I‘m beginning to wonder if Chateau Heartiste isn’t so much a “Game” blog as it is an elaborate unannounced contest to see who can say the worst possible things about women in the most pretentiously incoherent prose. My evidence? Heartiste’s latest choice for “comment of the week” from an aspiring ladykiller (hopefully not literally) who calls himself burke.
Burke’s grand insight into the female of the species?
if you could grind a woman’s entire being to dust with your dick, like a mortar and pestle, that’s the oblivion she is searching for
Well, that’s pretty good, as far as pretentious douchebagginess goes, but it’s almost coherent. I mean, dicks are roughly the same basic shape as pestles, and it’s not hard to visualize one grinding away in a little stone bowl. Hell, there’s probably some porn video out there featuring just that.
But then Heartiste comes along and offers his own comment on the comment, and shows burke just how it’s done. And by “it” I mean “awful, pretentious, incoherent misogyny.”
Insight elevated to sheer poetry by the breezy lack of punctuation. Women secretly desire their oblivion at the insistence of an imperious man. As the vessel sex, they must be filled with the life force of another — a powerful man, or a child — to fully experience sublimation of their souls. Thus it is that surrender is encoded in the gristle of woman.
The gristle? It’s “encoded in the gristle?”
Gristle is cartilage. The tough stuff in meat that’s hard to chew. The stuff that sharks have instead of bone. Nothing is “encoded” in it. Animals don’t store all of their genetic material in their gristle.
The somewhat archaic phrase “in the gristle” means “not yet hardened into bone or strengthened into sinew” or, more broadly, “young, weak, and unformed.” It’s not a fancy synonym for “in the genes.”
Here’s the phrase in a sentence — that is, in a sentence written by someone who actually knew how to use language.
A people who are still, as it were, but in the gristle, and not yet hardened into the bone of manhood.
Well, come to think of it, that’s a sentence fragment, not a sentence. But at least Edmund Burke understood why that particular metaphoric phrase made sense in that context.
Heartiste, not even competently pretentious.
Well, clearly I didn’t say vulvas aren’t sensitive. They certainly are (well, speaking as an owner and admirer of vulvas, that’s been my experience all my life). As regards nerve endings, though, there are far more in fingers.
“uhhh are you talkiing about you, cuz that’s fine, but applying it to everyone else is just creepy” – sorry if it comes over that way.
I was actually talking about poor applicator design, and poor tampon design generally – which is where I came into this conversation – rather than anybody’s skill set.
Just had a massive giggle fit at the idea of learning to read braille with my vulva.
Performance art, maybe?
(tmi vulva talk)
@bluecat
Citation? and is this just a general vulva thing? because I bet I have more nerve-endings in my clit then other parts of my vuvla. Though I’ve got no clue if that’s right or not.
Did anyone else think to themselves “wait, don’t things have to be dry as bone to be used in a mortar and pestle?” All I can think of with that analogy is unpleasantness and difficulties… is there a “wet” method of using the mortar and pestle that I’m unaware of? or is this another very very failed analogy by those who don’t think analogies through?
RE: bluecat & Marie
IIRC, the general consensus as far as neuropsych goes would be that your fingers are more sensitive than your genitalia in general*, BUT that doesn’t mean that the feedback you get from your fingers is more useful for inserting a tampon; that likely varies from person to person because it’s quite likely that different people learn to use different cues to accomplish this task. And, frankly, a tampon’s not really so small that the difference in nerve ending density is likely to make much of a difference, if any, in ability to discern the placement of a tampon via information from the vulva versus from the fingers.
All in all, I would say that, personally, I pay more attention to sensation in my vagina than any feedback from my fingers when inserting a tampon. I can tell from my fingers whether the tampon’s in there, but not whether it’s in there properly, in a firm an comfortable way. That’s all up to the sensory input from my vag.
*At short notice, I can’t seem to find a homunculus that maps out the vulva/clitoris or mentions the vagina, but I would guess that nerve distribution is likely quite homologous to the allotment of nerve endings for male genitalia – nonetheless, let’s have a cheer for the invisibility of women in medicine and science! YAY
Straddling the ATM would be something of a challenge.
Oh, are we TMI-ing about vaginas? This should work even better than bras a troll repellent.
Me three, or four, or whatever the counter is currently set at. The texture of tampons by themselves against tissue…ick ick ick. blech, horrible feeling. I can’t use the cup, though, because I’m way too much of a germphobe and the idea of potentially having to rinse it out in the sink in a public bathroom makes me dry heave. I’m one of those people who doesn’t even want to touch the door handles in a public bathroom, so…not going to happen.
Well, next time I hear someone claiming that circumcision is justified because ‘foreskins are so hard to keep clean ‘, I’ll know how to counter that. Granted, vaginas themselves are self-cleaning, but this is still more self-maintenance than any boy is expected to master.
Heck, we have trouble getting our older son to SHOWER, and the water does most of the work.
If I didn’t know better I’d suspect that Roosh was trolling his own readers again.
Emilygoddess, on Neanderthal Parallax:
Eh, it’s pretty similar all the way along, although it’s only the first book that needs a trigger warning for graphic description of rape. You might find the actual plot getting even more cheesy.
I actually love the trilogy, but then I prefer hard science with fluffy fiction rather than the other way round. Particularly if it’s biology SF.
For me, my periods last 3-4 days, but I don’t really get anything I’d call PMS. I’m kind of sore and uncomfortable for the first day or so, but I don’t get cramps or mood swings at all.
As for tampons/pads, I use tampons for the first couple of days when my flow’s heaviest, and then switch to pads once it lightens up.
RE: periods
I use a Mooncup myself, and holy fuckshit is it #1 on the list of Most Underrated Objects I own, it had a steep learning curve but still SO FUCKING WORTH IT. I know a lot of folks can’t use them, but I can, and it seriously made my period a non-concern. No more ducking out every three hours to change shit out! No more stuffing my pockets every time I went anywhere! I don’t feel it at all, have no trouble putting it in or out, and it’ll last another five years. (Also handy if I am in the men’s room; those fuckers don’t make tampon disposal easy.)
And speaking of periods — MY FELLOW MAMMOTHS! As a person with a period, and a comics creator, I feel duty-bound to recommend to y’all a comic made by one of my lovely cohorts, Cathy Leamy: Greenblooded: An Introduction to Eco-Friendly Feminine Hygiene. Cathy is a lovely woman who makes truly awesome health comics; if you’re interested in seeing the variety of menstrual products are available, this comic is tops! I can’t recommend it highly enough.
RE: Marie
Silly question, and ignore me if you want to, but what’s it like using a cup?
I’ll be honest, there’s a steep learning curve. The first time for me was a horrorshow. But I was going backpacking in the woods overseas and was thus highly motivated, so I kept working at it, and fortunately, my anatomy was okay with this. (Note that I have never gotten much of anything up my cooter; the cup is pretty much the biggest thing I can take.) Here’s a good intro post!
You have to fold them up nice and compact to get them in there; here’s a href=”http://menstrual-cups.livejournal.com/453392.html”>some of the methods. (I use the origami fold.) And yeah, it can take some adjusting to. You fold it up, stick it in, and ideally, it’ll unfold inside you, creating a seal that keeps it in place. Again, there’s a learning curve, but I’ve been using mine for years now, and once it’s in, I don’t notice it being there at all. Plus, I’ve done all sorts of exercise and straining with it in, and it has never come out; the seal’s pretty good, in my body at least!
I can go to the bathroom while wearing this thing totally safely. My periods aren’t extremely heavy, so I only need to take it out whenever I go to the bathroom, even on my heaviest days. Other people may vary. I clean it with soap and water each time; you can also boil it for five minutes or so to sterilize it. If you’re in a rush or the world is ending, I can also just empty it into the toilet, wipe it out with toilet paper, and stuff it back in and not have to worry too much.
[Trans genitals TMI]
RE: Robert
Well, next time I hear someone claiming that circumcision is justified because ‘foreskins are so hard to keep clean ‘, I’ll know how to counter that.
Well, er, since being on T, I actually have to clean under the hood now too, and I STILL haven’t figured out how to do it easily. That part of my anatomy is ungodly sensitive and it feels really, REALLY unpleasant to try and get under there. I’ve actually had to stop a couple times because my vision was starting to swim and I was getting nauseous. : I realize that I’m one of the few trans guys on here, so I doubt anyone here will be able to help me out, but if anyone has any ideas, that’d be great.
Kodiak_kc – yes, that’s exactly what I thought! It made me think of the whole men-who-want-dry-sex thing.
LBT:
I’m now thinking of that title Boyz n the Hood totally differently … O_o
Re: tampons – so I evidently didn’t push the thing in far enough, since it was hideous uncomfortable. But the thought of trying to shove it even further inside is just ewwww, not to mention the whole dry-scrape sensation. Good ol’ pads will do for what years of bleeding I have left.
Re: PMS – it varies a lot for me. Sometimes, yeah, I’ll be cranky for a week or more before the period hits, and the length of period varies, but it’s usually light-heavy-heavy-light then trails into a couple-three days of just needing liners because it’s not quite safe to go without. Sometimes I won’t get PMS at all – the Red Menace arrived this week and I wasn’t even expecting it. For once it timed itself right, before and after my overseas trip instead of ARRIVING ON THE PLANE like the last two occasions. Gah.
I’m coming out of lurkdom to talk of period products 🙂
I’ve been using cloth pads for about 4 years now. Used a few different types – moonpads, lunapads, skoon, and a few different types from etsy. Unfortunately I work away from home for almost half the year so I have to use disposable pads during that time, but when I’m home it’s cloth all the time. At first I thought it would be gross to wash them, but it turns out its really not bad at all. It takes more work but I like how soft the cloth pads are and the cute printed fabrics. So ya, definitely an eco alternative for those who are comfortable with it. Also in those 4 years I’ve never had leaks or any other issues. *lurks back into the shadows…*
I always hated having pads. It felt like wearing diapers for me, and I always invariably managed to bleed on the one spot the damn things didn’t cover. Tampons were okay, except I’d go through a whole fucking box in a go, and fuck if I wanted that stupid expense.
Cup forever. I actually ended up choosing it over hormones. (Long story.)
Bad_dog, thanks for the information; that’s actually nice to know.
On periods & PMS, I get really severe cramps the first day or two and a period lasts 5-7 days for me. They used to be totally irregular in arrival date and duration. Oddly after having my son, they got regular for tge first time ever. The cramps got a little less horrific too.
More about my weird periods – I’m debating talking to a doctor (Once I can see one! C’mon Canada, send me my numbers!) about switching up my birth control so I only menstruate every few months instead of every four weeks. I’ve heard that this is generally a safe thing to do, but I can’t actually menstruate without birth control (Too much testosterone! Raargh!), so I’m not sure if it would affect me differently than the average birth control user…
Anyways, as far as pads go, I just started using the Always Infinity ones (because they were on sale, haha) and they are really comfy and don’t feel diaper-ish to me.
I think I might try out the cloth pads. I don’t care about the whole feels-like-nappies thing but the extra comfort, savings and less landfill are worth investigating. Now, which brand available in Oz is the best … ::goes to trawl Google::
Yeah, I thought of that too. Of course, this guy could be so tragically underendowed that his partner needs to be bone dry for him to feel any friction at all, which would take this down from “sheer poetry” (Fartiste’s words) to pure hilarity…at his expense. After all, pestles are kind of underwhelming when you think about it…
RE: Kittehs
That comic I linked above actually tells you how you can make your own cloth pads! You know, in case you ever wanted to make ones with tiny skulls on them or something.
LBT – gawd no, I am not hand-sewing pads! 😀
Well, I think you just need to like put seams and snaps on, you’re not expected to weave your pads yourself out of cat hair! *laughs*
TMI again! So, guys who like “dry” sex – why? Doesn’t it feel sort of unpleasant for them too? Granted that a certain degree of friction is the goal, but that seems like it would be the un-fun kind of friction for them as well as for us.