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Chewing on gristle at Chateau Heartiste

Heartiste's nonsense is a bit hard to swallow.
Heartiste’s nonsense is a bit hard to swallow.

I‘m beginning to wonder if Chateau Heartiste isn’t so much a “Game” blog as it is an elaborate unannounced contest to see who can say the worst possible things about women in the most pretentiously incoherent prose. My evidence? Heartiste’s latest choice for “comment of the week” from an aspiring ladykiller (hopefully not literally) who calls himself burke.

Burke’s grand insight into the female of the species?

if you could grind a woman’s entire being to dust with your dick, like a mortar and pestle, that’s the oblivion she is searching for

Well, that’s pretty good, as far as pretentious douchebagginess goes, but it’s almost coherent. I mean, dicks are roughly the same basic shape as pestles, and it’s not hard to visualize one grinding away in a little stone bowl. Hell, there’s probably some porn video out there featuring just that.

But then Heartiste comes along and offers his own comment on the comment, and shows burke just how it’s done. And by “it” I mean “awful, pretentious, incoherent misogyny.”

Insight elevated to sheer poetry by the breezy lack of punctuation. Women secretly desire their oblivion at the insistence of an imperious man. As the vessel sex, they must be filled with the life force of another — a powerful man, or a child — to fully experience sublimation of their souls. Thus it is that surrender is encoded in the gristle of woman.

The gristle? It’s “encoded in the gristle?”

Gristle is cartilage. The tough stuff in meat that’s hard to chew. The stuff that sharks have instead of bone. Nothing is “encoded” in it. Animals don’t store all of their genetic material in their gristle.

The somewhat archaic phrase “in the gristle” means “not yet hardened into bone or strengthened into sinew” or, more broadly, “young, weak, and unformed.” It’s not a fancy synonym for “in the genes.”

Here’s the phrase in a sentence — that is, in a sentence written by someone who actually knew how to use language.

A people who are still, as it were, but in the gristle, and not yet hardened into the bone of manhood.

Well, come to think of it, that’s a sentence fragment, not a sentence. But at least Edmund Burke understood why that particular metaphoric phrase made sense in that context.

Heartiste, not even competently pretentious.

 

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Bina
Bina
7 years ago

I had a few friends in high school who had problems with tampons. Apparently doctors responses ranged from ‘not being ready’ to ‘its a psychological issue’. Not even a consideration that it simple won’t fit.
I would be SHOCKED if this is just another area of womens health that has been criminally overlooked. Oh, no. No I wouldn’t.

Lemme guess…the doctors were all male? Because if I were a doctor and a girl came to me with that, the first thing I’d say would be “Okay, hop up on the table and I’ll check this out.” I started using tampons at 12, after my first two or three periods. I’d started getting it semi-regularly (it was way too heavy for pads alone), and never had a problem with ’em. Most users don’t. So an anatomical problem would be the first thing to look for, one would think…but of course, with male doctors, every problem women have is just in their pretty widdle heads. Ol’ Siggy Freud has a LOT to answer for.

beegee
beegee
7 years ago

Something tells me that reading braille with my vulva would strike fear into the hearts of these men. Awesome!

gillyrosebee
7 years ago

Ah, tampon talk! This should be bookmarked for whenever some pretentious jackass comes by with more evo-psych. The misters seem awfully averse to forthright discussions of the pros and cons of vagina maintenance.

I was lucky enough in my day to have an awesome bunch of teachers. The school had us divide into boy classes and girl classes for a few sessions of health ed, where we got to see a film and then ask the kinds of questions that we might not be willing to do in front of boys. Those ladies (there was a team of about four or five I seem to remember, all the girls from all the health classes from that grade together with their teachers and some really frank talk.

One of the best things they did was get together a bunch of tampons and put them on a board to show how very different each one was (given that many of the girls had never really had the whole thing explained let alone got a chance to see one up close this was a great thing). One of the teachers suggested that starting out with an applicator tampon was a good idea because it helped with proper positioning (most girls who found it uncomfortable usually didn’t have it placed correctly). She demonstrated it for everyone and then they opened a box and handed them around for everyone to look at, handle and take apart. The suggestion was that once you had the basic process down, you could and should experiment until you found one that worked for you. And if your parents weren’t willing to buy you five or six different types to let you try them out, you could get them from the school nurse.

I loved that school; their pedagogy was pretty clearly (now that I look back on it) centered on demystifying things, breaking them down so that nothing seemed strange or foreign or unapproachable or out of bounds. Boys in home ec learned the ins and outs of sewing machines. Girls in shop learned how to check oil and replace an air filter. Everything was explained as a process that you could learn and master if you just had a little patience and took a little time. They absolutely shunned euphemisms and obfuscation for everything!

gillyrosebee
7 years ago

YURGH, plastic applicators with those “petals” at the top – sharp bits of plastic to scratch and sometimes (shudder) to pinch closed on sensitive bits of flesh!

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

One of the best things they did was get together a bunch of tampons and put them on a board to show how very different each one was (given that many of the girls had never really had the whole thing explained let alone got a chance to see one up close this was a great thing). One of the teachers suggested that starting out with an applicator tampon was a good idea because it helped with proper positioning (most girls who found it uncomfortable usually didn’t have it placed correctly). She demonstrated it for everyone and then they opened a box and handed them around for everyone to look at, handle and take apart. The suggestion was that once you had the basic process down, you could and should experiment until you found one that worked for you. And if your parents weren’t willing to buy you five or six different types to let you try them out, you could get them from the school nurse.

That all sounds excellent! It sure beats having to do things the hard way…like standing there in a drugstore aisle, squinting at the various packages and wondering if this was the right stuff to use. And being too timid to ask anyone (especially a male pharmacist) for help. Or puzzling over magazine ads and wishing they’d be more specific. And above all, wishing medical and science writers would devote some serious time to the issue. It seems the only media articles I ever got on tampons as a teenager were the awful “toxic shock kills woman” ones. And those incidents were incredibly rare, and linked specifically to one high-absorbency brand that was immediately pulled from the market. Horror stories are a lousy way to get a menstrual education!

skiriki
7 years ago

Oh boy I can’t believe that no one has quoted the ultimate quote yet…

“IF YOU DON’T EAT YER MEAT, YOU CAN’T HAVE ANY PUDDING HOW CAN YOU HAVE ANY PUDDING IF YOU DON’T EAT YER MEAT!?”

😀

Skye
Skye
7 years ago

Adding my part to the tampon talk, applicators (plastic or cardboard) are more comfortable for me to use because of help with positioning (also I like the not coming out of tge stall all bloody like Lea said)

Gillyrosebee, you’re school sounds awesome. I wish more were like that.

leftwingfox
7 years ago

It’s like poetry by Chekov. Not the author, the helmsman.

“I want to sex your wessel.”

What, you don’t want to do the James Herriot look?

OMG! 😀

Skye
Skye
7 years ago

More tampon talk: I still prefer pads when not swimming or something

Robert
Robert
7 years ago

I remember ordering vaginal dilators for a veteran back when I worked at the VA hospital. For some reason, they were classified as prosthetic devices, which is why my department got the request. It took a good deal of discussion between me, the veteran, the prescribing physician and the supplier – not one of our usual items, and definitely not a contract item. It didn’t occur to me later how curious it might have seemed to assign that order to the office gay guy, but in retrospect, I had a reputation for handling delicate issues with tact and courtesy.

Menstruation has not played a significant role in my life. I did read Connie Willis’s short story, “Even the Queen” a couple decades ago, which seems to be getting closer to reality sooner than expected. I wonder what my older son thinks about it (he is definitely heterosexual), but asking him just doesn’t seem appropriate at the moment.

marinerachel
marinerachel
7 years ago

The shape of my whole damn body makes using cups a horror show. I have small hands and short arms and a loooooong torso and vagina. I struggle to get a menstrual cup in place and retrieving it is even worse. On one fine day in a bathroom stall in a shopping mall I fought with one for twenty-ish minutes as it was suctioned tight to my cervix. When I finally got it off there was blood EVERYWHERE. I swear, there was blood on my head. The blood splashed out of the cup causing a blood tsunami. The stall looked like the scene of a murder. Never again.

I boil a chunk of sea sponge and pop that in for six hours, take it out, switch it for another, rinse the used piece and take it home to boil and use again. A fist-sized chunk of sea sponge can be your friend for months. Gotta make sure it’s a big piece though or I won’t be able to retrieve it. Otherwise, OB tampons. I don’t think there’s another brand of Ultra absorbency tampons sold in Canada. I have an IUD so, for eighteen hours, my flow is gnarly.

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Oh, plastic applicators are the absolute worst. Not only do they have sharp scratchy edges on the head, they make an awful lot of non-biodegradable, hard-to-recycle garbage. And perfumes, deodorants, etc., all are not necessary on tampons, since they’re worn internally and there’s no smell that way (another great convenience). Cardboard is the best way to go, since it’s easily biodegradable, relatively soft, and can be flushed immediately. I can remember that Kotex used to use wooden sticks as applicators (similar to a giant cotton swab), but they stopped that and went plastic, so now they’re as bad as Playtex. And fingers-as-applicators (as in O.B.) is great for some, but with my small hands, proper positioning is a serious challenge. You shouldn’t be able to feel a tampon once it’s in, if it’s correctly inserted. If you can, it’s not in far enough. And nothing feels worse than the nagging sensation that a poorly inserted tampon could worm its way out on you as you’re walking…

gillyrosebee
7 years ago

And nothing feels worse than the nagging sensation that a poorly inserted tampon could worm its way out on you as you’re walking…

Yes, something does feel worse than that! The realization (as you are getting off the train for your half mile walk home) that one has. Ask me how I know (no, on the other hand, please don’t *shudder*).

emilygoddess
emilygoddess
7 years ago

I did not know “gristle” was an English word. It was used as a Neanderthal swearword in Robert T. Sawyer’s “Neanderthal Parallax”, and I assumed it was implied to mean “shit”. It would make sense either way, since Neanderthals in the story were big meat-eaters.

I assumed they used it as a swear because biting into gristle when you’re eating meat off the bone is really really unpleasant (one of the reasons I don’t eat meat on the bone). It’s also inedible and probably pretty useless in modern Neanderthal society.

Did those books get any better after the first one? I was so angry about both the rape-as-character-development and the sexual healing trope that I barely finished book one.

Is it some religious thing where fingers in ‘there’ must mean masturbation? So confusing.

It’s a waste product, like pee and poop, and comes from approximately the same area, so I can see why a lot of people would rather not touch it. Our culture’s deep-seated aversion to menstruation doesn’t help, either.

I can’t use tampons either – not ‘cos I can’t get one in but because it’s impossibly uncomfortable to leave there. Is that common (I’ve only tried it twice, decades apart)?

If they’re all the way in I don’t feel them, but sometimes I don’t push them back far enough and they’re super uncomfortable. Maybe that was part of the problem?

weirwoodtreehugger
7 years ago

The shape of my whole damn body makes using cups a horror show. I have small hands and short arms and a loooooong torso and vagina. I struggle to get a menstrual cup in place and retrieving it is even worse. On one fine day in a bathroom stall in a shopping mall I fought with one for twenty-ish minutes as it was suctioned tight to my cervix. When I finally got it off there was blood EVERYWHERE. I swear, there was blood on my head. The blood splashed out of the cup causing a blood tsunami. The stall looked like the scene of a murder. Never again.

This is my exact same story! Except for the shopping mall bathroom part. I got my period unexpectedly at a friend’s place and she only had cups. Everyone else seems to love them so I’m glad I’m not the only who struggled with them so.

For me, Tampax Pearl is the way to go. I feel bad because they’re probably horrible for the environment, but they’re the only thing that works perfectly for me and my periods are light and short so I don’t go through that me.

Does anyone else have 2 days of period and 10 days of PMS? I feel like that’s weird, but that’s how it is for me.

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Does anyone else have 2 days of period and 10 days of PMS?

With me, it’s more the other way…2 days of PMS, 7-10 of period. Waiting for it to be over is sooooo dreary.

dustedeste
dustedeste
7 years ago

Does anyone else have 2 days of period and 10 days of PMS? I feel like that’s weird, but that’s how it is for me.

For that matter, what is the average length of people’s periods? I’ve only been having mine regularly since I was 22 (so for two years) because of previously-untreated PCOS (I was too scared to tell anyone when my periods stopped when I was 14, because I was afraid it was related to the fact that I masturbated a lot – woo awful sex ed in school plus sex-negative Catholic parents!) and I never had regular periods even before they stopped completely, so I’m kinda behind on the whole menstrual knowledge thing.

I have a hard time with tampons, though; my mom only ever used the OB ones, and those just do not work for me. I mainly only use tampons (usually the kind with a cardboard applicator, because it’s cheaper than the plastic one, which I find more comfortable but not enough so to buy if they’re not on sale, haha) if I’m going to be working or doing something strenuous, and even then I always use at least a lightweight pad with them. I have had NO LUCK whatsoever with cups; I find them hard to put in, outrageously difficult to take out without spilling gore everywhere, and really uncomfortable – more so than tampons, even.

Luzbelitx
7 years ago

When I finally got it off there was blood EVERYWHERE. I swear, there was blood on my head. The blood splashed out of the cup causing a blood tsunami. The stall looked like the scene of a murder.

Ok, I admit this happened to me as well (luckily I was at home).

I found it is more likely to happen when there’s more blood than the cup can hold i.e. when not emptying it soon enough. In the first day for me it means no more than a couple of hours.

Anyway, it’s interesting to read bad experiences with the cup, everyone I know who tried it was very happy with the change.

sparky
sparky
7 years ago

Encoded in the…gristle? That’s an interesting choice of words.

It’s so unintentionally funny when a pretentious asshole tries to be all profound and intellectual and falls flat on his face in the attempt.

TMI & tampons: About the only ones I can find where I live in the US are the applicator types. The only brand that doesn’t come with an applicator is the OB tampons. Applicators, I can take or leave (my own menstrual blood being one of the least gross bodily fluids I’ve ever had to clean up), but why do most tampons have to be so uncomfortable? It’s like they only expand in one way, and that way is the wrong way! I should probably try a menstrual cup.

Dvärghundspossen
7 years ago

I’ve never seen a tampon with an applicator on. Perhaps they don’t have those in Sweden (since I am, after all, 37 and have been using tampons since I was 12…)? I remember I had an American exchange student friend when I was twenty, and the first time she bought tampons in Sweden she came to me and was like “How do I insert them? There’s no applicator?” and I was like “what are you talking about? You just stick one in with your fingers!”. She was in the bath room for quite a long time before coming out, triumphantly, announcing that she had finally succeeded!

Winter Walker
7 years ago

Oh, the cervical suction effect! I used to have problems with that when I started using the cup, but I figured out to un-suck it during insertion pretty quickly! I love mine, because since I have very light periods, I can leave it in for 12 hrs straight! I think I’m due for a new one though. I can’t actually remember when I bought this one…

On the other hand, most tampons (and some pads, too) give me awful yeast infections. Only the good old OB’s are tolerated by my picky vag. (OB’s work pretty well with long nails, too, since your nail is encased in the tampon during insertion.) And since I’m allergic to *every* topical yeast infection treatment, and natural treatments are either just as bad,or totally ineffective, I have to go for the toxic, liver ravaging, single anti-fungal pill solution, which I only hate less than having a raging yeast infection. Does anyone else here have troubles with the yeastie-beasties, and have either wisdom to share, or bitching to add to the chorus?

And yeah, two days of period, ten of PMS? I’m with you there. To make matters worse, I have a bipolar disorder. It’s usually pretty well behaved, thanks to an awesome psychiatrist and the right meds, but PMS can throw me into rapid-cycling hell every so often. I’ve offered a transgendered pal my ovaries, but she says she has no place to put them. 🙁

greendaywantsavatars
greendaywantsavatars
7 years ago

continuing the period/tampon talk

@weirdwoodtreehugger

Does anyone else have 2 days of period and 10 days of PMS? I feel like that’s weird, but that’s how it is for me.

I have pretty short periods, like 2 days of heavy flow and one day of light flow, but i can’t speak for pms b/c either i don’t have it or i don’t notice it

re: tampon applicators

I need those, b/c otherwise i can’t get them in far enough and they feel uncomfortable XD

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

TMI vagina talk, ect

My only weird vagina story is that, according to my doctor, my vagina is more down pointy than most. But she said it shouldn’t cause me problems, so yay there.

@LYoung

I didn’t ask to be born with a vagina, but I was…so…that’s just the way it is;

Though it’s important to note that not all women are born with vaginas, and they still experience sexism :/

@bluecat

Also, some makes of tampon are quite uncomfortable even in the smallest sizes.

Oh yes, there was one brand we had a while ago at my house, and the whole thing felt like trying to shove a lego up your vagina.

@daintydougal

I never understood ‘applicators’ for tampons. Surely you need to feel where you’re putting it so it goes the right direction?

THey help me get them in much easier.

@historophilia

I also find that the smooth surface of the applicator makes it more comfortable to push in, otherwise I find that a dry, new tampon, the hard compacted surface is quite painful to have scratching against the walls the vagina.

Yes!! The tampons I talked about earlier that felt like shoving a lego up your vagina didn’t have the aplicator cover the top, tho it was doubly awkward cuz it started halfway through. But I think the aplicator makes it muuucccchhh more comftorable.

I remember seeing adverts for tampons in magazines (aimed at teenage girls) that linked the use of pads with nappies

Meh that’s so blah. I used pads up until a couple months ago, and it wasn’t a maturity thing, it was a) a comfort thing b) a fear of toxic shock syndrome thing and c) a i-have-depression-and-cant-be-arsed-to-eat-soemtimes, much-less-take-out-tampons-every-couple-hours thing. Also just personal preference.

Also another thing I have noticed, is the stigma attached to those who use “alternative” (in the west anyway) products for their menstruation. So reusable menstrual cups and reusable pads

Yeah. :/ It’s not my cup of tea, but it still shouldn’t be considered gross. Tho I do hate it when people (not you, it was someonee else) try to make me feel guilty for using pads/tampons on the grounds that their bad for the envoirment.

@Luzbelitx

Silly question, and ignore me if you want to, but what’s it like using a cup?

@bluecat

your soft, sensitive and responsive fingers are going to be much better at guiding a tampon where it’s got to go than a hard, unyielding plastic applicator (which itself is far from sterile as regards bacteria).

whatever floats your boat, but I tend to feel what’s happening with *dun dun dun* my actual vagina.

Fingers are more sensitive than vulvas: most vulvas are capable of having an infant’s head being pushed out from inside them without the vulva’s owner dying of agony, whereas fingers can learn braille and fine needlepoint.

Fingers and vulva’s feel differently, doesn’t mean vulva’s arent’ sensative. (Tmi masturbating) I think I’d notice if I could get off on pressing a backmassager on my fingers, anyway.

Then, the applicator is much more likely to scratch you than your hands are.

uhhh are you talkiing about you, cuz that’s fine, but applying it to everyone else is just creepy. I know what I’m doing here. relax. Not gonna scratch myself.

and I’m way behind, but posting this now so this isn’t too much tl;dr

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

tmi vagina talk,ect

@gillyrosebee

I was lucky enough in my day to have an awesome bunch of teachers. […]

Ugh, eternal jealousy. I only had one ‘explaining what menstratution’ was (that I can remember) and it was basically ‘this is a normal thing to happen, and no, you arent dying.’ I would’ve loved if they taught us more at school, but I changed schools after that year and went to Indiana, where the sex ed is terrriiibbblllleee. Luckily my mom told me about pads and tampons and using advil for cramps, and a bunch of helpful stuff I wouldn’t have learned if I had different parents, because the schools couldn’t be arsed to tell us what was going on in our bodies. :/

re: plastic vs cardboard, I’ve always found plastic much more comfy, if it’s shaped correctly. But the cardboard brand I tried was really not comfy, so I may just have a bad experience with it.

@weirdwoodtreehugger

Does anyone else have 2 days of period and 10 days of PMS? I feel like that’s weird, but that’s how it is for me.

I have 2 day periods, but no PMS.

Another thing I like about aplicators is that they hold the string out of the way, which makes me worry less that I’ll lose the string and have to worry I’ll go to the ER needing help to take it out. I really thing this is just my strangly specific fear tho.

marinerachel
marinerachel
7 years ago

I actually love Tampax Pearl. OB is cheaper and more environmentally friendly so I rely on them. Tampax Pearl’s really, really comfortable though, both to use and insert. They’re my favourite to use while playing sports. Best soccer tampons.

I’ll try a cup again at some point, maybe after having a baby, but as long as I can’t reach more than a couple centimetres up my vagina, no way. My vagina’s long and my arms are short. I just can’t insert them properly without a huge ordeal. I love cups theoretically but in practice OH GOD NO.

bluecat
bluecat
7 years ago

Well, clearly I didn’t say vulvas aren’t sensitive. They certainly are (well, speaking as an owner and admirer of vulvas, that’s been my experience all my life). As regards nerve endings, though, there are far more in fingers.

“uhhh are you talkiing about you, cuz that’s fine, but applying it to everyone else is just creepy” – sorry if it comes over that way.

I was actually talking about poor applicator design, and poor tampon design generally – which is where I came into this conversation – rather than anybody’s skill set.

Winter Walker
7 years ago

Just had a massive giggle fit at the idea of learning to read braille with my vulva.
Performance art, maybe?

Marie
Marie
7 years ago

(tmi vulva talk)

@bluecat

Well, clearly I didn’t say vulvas aren’t sensitive. They certainly are (well, speaking as an owner and admirer of vulvas, that’s been my experience all my life). As regards nerve endings, though, there are far more in fingers.

Citation? and is this just a general vulva thing? because I bet I have more nerve-endings in my clit then other parts of my vuvla. Though I’ve got no clue if that’s right or not.

Kodiak_kc
Kodiak_kc
7 years ago

Did anyone else think to themselves “wait, don’t things have to be dry as bone to be used in a mortar and pestle?” All I can think of with that analogy is unpleasantness and difficulties… is there a “wet” method of using the mortar and pestle that I’m unaware of? or is this another very very failed analogy by those who don’t think analogies through?

dustedeste
dustedeste
7 years ago

RE: bluecat & Marie

IIRC, the general consensus as far as neuropsych goes would be that your fingers are more sensitive than your genitalia in general*, BUT that doesn’t mean that the feedback you get from your fingers is more useful for inserting a tampon; that likely varies from person to person because it’s quite likely that different people learn to use different cues to accomplish this task. And, frankly, a tampon’s not really so small that the difference in nerve ending density is likely to make much of a difference, if any, in ability to discern the placement of a tampon via information from the vulva versus from the fingers.

All in all, I would say that, personally, I pay more attention to sensation in my vagina than any feedback from my fingers when inserting a tampon. I can tell from my fingers whether the tampon’s in there, but not whether it’s in there properly, in a firm an comfortable way. That’s all up to the sensory input from my vag.

*At short notice, I can’t seem to find a homunculus that maps out the vulva/clitoris or mentions the vagina, but I would guess that nerve distribution is likely quite homologous to the allotment of nerve endings for male genitalia – nonetheless, let’s have a cheer for the invisibility of women in medicine and science! YAY

Buttercup Q. Skullpants

Plus, it’s hard to say whether it would be possible to learn braille with your vulva or not if we came up with a way to let braille-text flow across the vulva-walls

Straddling the ATM would be something of a challenge.

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

Oh, are we TMI-ing about vaginas? This should work even better than bras a troll repellent.

I also find that the smooth surface of the applicator makes it more comfortable to push in, otherwise I find that a dry, new tampon, the hard compacted surface is quite painful to have scratching against the walls the vagina.

Me three, or four, or whatever the counter is currently set at. The texture of tampons by themselves against tissue…ick ick ick. blech, horrible feeling. I can’t use the cup, though, because I’m way too much of a germphobe and the idea of potentially having to rinse it out in the sink in a public bathroom makes me dry heave. I’m one of those people who doesn’t even want to touch the door handles in a public bathroom, so…not going to happen.

Robert
Robert
7 years ago

Well, next time I hear someone claiming that circumcision is justified because ‘foreskins are so hard to keep clean ‘, I’ll know how to counter that. Granted, vaginas themselves are self-cleaning, but this is still more self-maintenance than any boy is expected to master.

Heck, we have trouble getting our older son to SHOWER, and the water does most of the work.

grumpycatisagirl
7 years ago

When you’re chewing on life’s gristle,
Don’t grumble, give a whistle,
And this’ll help things turn out for the best

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

Insight elevated to sheer poetry by the breezy lack of punctuation.

If I didn’t know better I’d suspect that Roosh was trolling his own readers again.

Arctic Ape
Arctic Ape
7 years ago

Emilygoddess, on Neanderthal Parallax:

Did those books get any better after the first one? I was so angry about both the rape-as-character-development and the sexual healing trope that I barely finished book one.

Eh, it’s pretty similar all the way along, although it’s only the first book that needs a trigger warning for graphic description of rape. You might find the actual plot getting even more cheesy.

I actually love the trilogy, but then I prefer hard science with fluffy fiction rather than the other way round. Particularly if it’s biology SF.

Children of the Broccoli
Children of the Broccoli
7 years ago

For me, my periods last 3-4 days, but I don’t really get anything I’d call PMS. I’m kind of sore and uncomfortable for the first day or so, but I don’t get cramps or mood swings at all.

As for tampons/pads, I use tampons for the first couple of days when my flow’s heaviest, and then switch to pads once it lightens up.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: periods

I use a Mooncup myself, and holy fuckshit is it #1 on the list of Most Underrated Objects I own, it had a steep learning curve but still SO FUCKING WORTH IT. I know a lot of folks can’t use them, but I can, and it seriously made my period a non-concern. No more ducking out every three hours to change shit out! No more stuffing my pockets every time I went anywhere! I don’t feel it at all, have no trouble putting it in or out, and it’ll last another five years. (Also handy if I am in the men’s room; those fuckers don’t make tampon disposal easy.)

And speaking of periods — MY FELLOW MAMMOTHS! As a person with a period, and a comics creator, I feel duty-bound to recommend to y’all a comic made by one of my lovely cohorts, Cathy Leamy: Greenblooded: An Introduction to Eco-Friendly Feminine Hygiene. Cathy is a lovely woman who makes truly awesome health comics; if you’re interested in seeing the variety of menstrual products are available, this comic is tops! I can’t recommend it highly enough.

RE: Marie

Silly question, and ignore me if you want to, but what’s it like using a cup?

I’ll be honest, there’s a steep learning curve. The first time for me was a horrorshow. But I was going backpacking in the woods overseas and was thus highly motivated, so I kept working at it, and fortunately, my anatomy was okay with this. (Note that I have never gotten much of anything up my cooter; the cup is pretty much the biggest thing I can take.) Here’s a good intro post!

You have to fold them up nice and compact to get them in there; here’s a href=”http://menstrual-cups.livejournal.com/453392.html”>some of the methods. (I use the origami fold.) And yeah, it can take some adjusting to. You fold it up, stick it in, and ideally, it’ll unfold inside you, creating a seal that keeps it in place. Again, there’s a learning curve, but I’ve been using mine for years now, and once it’s in, I don’t notice it being there at all. Plus, I’ve done all sorts of exercise and straining with it in, and it has never come out; the seal’s pretty good, in my body at least!

I can go to the bathroom while wearing this thing totally safely. My periods aren’t extremely heavy, so I only need to take it out whenever I go to the bathroom, even on my heaviest days. Other people may vary. I clean it with soap and water each time; you can also boil it for five minutes or so to sterilize it. If you’re in a rush or the world is ending, I can also just empty it into the toilet, wipe it out with toilet paper, and stuff it back in and not have to worry too much.

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

[Trans genitals TMI]

RE: Robert

Well, next time I hear someone claiming that circumcision is justified because ‘foreskins are so hard to keep clean ‘, I’ll know how to counter that.

Well, er, since being on T, I actually have to clean under the hood now too, and I STILL haven’t figured out how to do it easily. That part of my anatomy is ungodly sensitive and it feels really, REALLY unpleasant to try and get under there. I’ve actually had to stop a couple times because my vision was starting to swim and I was getting nauseous. : I realize that I’m one of the few trans guys on here, so I doubt anyone here will be able to help me out, but if anyone has any ideas, that’d be great.

kittehserf
7 years ago

Did anyone else think to themselves “wait, don’t things have to be dry as bone to be used in a mortar and pestle?” All I can think of with that analogy is unpleasantness and difficulties… is there a “wet” method of using the mortar and pestle that I’m unaware of? or is this another very very failed analogy by those who don’t think analogies through?

Kodiak_kc – yes, that’s exactly what I thought! It made me think of the whole men-who-want-dry-sex thing.

LBT:

Well, er, since being on T, I actually have to clean under the hood now too, and I STILL haven’t figured out how to do it easily.

I’m now thinking of that title Boyz n the Hood totally differently … O_o

Re: tampons – so I evidently didn’t push the thing in far enough, since it was hideous uncomfortable. But the thought of trying to shove it even further inside is just ewwww, not to mention the whole dry-scrape sensation. Good ol’ pads will do for what years of bleeding I have left.

Re: PMS – it varies a lot for me. Sometimes, yeah, I’ll be cranky for a week or more before the period hits, and the length of period varies, but it’s usually light-heavy-heavy-light then trails into a couple-three days of just needing liners because it’s not quite safe to go without. Sometimes I won’t get PMS at all – the Red Menace arrived this week and I wasn’t even expecting it. For once it timed itself right, before and after my overseas trip instead of ARRIVING ON THE PLANE like the last two occasions. Gah.

Bad_dog
Bad_dog
7 years ago

I’m coming out of lurkdom to talk of period products 🙂
I’ve been using cloth pads for about 4 years now. Used a few different types – moonpads, lunapads, skoon, and a few different types from etsy. Unfortunately I work away from home for almost half the year so I have to use disposable pads during that time, but when I’m home it’s cloth all the time. At first I thought it would be gross to wash them, but it turns out its really not bad at all. It takes more work but I like how soft the cloth pads are and the cute printed fabrics. So ya, definitely an eco alternative for those who are comfortable with it. Also in those 4 years I’ve never had leaks or any other issues. *lurks back into the shadows…*

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

I always hated having pads. It felt like wearing diapers for me, and I always invariably managed to bleed on the one spot the damn things didn’t cover. Tampons were okay, except I’d go through a whole fucking box in a go, and fuck if I wanted that stupid expense.

Cup forever. I actually ended up choosing it over hormones. (Long story.)

Skye
Skye
7 years ago

Bad_dog, thanks for the information; that’s actually nice to know.

On periods & PMS, I get really severe cramps the first day or two and a period lasts 5-7 days for me. They used to be totally irregular in arrival date and duration. Oddly after having my son, they got regular for tge first time ever. The cramps got a little less horrific too.

dustedeste
dustedeste
7 years ago

More about my weird periods – I’m debating talking to a doctor (Once I can see one! C’mon Canada, send me my numbers!) about switching up my birth control so I only menstruate every few months instead of every four weeks. I’ve heard that this is generally a safe thing to do, but I can’t actually menstruate without birth control (Too much testosterone! Raargh!), so I’m not sure if it would affect me differently than the average birth control user…

Anyways, as far as pads go, I just started using the Always Infinity ones (because they were on sale, haha) and they are really comfy and don’t feel diaper-ish to me.

kittehserf
7 years ago

I think I might try out the cloth pads. I don’t care about the whole feels-like-nappies thing but the extra comfort, savings and less landfill are worth investigating. Now, which brand available in Oz is the best … ::goes to trawl Google::

Bina
Bina
7 years ago

Did anyone else think to themselves “wait, don’t things have to be dry as bone to be used in a mortar and pestle?” All I can think of with that analogy is unpleasantness and difficulties… is there a “wet” method of using the mortar and pestle that I’m unaware of? or is this another very very failed analogy by those who don’t think analogies through?

Yeah, I thought of that too. Of course, this guy could be so tragically underendowed that his partner needs to be bone dry for him to feel any friction at all, which would take this down from “sheer poetry” (Fartiste’s words) to pure hilarity…at his expense. After all, pestles are kind of underwhelming when you think about it…

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

RE: Kittehs

That comic I linked above actually tells you how you can make your own cloth pads! You know, in case you ever wanted to make ones with tiny skulls on them or something.

kittehserf
7 years ago

LBT – gawd no, I am not hand-sewing pads! 😀

LBT
LBT
7 years ago

Well, I think you just need to like put seams and snaps on, you’re not expected to weave your pads yourself out of cat hair! *laughs*

cassandrakitty
cassandrakitty
7 years ago

TMI again! So, guys who like “dry” sex – why? Doesn’t it feel sort of unpleasant for them too? Granted that a certain degree of friction is the goal, but that seems like it would be the un-fun kind of friction for them as well as for us.