Hey guys. Just needing to get something off my chest.
So, as most of y’all know, I had to move out here to Ohio because disability wouldn’t pay the full amount until I was no longer homeless, and Boston rent cost as much as my full income. So I was unceremoniously ousted.
I’ve lived here for five months now, and I have not made a single friend. All I have are my roommates, and one of them has a lot of issues he’s still desperately running from, so I really, REALLY don’t want to rock the boat with him. The other, unfortunately, is the sort of person who’s never been sexually assaulted or harassed, which means she can be a bit victim-blamey at times.
I have been to clubs and meetings and tabled at two fucking comics conventions, smiling my ass off and talking and everything I can think of to be social and engaging, but I just CAN NOT MAKE FRIENDS. At this point, I have as many fucking creepers with stalker behaviors as I do friends!
This is really bad for my mental health, because it means if my roommate explodes, I have no emotional support system whatsoever. And at the same time, I can’t even say I made the wrong choice because I HAD NO BETTER CHOICES. It was either move here or stay homeless in Boston, and I… I can’t do that again. Not so soon. I’m still recovering from the last one.
I have a plan. If things aren’t better by the time my lease expires (about a year from now) I’m going to have to pack up and move again, either back to Boston or to Seattle, where I have a support system. I really don’t relish the huge monetary and emotional expense of moving cross-country AFUCKINGAIN but…
I’m just really getting tired of this guys. Having to make the best choice I can under shitty circumstances, constantly packing up and moving, constantly being poor, constantly having to juggle things like basic living expenses and friendship. I’m just tired.
And I miss having friends that don’t require a computer to talk to.
titianblue
10 years ago
@LBT, so sorry to hear that, It sucks.
titianblue
10 years ago
Thought I’d come & comment on this thread because the UCSB threads are so sad.
I just wanted to say how much I appreciate the community on here and how wonderful you all are. When the stupidity of the world in general gets me down, I come on here and here you all are, laughing and raging and swapping recipes. Thank you.
Long time, no see. I hope things are going well for you.
Marie
10 years ago
@LBT
::offers hugs::
I hope you can make some more friends in meat-space, but I have no idea how. And again, sorry to hear that you have creepers. Sending good thoughts your way.
Vent:
I am just sooooooooo drained by Saurabh in the other thread. I just frickin feel like crying. I can’t deal with this.
titianblue
10 years ago
@Marie, :offers hugs: Vent away.
Marie
10 years ago
@titanblue
I’m pretty sure I got most of my yelling out on them in the other thread 😉 but thanks lots for the hugs.
hrovitnir
10 years ago
That sucks, LBT. 🙁 Wish I could help.
Feeling kind of bad, because the degree of “activism” I can handle is being pretty out about feminism on Facebook and in real life. And right now I feel flinchy even doing that. I want to be braver.
Haven’t checked this thread for a while, but I second hugs to LBT. 🙁
I opened up this thread because I just wanted to vent a bit about the European parliamentary elections. Extreme right parties were so successful this year. Front National got 25 % of the votes in France, for instance…
In Sweden, the Swedish Democrats got 10 % of the votes. They’re former nazis who just switched their nazi costumes for suits and cleaned up their image a bit. A bit, mind you, not much. Wasn’t that long ago since a few of their actual members of parliament, not their youth organization or anything but members of parliament, ran around drunk in the middle of the city shouting sexist and racist slurs at people they didn’t like and tried to attack a non-white celebrity here with iron pipes while calling him names… They were so proud of their behaviour that they filmed it themselves and put it on youtube. You’d think this kind of behaviour would be some kind of drawback in the elections. You’d also think that people would be reluctant to vote for nazis. But if you’d think that, you’d be wrong.
And our fucking PM (who’s liberal in the Swedish sense of the word – he loves nothing more than cutting down on taxes and public expenses alike and thinks that poor people have themselves to blame for being poor) goes on, in the face of the ten percent for the Swedish Democrats, that it’s important not to think in terms of “us” and “them”. Yeah right. You’re thinking in terms of “us the productive citizens” and “them, the parasites who live off of welfare” all the time. And that’s what paves the way, really.
Okay, this was political rather than personal – but I needed to vent.
hrovitnir
10 years ago
Eugh Dvärghundspossen, my sympathies. I heard about that on another blog.
Politics are making me want to smack my head against a wall at the moment. Australia is passing horrific new bills left right and centre. Our current Prime Minister (NZ) is Tony Abbott light.
We seem to have no real left wing parties any more. I’m going to vote Green here and I don’t even like a lot of their policies, they’re just about as left as you can get. There are *so many* right wing parties. It scares me – and as a white person currently getting a degree, with a decent amount of money (via my partner, so not entirely safe) most social evilness won’t effect me.
And our fucking PM (who’s liberal in the Swedish sense of the word – he loves nothing more than cutting down on taxes and public expenses alike and thinks that poor people have themselves to blame for being poor)
That’s exactly what the Liberal party here is, too.
titianblue
10 years ago
@Dvärghundspossen, tell me about it. People in the UK voting for UKIP! Neo-nazi fox-hunting expense-defrauding bloody UKIP!
On a brighter note though, there’s a simultaneous trend of people moving from liberal to more socialist parties. There’s actually a decent chance that we’ll have a left-wing majority government after the Swedish parliamentary election this fall. So, let’s hold thumbs or cross fingers or whatever you do for hope in your respective country that this is what will happen, and that the rest of Europe will follow…
I’m dreaming of a double-dissolution here, if the new Senate that comes in July blocks enough of Abbott’s bills. Not that I hold great hope of that happening, but oh, it would be bliss to see these scum ousted after even less than one full term.
titianblue
10 years ago
If anyone in the UK is a knitter or crocheter & twiddling their thumbs at the moment, my local neo-natal ICU (at the Norfolk & Norwich) is looking for blankets (20 inches square, no holes, any baby-friendly yarn) and also hats in varying sizes up to 20cm circumference. Apparently, they get through 900-1000 blankets & hats in a year (they don’t get reused, they hopefully go home with the baby).
hellkell
10 years ago
LBT: if you do end up going to Seattle let me know, I’m always good for a cup of coffee or the adult beverage of your choosing.
Marie
10 years ago
@dvarghunspossen
In Sweden, the Swedish Democrats got 10 % of the votes. They’re former nazis who just switched their nazi costumes for suits and cleaned up their image a bit.
um, wow. :/
On a brighter note though, there’s a simultaneous trend of people moving from liberal to more socialist parties. There’s actually a decent chance that we’ll have a left-wing majority government after the Swedish parliamentary election this fall. So, let’s hold thumbs or cross fingers or whatever you do for hope in your respective country that this is what will happen, and that the rest of Europe will follow…
Fingers crossed.
historophilia
10 years ago
Well the world seems to be going to hell in a hand cart, just as several awful anti-semitic attacks are committed in Europe a load of racist political parties make great gains in the European Parliaments.
Meanwhile on facebook, I and every other person who has posted about Elliot Rodger has had to deal with a shitstorm of awful-ness from mainly men, downplaying or outright sympathising with his misogny, engaging in ableism and even parroting MRA style talking points.
I am very frustrated with men at the moment and honestly terrified.
Marie
10 years ago
@historophilia
::offers internet hugs::
pollydactyl
10 years ago
I am so afraid around men I don’t know. I have to walk or bike by where the UCSB shootings happened almost every day. I hate feeling this afraid. I know very well that not all men are like that, but you never know which ones and it only takes one. I am sickened by the fact that people are calling the shooter a hero and every time I hear sirens now I’m afraid something like it is happening again. There are counselors for us to go talk to but I haven’t gone yet. I think I will tomorrow, but I don’t know if it will help. Our classes have been cancelled for tomorrow and there is a memorial service. It’s so hard for me to focus on my schoolwork. I am glad that I will be graduating soon, but I’m afraid for all my friends who will still be here.
On a more positive note, the strength and solidarity I’m seeing in the IV community is amazing as well as the support from all the other UC schools. I’m trying to stay focused on that and to distract myself by studying and hiking with my housemates.
Thank you for all the internet hugs from the initial thread about the shooter too. They meant a lot to me. I read the comments here a lot but I don’t post much. But it’s great knowing I can come here and find support when I need it.
I haven’t written here before but I saw this link and I needed a place to talk where people don’t know me on a super personal level.
This whole thing has had a ripple effect on all of us as women. I have spent many hours since Saturday angry and depressed by reactions on social media to make this a “but what about MEN!?” issue, simultaneously feeling like I was born into a place where I am not welcome, where my body is still considered property, where I cannot walk to the store after dark, and where I feel like the majority loathes me, ridicules me, or belittles me.
I am highly aware of what it means to be a woman in this society, what it means to have ever exercised your reproductive rights, what it means to express any kind of sexuality openly, what it means to want a career, or what it means to try to exist in male spaces whether its hobbies or career.
I am surprised every day that I do not wake up on some remote island on a boat I have stolen to escape it all.
I tried to talk to my boyfriend about it and he made it about him. He tried to tell me how frustrating it is being a “good guy” and having everyone scared of him. He tried to tell me that him walking alone at night was just scary. He didn’t comfort me or empathize. Now I don’t want to talk to him about anything because I think he’s incapable of understanding and I’m also upset about that.
Marie
10 years ago
@pollydactal
Sorry to hear that. I’m sending all the wanted internet hugs your way.
@Z
I tried to talk to my boyfriend about it and he made it about him. He tried to tell me how frustrating it is being a “good guy” and having everyone scared of him.
I realize everyone deals with people being jerks differently, but if I were you, I’d so dump him. But I have negative patience for guys who whine about women being scared of them.
We Hunted The Mammoth
Hey guys. Just needing to get something off my chest.
So, as most of y’all know, I had to move out here to Ohio because disability wouldn’t pay the full amount until I was no longer homeless, and Boston rent cost as much as my full income. So I was unceremoniously ousted.
I’ve lived here for five months now, and I have not made a single friend. All I have are my roommates, and one of them has a lot of issues he’s still desperately running from, so I really, REALLY don’t want to rock the boat with him. The other, unfortunately, is the sort of person who’s never been sexually assaulted or harassed, which means she can be a bit victim-blamey at times.
I have been to clubs and meetings and tabled at two fucking comics conventions, smiling my ass off and talking and everything I can think of to be social and engaging, but I just CAN NOT MAKE FRIENDS. At this point, I have as many fucking creepers with stalker behaviors as I do friends!
This is really bad for my mental health, because it means if my roommate explodes, I have no emotional support system whatsoever. And at the same time, I can’t even say I made the wrong choice because I HAD NO BETTER CHOICES. It was either move here or stay homeless in Boston, and I… I can’t do that again. Not so soon. I’m still recovering from the last one.
I have a plan. If things aren’t better by the time my lease expires (about a year from now) I’m going to have to pack up and move again, either back to Boston or to Seattle, where I have a support system. I really don’t relish the huge monetary and emotional expense of moving cross-country AFUCKINGAIN but…
I’m just really getting tired of this guys. Having to make the best choice I can under shitty circumstances, constantly packing up and moving, constantly being poor, constantly having to juggle things like basic living expenses and friendship. I’m just tired.
And I miss having friends that don’t require a computer to talk to.
@LBT, so sorry to hear that, It sucks.
Thought I’d come & comment on this thread because the UCSB threads are so sad.
I just wanted to say how much I appreciate the community on here and how wonderful you all are. When the stupidity of the world in general gets me down, I come on here and here you all are, laughing and raging and swapping recipes. Thank you.
:: waves at auggziliary ::
Long time, no see. I hope things are going well for you.
@LBT
::offers hugs::
I hope you can make some more friends in meat-space, but I have no idea how. And again, sorry to hear that you have creepers. Sending good thoughts your way.
Vent:
I am just sooooooooo drained by Saurabh in the other thread. I just frickin feel like crying. I can’t deal with this.
@Marie, :offers hugs: Vent away.
@titanblue
I’m pretty sure I got most of my yelling out on them in the other thread 😉 but thanks lots for the hugs.
That sucks, LBT. 🙁 Wish I could help.
Feeling kind of bad, because the degree of “activism” I can handle is being pretty out about feminism on Facebook and in real life. And right now I feel flinchy even doing that. I want to be braver.
Hugs, everyone.
Haven’t checked this thread for a while, but I second hugs to LBT. 🙁
I opened up this thread because I just wanted to vent a bit about the European parliamentary elections. Extreme right parties were so successful this year. Front National got 25 % of the votes in France, for instance…
In Sweden, the Swedish Democrats got 10 % of the votes. They’re former nazis who just switched their nazi costumes for suits and cleaned up their image a bit. A bit, mind you, not much. Wasn’t that long ago since a few of their actual members of parliament, not their youth organization or anything but members of parliament, ran around drunk in the middle of the city shouting sexist and racist slurs at people they didn’t like and tried to attack a non-white celebrity here with iron pipes while calling him names… They were so proud of their behaviour that they filmed it themselves and put it on youtube. You’d think this kind of behaviour would be some kind of drawback in the elections. You’d also think that people would be reluctant to vote for nazis. But if you’d think that, you’d be wrong.
And our fucking PM (who’s liberal in the Swedish sense of the word – he loves nothing more than cutting down on taxes and public expenses alike and thinks that poor people have themselves to blame for being poor) goes on, in the face of the ten percent for the Swedish Democrats, that it’s important not to think in terms of “us” and “them”. Yeah right. You’re thinking in terms of “us the productive citizens” and “them, the parasites who live off of welfare” all the time. And that’s what paves the way, really.
Okay, this was political rather than personal – but I needed to vent.
Eugh Dvärghundspossen, my sympathies. I heard about that on another blog.
Politics are making me want to smack my head against a wall at the moment. Australia is passing horrific new bills left right and centre. Our current Prime Minister (NZ) is Tony Abbott light.
We seem to have no real left wing parties any more. I’m going to vote Green here and I don’t even like a lot of their policies, they’re just about as left as you can get. There are *so many* right wing parties. It scares me – and as a white person currently getting a degree, with a decent amount of money (via my partner, so not entirely safe) most social evilness won’t effect me.
Dvarg, shit, that’s foul.
That’s exactly what the Liberal party here is, too.
@Dvärghundspossen, tell me about it. People in the UK voting for UKIP! Neo-nazi fox-hunting expense-defrauding bloody UKIP!
Minor brain-bleach for the knitting-inclined: I’m making this jacket. That frill will be twelve feet long by the time it’s done!
http://www.ravelry.com/patterns/library/fleur-2
On a brighter note though, there’s a simultaneous trend of people moving from liberal to more socialist parties. There’s actually a decent chance that we’ll have a left-wing majority government after the Swedish parliamentary election this fall. So, let’s hold thumbs or cross fingers or whatever you do for hope in your respective country that this is what will happen, and that the rest of Europe will follow…
Crossing all the digits here, Dvarg!
I’m dreaming of a double-dissolution here, if the new Senate that comes in July blocks enough of Abbott’s bills. Not that I hold great hope of that happening, but oh, it would be bliss to see these scum ousted after even less than one full term.
If anyone in the UK is a knitter or crocheter & twiddling their thumbs at the moment, my local neo-natal ICU (at the Norfolk & Norwich) is looking for blankets (20 inches square, no holes, any baby-friendly yarn) and also hats in varying sizes up to 20cm circumference. Apparently, they get through 900-1000 blankets & hats in a year (they don’t get reused, they hopefully go home with the baby).
LBT: if you do end up going to Seattle let me know, I’m always good for a cup of coffee or the adult beverage of your choosing.
@dvarghunspossen
um, wow. :/
Fingers crossed.
Well the world seems to be going to hell in a hand cart, just as several awful anti-semitic attacks are committed in Europe a load of racist political parties make great gains in the European Parliaments.
Meanwhile on facebook, I and every other person who has posted about Elliot Rodger has had to deal with a shitstorm of awful-ness from mainly men, downplaying or outright sympathising with his misogny, engaging in ableism and even parroting MRA style talking points.
I am very frustrated with men at the moment and honestly terrified.
@historophilia
::offers internet hugs::
I am so afraid around men I don’t know. I have to walk or bike by where the UCSB shootings happened almost every day. I hate feeling this afraid. I know very well that not all men are like that, but you never know which ones and it only takes one. I am sickened by the fact that people are calling the shooter a hero and every time I hear sirens now I’m afraid something like it is happening again. There are counselors for us to go talk to but I haven’t gone yet. I think I will tomorrow, but I don’t know if it will help. Our classes have been cancelled for tomorrow and there is a memorial service. It’s so hard for me to focus on my schoolwork. I am glad that I will be graduating soon, but I’m afraid for all my friends who will still be here.
On a more positive note, the strength and solidarity I’m seeing in the IV community is amazing as well as the support from all the other UC schools. I’m trying to stay focused on that and to distract myself by studying and hiking with my housemates.
Thank you for all the internet hugs from the initial thread about the shooter too. They meant a lot to me. I read the comments here a lot but I don’t post much. But it’s great knowing I can come here and find support when I need it.
Pollydactyl, all the internet hugs you want are yours.
If there’s anything else we can do, let us know.
I haven’t written here before but I saw this link and I needed a place to talk where people don’t know me on a super personal level.
This whole thing has had a ripple effect on all of us as women. I have spent many hours since Saturday angry and depressed by reactions on social media to make this a “but what about MEN!?” issue, simultaneously feeling like I was born into a place where I am not welcome, where my body is still considered property, where I cannot walk to the store after dark, and where I feel like the majority loathes me, ridicules me, or belittles me.
I am highly aware of what it means to be a woman in this society, what it means to have ever exercised your reproductive rights, what it means to express any kind of sexuality openly, what it means to want a career, or what it means to try to exist in male spaces whether its hobbies or career.
I am surprised every day that I do not wake up on some remote island on a boat I have stolen to escape it all.
I tried to talk to my boyfriend about it and he made it about him. He tried to tell me how frustrating it is being a “good guy” and having everyone scared of him. He tried to tell me that him walking alone at night was just scary. He didn’t comfort me or empathize. Now I don’t want to talk to him about anything because I think he’s incapable of understanding and I’m also upset about that.
@pollydactal
Sorry to hear that. I’m sending all the wanted internet hugs your way.
@Z
I realize everyone deals with people being jerks differently, but if I were you, I’d so dump him. But I have negative patience for guys who whine about women being scared of them.
Internet hugs your way, too, if you want them.