bit and don’t know what to do with my life and this makes me very anxious. I am trying to relax and enjoy things.
I still have not gotten over my heartbreak which brings me really down sometimes. I am usually not like this. I usually get over it quicker, but it is not happening this time. The only thing is… I wish it would not bring me down to the point I cannot leave the home or get out of bed. However, I do sense some progress! I am trying to be optimistic!
Boogerghost
10 years ago
LapDragon: Congratulations! You’re doing the right thing. 😀
kittehserf: I visited the beautiful city of Melbourne in March, miss it desperately. <3
AllyS: Hope he can learn to see outside himself. :/
Recently, FINALLY, I've been thinking seriously about grad school. In the past I would just kind of vaguely fantasize about things I thought it would be cool to BE, not things I would necessarily enjoy or feel passionate about. Or even if I was actually interested in them, they were things I couldn't count on being transfixed enough by to study, you know, NOTHING ELSE for one to two years. (I am and have always been a dabbler, lots and lots of interests, lots of breadth, not so much depth.)
I'm thinking now that the one subject that could really give me a purpose I could hold onto (in addition to a little bit of everything else on the side, of course 😉 ) is gender. It's something I can "study" for hours on end without feeling overstimulated to the point of unfocused giddiness or burning out.
Since childhood it was always so critical to me to defy any and all stereotypes – particularly gender ones – that I might have lost a piece of myself to a black-and-white misinterpretation of the cause. A very loud voice in the back of my head still associates "coolness" only with demonstrably male-dominated careers and interests. Not only am I failing women as a group if I don't excel to freaking GENIUS LEVEL in some hip STEM field, pursuing social justice as a life purpose is too "cheesy," too "girly," too "expected." That bullshit right there, in my own head, just as much as the fact that girls DO need to be allowed to take more interest in STEM, only serves as another reason I need to let myself take gender seriously as an academic subject.
I take it gender studies is kind of a small world, because I found out the program I want to apply to at LSE happens to be the same one our man Tom Martin (of chair misandry fame) once graced.
Anyway, I want to thank David and all you here at WHTM for giving me such an addictive and relevant resource since I started lurking way back when. It's been really significant, I think, in keeping the subject sharp in my immature, distraction-prone brain. And watching calm, level-headed criticism of misogyny work its magic is slowly teaching me to respect my own opinions out in the world (or on the actual MRA blogs, unprotected by the soothing border of mockery I prefer to view them through) instead of letting anger, self-doubt, and general despair about humanity swallow up my voice.
And if anyone wants to offer advice on or stories about gender graduate work, I'm a pretty empty sponge right now! 🙂
I’m glad you’re starting to get some of your depression issues resolved. And while obviously you don’t want to experience those effects of depression you’ve described, there’s nothing wrong if you end up staying home more often eventually, sleeping in more, etc. Your well-being comes before your job. So yeah, it’s great that you’re trying to be optimistic, and I hope it works out well for you, but if you ever slip up from time to time that’s also totally okay.
scott1139
10 years ago
I’ve read some things written by the more famous TERFs. I almost always get a feeling of “this person is VERY dangerous; they wish to destroy an entire group of people, and they must be stopped”. I am not their target, but I still sense an extreme danger behind their words.
scott1139
10 years ago
Now that I think about it, I tend to feel that way after reading anything explicitly hateful. Which is a completely sensible reaction, really.
Pretty much. When they’re not advocating for our elimination, they’re advocating for things that kill us more slowly, such as denial of access to affordable transition healthcare. One very common reason for suicide among trans people is the inability to transition due to financial barriers, abusive family members, etc.
Marie
10 years ago
@Ally
I’m so pissed off at my step-dad. It’s like he refuses to empathize with anyone who doesn’t have as much stamina, endurance, and strength as he does.
Blah. ::offers hugs::
@lapdragon
I’m late to the thread, and I don’t really comment here much… But I just wanted to say that its been 5 months since I quit smoking.
Yay! congrats 😀
@pineapplecookies
Yay for your job 😀
LapDragon
10 years ago
well, since i quit smoking cigarettes….i took up e-cigarettes….but I have now talked to four doctors and a lung specialist, and they’ve all said the same thing….’we can’t actually say they’re safe, but they are way better than cigarettes”
Lap Dragon,
Congratulations on making it this long. I quit in 2008 and was just a horrible cranky person for 3 or 4 months. I still sometimes crave them when I drink alcohol because I started out as one of those people who only smokes while drinking.
@weirwoodtreehugger I was cranky for about a month. Talked to a friend who had also made the switch to vaping, and the conclusion we came to is that we were going through withdrawl from all the other chemicals in cigarette smoke. My biggest craving problem is when I get in the car, since when I started smoking, I couldn’t smoke in the house, so every time I got in the car, the first thing I’d do is light up
fromafar2013
10 years ago
It’s done!
“Based on the foregoing, we hold that Pennsylvania’s Marriage Laws violate both the Due Process and Equal Protection Clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution. Because these laws are unconstitutional, we shall enter an order permanently enjoining their enforcement. By virtue of this ruling, same-sex couples who seek to marry in Pennsylvania may do so, and already married same-sex couples will be recognized as such in the Commonwealth.”
Congrats to any LGBT PA residents 😀
Marie
10 years ago
@fromafar
Yay!! that’s good news 😀
Ken L.
10 years ago
I wanted to get everyone take on an issue I had rolling around in my head. I feel that there is massive potential for a split in the near future on the left in America. There are many issue it could be over, but the two which have struck me are the dueling “be okay with your body image/ Got work out” maybe if am overacting but as a person of 287 lbs and 5’8 this hits a little close to home. The other issue I think is the real problem is the “freedom of speech” vs. for lack of a better term “amended speech” factions. I not so much interested in the issues per say but on if they could be as divisive as I think they are. I have not made up my mind on either issue yet. So what does everyone think and do you see other issue that could cause this to happen?
Oh dear. There’s another risk for tornadoes today. It’s very low but it’s enough to ruin my entire day because of the anxiety triggered by my phobia of tornadoes. I wish I had some way of calming myself down, but this phobia is nearly impossible to cope with once triggered. =(
We Hunted The Mammoth
My cousin’s 5 year old daughter was just diagnosed with Asperger’s. 🙁
Does anyone happen to have a link to some good online reading material about the genetic component of autism? My brother is autistic, my mother’s cousin’s daughter is too and now this. It seems to run in my family. I did some internet research in the early aughts but there must be a lot more up to date studies released since then.
Ok, this is my first personal post on a personal stuff thread.
By the end of next week I’ll be attending an audience for alimony, which my daughter’s father stopped paying around August. Since then I had to move out of the tiny place I was renting, but luckily I talked to my family and they agreed I could live in my grandparents’ home (both of them passed away in the past few years) until it’s sold.
This is just one more step in a long, long story. When we broke up our child wasn’t one year old, he tricked me into a court audience were I got a very crappy deal, which meant a ridiculously low amount of money, and he visited her a few hours on weekends. Nearly all I did during that “negotiation” was cry. I’m still amazed my then-lawyer thought it was a godd idea to sign that.
We were able to make a way more decent arrangement with private lawyers two years ago (mine was provided by my worker union), without going to court. Of course, it was all started because he threatened with not paying anymore.
And then one day he showed up and said he’d been fired from his new job in a well known IT company (with great salary and benefits) and he just didn’t feel like looking for a new job in the same field, or in any big company or involving 8 hour shifts at all, because it was “too stressing” for him. I can’t believe he said that with a straight face, since that’s the kind of job I’m keeping because I have to raise a child.
So his brilliant plan was to start from scratch as a freelance yoga teacher and Chinese medicines and nothing related to jobs that pay taxes or have health benefits, and since he won’t be making as much money as before -no problem, he won’t pay alimony! Problem solved, right?
I found a new lawyer (a totally badass lady) and I sued him. Court process here requires two instances of conciliation. The first one was a month ago, he managed to avoid the court notification and didn’t show up. So my lawyer pulled some sort of law trick and now the court considers him notified and he must attend the next one. If he doesn’t, it’ll be hold against him in the actual trial (but he will buy a few months of time)
In the mean time, I had to live with a third of my income cut off. Not nice and not easy but hey, I’m still standing. And I also have my compañero who’s been there for me all the time, and we went through the hard times together, as family. Since I moved to my family’s house, about a month ago, things have gotten much better.
I’m a bit nervous about the upcoming audience, but mostly I’m really worn out by this whole situation.
I need a fucking break.
…which is eerily simmilar to what MRAs yell about all women.
Have some good vibes and thoughts from me, Luzbelitx. Hope everything works out for the best for you.
Thank you grumpycatisagirl!
I hope it all goes as well as possible, Luzbelitx! What a rough situation.
@ K
You’re handling a lot at 19, and it sounds like you are doing the best you can. By the sounds of it you have a realistic understanding of your situation as well. You deserve all the hugs for juggling all that. Honestly, I’m 30 and I’m not sure if I could handle things… Anyway, I don’t really have much for advice, sadly. You could suggest to your boyfriend that he take on a part time job to help out while getting freelancing set up?
All the hugs for anyone else who wants them too…
I rarely comment but lurk a lot… And I think I left a personal thread comment a few months ago when I was pretty down… I’m in a slightly better place now. Going to see family across the country in a few days and I’m really looking forward to the visit. I’m still pretty lonely and I have only one close friend in the whole friken province at the moment. I am feeling better enough now though to want to start dating seriously again. But I have no idea where to start… O.o Like noooooo clue. Online dating was a disaster for me 5 years ago, so I concider that option out. Also I’m never home because of work and I’m ridiculously shy… I think I’m going to be foreveralone. I can’t even get a cat either because of work traveling >_<
I’m so pissed off at my step-dad. It’s like he refuses to empathize with anyone who doesn’t have as much stamina, endurance, and strength as he does.
I’m late to the thread, and I don’t really comment here much… But I just wanted to say that its been 5 months since I quit smoking.
Very happy for you, Inurashii! 😀 And I also don’t get TERFs at all..
Well, since last time I posted things are much better. I finally got a job – even tough it is a temp job, it is still a job! 🙂 – and my depressive moments are not as heavy as before. I am sure it has to do with the job.
I still fear the future a little bit and don’t know what to do with my life and this makes me very anxious. I am trying to relax and enjoy things.
I still have not gotten over my heartbreak which brings me really down sometimes. I am usually not like this. I usually get over it quicker, but it is not happening this time. The only thing is… I wish it would not bring me down to the point I cannot leave the home or get out of bed. However, I do sense some progress! I am trying to be optimistic!
LapDragon: Congratulations! You’re doing the right thing. 😀
kittehserf: I visited the beautiful city of Melbourne in March, miss it desperately. <3
AllyS: Hope he can learn to see outside himself. :/
Recently, FINALLY, I've been thinking seriously about grad school. In the past I would just kind of vaguely fantasize about things I thought it would be cool to BE, not things I would necessarily enjoy or feel passionate about. Or even if I was actually interested in them, they were things I couldn't count on being transfixed enough by to study, you know, NOTHING ELSE for one to two years. (I am and have always been a dabbler, lots and lots of interests, lots of breadth, not so much depth.)
I'm thinking now that the one subject that could really give me a purpose I could hold onto (in addition to a little bit of everything else on the side, of course 😉 ) is gender. It's something I can "study" for hours on end without feeling overstimulated to the point of unfocused giddiness or burning out.
Since childhood it was always so critical to me to defy any and all stereotypes – particularly gender ones – that I might have lost a piece of myself to a black-and-white misinterpretation of the cause. A very loud voice in the back of my head still associates "coolness" only with demonstrably male-dominated careers and interests. Not only am I failing women as a group if I don't excel to freaking GENIUS LEVEL in some hip STEM field, pursuing social justice as a life purpose is too "cheesy," too "girly," too "expected." That bullshit right there, in my own head, just as much as the fact that girls DO need to be allowed to take more interest in STEM, only serves as another reason I need to let myself take gender seriously as an academic subject.
I take it gender studies is kind of a small world, because I found out the program I want to apply to at LSE happens to be the same one our man Tom Martin (of chair misandry fame) once graced.
https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2012/03/16/tom-martins-anti-male-discrimination-case-against-the-london-school-of-economics-dismissed-he-responds-by-calling-his-critics-whores/
https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2012/03/20/highlights-of-tom-martins-recent-visit-to-man-boobz-keywords-london-school-of-economics-lawsuit-tossed-out-whore/
Anyway, I want to thank David and all you here at WHTM for giving me such an addictive and relevant resource since I started lurking way back when. It's been really significant, I think, in keeping the subject sharp in my immature, distraction-prone brain. And watching calm, level-headed criticism of misogyny work its magic is slowly teaching me to respect my own opinions out in the world (or on the actual MRA blogs, unprotected by the soothing border of mockery I prefer to view them through) instead of letting anger, self-doubt, and general despair about humanity swallow up my voice.
And if anyone wants to offer advice on or stories about gender graduate work, I'm a pretty empty sponge right now! 🙂
@LapDragon
Congrats! =D
@pineapplecookies
I’m glad you’re starting to get some of your depression issues resolved. And while obviously you don’t want to experience those effects of depression you’ve described, there’s nothing wrong if you end up staying home more often eventually, sleeping in more, etc. Your well-being comes before your job. So yeah, it’s great that you’re trying to be optimistic, and I hope it works out well for you, but if you ever slip up from time to time that’s also totally okay.
I’ve read some things written by the more famous TERFs. I almost always get a feeling of “this person is VERY dangerous; they wish to destroy an entire group of people, and they must be stopped”. I am not their target, but I still sense an extreme danger behind their words.
Now that I think about it, I tend to feel that way after reading anything explicitly hateful. Which is a completely sensible reaction, really.
I feel kinda dumb now… >_<
@scott1139
Pretty much. When they’re not advocating for our elimination, they’re advocating for things that kill us more slowly, such as denial of access to affordable transition healthcare. One very common reason for suicide among trans people is the inability to transition due to financial barriers, abusive family members, etc.
@Ally
Blah. ::offers hugs::
@lapdragon
Yay! congrats 😀
@pineapplecookies
Yay for your job 😀
well, since i quit smoking cigarettes….i took up e-cigarettes….but I have now talked to four doctors and a lung specialist, and they’ve all said the same thing….’we can’t actually say they’re safe, but they are way better than cigarettes”
@LapDragon doctors told me the same about homegrown pot xD
There’s going to be an equal marriage ruling in a matter of minutes in Pennsylvania!
http://joemygod.blogspot.com/2014/05/pennsylvania-ruling-due-after-2pm.html#disqus_thread
I’m so excited! I hope it goes well.
Lap Dragon,
Congratulations on making it this long. I quit in 2008 and was just a horrible cranky person for 3 or 4 months. I still sometimes crave them when I drink alcohol because I started out as one of those people who only smokes while drinking.
@weirwoodtreehugger I was cranky for about a month. Talked to a friend who had also made the switch to vaping, and the conclusion we came to is that we were going through withdrawl from all the other chemicals in cigarette smoke. My biggest craving problem is when I get in the car, since when I started smoking, I couldn’t smoke in the house, so every time I got in the car, the first thing I’d do is light up
It’s done!
“Based on the foregoing, we hold that Pennsylvania’s Marriage Laws violate both the Due Process and Equal Protection Clauses of the Fourteenth Amendment to the United States Constitution. Because these laws are unconstitutional, we shall enter an order permanently enjoining their enforcement. By virtue of this ruling, same-sex couples who seek to marry in Pennsylvania may do so, and already married same-sex couples will be recognized as such in the Commonwealth.”
Congrats to any LGBT PA residents 😀
@fromafar
Yay!! that’s good news 😀
I wanted to get everyone take on an issue I had rolling around in my head. I feel that there is massive potential for a split in the near future on the left in America. There are many issue it could be over, but the two which have struck me are the dueling “be okay with your body image/ Got work out” maybe if am overacting but as a person of 287 lbs and 5’8 this hits a little close to home. The other issue I think is the real problem is the “freedom of speech” vs. for lack of a better term “amended speech” factions. I not so much interested in the issues per say but on if they could be as divisive as I think they are. I have not made up my mind on either issue yet. So what does everyone think and do you see other issue that could cause this to happen?
Oh dear. There’s another risk for tornadoes today. It’s very low but it’s enough to ruin my entire day because of the anxiety triggered by my phobia of tornadoes. I wish I had some way of calming myself down, but this phobia is nearly impossible to cope with once triggered. =(