In case anyone doubts that manosphere blogs encourage men who are already assholish to become even more assholish, here’s the latest reminder: a “Comment of the Week” from Heartiste’s terrible blog explaining why men should treat the women they love (or at least love having sex with) as badly as they possibly can.
In the comment, a former “beta male” calling himself Just Saying explains how he changed his ways after discovering the allegedly indisputable fact that women just love being treated like shit by the men in their lives — up to and including getting punched in the face:
I actually tried to see how “bad” I could be before women would jump-ship and found that such a point doesn’t exist. The worse I got in my behavior, the more they would try to appease me, and make me happy. I never hit them, and that is what made me realize that nothing you do is “too bad” for a woman, when I saw one with blackened eyes apologizing to the guy who did it.
Yeah, I don’t think that actually happened.
It became pretty obvious to see that to live well, you need to be as selfish as you can be when it comes to women.
Oh, but once in a while you need to be nice, just to fuck with their heads.
Now every now and then you have to do something nice – and it will floor them for the next year and you can treat them like dirt. Cheat on them, pretty much do whatever you want.
Even though you should never treat women nicely.
But you NEVER want to treat a woman “NICE”. I’ve had women comment – “You treat all of your friends so much better than you treat me.” And I respond – “That’s because they are my friends and you’re my lover and wouldn’t want it any other way.”
I’ll take “conversations that only happened in some dude’s head” for $200, Alex.
Let us pause for a moment so that Just Saying can indulge in some unverified alpha boasting:
Of course, I also never keep them around for long – although some of them have managed to make themselves so useful that I won’t willingly kick them to the curb – how can you veto a woman that actively brings other (younger) women to your bed?
It’s so tough being an imaginary alpha stud! Just remember: Always Be Mean.
When one woman tells you – “You can have every other woman you want – as long as you’ll still see me.” She has pretty much handed you the keys to the kingdom – and it is HARD to be mean to her, but if you aren’t she will leave. Every time I wake up next to her and want to tell her she is my ideal woman, I catch myself and remind myself to do something mean instead. That is against my nature – but it is what she needs.
Hey, he’s just giving the ladies what they really crave. He’s the BRAWNDO of shitty boyfriends.
So when she tells me, “You can have every other woman.” I’ll respond with something like, “And some times that means I want to enjoy them, without YOU!” Just so that she knows she is there at my whim – and that keeps her always trying to keep me happy.
I’ll take “conversations that only happened in some dude’s head” for $500, Alex.
And that seems to be what women need – to keep her man happy – but she needs to see she never succeeds – as when she succeeds, she’ll grow tired and bored – and this is the death of her excitement.
Well, I have no doubt that Just Saying has no trouble appearing unhappy.
But I love women enough to treat them like dirt. It can be hard to get your head around – but it’s like quantum mechanics, it doesn’t have to “make sense” to me, I just have to be able to use it to my advantage, and that is all I need.
That’s right: being a dick to women is just like quantum mechanics. And Just Saying is the Schrödinger of shitheads.
Congrats JustSaying! You admitted you are an abusive piece of shit on a public platform! Y’know, I’d be extremely grateful feminists aren’t nearly as horrible as your fellow MRAs are if I were you, because if we thought doxxing was anywhere near OK, we could actually pull you up on criminal charges here.
But we won’t. Because unlike you, we are actually generally decent people.
Yup. In case it’s not clear, that was the point of my second paragraph – that of course it works, and that that seems like a benefit to anyone is horrifying.
Okay…Before I attempt to address any of the particulars here, I have to say that in my opinion, this guy is making it all up as he goes. What he is describing here is what he WANTS, not what he has.
*IF* he saw this, and that is a big if, he saw a woman who was so beaten down that she could only see herself through her abusers eyes. This is not a woman who loves a man. This is a woman who appears to be suffereing from Stockholm Syndrome, which is where the abused has to identify with the abuser – even “love” the abuser – in order to survive. For this to happen, one’s own sense of self is replaced with a “self” that the abuser wants. If this is your idea of a relationship, you obviously consider yourself to be the only real person in it.
Again, this guy sees himself as the only reality and the woman as a “thing,” put here to satisfy him, but in no way having any reality herself.
So…what is the proper response if the WOMAN “cheats” and finds a better lover? (Not hard to find, considering…)
Liar. What you are describing IS your nature, you pathetic putz. At the risk of appearing crude, I will bet that the only thing you wake up with is your hand.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA! Oh, my…Why on Earth would ANY woman, man, duck, or sheep have any interest in keeping you happy?
And I hope, pray and beg the universe to put someone in your life who will love you the same way.
And, David, all we need to do is put this yutz in a box and debate whether he is alive or not. I suspect not.
::waves::
Hi, Hrovitnir, good to see you online again!
@emilygoddess Well, if only Poland hadn’t friendzoned Hitler…
@Lids I know, the virgins start to pile up, and what do you do with them all? You should start asking your girlfriends to get you gift cards instead.
@Tracy Holy crap, that’s chilling. I’m so glad you got out of that encounter safely. Did you know it was them at the time or only realize it later? She most definitely was an active participant. Bernardo left his rape victims alive, and it was only after Homolka entered the picture that the murders started happening. They were a bad combination.
Re the OP, I’m disgusted by the way this turdburglar offloads his vileness onto his targets, so he can maintain the fiction of being A Good Person. Dude thinks he deserves a shiny Humanitarian of the Year medal. There he is, selflessly lowering himself into the mud to give women the gift of abuse and degradation (because it’s What They All Want), rather than being the decent person he yearns to be but those ebil wimmenz just won’t let him. WTF? Drop the excuses and level up to basic human. It’s not that hard.
@cassandrakitty
Absolutely! The first guy I was ever serious about showed me his true colors after I agreed to marry him. I was 16 and thought I was in love. One day he told me he wanted me to do something sexual that I did not want to do, so I said “no.” His response was to punch me, with a closed fist, in the face. I was stunned and started to cry and fight back. He kept hitting me and it became VERY obvious that he was aroused by my pain and fear. THAT realization really freaked me out.
Happily, I had foster parents with whom I could talk about this – couldn’t hide it, really. Black and blue are not my natural colors. Anyway, with their support I called off the engagement and eliminated him from my life.
That took a while, though, and I learned that guys like this do NOT like being told no and being rejected. All in all, it was a lesson well learned. Painful, though, and it took me a while to trust guys and date again. And I never allowed a man to hit me again and get away with it.
@emilygoddess
Excellent point. Appease is never a word one uses in a loving relationship.
@Mnemosyne
Don’t worry. There really are truly kind, loving and fun guys in the world. I know that the mra types shriek and whine loudly, and really awful guys do terrible things, but I do believe that most men are just people. I married one and raised three of them.
You do have to look carefully, but it is worth the time.
Did that happen in Axis Powers Hetalia?
A perfect capsule description of just about every woman in my (very large) family, and the overwhelming majority of my close female friends.
Which is why every time I read this crap about how women (all women) are exclusively attracted to “alpha bad boys”, my eyes roll back so far in my head that I can practically see out of the back of it.
I’ve read other comments by Just Saying, and if they’re all true, how would find the time to go on the internet bragging about his prowess.
He’s bragged about how when he was young he constantly slept with older women, and that now he’s approaching middle age he’s irresistible to teenage girls. He’s claimed to have repeatedly shagged young brides in their wedding dresses (at their request), and claims to have sired many children, he even gloats over the ‘beta’ husbands who are raising these children.
In short: Full. Of. Shit.
What makes no sense is that he posts this crap on fundie MRA sites like Sunshine Mary, forums where the people are supposed to ‘respect family values’, yet no one criticizes him. You’d think there was a double standard in play, or something.
Hi Kitteh! I pop by here when I can take the content. Which is variable. 😛 You lot are just so cool though, I can’t keep away. 😉
We keep tempting you baaaaack …
It’s all the fault of that alpha asshole Denmark.
Speaking of assholes, the current UberFeminist troll is back in the other thread, in a performance of Dancing With Goalposts.
Kittehserf,
I know that nym. That’s one of the twitter harassers that spends all hir time harassing feminists on twitter. That asshat has made a hobby out of being despicable.
weirdwoodtreehugger wrote: “Unfortunately abusers know how to sniff out people who are vulnerable. I vaguely remember reading about a study that showed evidence of this. Abusers could tell who had been abused in the past just by looking them. It’s really scary.”
Mind if I ask how one sees that? I’ve been abused in the past and I’ve been told already that I send off a ‘vulnerable vibe’. If there’s any way to work on that…
I worked with a woman who was in a string of abusive relationships. Her previous boyfriend was in prison in another state for rape (which she claimed the woman was “lying” about). Her current husband used her as a babysitter for his kid with his previous wife (who he still maintained a sexual relationship with). I vividly remember one time she told me that they drove down the Chicago so he could “pick up some car parts” and he left her sitting in the parked car for four hours while he did whatever the hell he was doing. I wouldn’t do that to a dog, let alone my spouse.
She never questioned how these men treated her, because I think she honestly believed that she did not “deserve” anything better. Her body language and her mannerisms made her appear vulnerable, beaten down, and downtrodden. I don’t know how else to explain it. I would gently try to talk to her, being really careful not to use words like “rape” and “abuse” because I knew it would immediately shut her down. But she’d been treated so badly for her whole life, she simply couldn’t accept that there was any other way to exist.
It makes me so furious that these predators go after people like this, people who’ve been so horribly abused that they can’t get out of the cycle.
sn0rkmaiden:
But but but that’s MISANDRY of the highest order, as we learned from a troll recently! I assume the misters came down on hard on this blatant display of man-hating, no?
Lea – d’you mean MEZ? That’s who I was referring to, the one who’s the only feminist Doin It Rite, apparently (the rest of us being too cruel and bullying to the poor menz and nice proper feminists like herself).
Kittehserf,
Nope. My mistake. There is a twitter troll who calls hirself uberfeminist.
Holy poop. If you are capable of producing an argument that concludes, “I treat [person] abusively because I love them”, and have somehow persuaded yourself that such an argument makes sense, you really, really need to stop yelling at the internet and talk to a for-real Human Being. One who possesses even the slightest shred of empathy.
Egads.
Short for Just Saying: “I am constantly abusing women, but not because I like it, but because they won’t stay with me if I don’t”.
Actually, that could sound like myself a few years ago.
I’ve always been suspicious of monogamy and embraced multiplicity as soon as I realized it was actually a possibility.
This did not prevent me from being a very vulnerable and insecure person, and very dependent on male approval.
This story, even though many details don’t match, does remind me a lot of an abusive BDSM partner. He already had a sub girlfriend, making me the second sub, which was awesome for me at that time, and we were a bit into this “get more girls for me” thing as well.
He kept trying to give me orders and make me call him “Sir” for months after our “friendly” brake up, which is one of the reasons I was able to tell (with time) he was indeed an asshole.
It’s been over two years since we broke up and it’s still hard for me to tell up to which point he was being abusive and which times I was healthily consenting during the relationship.
I think there is a chance that some of the things JS is saying aren’t entirely made up, and I wouldn’t be surprised he’s playing the kink card with those women.
@Isabelle
Hi and welcome, but:
I don’t think many women enter relationships they think will be abusive, but either way, the blame lies on the person being abusive not the victim. I hope you weren’t implying otherwise.
@samantha
Hugs from me, if you want. That’s horrible, though I’m glad you were able to get out.
Samantha, good you left him indeed! That dude’s seriously messed up and dangerous. I just hope he hasn’t harmed anyone else.
I’ve seen this shit before, you know, these PUA and MRA dudes claiming women stay with them and tolerate everything if they just abuse and humiliate them enough. I wonder who’s like that… but it’s tragic isn’t it, that they got women to stay with them (through abuse or not) and instead of being ashamed and embarrassed about it they gloat over it on the internet.
Actually good that the internet exists in this regard? It learned and learns me a lot about sociopaths and psychos. My home city is full of PUAs and I found out what that is by this blog actually and some other sites. Now I was able to put a name to the weird behaviour guys exhibited towards me ^_^
By the way, I may have a ‘vulnerable vibe’ according to that dude, but I also have a good creep radar. Anyway, when I met the first PUAs on the streets I thought these dudes were just insane or insanely desperate. It was all so weird that I couldn’t place it. And the faux attitude was obvious even then. The internet put a name to it. But if you’re drawn to such ideologies and websites, aren’t you per definition someone to avoid?
I’ve known this MRA-ish dude. He saw himself as a great mind and philosopher yet I didn’t understand crap about his anti-feminism. Because he tried to prove that women need to be discriminated against because of…. COAL MINES and THE TITANIC. What?????
And then later on I found exactly that crap on MRA sites 😀
But there’s really something off with those guys and with these rhetorics they expose themselves and their awful mindset. I guess I’m to be happy about this…