If you missed my talk at Northwestern on the Friend Zone, and most of you did, I go over a lot of what I said in it in my interview with Amanda Marcotte here. My segment of the podcast starts about 8 minutes in. (The rest of the podcast is interesting, too.)
The one thing missing from the podcast that my talk had was … a gazillion terrible Friend Zone memes to illustrate all my points. So here are a couple of the ones I refer to in the interview.
@racnad
Yes, but you did say that you thought women should explain to them why it was wrong. I’m not inclined to explain to every frickin dude out there why he shouldn’t oggle me.
I see racnad speak, and I just think:
Seriously, dude is boring. Let’s talk about periods again, that did the job last time.
HOW YOUR UTERI DOING MAMMOTHS.
I’m never quite sure why trolls like this hang around. He’s not extravagently awful enough to be 100% shit stirring, but he is so intellectually dishonest and will never listen so surely he’s not sincere?
Just… aren’t you bored now? We have outlined what is repulsive about what you’re *actually* saying rather than what you’re actually saying; staying to nit pick will not help your cause.
This thread: http://stream1.gifsoup.com/view5/3016856/dog-chasing-tail-o.gif
Racnad, seriously, how many times do we need to tell you that women behave defensively as a result of the behavior of ‘other’ men. (In scare quotes, because you seem unable to respect boundaries even online) When the consequences of that are inconvenient to ‘nice guys’ like you because women have their defenses up, it’s other men’s faults, not women’s. Why are you trying to blame women for something men do… oh wait.
Oo, LBT, that is so very much cooler than racnad. The bad guys get the coolest songs. 😀
You’re still sidestepping my point doucebag. Not that I’m surprised you aren’t listening. Not listening to women is clearly your MO.
Why is the minor problem of you being rejected according to your specifications more important than the very major problem of women fearing that can’t safely give a hard no.
You don’t care about the comfort level of the women you are trying to pursue. That makes you creepy. You wanted advice on how not to be creepy. There it is. Understand the fact that women put up with predatory behavior all the time and we develop strategies to keep ourselves safe. Respect that. Don’t whine about it. Don’t act entitled.
By the way, I got a soft no from a man once. I’m not sure why he gave me a soft no instead of a hard no. It doesn’t really matter. It was a no all the same. Instead of bitching about it for years and blaming everybody else. I moved on. Grow the fuck up and do the same.
@LBT
I started laughing for some reason, and I don’t know why XD It was so unexpected, with the rest of the conversation
Have we gotten too many trolls recently? because I Don’t think I got my period between this time and last time. And that’s not terribly long.
That is my uterus update, btw. No periods.
@ LBT
My uterus is doing alright at the moment, thank you for asking! I’m going on my trip with my boyfriend (slash future fiance) later in the month, my period is supposed to start right after we get back, but Hades knows, it’s been unpredictable before. Seeing as how the trip is specifically designed to be a four day sex marathon without any cats or dogs around to jump up on the bed or sit on the dresser and stare awkwardly, the lining of my uterus sloughing off ahead of schedule would totes ruin my weekend.
Yay no periods. My uterus update is too many periods. I used to get none on progestogen-only but they discontinued my favourite one and now I get random ones. BOO.
My uterus is being rather annoying during this point of my menstrual cycle. Thanks for asking, LBT.
Did you all hear about how menstrual leave is being discussed in the Massachusetts government? And I didn’t realize some countries already had menstrual leave. But this week I learned that they do. Interesting. Anyone here live where they have such a thing?
Haha, all my well wishes for a bleeding free trip fromafar2013!
Fade,
Hilarious typo because clearly that’s how rancid nad sees women. As meat.
LBT,
I’m just at the end of my period now. Yesterday I peed about 1000 times because my body was de-bloating. I also had the period shits.
Two days ago my friend, who just had a baby last year was telling me that she had basically a 6 week long period after giving birth and sometimes she passed huge blood clots. Good times!
Hope that’s graphic enough 🙂
Here’s the thing, dude: many men who behave respectfully when asking a woman out still become angry and disrespectful if they are rejected. GO READ CREEPYPMS to see this pattern repeated over and over and over again. Guy asks woman out. She says no. He calls her a bitch or worse, says she’s fat and ugly, etc etc etc.
So women reflexively “let guys down easy.” So that he won’t be mad. Or so that they won’t be there when he gets mad.
Since guys don’t get asked out on dates as often as women they don’t do this as often as women. But they do basically the same thing AFTER dates when they don’t want to see the woman again. Actually, in some ways it’s worse: they say, “yeah, let’s do this again” or “I’ll call you” when they have no intention of ever speaking to her again. (Women do this too.) People come to realize that people saying these sorts of things don’t always mean them. It’s not the end of the world.
People use little white lies in social interaction all the time. They do it because generally this makes things more pleasant, definitely for themselves, but often for the person they’re talking to as well. It’s certainly more pleasant than people being brutally honest and blunt. “Sorry, I’m busy” or “I have a boyfriend” is a lot easier to hear than, “no,” or “no I don’t want to go out with you because you seem like an insecure weirdo.”
LBT: My uterus is hangin’ in there. Ever since my ablation last year, my periods have been the lightest they’ve been since high school. The only weird thing period wise is tampons are super uncomfortable, even the smallest ones.
@weirdwoodtreehugger
Wow O_o That sounds unpleasant.
“Yes, but you did say that you thought women should explain to them why it was wrong. I’m not inclined to explain to every frickin dude out there why he shouldn’t oggle me.”
And you are not obligated to, but if you did to someone who might be receptive (I know not all of them would be) it might me more effective at getting him to change his behavior than calling him names.
@ weirwoodtreehugger
OMG, those are the worst! Mine are like, constipated? diarrhea? constipNOPEDIARRHEA. I’m like, make up your freaking mind!
@hellkell
Have we had the Diva Cup conversation before? I feel like it’s been said, but I like them better than tampons. Tampons is scratchy!
The fact that you lack social skills doesn’t actually impose a burden of making up for them on any woman who you happen to take a liking to, racnad.
@racnad
Can you be more tiresome? I’m beginning to think I should use you as a sleep aid, in case of emergency.
HE IS AN ADULT HE CAN DECIDE TO CHANGE HIS BEHAVIOR BY HIMSELF IT IS NOT MY JOB TO BE HIS MOMMY FFS.
@Fromafar
Yup, we’ve had the cup conversation. Though that doesn’t mean it can’t be brought up again. 😛
I like tampons the best, personally.
fromafar: I’m afraid of the cup, I know how coordinated I am and could just see that thing shooting across the bathroom, only to be batted around by a cat. My flow is so light now that pads are OK.
I’m a shitmonster the first day of my period. I hear it’s common, the release of some hormone causes it.
I had been using a Diva Cup many many many years ago but stopped because of a situation not unlike the one you described, hellkell. LOL.
But then I learned they come in COLORS.
So I gave them another try. Turns out the design and texture had changed slightly, and it made insertion and placement much easier. Super comfy now. I could feel the first one I tried, but the new one I forget I have in!
I still use a backup panty liner and I have tampons with me for surprise attacks.
Fuck you. I knew when I was 5 that staring is impolite. Basic etiquette is not hard. Oglers do it because they want us to feel uncomfortable.
May your pipes burst and a sea of period shits cascade upon your head.
WWTH: LOL, now that’s a curse. I pretty much spent the majority of last Saturday in the bathroom.
There seems to be an endless supply of this particular variety of troll. Male entitlement really is a hell of a drug.