So this little screenshot is making the rounds on the internet. It’s from 4chan, so who knows if the guy posting it is sincere. But I’ve seen similar, albeit less histrionic, complaints from other would-be pickup artistes in the past.
Guess what, dude. Some of those women wearing earbuds aren’t even listening to music. They just wear them to avoid creepy dudes like you.
There was this amazing exchange in response to this post on tumblr started by user leupagus, and a Nice Guy showed up, and it was pretty great:
http://inurashii.tumblr.com/post/85850943185/ocelotspots-leupagus-jeffl95-leupagus
Leupagus then found this post on his blog:
http://leupagus.tumblr.com/post/85794627713/jeffl95-ok-ive-seen-a-lot-of-feminist-stuff
This stuff just writes itself with these guys.
He has since taken his blog down, no doubt to have a rational think about the discourse and definitely not because his whiny manbaby feels were hurt and he had to shitfit-flounce.
Yeah, I’m not in the habit of wearing earbuds in public but maybe now . . .
Amusingly when I was commuting in NYC I wore headphones for pretty much that exact reason. I could hear what was going on around me but pretend I couldn’t hear it. It’s a very useful threat detection method.
What? Women do things without considering if it will interfere with a nice guy trying to hit on them? Misandry! It’s only polite for women to go out of their way, but no! They just HAVE to friend zone us with their evil earbuds!
I have no car and travel exclusively via the T. Earbuds were a saving grace even when I was presenting male. Now that I’m transitioning? Forgetting my earbuds is reason enough to turn back home and risk being late.
Tricksie womenses! *gollum gollum* How dare you keep us from the preshussssssss?
what i find even funnier in an annoying way than the original screed is all the backlash i’ve seen from men saying “women are calling this guy an asshole? THIS IS WHY NICE GUYS NEVER APPROACH WOMEN ON THE STREET, B/C WE MIGHT BE CONFUSED WITH ASSHOLES. Gaaah you’re ruining romance”
@gillyrosebee
omigod, that’s hilarious XD
So, she should avoid listening to music or otherwise focusing on her own interests, at any time while in public, just in case some guy happens to have a crush on her and <sarcasm>is thereby entitled to override her</sarcasm>.
Besides, crush or not, if you
wantneed the attention of someone using headphones/earbuds, just look them in the eye and wave, or something.If you’re so nervous about approaching, then perhaps it’s because you have no existing connection that you can build upon; you have to start from scratch; you want to talk but have nothing to say. In which case, why do you assume there’s any basis for a relationship, other than the fact you’re attracted to her? That in itself is not enough, even if these guys need it to be.
@inurashii, That tumblr takedown was awesome.
It was sincere. I saw this earlier. The guy made comments about how he had been “Facebook stalking” the woman he was raging about. He was unhinged toward her because she wasn’t living her life in a manner that helped him gain access to her body.
Headphones and earbuds deter some unwelcome attention, but not all. So many men do not give a fuck. I’ve never had anyone rip my headphones off before, but there have been times men try to talk to me and when I pretend to not see or hear them they tap me on the shoulder or touch my arm to force me to have to acknowledge them. Why would anyone think that’s OK.
No, assholes. Women are required to make ourselves open to sexual or romantic advances in public places. We aren’t even required to make ourselves available for small talk. You are not entitled to anybody’s attention.
Headphones have got to my favorite tool of the fascist gynocracy.
I don’t wear headphones in public because if I’m listening to music I get too distracted–but headphones on at work sure do keep annoying interruptions at bay.
I use my epic resting b*tchface to keep strangers away.
@hyena girl
That sounds like a great idea :3 I don’t actually like using earbuds in public, because I feel so un-aware, but it’d be a good reason to not respond. especially since, even if people aren’t being dicks, sometimes I’m just socially shut down and can’t respond to people, and I think people who don’t know me would consider it rude, even though I can get by with my immediate family by just giving ‘not now’ grunts.
@fade
Ohmigod, I saw those losers. And I just want to be like “now nice guys will never approach women on the street!!!!leven”
Good.
I was with some friends today, all women, having a nice time at the park. We were approached twice by creepy men in less than an hour. One of them asked where Hotel X was. When my friend answered he said “that is where my room is” and then proceed to convince us how nice it would be if we all went to his room. I almost said “that sounds great! Give me the keys and stay right here while we go to your room, watch pay per view and order room service without you. So nice of you to offer.” Oh, the misandric thoughts…
The other was soooooo creepy! He looked at one of our friends in the most disgusting appalling way. He even licked his lips and proceeded to send us kisses. Not to mention that he thought he was entitled to our attention.
I was very bothered. We were just having a nice time. Why do we have to keep being bothered by men like that?
@pineapplecookies
::offers jedi hugs and brain bleach:: Those guys sound terrible. Whenever I hear about them I get violent thoughts, which is probably not the best thing ever. But still. Fuck them all.
@Marie
ohmygodthatissoadorable!!! *___*
I loved the tmblr rebuttal.
Geesh. How dare an attractive woman assert her right to be lef in peace. Lol, nothing demonstrates “high value” more t to a woman than ripping earbuds out of the ears of someone who was loudly signalling that she didn’t want to be bothered in the first place.
I sympathise with this guy. One time a comrade of mine tried to approach a lady with earbuds in their usual, eventually after making the traditional call of man to no avail, my friend tore the accursed miniature gramophones from the wrenches’ organs of hearing. As it turned out the woman was taking in Eric Zahn’s greatest hits and their absence unleashed an infinity of horrors upon the world. Damn you Jobs for making it harder to discern if someone holds within them hordes of horrors from beyond.
…At least that has to be what this guy is getting at, can’t imagine anything else worth that despair.
And did Apple even invent earbuds anyway?
@inurashii
What are your pronouns? I’m sorry; I had no idea you were trans.
This has to be a joke. Right…?
I’m reminded of a recent post on another misogynist blog, Just Four Guys, written by an aggrieved young man (which is not saying much, as they are all aggrieved there, because women) who described being unpleasantly rejected by a young woman in a bar. Proof, for anyone listening, that women are evil, of course.
Judging by his telling of that story, she was indeed unnecessarily unpleasant — freaked out even (for no good reason) — and he received tons of supportive backslapping from commenters there, who all know how evil women are and are always ready to commiserate about it.
What was overlooked, however, is that the young man, in a rather unpleasant fashion, pegged the woman he was to approach as far less attractive than what (yes) he would really tackle (4 instead of 9 or something like it, if I recall, to use that charming habit of assigning numbers, based on physical attractiveness, to human beings — though since women are not human beings, it’s OK, I suppose). He said, essentially, that it was his practice run — being a shy nice (of course) guy, he was not yet ready to approach a real object of his dreams, a 9 or 10, so he used this unsuspecting woman as a training tool for his game skills; although that’s not how he put it, because that obvious realization eluded him and his back-slapping supporters. The assumption was that the “unattractive” woman would not reject him and be somehow unusually kind, because she should be grateful to be approached at all.
Yet when she freaked out — because she did, according to him, and for no good reason, according to him — he was mortally wounded and women are evil.
The entitlement of men who objectify women as a matter of fact, either because they are clueless or nasty (or both) is as mind-boggling as their lack of self-awareness and desire to blame women for, well, everything that’s wrong with their lives and the world as they know it.
For those of you with a strong stomach, here’s the archived /r9k/ thread that shows exactly how deep the creep well goes:
http://archive.heinessen.com/r9k/thread/11116335
@Ally S:
Standard feminine pronouns. I’ve only been out as trans for a few months, though I identified as genderqueer for longer.
I use earbuds in order to ward off strangers who want to talk to me, but oftentimes people rudely talk to me anyway. Granted, I don’t mind someone asking for help like how to get to this or that place, what bus/train to take, etc. But very frequently I run into men who keep talking to me and show no signs of respecting my boundaries. One time such a man SAT RIGHT NEXT TO ME ON THE BUS as if he was a close friend. Like, maybe there was at most an inch of space between us. He also took a picture of me against my will and told me I look like Mark Zuckerberg. Asshole.
But I’m generally comfortable with women talking to me about stuff. It makes me feel less alone in a way, and I know only a few abusive women in my life, so I’m just not as afraid of interacting with them in general. And it’s even better if she’s cute.
Long-time lurker, first time commenter, cis pansexual female. Hi all!
@inurashii
The T? Are you a fellow Bostonian?
For those who are not Bostonians, we have a real problem with sexual harassment and assault on the subway. For some reason there are a lot of men who think it’s ok to masturbate in front of and onto women sitting on the T. The MBTA actually put up ads talking about it in an effort to curb it.
I’ve only ever had one guy really try to come onto me while I was wearing earbuds. It wasn’t just creepy, it was incredibly gross. I was sitting on the back row of the bus, dude sat down right next to me despite a plethora of empty seats. He tapped me on the shoulder, I pulled one earbud out to ask what he wanted. He started to try to flirt with me, I shut him down and put my earbud back in, and switched seat. He sat back down next to me, PULLED MY EARBUD OUT, then started to describe to me in graphic detail what he wanted to do to me. He got through about two sentences before I gathered myself together enough to go up to the bus driver and tell him I was being sexually harassed on his bus and if he didn’t do something about it I’d report both him and the harasser to the MBTA. Dude was put off the bus at the next stop.
@inurashii
Yay, another one in the Trans Mammotheer Club! =D