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awesome creepy funny men who should not ever be with ponies ever nice guys TROOOLLLL!!

"Would You Kill a Pony for Me?" and other real dating questions asked by an imaginary Swedish Girl

This pic has nothing to do with the post today, but it does feature a giant chicken, from a film called "The Hoboken Chicken Emergency."
This pic has nothing to do with the post today, but it does feature a giant chicken, from a film called “The Hoboken Chicken Emergency.”

Today, something a bit lighter than usual. Someone recently posted the a link in the comments here to a hilarious blog called Swedish Girl Seeking, which displays the results of a simple but wicked dating site experiment being carried out by a couple of funny Swedes.

The two – a female comic book artist and a male comedian – set up a phony dating profile featuring a “blonde, happy-go-lucky, kind of over-sexual cliché of a Swedish woman.” (The female half of the couple posed in a cheap blond wig for the pics.)

When a legion of hopeful, horny men besieged the imaginary girl’s inbox with come-ons ranging from awkward to crude, the Swedes responded with surreal silliness. And then posted the most ridiculous conversations online.

While there are a few genuinely creepy messages amongst the dozens posted on the site – it looks like the Swedish duo kept the worst messages to themselves – the most amazing ones reflect a certain willful obliviousness on the part of the hopeful male admirers. Nothing she says is too bizarre to faze them.

swedishbedwet

Well, almost nothing.

Swedishnicepics

But guy after guy just keeps on going. Heck, this guy tries to work her completely ludicrous story into his suggestive spiel:

swedishking

And this guy, it seems, is willing to promise her anything to get in her Swedish pants:

swedishpony

Dude, dude!

You’re making us all look bad.

I ended up working my way through every post on the blog. Unfortunately, it doesn’t look like there will be any more: the last update was in February. Oh well.

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Doug
Doug
6 years ago

“I made this half-pony, half-monkey monster to please you;
But I get the feeling that you don’t like it.
What’s with all the screaming?
You like monkeys, you like ponies
Maybe you don’t like monsters so much
Maybe I used too many monkeys
Isn’t it enough to know that I ruined a pony making a gift for you?”
—Jonathan Coulton, “Skullcrusher Mountain”

Lea
Lea
6 years ago

Doug, please accept these internets.

http://diariodeunatelefila.files.wordpress.com/2013/10/the-internet-de-the-it-crowd.gif

I love Jonathan Coulton.

Dylan
6 years ago

This reminds me of OKC Ebooks (http://okcebooks.tumblr.com/), an experiment in which a fake dating site profile responded to messages using only quotes from famous Twitter spambot @Horse_ebooks.

Dvärghundspossen
6 years ago

Glad to hear you enjoyed it as much as I do. Didn’t know they were a couple behind the site, but anyway, it’s hilarious.

Dvärghundspossen
6 years ago

😀

Dvärghundspossen
6 years ago

Btw, just heard a funny story from an acquaintance. A friend of hers has a real account on a dating site, seriously looking for someone, but amongst serious messages she gets a ton of dick pics sent to her. So she started to use all these dicks for a piece of collage art, that grows and evolves with every new dick pic she’s sent. She always replies to the dick pics with the latest version of her collage, and a “thanks for adding to my art project!” reply.
Pretty funny.

Luzbelitx
6 years ago

She always replies to the dick pics with the latest version of her collage, and a “thanks for adding to my art project!” reply.

I love her.

Checkmate, dicktrolls!

Luzbelitx
6 years ago

Blockquote Mammoth ate my blockquote.

Winter Walker
6 years ago

I’ve recently tried making an account on a dating site that shall remain nameless, and had a real shit time of it, and thus am thinking of turning it into a social experiment if I can ever access it again. For some unknown reason, the site allowed me to make an account, and post only my screen name, age, sexual orientation (pansexual), and a photo. None of the other fields would accept any input. (Tech support have no clue why.) The photo is my favourite ballet portrait, since I think it’s a good pic, and dancing is something I’m passionate about. (Yes, I am a Stamen of Privilege, and fucking proud of it!)

So, when I checked my practically nonexistent account, I’m not sure why I was surprised to have hundreds of messages from guys, almost all of them creepy/wanky/incomprehensible. I’d post examples, except now I can’t even log in to the damn site! Anyway, the morals that I’ve taken from this are:

1. Pan/bisexual women should be having threesomes with ALL the menz and their wives, because hawt. Gods forbid we might ever look for an actual relationship outside the sack!

2. If you’re a woman over 30 and a certain type of dude finds you attractive, you’re lying about your age. I must be a pretty fucking good liar, since I’ve even got my own dear mum fooled!

3. Dancers only perform to show off their bodies for men. Not because of hard work and passion for our art, but in order to make men want us and then turn them down for threesomes. Is that what being a Stamen of Privilege means?

4. Tutus make women into sluts and teases. I wish someone had warned me about that before my first recital.. When I was six.

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
6 years ago

Ah! The MRAs. You can always count on them for this level of insight.

Crip Dyke
Crip Dyke
6 years ago

@winter walker

4. Tutus make women into sluts and teases.

Ah, yes! That’s why we see Roosh V in tutus all the time: he’s using TuTuGame to turn all the women within eyeshot into sluts.

And when it doesn’t work, he can claim his tutu turned them all into teases.

Self-contradiction FTW!

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

Off topic, but here is another reason why kitties are the best.

http://jezebel.com/worlds-most-awesome-cat-rescues-little-boy-from-dog-att-1576276526/all

tedthefed
tedthefed
6 years ago

I…. dunno, it kinda seems like a lot of these guys are just playing along with the silliness.

And most of these, the Swedish Girl gets the punchline, which, I mean, a lot of them are funny, but it’s more about seeing her/him say these crazy things than some kind of comment on how guys on okc act.(my favorite was the fish testicles).

Zolnier
Zolnier
6 years ago

Would you kill a pony for me… For some reason I’m picturing a song by something like a female Weird Al.

grumpycatisagirl
6 years ago

OT but check out the latest nonsense meme VforMen posted on Facebook. Just comical. https://www.facebook.com/photo.php?fbid=650943708294447&set=a.392418540813633.89052.102001393188684&type=1&theater

Ha ha ha ha ha.

Ally S
6 years ago

:: loathes the thought of a memorable 80s movie character whining about “male disposability” ::

emma
emma
6 years ago

Oh, dear… Unreal. Or rather I wish it were.

“Would you ever have a sugar daddy”
“No, I have diabetes. ”

Priceless.

tedthefed
tedthefed
6 years ago

Nothing says compassion and warmth like a logo designed to look like it was written with wet blood!

Ally S
6 years ago

Given that AVFM is full of racist white men and women who appropriate the experiences of people of color to fuel their sophistry, I suspect that the smeared appearance of the logo is a form of cultural appropriation. The smears are perhaps intended to convey a kind of “savage masculinity” that is expressed as a symbol of male empowerment (although in reality functions merely as a fetishization of POC). I don’t know if that makes sense and I don’t have a whole lot to support what I’m saying, but I think it’s reasonable to assume that given how racist AVFM is.

Ally S
6 years ago

I guess a better way to explain what I’m saying is that the symbol, which has an ‘M’ for (presumably) “Men”, seems to be drawn to look like a “tribal mark”.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
6 years ago

I’m pretty sure it’s supposed to be their version of this.

http://www.blokders.com/Filemanager/userfiles/Dosyalar/icerikResimler/icerikResim97.jpg

Maybe they’re finally getting bored with The Matrix.

Ally S
6 years ago

Oh, that makes more sense. They want to pretend to be revolutionaries.

Winter Walker
6 years ago

@Ally S: Doesn’t being a revolutionary require going *against* the established order of things? I don’t think a revolution is what they think it is…

@Crip Dyke: Oh no. He wears tutus? Seriously? That’s some dangerously complicated equipment he’s using there. I’m not sure he’s qualified.

On that note, I just need to vent about dudes who use the tutu as a symbol of feminine weakness. I’d like to see them kick one leg higher than their head while supporting their entire body weight on two toes, and smile while they’re doing it!

kittehserf
6 years ago

Winter Walker – in their case, it’d be revolution as in “going round and round in circles”.

Your challenge to dudes reminds me of my favourite story about Victoria and Albert – a real one. This was when they were still in their twenties. The newspapers had been sniping about Victoria looking sad/bored during a recent State visit, and at dinner one night she asked rather plaintively whatshe was supposed to look like.

“You have to be like the dancers at the opera – always smiling,” Albert said. He got up, did a mighty pirouette and landed on one foot, the other leg extended, with a huge fixed grin on his face the whole time. As the person (Lady Lyttleton, iirc) reporting this said, not many men could do that after a heavy dinner!

vaiyt
6 years ago

Word! I was pointing out to my family earlier on how much leg strength does a dainty gymnast needs to do a complete backflip from a stationary position.

Michelle C Young
6 years ago

“He got up, did a mighty pirouette and landed on one foot, the other leg extended, with a huge fixed grin on his face the whole time. ”

And people wonder why Victoria was so devoted to Albert.

Heck, I’d marry the guy!

kittehserf
6 years ago

Exactly, Michelle! Those two have had a stupid bad press – partly because Albert was German, partly because the official bio Victoria authorised after his death was a hagiography, and partly because of all the sneering the 1920s did about the 19th century. Albert was a fascinating man and certainly had a fine (and sometimes snarky) sense of humour, with people he knew. Plus he was seriously good looking as a young man!

Robert
Robert
6 years ago

From everything I’ve read about Victoria and Albert, they seem like a wonderful couple. Pity they didn’t have longer to be together.

Winter Walker – your account of dating website creepiness reminds me of the creepypm site. Every time I stop by, there are new depths of human ugliness on display.

Also, the historic Guy Fawkes was very much not a freedom fighter, unless you consider replacing James I with a Catholic absolute monarch freedom. I don’t think that highly of Scotch Jimmy, but even he was better than that.

kittehserf
6 years ago

James I left one quote I really like, talking about John Donne: “Dr Donne’s sermons are like the peace of God: they passeth all understanding.”

🙂

Cthulhu's Intern
6 years ago

That AVFM picture: That picture actually does fit the MRM, since it makes people who go into contact with it seriously ill and needs to be out of this world (or I think. It’s been a long time since I watched ET).

Also, that Swedish girl reminds me of this: http://www.myx.tv/iaaa/#.U3QAAPldU5R (click on Episode 1, the rest wouldn’t make sense in this context.)

Walter
Walter
6 years ago

To be honest, I can understand those guys. At least this crazy Swedish girl is replying to them. Beggars can’t be choosers. I definitely don’t support how creepy most of them were, but I can see why they would play along and not get discouraged by her insane replies.

Nequam
Nequam
6 years ago

On that note, I just need to vent about dudes who use the tutu as a symbol of feminine weakness. I’d like to see them kick one leg higher than their head while supporting their entire body weight on two toes, and smile while they’re doing it!

Just make ’em watch the Ballets Trockadero de Monte Carlo for a while. If their tendency to freak out over non-traditional gender makes their itty balls crawl back up into their abdomens never to descend again, so much the better!

[youtube http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gsgACwdWCV0&w=420&h=315%5D

grumpycatisagirl
6 years ago

Heh. Yes, ET is about to leave to get on his spaceship in that picture. The MRM drove ET off the planet Earth.

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

That ET meme would be more accurate if Eliot was replaced with a 13 year old Vietnamese virgin.

Ally S
6 years ago

ET is definitely a misandrist. Nowhere in the movie does he try to bring to the audience’s attention the serious issue of men being criticized by women.

katz
6 years ago

To be honest, I can understand those guys. At least this crazy Swedish girl is replying to them. Beggars can’t be choosers. I definitely don’t support how creepy most of them were, but I can see why they would play along and not get discouraged by her insane replies.

Seriously?

Marie
Marie
6 years ago

@walter

To be honest, I can understand those guys. At least this crazy Swedish girl is replying to them. Beggars can’t be choosers. I definitely don’t support how creepy most of them were, but I can see why they would play along and not get discouraged by her insane replies.

1) fuck off with you and your ableism

2) why would they respond? They clearly don’t care what she actually has to say, they’re just keeping responding hoping the get something (probably sex) from the conversation.

weirwoodtreehugger
6 years ago

Don’t you just feel so bad for Nice Guys who don’t constantly have women throwing themselves at them for being uninteresting and mediocre?

Shaenon
6 years ago

In related news, thanks to you people I’m now addicted to creepypms.

http://imgur.com/a/y03Ox

Lili Fugit
Lili Fugit
6 years ago

Ah yes. Victoria and Albert. Presided prettily over some of the worst genocides in human history, and did it with a smile and a lot of married flirtation. They are both in my White People Hall of Fuck Them.

I have to admit, I like Swedish girl’s pony test. It had an actual storyline and everything. I might try using that.

Walter
Walter
6 years ago

@katz

I would totally play along. It is at least worth it just to see what weird shit she writes. What do I have to lose?

@Marie

Ableism? Where did that come from?

kittehserf
6 years ago

Walter – calling someone crazy, insane and so on is ableism. Apart from that, why on earth call a comedy duo trolling OKC douchebags any of those things? That’s nonsensical.

Marie
Marie
6 years ago

@walter

Ableism? Where did that come from?

Is this a trick fucking question? Idk I mean, kittehs already explained it to you, so I’ll stick to my snarking….

Walter
Walter
6 years ago

@kittehserf

Thanks for the heads up. I didn’t know that.

I wasn’t calling the comedy group or whover crazy. I was looking at it from the perspective of the emailer who doesn’t know that it’s a hoax and thinks that it’s a real person.

hrovitnir
hrovitnir
6 years ago

You know, comments like Walters remind me of the discussion my partner and I had last night. We both like an MMA fighter called Cristiane “Cyborg” Santos. She recently got banned from the UFC for steroid use – and is not as pretty as some of the other top fighters.

Ronda Rousey is another UFC fighter who is very attractive. She’s also talented and skilled, professional MMA record of 9 wins, no losses, 8 by armbar. She’s also a massive jerk. She’s a bad winner, is always mouthing off, being nasty about Cyborg but refuses to fight her even though she’s said she’s willing to come down to her weight (and she gets down to something ridiculous like 4% bodyfat to fight at her current weight). Recently said that she’s taken too many steroids to be considered a woman and called her “it”. Cyborg has NEVER said anything nasty about other fighters.

Point is, we have mutual friends who like Rousey. Fine, whatever. The fact they both felt the need to snark on her steroid use (as if she’s the only one, pffft) when my partner shared a photo of her on FB, make excuses for someone who acts like an all round nasty person (I don’t care if it’s for publicity, she’s still an arsehole) and the worst part: act like all men are as shallow as them is so irritating!

I cannot understand an attitude problem like that not seriously impacting my attraction to someone, and while you’re welcome to feel that way the clear expectation that all men feel the same way as them – if I argue it I just don’t understand, because bisexuality isn’t real, my partner obviously lies to me – if my partner argues it they make it clear they think he agrees and just isn’t admitting it to himself.

Kind of a massive tangent but the idea of continuing to talk to someone who shows no personality in the hopes of getting laid because “beggars can’t be choosers” (gag) reminded me of it.

katz
6 years ago

I would totally play along. It is at least worth it just to see what weird shit she writes. What do I have to lose?

…Minutes of your life that could have been spent doing literally anything else?

hrovitnir
hrovitnir
6 years ago

*sigh* Walter. The concept of ableism is that dismissing bad behaviour as “crazy” is conflating crazy with bad. Or weird, in this case. This contributes to a society where people with mental illnesses are far more likely to be at risk of abuse than give it but whenever anyone does anything awful it’s because they’re “crazy”.

What is means, is don’t use crazy/insane/psycho or anything like it to mean “odd” or “being a jerk” or “being a manipulative abuser”.

Having a mental illness =/= being a jerk and vice-versa.

kittehserf
6 years ago

None of the guys responding as if they think they’ve a chance of getting into GirlFromSweden’s pants is showing well in this.

Beggars can’t be choosers – um, no, they’re only interested in fucking what they perceive as a Hot Swedish Babe. Are they hitting on women they think are ugly? I’ll bet they aren’t.

They patently don’t give a shit about what she’s saying. Does that mean they really think there’s something wrong with her? If they do, then they’re not beggars, they’re potential predators. If they don’t, then they’re stupid enough to go along with trolling/manipulation as long as they think they’ll get sex out of it. Also not a good look. There’s little enough sign they’re taking any notice of what she’s saying – and if they are, well, ewwww.