In case anyone doubts that manosphere blogs encourage men who are already assholish to become even more assholish, here’s the latest reminder: a “Comment of the Week” from Heartiste’s terrible blog explaining why men should treat the women they love (or at least love having sex with) as badly as they possibly can.
In the comment, a former “beta male” calling himself Just Saying explains how he changed his ways after discovering the allegedly indisputable fact that women just love being treated like shit by the men in their lives — up to and including getting punched in the face:
I actually tried to see how “bad” I could be before women would jump-ship and found that such a point doesn’t exist. The worse I got in my behavior, the more they would try to appease me, and make me happy. I never hit them, and that is what made me realize that nothing you do is “too bad” for a woman, when I saw one with blackened eyes apologizing to the guy who did it.
Yeah, I don’t think that actually happened.
It became pretty obvious to see that to live well, you need to be as selfish as you can be when it comes to women.
Oh, but once in a while you need to be nice, just to fuck with their heads.
Now every now and then you have to do something nice – and it will floor them for the next year and you can treat them like dirt. Cheat on them, pretty much do whatever you want.
Even though you should never treat women nicely.
But you NEVER want to treat a woman “NICE”. I’ve had women comment – “You treat all of your friends so much better than you treat me.” And I respond – “That’s because they are my friends and you’re my lover and wouldn’t want it any other way.”
I’ll take “conversations that only happened in some dude’s head” for $200, Alex.
Let us pause for a moment so that Just Saying can indulge in some unverified alpha boasting:
Of course, I also never keep them around for long – although some of them have managed to make themselves so useful that I won’t willingly kick them to the curb – how can you veto a woman that actively brings other (younger) women to your bed?
It’s so tough being an imaginary alpha stud! Just remember: Always Be Mean.
When one woman tells you – “You can have every other woman you want – as long as you’ll still see me.” She has pretty much handed you the keys to the kingdom – and it is HARD to be mean to her, but if you aren’t she will leave. Every time I wake up next to her and want to tell her she is my ideal woman, I catch myself and remind myself to do something mean instead. That is against my nature – but it is what she needs.
Hey, he’s just giving the ladies what they really crave. He’s the BRAWNDO of shitty boyfriends.
So when she tells me, “You can have every other woman.” I’ll respond with something like, “And some times that means I want to enjoy them, without YOU!” Just so that she knows she is there at my whim – and that keeps her always trying to keep me happy.
I’ll take “conversations that only happened in some dude’s head” for $500, Alex.
And that seems to be what women need – to keep her man happy – but she needs to see she never succeeds – as when she succeeds, she’ll grow tired and bored – and this is the death of her excitement.
Well, I have no doubt that Just Saying has no trouble appearing unhappy.
But I love women enough to treat them like dirt. It can be hard to get your head around – but it’s like quantum mechanics, it doesn’t have to “make sense” to me, I just have to be able to use it to my advantage, and that is all I need.
That’s right: being a dick to women is just like quantum mechanics. And Just Saying is the Schrödinger of shitheads.
Lady Ballsnip,
I think this was the study. http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/take-all-prisoners/201001/vulnerability-and-other-prey-psychopaths
I also found this while googling and some of it is eerily mirroring to what Just Saying wrote.
http://abusesanctuary.blogspot.com/2008/10/charmer-abusers-and-their-prey.html
@lady ballsnip
Okay am I the only one skeeved out by calling them sociopaths and psychos?
paraphrased: when I first met the PUAs I made a bunch of ableist assumptions.
Ugh. Maybe I just have no patience for this shit today.
I’m sorry. I shouldn’t be ableist, I have disability myself. It’s mostly that English isn’t my native English and lack other wording. Could try better next time.
weirwoodtreehugger: Thanks 🙂
For some light relief on the abusive assholes who never fail to get women front, this from Mitchell and Webb hits the spot…
As I was reading this, a Tupac song (Keep Ya Head Up) came up on Pandora and the lyrics to the first verse really stuck out to me:
So yeah, the similarities between MRA/PUAs and petulant children have been well studied.
Spending too much time on the Internet will make you think that the only guys left are “bad boys,” because the good and worthy men are all out dating women in real life – women that they treat well. The MRA/PUA sites are the last refuge of men without lives, or grown-up sex lives at the very least.
Even on the Internet, there are legitimately great guys. I’m not saying it can’t be a depressing outlook at times, but hell, I met my husband online, and he’s flippin’ awesome.
Most of the shitbags I’ve met, I met in meatspace. So, y’know. Nowhere’s safe. I’d say nowhere’s without people of merit as well, but, alas, AVFM, whatever Roosh the Douche’s putrescent little blog is called, etc.
“Yeah, I don’t think that actually happened” regarding quote of woman apologizing to her batterer. This actually does happen all too often. Not saying he’s telling the truth about witnessing this, but it is pretty common, as horrific as that sounds.
Hi Marie,
Nope, did not imply that a woman would willfully get into an abusive relationship. I think even a strong woman with a reasonable level of self-esteem can get tricked into one. Once there is a level of emotional investment, children, commitments, many women (or men for that matter) will try to make it works on the assumption that they share responsibility of working things out before throwing the towel. I have found Patricia Evans book, The Verbally Abusing Relationship, very informative. It almost come close to the Red Riding Hood and Bluebeard, or virtually any folktales warning women that are predators out there.
“Schrödinger of Shitheads” would make for an awesome band name…
@isabelle
K. Thanks for clarifying. I was just checking cuz I didn’t get what you said at first.
@Marie Hugs are always appreciated. Thanks. Sadly, as horrible as that sort of thing is, I believe that it is possible that the majority of women experience some kind of physical and/or emotional abuse during their lives. And I wonder what percentage of abused women never speak of it, out of fear or shame. I know that I felt like I must have been the world’s biggest idiot. What kind of stupid woman chooses an abuser?
Thank heaven that my foster mom took me in hand and helped me to understand that ANYONE can be fooled by a glib and charming person, and that the important thing was to stay awake, pay attention and never forget that *I* am.
And that’s why it’s so important to encourage women to talk about it, and support them when they do. Seeing how common it is makes it clear that it’s nothing to do with the individual woman or anything she’s done, it’s a societal pattern of women being controlled via violence and/or the threat of it.
Yes, they should absolutely be encouraged to talk about it. Society should care even if she stayed with him a while, not blaming her with words like “she allowed it”.
(I am, for example, worried that someone like Luzbelitx may be blamed by some in the wider society, as the abusive asshole was a BDSM dom whom she consented to a relationship with. But she did not ask for the way he treated her.)
Rea,
Kink can be used as an excuse for abuse. So can traditional marriage. Abusers will find cover where ever they can.
I relate very strongly to this. Most embarrassing of all, I think that’s part of why I stayed with someone who was cruel. “He can’t be abusive, I’m too smart to be with someone like that! I guess I must deserve it.” None of is deserve it, and none of us are responsible for the bad behaviour of others.
Oh LOVELY. A guide on how to abuse women. YAYYYYYY [/sarcasm]
@Rea & Lea
I think you both are right up to some point.
I absolutely agree abusers will find any cover that suits them, which is sort of a requirement for abuse.
I don’t think kink is so mainstream-ly accepted to pass as an excuse, and the abuser risks being classified as a pervert ziemself. In this sense, I think marriage/relationships are way more accepted excuses.
On the other hand, kink can provide a frame for abusers to target victims who will have a harder time figuring out what is really going on, because of the particular dynamics of those relationships. Especially if they are inexperienced, which I was (but I thought I was so smart, and I had lurked and read a lot in the forums, and we didn’t really need a safe word or a conversation outside of our D/s roles or… damn it wasn’t meant to end well!!)
On the yet other hand, I don’t think I got much more abuse from him than I did from my child’s father, or from my boyfriend when I was 16. I don’t really believe in “comparing” abuses because each experience and damage is unique, but overall I can’t say it was much worse.
I do relate to this as well, in a slightly different way.
I was a “smart” child, I learnt to read at age 5, then was a straight A student at school, etc.
I got a lot “but you’re so intelligent! Use it(to not be hurt by the horrible treatment from your parents and siblings)!”
Sucks how abuse culture looks pretty much the same regardless the specific situation.
I don’t recall consciously repeating that reasoning, though.
PS: anybody’s got a brain bleach?
Well said.
Brain bleach
That is high-quality brain bleach.
It’s the BunnyLympics!
More brain bleach.