In case anyone doubts that manosphere blogs encourage men who are already assholish to become even more assholish, here’s the latest reminder: a “Comment of the Week” from Heartiste’s terrible blog explaining why men should treat the women they love (or at least love having sex with) as badly as they possibly can.
In the comment, a former “beta male” calling himself Just Saying explains how he changed his ways after discovering the allegedly indisputable fact that women just love being treated like shit by the men in their lives — up to and including getting punched in the face:
I actually tried to see how “bad” I could be before women would jump-ship and found that such a point doesn’t exist. The worse I got in my behavior, the more they would try to appease me, and make me happy. I never hit them, and that is what made me realize that nothing you do is “too bad” for a woman, when I saw one with blackened eyes apologizing to the guy who did it.
Yeah, I don’t think that actually happened.
It became pretty obvious to see that to live well, you need to be as selfish as you can be when it comes to women.
Oh, but once in a while you need to be nice, just to fuck with their heads.
Now every now and then you have to do something nice – and it will floor them for the next year and you can treat them like dirt. Cheat on them, pretty much do whatever you want.
Even though you should never treat women nicely.
But you NEVER want to treat a woman “NICE”. I’ve had women comment – “You treat all of your friends so much better than you treat me.” And I respond – “That’s because they are my friends and you’re my lover and wouldn’t want it any other way.”
I’ll take “conversations that only happened in some dude’s head” for $200, Alex.
Let us pause for a moment so that Just Saying can indulge in some unverified alpha boasting:
Of course, I also never keep them around for long – although some of them have managed to make themselves so useful that I won’t willingly kick them to the curb – how can you veto a woman that actively brings other (younger) women to your bed?
It’s so tough being an imaginary alpha stud! Just remember: Always Be Mean.
When one woman tells you – “You can have every other woman you want – as long as you’ll still see me.” She has pretty much handed you the keys to the kingdom – and it is HARD to be mean to her, but if you aren’t she will leave. Every time I wake up next to her and want to tell her she is my ideal woman, I catch myself and remind myself to do something mean instead. That is against my nature – but it is what she needs.
Hey, he’s just giving the ladies what they really crave. He’s the BRAWNDO of shitty boyfriends.
So when she tells me, “You can have every other woman.” I’ll respond with something like, “And some times that means I want to enjoy them, without YOU!” Just so that she knows she is there at my whim – and that keeps her always trying to keep me happy.
I’ll take “conversations that only happened in some dude’s head” for $500, Alex.
And that seems to be what women need – to keep her man happy – but she needs to see she never succeeds – as when she succeeds, she’ll grow tired and bored – and this is the death of her excitement.
Well, I have no doubt that Just Saying has no trouble appearing unhappy.
But I love women enough to treat them like dirt. It can be hard to get your head around – but it’s like quantum mechanics, it doesn’t have to “make sense” to me, I just have to be able to use it to my advantage, and that is all I need.
That’s right: being a dick to women is just like quantum mechanics. And Just Saying is the Schrödinger of shitheads.
Oh my god, who gave orion a fucking soap box again? Erglack.
This is just making my skin crawl. I mean, I’m a writer, I have some beloved asshole characters… but I never, EVER want to portray their behavior as okay, or have other characters coddling their feelings be portrayed as okay. Because shit like this is soooo not okay.
I’m not sure what I’m reading here. Dude boasts of engaging in abusive relationships, or dude boasts of abusive relationships that only happen in his head.
I really hope it’s the latter. But either way, a horrible waste of human skin.
And he seems to even know it. That’s how I read this “it’s against my nature to be an abusive tapeworm, but I force myself to do it, because it’s just what them womenz love, and I’ll do anything, even against my nature, to keep the women I so despise”.
Something very wrong.
Wasn’t there a troll here once called “Just Saying?”
And isn’t this a classic abusers strategy? Like, be “mean” to your partner – systematically wear down their self-esteem and make them beige they’re worthless, make them walk like eggshells because they don’t make you mad, and then randomly do nice things, just to keep them off balance.
It’s completely manipulative and assholish.
You’re right, this totally never happened. This guy is still a loser, now he’s a loser telling lies on Heartiste. Not exactly a step up.
Not one thing he claimed is even a little bit true. That’s all definitely “shit that never happened”.
I don’t know if anyone else watches Archer, but this reminds me of the episode where Lana lets the guys at ISIS pay her for the right to claim to have had sex with her. They all know they are lying to eachother, but they still brag and back-pat one another anyway.
That’s pretty much the manosphere in a nutshell.
This is the first time I see anyone justify the cycle of abuse into a sort of relationship advice. It’s sickening.
The only question is if they all know that they’re telling each other tall tales, or if some of them believe it.
Wow. Another Fucking asshole, “Nice Guy” ™ rant. “See what you women made me do!?”
Which is abuser talk.
bluecat,
He doesn’t want to be abusive, but women maaaaake him do it.
We’re so mean. Always making men mistreat us. :p
He’s only abusing them cos he loves them so much. Yeah.
The guy who punched me in the head later told me he was sorry, but I’d made him do it.
Lea: I just rewatched that episode last night!
“And that seems to be what women need – to keep her man happy”
Well that’s a change of paradigm. I thought the word was that women were all selfish solipsistic bots whose nature was to treat men like shit and ride the cock carousel without regards for men’s feelings.
I guess they were inspired by their own straw woman.
I got my Mom’s Day gift early. It’s a framed poster of Darryl Dixon that my husband and son picked out for me. 😀
They know me so well.
No, I am not turned off by thoughtfulness. No, I do not find assholish behavior exciting. It’s exhausting, tedious and I avoid it like the Clap. Yes, I want to be with someone who loves and respects me. I actually want to enjoy a man’s company if I’m going to bother with him at all. So does every woman I have ever known. But then, I’ve actually known several women. I don’t think this butt nugget actually crawls out from under is rock often enough to get to know any actual women. He may as well be spouting off about his experiences with unicorns. It would be just as believable.
You know what really strikes me as FUBAR?
If I see a woman pleading with a man who just punched her in the face enough to black her eyes, I would not assume it was because she loved getting hit. I’d assume she was scared to death of getting abused further or even killed. WTF is wrong with these guys?
Children of the Broccoli,
For Halloween, I want to go as street fight’n Pam.
Hubby says he’ll “tattoo” my back with a sharpie.
http://media.tumblr.com/73cd383e9d60b01a496879f8918b237b/tumblr_inline_mk732hQbXl1qz4rgp.jpg
Sorry about yer homies.
Honestly? I think they know that a woman who’s pleading with a man who obviously has hit her is desperately trying to persuade him not to hurt her any more. And I think it turns them on, and that they see it as the way things between men and woman should be.
That would make a good villain monologue, wouldn’t it?
I think Cassandra’s right.
cassandrakitty,
Truth.
I’m very much hoping this is made up. It’s not like abusive relationships are entirely fictional.
I am dubious of this line though
That doesn’t sound like something anyone would actually say. Sure, there are women who are cool with open relationships, but that’s not what is being presented here. It just has a ring of falsehood to it.
Does sound like a good country music lyric, though.
This mentality being expressed and applauded is why I think the MRA “movement” *is* concerning. Whether it’s the chicken and the egg, they determinedly normalise abusive behaviour and it’s echoed in softer terms in person.
What I hate is the grain of truth. Relationships are messy, and you cannot guarantee perfection let alone force someone to stay. If it’s more important to you to keep your relationship/sexual partner than have a healthy relationship, being abusive may well be effective.
I don’t believe for a moment that he is making this up. I have seen this done, although perhaps not so consciously. There are plenty of men who deliberately treat women like shit, and tell themselves that they are doing it for her benefit in order to justify it to themselves. Perhaps he is exaggerating the amount of tail he actually gets, but the rest reads pretty accurately to me. Unfortunately 🙁 Some women, especially young women, need to learn to see through it and realise that there are decent men out there or that they are better off on their own. Some never get that chance 🙁
He said, “The worse I got in my behavior, the more they would try to appease me, and make me happy.”
That is because they are walking on eggshells, afraid you are going to flip out and beat them, you %*#&@#*(.
And the bit about the woman apologizing to the man who gave her a black eye? That’s because she’s hoping he’ll stop at JUST the black eye. It’s not because she likes it.
This guy is an abuser, who has surrounded himself with woman who are too afraid to stand up to him, and don’t know how to safely get away.
I’m still reveling at the degree of creepy this is. He doesn’t want to do this. He wishes he could be nice to women, but they just won’t let him. It’s the abused and degraded woman who is responsible for his treatment of her. What he has to do to for her is against his nature. What he does to her is because of her nature. He’s helpless. She made him do it.
He makes sure not to come straight out and say that this isn’t just about being petty and cruel. His example of a battered woman begging forgiveness is not an accident. It’s not sly enough to be a dog whistle, but it reads as a clumsy attempt at one.
This is straight up, Norman Bates levels of spooky.
That reminds me, has anyone here read “If I am Missing or Dead”?
Absolutely Disgusting.
IT never once occurred to this guy, assuming any of this is real, that what he is seeing is a symptom of the abusive behavior.
The woman with a black eye apologizing to her partner who hit her doesn’t do it because she *Wants* to be hit, She does it because she either fears being hit again, Or is in a dark place and is so worn down emotionally, that she Actually believes she deserved to be hit. Same with the woman who works to make someone happy because They’ve suddenly become Mean spirited.. (Either she fears the continued surely attitude and actually wants to help them, or she is so worn down by your douchebagery that she feels she deserves it.) *NEITHER* Scenario is a Healthy or happy person! Same for guys, of course, but With Idiots like this, they love to assume if you don’t always say ‘guys too’ that somehow your only arguing for the sake of woman.
As others have said, either this guy is making it up to live in his ideal, Or he is is a straight up abuser who is assuming this is true when it isnt.
Also, Once again, I love the incoherent ideas present in MRA land. Apparently, woman are biologically wired to be happy when serving men, but they are all out to steal your sperm and live off your money! or something!