So this little screenshot is making the rounds on the internet. It’s from 4chan, so who knows if the guy posting it is sincere. But I’ve seen similar, albeit less histrionic, complaints from other would-be pickup artistes in the past.
Guess what, dude. Some of those women wearing earbuds aren’t even listening to music. They just wear them to avoid creepy dudes like you.
There are several responses to harassment that can work.
The confused, “What are you doing?” with your most sincere face/voice/intonation, as if you really need an explanation. IF they say what they are doing, continue the sincere questioning. Get progressively louder, but stay “sweet.” Don’t yell. Just project your voice, in a calm manner. In fact, be as “ladylike” as possible, while still drawing attention to yourself and your harrasser. It makes them very uncomfortable.
Another response, for verbal harassment, is to practice FACES.
For example, if someone tells you to smile, give them the creepiest slow-smile you can. Think homocidal cannibal pondering “What’s for dinner” type of smile.
Or, you can take the whole “crazy bitch” thing seriously, and bare your teeth and growl at them. And if the get close to you, try to bite. Miss, of course, because they are gross, and you don’t know where they’ve been. But biting AT them will freak them out. Maybe add in a bark, or two.
If you can manage to make your eyes bug out, that really freaks them, too. Gee, I wish I knew how I managed to do that, that one time. I can’t do it on demand. But it sure did the job.
As someone upthread said, it’s embarrassing to draw the attention, but it does help. Well, I learned long ago that I will never die of embarrassment. I can, however, die at the hands of a deranged predator. I’ll take embarrassment, every time. Besides, it makes for such a good story to tell later.
Embrace the SCENE! Own it! Make it your own, and don’t let the creepers write the script.
Holy shit. 🙁
misery – “not only wrong but disturbing” describes almost everything GWW says. Hang on a tic and I’ll try for some posts about her.
misery – this might be the one: it got necro-trolled again recently. GWW is quite happy to defend the MGTOW Zed who would let little girls drown, ‘cos they might grow up to be feminists. GWW says she, too, would let kids she doesn’t know drown.
https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2013/06/30/girlwriteswhats-delusional-defenses-of-mgtow-misogyny-also-mary-daly-and-why-the-moon-is-not-a-potato/#more-9314
Ok, thanks.
@cassandrakitty:
“I quite enjoy playing dumb in a way that’s really annoying but impossible to call out as being rude when dudes harass me in public. If they’re throwing out the innuendos, pretend you don’t understand what they’re getting at and make them explain. Make sure that everyone around you is aware of this conversation, give the harasser the opportunity to make his creepiness crystal clear, and enjoy his frustration as he realizes that not only is he not upsetting you, he’s making a complete ass of himself in public. Obviously it takes a certain personality to pull this off, but if you can it sure is fun!”
SISTER! This was me, all the time I was growing up. The only real difference is that for me, I was being perfectly innocent and sincere. I have a habit of taking things quite literally, and I was also not up-to-date on slang, and euphemisms. For example, if a guy said something about my “pussy,” I would respond as if he were talking about my cat, because as far as I knew, that’s what a pussy *was.*
Over the decades, I have come to learn many euphemisms, and slang, and so if I do this, it has to be an act. But, boy, when I was so innocent, it sure did work to make them squirm. I never really understood HOW, but I did recognize that it did make them squirm. Later, I would find out just what they said to me.
True story – When I was in my early 20’s, I was working in a file room, and the work allowed us to chat a lot, while we worked. The group of people really used a lot of euphemisms, and no topic was off-limits.
One day, a woman complained that she had to dump her boyfriend, because he “refused to eat fish.”
I responded, “Well, yeah. If you go to all the trouble to cook him a nice seafood dinner, he ought to at least eat it.”
Later, when I asked a friend why they gave me such LOOKS, I learned that particular euphemism. See, if they had just said, “cunnilingus” in the first place, I would have known what was going on. I understand most technical terms, just fine, and am not ashamed to use them.
Same place, another day. A fellow came up to me in the afternoon, looked very sheepish and apologized for the offensive thing he had said to me that morning. I looked at him wide-eyed, and said, “What offensive thing?”
Poor guy had to repeat what he had said, and then *explain to me* why I should have been offended by it. I think his manager had heard it, in the first place, and ordered him to apologize. His face was red as a beet by the time he was done, because the foolish fellow tried “explaining” by using euphemisms. It just got weirder and weirder. By the time I finally understood what he had said to me that morning, I couldn’t feel upset at him. I just felt pity.
@emilygoddess – “Homophones can be difficult.”
What do you say to an upset grammar fanatic? “There, they’re, their.”
The other day, my sister asked me if I was a grammar nazi. I told her, “No. I don’t gas people who use bad grammar.”
I really dislike it when people use “nazi,” to mean someone who is a stickler, or someone they don’t like, such as “feminazi.” I think that doing so makes people forget just how truly awful the real Nazis were.
BTW – I read “que” as “Que?” I thought it was funny.
Michelle
Bwhahahaha! That is HILARIOUS! If I had been drinking, there would have been keyboard mopping up.
I have mastered a “Really!?” face, that’s made a couple drunk people asking awkward questions to back the heck up.
The slow smile also works really well for me. According to one flatmate, it’s very much an “I’m only smiling because I’m imagining how wonderful finally tearing out your entrails will feel” kind of smile. They also might have used “Loki-like” to describe it.
I haven’t read any of the comments, so I’m sorry if this has already been said, but that guy has issues. There is no reason at all to get angry about a woman wearing ear buds. I guess in his mind women just need to make themselves approachable 24/7? What a bizarre expectation.
In terms of the “cold approach” in a way I can kind of respect it, because even if I wanted to do it I couldn’t, but it always seemed like the most rude way to pick up women. You just find a random woman, who’s minding her own business, and start spitting out game? That just seems rude to me. Almost like an invasion of privacy.
Waterfalls are misandry!
So are doors! What if the OP’s target had left while he was in the bathroom prepping/pumping/primping? It’s selfish of women to do anything unexpected, novel, introverted, or off-script in any way. This poor guy had the interaction all mapped out and choreographed in his head and she refused to play along.
PUAs are the laziest bunch of slackers. They have no interest in putting in the time and work of establishing a genuine relationship. They just want to shortcut to sex with the minimum possible effort. If the playing field isn’t absolutely smooth and glitch-free, they throw a tantrum. No wonder they devote so much energy complaining about perceived obstacles to sex, from rape-awareness campaigns to women wearing pants, being over 25, and having an education. It’s all about removing the red tape and responsibilities that come with adult relationships. They want their cookie, but they don’t want to have to eat their vegetables to get it.
Also, n’thing everyone who finds it despicable when men use spectrum disorders to try to guilt women into being nice to harassers. There are no extenuating circumstances where aggressively invading someone’s physical space and making them feel threatened is okay. Sorry, creepers, your Save the Boners campaign takes a back seat to Women’s Right To Exist Unmolested In Public.
misery, David tags all his articles so you can search through all the ones he’s written that cover GWW here: https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/?s=GWW
The most disturbing one to my eyes is the one where she says some awful things about women who are victims of domestic abuse: https://www.wehuntedthemammoth.com/2013/01/25/abused-women-demand-their-abuse-how-mras-make-the-abusers-arguments-for-them/
Hold up – I wear GIANT headphones all the time and I still get randos trying to chat sh*t to me when I just want to be in my own headspace. What am I doing wrong here?
One thing I don’t understand, is why is his rant directed at earbuds? Wouldn’t headphones have had the same effect? Not to mention that in-ear headphones are much better than Apple style earbuds at blocking out ambient noise including the yammerings of Nice Guys.
Oh Hai Guys! I’ve been around, just haven’t had a chance to comment.
After reading some of the experiences on here, I swear I want to rent myself out as a body guard (for super cheap, lol). I have literally never had anyone either aggressively hit on or harass me and I have never been otherwise hassled in public. It makes me so frigging angry that so many women and girls have to put up with this shit!
Anyway, I have been told by people that I have an intimidating persona and I am not attractive in any conventional way…so yeah. I also have natural “b-word face,” especially when I am in a crowd because I don’t like having my bubble invaded.
A neighbor was being stalked by a creep in our building a while ago and it was getting fairly serious. One night I caught him sort of eavesdropping on us as we were outside hanging out. I had had a few beers at this point and decided that this was going to end. I must have chewed him out for a good 10 minutes. He moved out a couple days later and was never heard from again.
I can only hope that maybe he learned a lesson, but I couldn’t say for sure. In most cases people learn from positive reinforcement rather than being punished. I don’t really know if what I did was productive, but I was protecting my friend and one of my main principles in life is that I stand up to bullies. I know not everyone can do that, but for me it is second nature and I get a payoff in doing it, so it works for me.
By headphones I mean the old school sort you got with a Walkman (which came out in 1979).
And triple post to say ninjaed by NonServiam.
I would have thought giant headphones would do a better job of saying “I care way more about what I’m listening to than whatever you have to say”
BWAHAHAHAHA!
Reminds me once again of the one tiny contribution PUAs make to the world: the contrast they make with the blokes in the WHB* category. Not that it makes up for all the foul things they do (or just claim they’ve done), but it gives a little lift to my day to compare these chucklefucks with Mr K, and I bet I’m not the only person who looks at [partner] and looks at PUAs and is reminded of the gulf between those losers and the person one wants in one’s life.
I hope that came out reasonably coherently. It’s late here. They’re just – oh, they’re dogshit under his shoe, really.
*Worthwhile Human Being
Kim – yeah, I don’t get it either. Never used the Apple variety but I never knew any earbuds that would stay in, let alone block out ambient sound. When I do listen to music on the train, I use big noise-cancelling headphones, the sort with padding around the ear.
Maybe we should double up: earbuds under giant padded headphones AND giant dark sunglasses. Will that finally convince people I want to be left alone?
Have earbuds with razor wire wrapped around the cords. That’ll stop the grabbers trying to pull them out – or even better, cut themselves to shreds if they try.
Oh man I think my last comment got eaten by WP. Well anyway, just wanted to say hi really. Been lurking here, but haven’t had a chance to say anything. Hugs to all those of you who have shared some fairly harrowing stuff lately. You guys always help restore my faith in humanity and I really appreciate that!
So I may have already said this here before, but I have the unique experience of being a woman and never having had to deal with harassment of any kind. I believe that a number of factors have given me this super power. I am told that I have a mean looking persona, I’m fairly large framed (men have asked me if I am a body builder) and I am not attractive in any conventional sense. I also have what someone else called resting b*tch-face.
I get really angry when I hear about the stuff you guys have to endure and I seriously want to like offer a body guard service or something like that. Gah!
A while back I had a neighbor who was semi-stalking a girl in the building, he was doing things like leaving weird trinkets on her door step. She called the police, but there was really nothing that they could do about it because he denied doing it. One night we were outside (she had turned to her other neighbors to sort of help her be safe) hanging out and this guy started to sort of eavesdrop. That was the final straw for me, I went over there and chewed him out. He slunk back into his apartment and a few days later he moved away.
I wonder still if this was the best way to handle the situation. I want to think that maybe he learned something, but at the very least I know that my friend learned that she would be taken seriously by her friends and looked out for.
Seems reasonable. Might ruin a few silk blouses though. Although torn up clothes are pretty punk rock, so that can just be my look from now own.
@michelle
Christ, what an asshole. May he fall in a pit of legos.
@misery
Can you check her tag here?nvm I looked it wasn’t that hard on a computer. GWW on the necessity of domestic violence. I feel like I should have been able to find more, but that was just skimming, and it is pretty bad :/I’ll add more if I find them.nvm other people already added more so I hope you don’t mind if I stop looking 😛@michelle
I can’t stand that eitehr :/
@Marci
Hi 😀
@marci
well, that’s a very valuable thing. 🙂 its always good when friends know thye have someone to count on
And Marci – respect for chewing him out. I’m all for women having other women’s backs. I know that challenging predators can be really dangerous, and I’m not saying we all have to go vigilante, but I think that building a culture of protecting each other is one of the best answers we have to harassment.
I live in a really overcrowded city and harassment is a huge problem here. The police are pretty useless too. However, for whatever reason, I feel like there’s been a shift. It’s like, women and girls are supporting each other more than ever. If you have a problem, other women are stepping in. Young women are demanding more respect and older women will be really quick to tell off men who get aggressive. Yay, working together!