Okay, another bit of unsolicited advice. Working in a capitalist model is going to clash with your ideology, and that will chafe, and be very frustrating. If you do get the job in the bookstore, cool, books are good, but the STORE is still a capitalist enterprise with a profit margin to maintain. You will come into situations where there’s the human thing to do, and then there’s the thing you have to do for the store to make money and continue to pay you. And this will happen regardless of where you work, and it’s really freaking hard to learn.
So, my advice: wear a mask. Pretend to be the person you need to be to do the job. A lawyer friend calls it his lawyer drag. It’s a uniform or costume you put on, or a symbol you wear, that signals to your anarchist self that, for this period of time, you are infiltrating the system as a spy. You may be a retail serf, but you are a subversive retail serf. You are scoping out enemy territory, gaining intelligence that you will ultimately use to bring the system down.
A little silly, and maybe a little bit of a self-inflicted mind-fuck, but it works most days. And I do like to eat.
Also, do your best to avoid your dad. He destabilizes you, which you really don’t need right now.
Unsolicited? I’ll have you know that you are among those awesome people I was alluding to in those comments of mine about my appreciation of the people of WHTM (among others). So no need to feel bad about giving me advice.
I guess your idea of wearing a “mask” makes sense. I’ve been thinking about that for a while. I’m just so tired of pretending to be someone I’m not, so I have all of this bottled-up frustration. And I’m also worried about being made to wear formal male clothes like polo-shirts, business attire, or whatever because they all make me feel very dysphoric.
(I’ll have to pass on the idea of telling myself I’m potentially subversive, though. I don’t think much about praxis these days – it’s just that my value system is at odds with a lot of things in my life.)
Ally – yeah, I know what you mean about not being sure where to look. I’m floundering a bit too, even when I do spend time job-hunting. What are the main internet job advertisers in the US?
I’ve an appointment Tuesday with a job agency, as it happens. Clowns sent me a text the other day saying “You missed your appointment this morning”. Hello, what appointment? I’d had no calls, no messages, no emails from them. Nitwits. They should give me a job there actually SENDING the messages they claim to have sent.
Ally, I know you will make it work; you are a real survivor. Please let us know if you think you will need to go back to your dad’s and let us see if we can help you find other options. I really don’t want him to hurt you again.
Ally – would it help with the dysphoria if you could look on the male clothing as part of the disguise, part of the role play?
(I apologise if that was out of line.)
If you’re working somewhere like a book shop, you wouldn’t be in formal attire anyway. Tee shirts are unisex, and so are jeans, really – I used to wear men’s jeans before my hips got too wide to fit in ’em.
would it help with the dysphoria if you could look on the male clothing as part of the disguise, part of the role play?
Not really, unfortunately. I’ve worn formal male clothing before and it’s made me feel horrible no matter how I try to think about it. I’ll just have to try to find a place that won’t ask me to wear formal clothes.
Most entry-level jobs won’t require formal clothing, I think, except wait staff some places. Doofy vests and suchlike are much more likely.
wewereemergencies
10 years ago
Ally, don’t worry about lack of experience when applying for the job. I got called back for an interview at a bookstore a few years ago as a 15 y.o. with no experience, you’ll be fine. Also job interviews at geeky places are, in my experience, the least stressful because you can just geek out (which boosts your confidence) and it actually gets you points. Good luck!
Ally, I know you will make it work; you are a real survivor. Please let us know if you think you will need to go back to your dad’s and let us see if we can help you find other options. I really don’t want him to hurt you again.
Thanks, and I will. It’s just so much to deal with at once. Part of me even feels like I’m a horrible child for not wanting to spend much time with my dad, and while I know that’s not true, I can’t help but feel like I’m somehow being emotionally abusive.
I’m also stressed out about jobs because one of my dreams is to get a stable job that will allow me to not only pay for transition health care, but also help out friends and family. Regardless of the reality of my financial situation, I can’t stop thinking “But will this job help out anyone else?” And I’m starting to realize that such a plan is unrealistic. I feel like I’m letting everyone down even though no one has asked me to get a job to help them out.
Kittehserf, Ally, we can all be on the prowl together!
I’m also hunting for a paid job. The department has been awesome and they’re letting me live at the station for free even though I’m pretty much a rookie. But since it’s a volunteer department…
… I need to be able to buy food without using up the rest of my savings from the student job that I can’t do because graduation.
I’ve mostly just using the power of google and door signs with ‘help wanted’. The job networks for my state only really seem to exist for the one big town, with some pity for the second largest.
Would a cashier job be a bad idea for someone like me? Everyone I know to whom I’ve told about me considering such a job has strongly warned me against it because it involves standing for a long time, but maybe I can just deal with that since I stand a lot restlessly anyway.
Ally, on the “will it help out anyone else” thing:
If it helps, could you get a job to feed yourself, and then find something to volunteer for on weekends (or every other weekend) for a couple hours? Food bank, library, bread-line, ext? It wouldn’t directly help your family, but it would help someone, even if you only volunteered for a couple hours a month.
It might reduce the stress of ‘I have to get a well paying enough job to do good things, or feel like a bad person’.
I don’t know if that’d work for you, and if it wouldn’t, it doesn’t mean you aren’t awesome. You are awesome.
You can totally do this, because you are strong and absolutely amazing. It might just take a bit of couch surfing by night, hunting by day.
I’m definitely crossing fingers for you on the bookstore job. Bookstores are the best.
Cashier might work! Lots of standing, but if you can take that and smile at people…
You never know till you try it! Even I you end up disliking it, there’s nothing about being employed that means you can’t keep looking for a better job.
If standing and not being able to sit down or move about is a problem, then no, I wouldn’t suggest it, unless it’s somewhere like a supermarket where you might be doing packing and stuff as well. That’s pretty tiring physically, but it is moving around, at least. I avoid those jobs, ‘cos I can’t do standing jobs, plus my numeric skills are almost nonexistent. Always loathed being on the registers at the Museum.
What about a job as a postie? I know the USPS is deep in the shit, but do they still have delivery jobs advertised?
contrapangloss, doesn’t it suck the way one can’t get into training programs as a graduate – or even with a pissy Cert III that’s good for nothing?
I’m also stressed out about jobs because one of my dreams is to get a stable job that will allow me to not only pay for transition health care, but also help out friends and family. Regardless of the reality of my financial situation, I can’t stop thinking “But will this job help out anyone else?”
And that’s because you are a really sweet, caring person. But taking care of yourself is the first step to taking care of others.
All right, it’s 1:30 AM and I need to wake up in about 6 hours to get ready for more mowing. Thankfully I won’t have to do 5 hours like yesterday. All I’m doing is obsessively looking for jobs and it’s not helping me. I’m so anxious all about this. So it’s best that I hit the sack now. See you folks later. Thank you so much for all of your help.
Do they have laws against anti-trans discrimination in your state or municipality. Since the laws in most of the country are still really shitty on this issue I’m guessing no. A small business that is run by cool people is likely to be more accommodating than a corporate chain I would guess. I do think in most entry level jobs you should be able to wear unisex clothes at least.
As for the discomfort at working within a capitalist system, it sucks. It really does. Unfortunately compromising your ideals to get by is a part of growing up. Don’t be too hard on yourself about it. A lot of us go through the same thing 🙁
Even I you end up disliking it, there’s nothing about being employed that means you can’t keep looking for a better job.
It makes your chances of being considered for that other job better, too!
Well, shit. I was just filling in the application process for Australia Post and the stupid bastards want two referees. Hello, I don’t even remember the names of bosses from more than a decade ago, let alone have any contact details! Long term jobs, what are they?
I wish I wasn’t so anxious and frustrated. All after being in a nicer mood. I’m sorry I’m strange like that. I was doing so good two days ago but now I’m back to depressive self-loathing and anxiety. I really do hate myself for that.
@kitteh
It makes your chances of being considered for that other job better, too!
Can you please elaborate on this? I don’t understand how this could be the case, mainly because I don’t know much about applying for jobs.
Can you please elaborate on this? I don’t understand how this could be the case, mainly because I don’t know much about applying for jobs.
Being recently/currently employed, regardless of what type of job it is, means you will be considered more “employable” and will have a better chance at getting other jobs you apply for. Which is stupid, but there you have it.
We Hunted The Mammoth
Okay, another bit of unsolicited advice. Working in a capitalist model is going to clash with your ideology, and that will chafe, and be very frustrating. If you do get the job in the bookstore, cool, books are good, but the STORE is still a capitalist enterprise with a profit margin to maintain. You will come into situations where there’s the human thing to do, and then there’s the thing you have to do for the store to make money and continue to pay you. And this will happen regardless of where you work, and it’s really freaking hard to learn.
So, my advice: wear a mask. Pretend to be the person you need to be to do the job. A lawyer friend calls it his lawyer drag. It’s a uniform or costume you put on, or a symbol you wear, that signals to your anarchist self that, for this period of time, you are infiltrating the system as a spy. You may be a retail serf, but you are a subversive retail serf. You are scoping out enemy territory, gaining intelligence that you will ultimately use to bring the system down.
A little silly, and maybe a little bit of a self-inflicted mind-fuck, but it works most days. And I do like to eat.
Also, do your best to avoid your dad. He destabilizes you, which you really don’t need right now.
/unsolicited advice
@Unimaginative
Unsolicited? I’ll have you know that you are among those awesome people I was alluding to in those comments of mine about my appreciation of the people of WHTM (among others). So no need to feel bad about giving me advice.
I guess your idea of wearing a “mask” makes sense. I’ve been thinking about that for a while. I’m just so tired of pretending to be someone I’m not, so I have all of this bottled-up frustration. And I’m also worried about being made to wear formal male clothes like polo-shirts, business attire, or whatever because they all make me feel very dysphoric.
(I’ll have to pass on the idea of telling myself I’m potentially subversive, though. I don’t think much about praxis these days – it’s just that my value system is at odds with a lot of things in my life.)
Unimaginative – like an extended role-play!
Well, not “like” so much as “is”.
Ally – yeah, I know what you mean about not being sure where to look. I’m floundering a bit too, even when I do spend time job-hunting. What are the main internet job advertisers in the US?
I’ve an appointment Tuesday with a job agency, as it happens. Clowns sent me a text the other day saying “You missed your appointment this morning”. Hello, what appointment? I’d had no calls, no messages, no emails from them. Nitwits. They should give me a job there actually SENDING the messages they claim to have sent.
Ally, I know you will make it work; you are a real survivor. Please let us know if you think you will need to go back to your dad’s and let us see if we can help you find other options. I really don’t want him to hurt you again.
Ally – would it help with the dysphoria if you could look on the male clothing as part of the disguise, part of the role play?
(I apologise if that was out of line.)
If you’re working somewhere like a book shop, you wouldn’t be in formal attire anyway. Tee shirts are unisex, and so are jeans, really – I used to wear men’s jeans before my hips got too wide to fit in ’em.
THIS.
You’re far tougher and more resourceful than you give yourself credit for.
Not really, unfortunately. I’ve worn formal male clothing before and it’s made me feel horrible no matter how I try to think about it. I’ll just have to try to find a place that won’t ask me to wear formal clothes.
Most entry-level jobs won’t require formal clothing, I think, except wait staff some places. Doofy vests and suchlike are much more likely.
Ally, don’t worry about lack of experience when applying for the job. I got called back for an interview at a bookstore a few years ago as a 15 y.o. with no experience, you’ll be fine. Also job interviews at geeky places are, in my experience, the least stressful because you can just geek out (which boosts your confidence) and it actually gets you points. Good luck!
@katz
Thanks, and I will. It’s just so much to deal with at once. Part of me even feels like I’m a horrible child for not wanting to spend much time with my dad, and while I know that’s not true, I can’t help but feel like I’m somehow being emotionally abusive.
I’m also stressed out about jobs because one of my dreams is to get a stable job that will allow me to not only pay for transition health care, but also help out friends and family. Regardless of the reality of my financial situation, I can’t stop thinking “But will this job help out anyone else?” And I’m starting to realize that such a plan is unrealistic. I feel like I’m letting everyone down even though no one has asked me to get a job to help them out.
Kittehserf, Ally, we can all be on the prowl together!
I’m also hunting for a paid job. The department has been awesome and they’re letting me live at the station for free even though I’m pretty much a rookie. But since it’s a volunteer department…
… I need to be able to buy food without using up the rest of my savings from the student job that I can’t do because graduation.
I’ve mostly just using the power of google and door signs with ‘help wanted’. The job networks for my state only really seem to exist for the one big town, with some pity for the second largest.
Would a cashier job be a bad idea for someone like me? Everyone I know to whom I’ve told about me considering such a job has strongly warned me against it because it involves standing for a long time, but maybe I can just deal with that since I stand a lot restlessly anyway.
Ally, on the “will it help out anyone else” thing:
If it helps, could you get a job to feed yourself, and then find something to volunteer for on weekends (or every other weekend) for a couple hours? Food bank, library, bread-line, ext? It wouldn’t directly help your family, but it would help someone, even if you only volunteered for a couple hours a month.
It might reduce the stress of ‘I have to get a well paying enough job to do good things, or feel like a bad person’.
I don’t know if that’d work for you, and if it wouldn’t, it doesn’t mean you aren’t awesome. You are awesome.
You can totally do this, because you are strong and absolutely amazing. It might just take a bit of couch surfing by night, hunting by day.
I’m definitely crossing fingers for you on the bookstore job. Bookstores are the best.
Cashier might work! Lots of standing, but if you can take that and smile at people…
You never know till you try it! Even I you end up disliking it, there’s nothing about being employed that means you can’t keep looking for a better job.
I’ll stop advicing now.
Tl;dr for all my posts: You can totally do this thing, Ally. Good luck!
If standing and not being able to sit down or move about is a problem, then no, I wouldn’t suggest it, unless it’s somewhere like a supermarket where you might be doing packing and stuff as well. That’s pretty tiring physically, but it is moving around, at least. I avoid those jobs, ‘cos I can’t do standing jobs, plus my numeric skills are almost nonexistent. Always loathed being on the registers at the Museum.
What about a job as a postie? I know the USPS is deep in the shit, but do they still have delivery jobs advertised?
contrapangloss, doesn’t it suck the way one can’t get into training programs as a graduate – or even with a pissy Cert III that’s good for nothing?
And that’s because you are a really sweet, caring person. But taking care of yourself is the first step to taking care of others.
All right, it’s 1:30 AM and I need to wake up in about 6 hours to get ready for more mowing. Thankfully I won’t have to do 5 hours like yesterday. All I’m doing is obsessively looking for jobs and it’s not helping me. I’m so anxious all about this. So it’s best that I hit the sack now. See you folks later. Thank you so much for all of your help.
Ally,
Do they have laws against anti-trans discrimination in your state or municipality. Since the laws in most of the country are still really shitty on this issue I’m guessing no. A small business that is run by cool people is likely to be more accommodating than a corporate chain I would guess. I do think in most entry level jobs you should be able to wear unisex clothes at least.
As for the discomfort at working within a capitalist system, it sucks. It really does. Unfortunately compromising your ideals to get by is a part of growing up. Don’t be too hard on yourself about it. A lot of us go through the same thing 🙁
Even I you end up disliking it, there’s nothing about being employed that means you can’t keep looking for a better job.
It makes your chances of being considered for that other job better, too!
Well, shit. I was just filling in the application process for Australia Post and the stupid bastards want two referees. Hello, I don’t even remember the names of bosses from more than a decade ago, let alone have any contact details! Long term jobs, what are they?
Ally, try Googling trans-friendly businesses – I just did and it comes up with some good lists. They might be places to try, or at least know about.
I wish I wasn’t so anxious and frustrated. All after being in a nicer mood. I’m sorry I’m strange like that. I was doing so good two days ago but now I’m back to depressive self-loathing and anxiety. I really do hate myself for that.
@kitteh
Can you please elaborate on this? I don’t understand how this could be the case, mainly because I don’t know much about applying for jobs.
@Ally
I don’t have any advice, but good luck on finding a job, and good thoughts from me.
Being recently/currently employed, regardless of what type of job it is, means you will be considered more “employable” and will have a better chance at getting other jobs you apply for. Which is stupid, but there you have it.