Let’s take another stroll through the strange wonderland of Men Going Their Own Way, that small and bitter tribe of men who boldly declare their independence from women, then spend the rest of their lives obsessively talking about them.
Today, let’s look at the thoughtful discussion that ensued when one such fellow known as TDG asked his Brothers in Going Their Own Way why, of all the women they have Gone Their Own Way from (but not really), they tend to prefer women who are “chaste.”
For women, I’m guessing the main reason they weren’t so slutty before the 1950s, was because of the fear of having a bastard womb turd, but the pill changed all that and now they can have as many dicks as they like.
Now, I wont ever marry again and my ex-wife was a virgin and all that went to shit, but here’s my question;
Why do men want women that are chaste…?
I understand on a visceral level, that if a woman has had too many dicks, I can never care for her more than a cum rag, but I’m curious if that is societal conditioning or something that is innate to men…
Thoughts gentlemen…?
Unsurprisingly, the gentlemen of the MGTOW HQ forum did indeed have many thoughts on the subject. (I’ve bolded the most intriguing bits.)
ManWithAPlan had an economic explanation:
Because by going through the “bad boy” phase, they fuck away their only worth. There are three things I look for in a woman (mainly). Attractiveness, fertility and youth. If a woman is attractive and young, but can’t have kids, most men will treat her as a cum rag. If she’s fertile and young, but not attractive, she’s still no good to most men. If she’s old and attractive, she’s back to being a cougar and a cum rag.
Multishadow brought in biology:
[B]iologically speaking women represent a fertile ground for man to plant his seed, and no one wants to plant his seed in a garbage dump.
Second, a man must work to earn a woman, and then invest in her.. and no man wants to work for what others gain for free, or for what was freely given out in the past. There is also resentment for a female gaining sex freely, when a man must work for it.
And that is the third issue, people in general have a distaste for those who are gluttons for pleasure. … It is one thing to obtain sex when you want it, but if your only purpose in life is laying around having sex.. it is like watching an obese person eat.
That’s right: people who have a lot of sex are basically sex fatties. And no one likes a fatty, right?
Aldenhamil suggested that chaste women were a better bargain for frugal men:
Just having random sex is one thing and any old cum dumpster will usually do, but settling down with a woman, having children, and providing for them is something altogether different. It’s a massive investment of time, energy, and resources. Men naturally lean towards frugality and appreciate getting the most bang for their buck. When it comes to women>children>family, it’s a better bet to invest in a woman who isn’t swinging from every cock in town. …
Men instinctively know that whores make poor long-term investments, but they also instinctively know that all women will become whores if given the opportunity. The whole situation is a bit of a clusterfuck, really. It was a problem for Bronze Age societies, and it’s still a problem long after we’ve managed to put human beings in outer space.
Ghost Rider noted that “chaste” women won’t have had a lot of other guys to compare you to, so chances are good she won’t know how mediocre you are in bed:
From my observations, the more men a woman has been with, the greater the chance that she is carrying at least one torch if not more for some guy that dumped her. I believe the term is alpha widow. Seen quite a few times where a woman dumps hubby to get back with a guy she was carrying a torch for, or at least conduct a torrid affair with the guy when he came a calling.
In addition, she is more likely to get back on the cock carousel trying to recapture what she thought she had when she was younger. Also, a woman who hasn’t ridden the cock carousel is a lot less judgmental in the bedroom because she isn’t comparing you to the hundreds of guys she’s been in the sack with. If you’re an average guy, you’re probably not at the same level as the alpha thug with the huge cock that fucked the shit out of her all night. If you’re dumb enough to get married/remarried, who the hell needs that shit in addition to everything else.
Demonsgate, meanwhile, seems to be more terrified of being judged by other guys than by the women he dates:
Real simple because in my younger days when I walked into a bar or restaurant with a twat I didn’t want all you bastards laughing saying yep we all fucked her and this fool is dating her. Who wants to be that guy?
Mongolking answered TDG’s question with his own question:
I think the larger question is “Why Do We Want Them… At All?”
Given that this discussion is taking place on a forum devoted to Men Going Their Own Way, this seems like a reasonable enough question.
And I’ll give you all an answer: If you hate women so much you regularly describe them as “cum rags,” “cum dumpsters,” “garbage dumps,” “whores,” “twats,” or any of the other horrible things said by guys in this thread about women in the equally awful comments I didn’t quote, you should take that Going Your Own Way shit a little bit more seriously. Go your own way. Go a long way, off a short pier.
I think it depends, cassandra. Like if the person simply isn’t good due to lack of knowledge and is willing to learn, then it can be fine (though a lot of guys [and women] don’t like to hear anything that isn’t good about their performance in the bedroom, which is just sad). If it’s actual incompatibility, like what you are interested in sexually doesn’t mesh (say you have someone who is into BDSM, and someone who, for whatever reason (reason doesn’t matter, it’s your choice) isn’t into BDSM. If the person who is into BDSM is willing to have sex without BDSM elements in it or the other person is willing to give it a try (if they want to, no one should ever be forced to try something sexually) then it could work out, but it’s still questionable.
Thanks, Sparky!
Huh, I probably need to put those at the bottoms of my own posts, sometimes.
@dustedeste
I am asexual, so I can leave room for the idea that it might be different for people who experience sexual attraction. For me there isn’t a spark and there isn’t going to be a spark no matter who I am with. Sex isn’t even a big deal to me, though if someone wanted me to have sex with them regularly when I don’t care about it and would rather deal with it myself then they either better already know how to pleasure me or at least be willing to learn. But as I said, there won’t be a spark, so for me it’s just a matter of skill or willingness to learn.
Lids: differing sex drives can’t necessarily be learned or accomodated, and that can kill a relationship deader than disco.
Sometimes people can be into more or less the same stuff and still just not have the right chemistry. If some people decide that for them that’s not a priority, then that’s fine, but pretending that love always conquers all is setting up an expectation that in many cases may not be very realistic, and could lead to a lot of unhappiness for the people involved.
And I guess my feelings would be that they need to do one of three things a) start as a decent lay (and of course be willing to learn what I liked, as I would do the same), b) be willing to learn, or c) never have sex, which wouldn’t bother me all that much to be honest. I’m the most satisfying sexual relationship I’ll ever have, I think anyways.
Thanks, Lea!
One of the females in my house gave me a lovely gift of a mutilated bird this morning. I found it just outside my bedroom door.
My question is, how can this huntress have such trouble finding the treats I put down for her. She’ll beg for treats, watch me put them down for her to eat, and then look at me, like, “Hey, where are my treats?”
She’s sweet, but not so bright. She can, however, hunt quite well, as is proven by the fact that when we moved to our house, and she ran out of the car, in a panic, she survived for three months before she found our house again. Not the old house, mind you. The new one. The vet said it is incredibly rare for a cat to follow owners, rather than focus on the home, but she did. She’s awesome and I love her. Even if I do have to pick her up and literally put her right on top of the treats. LOL.
I guess, just as I said chemistry and spark aren’t really something that apply to me.
High expectations – probably why I’m still single, yeah.
I’m also not particularly romantic, and am in fact a bit cynical on that front if I’m to be honest. I can’t say I really believe that love will conquer all, I just personally don’t have sex as a high priority. Which is me, not everyone else.
On the other hand, I don’t blame my singleness on the failings of all the men in the world. I know that *I* am the common denominator here. And the older I get, the more I enjoy being single, to tell the truth. I’ve seen too many awful and/or failed relationships to throw myself away on a bad one, and I have seen too many wonderful relationships (like my parents’ or my brother’s) to settle for less. I know what I want, and I won’t settle just to be married and have a man. I want the man that fits me, with flaws that complement my strengths, and strengths that complement my flaws. He can’t be perfect, because that would give me an inferiority complex. I’m totally OK with him leaving the toilet seat up, for instance.
I am well aware that I am difficult to woo. See, I was badly burned in high school, and got really, majorly, can’t bear to be touched skittish. Add to that the fact that I do not pick up on subtle flirtations, and there is a really super-fine line for me between too subtle to pick up and so adverse that it spooks me. I am working on being less spooked and more aware of subtlety.
But, see, that’s my own personal issue, and I don’t blame half the human race for my own flaws.
Oooh, has anyone here read Speaker7’s “recraps” of “50 Shades of Gray”? They are hilarious! She read the whole trilogy, so we don’t have to.
My last major crush was on an asexual woman and I seriously considered asking her out, only didn’t because we lost touch. I’m a gay man, but I liked her enough that I would have been willing to forego sex be with her. Of course, the fact that the transition would have been from never having sex to never having sex probably was a factor, if I were more sexually active the prospect might have seemed less attractive to me.
Lids – yeah, that was pretty much what I was going for. Sex is a skill, and can be learned, and the more people work at it, in a loving relationship, the better it will be.
I have high expectations, but not for sex. I’d like good sex, but I don’t expect it. Other things are more important for me.
OK, I’m sure you don’t mean to come off as though those of who do like sex are somehow frivolous.
Why not expect good sex? The assumption that women are expected not to expect it is sexist as hell.
Chemistry is not the same as sexual compatibility, either. I really believe you need that spark between people. Sexual skill and/or preferences, though can be problematic, if they don’t mesh well.
I like that BDSM/non-BDSM example. I can see how that would be difficult. But if BOTH partners are willing to compromise, it can work out.
Then again, YMMV (Hey, I know one of these acronyms!), depending on how high sex ranks on your list of what is important in a relationship. I choose to put sex low on the list, because I have seen relationships flounder because of it. Someone is deeply in love, but then their lover gets sick or injured, and they can’t have sex, and because sex is so important to them, they just let the whole relationship die a tortured death. I don’t want that for me, so I choose not to prioritize sex. I hope that my eventual partner will feel similarly. After all, I was hit by a truck, so I know just how quickly that physical aspect of the relationship can be destroyed by something completely out of our control.
I know a woman whose ever-loving husband ditched her when she got cancer, because HE couldn’t deal with HER physical frailty. Yes, it happens that losing sex, or even just having less of it, or having it be of lower quality than you desire, can be the tipping point to end the relationship. I’m certainly not arguing that.
It’s an individual thing, though. What is most important to you? Something to discuss before commitment, at any rate. Like finances and children, and plans for getting along with the in-laws.
Wow, I’m getting a super shaming vibe here too. Presumably it’s unintentional, but really, wow.
@hellkell – yeah, a hypersexual and an asexual will certainly have problems accommodating that. However, if one is willing to allow the partner some other outlets, it can be done, but they’d have to be VERY understanding and accepting of those other outlets. Likewise, the hypersexual would have to be VERY patient, and willing to do a lot more masturbation than that person would normally prefer, not to mention open-minded about other outlets.
Yeah, that sort of incompatibility would be problematic.
However, such things can be discussed before you even hit the sack. We know our own fantasies and desires, and we can discuss them with people we are dating, before we ever get to the bedroom. It is wise to communicate a lot before you commit.
If you both know that you are on the same page(ish) for your sexual desires, then you should be sufficiently compatible for practice and patience and love to carry the relationship through.
Love at first sight stories annoy me. People need to TALK before they commit. It’s usually lust at first sight, not love. Love comes from communication and a meeting of the minds, hearts, and souls.
For example, my parents KNEW at first sight that they would get married. However, it did take them some months to actually fall in love.
And I just realized, this has gone waaaayyyyyy off topic. Sorry, people!
“Hypersexual”? Really?
“HYPERSEXUAL?” WTF, lady?
Should we go sit in the corner of shame now or what?
@Leum – sounds like you were hoping more for a committed friendly companion than a lover, and that’s OK.
“Love conquers all” depends on which kind of love you’re talking about. There are many different kinds of love, and they can conquer different kinds of problems. If you look at it as all kinds of love all lumped together, then yeah, I think it can conquer all.
But you have to be super-human to manage ALL kinds of love at the same time, I think.
Romantic love requires some romantic spark, for sure.
Michelle: no one but you was talking about love at first sight or saying that communication isn’t important.
Please just stop with the lectures.
Sorry if the term hypersexual offended. I did not mean to offend. I was trying to use two opposite ends of a spectrum to illustrate a point.
Linguistically speaking, I believe that hyper- is the opposite of a-. Am I wrong? I’m sorry.
Let’s change that to very high-libido and very low-libido.
Okey dokey hellkell.
Well, you know, we hypersexual people are so shallow, we can’t possibly understand true love.