If you missed my talk at Northwestern on the Friend Zone, and most of you did, I go over a lot of what I said in it in my interview with Amanda Marcotte here. My segment of the podcast starts about 8 minutes in. (The rest of the podcast is interesting, too.)
The one thing missing from the podcast that my talk had was … a gazillion terrible Friend Zone memes to illustrate all my points. So here are a couple of the ones I refer to in the interview.
@racnad
I think some women expect to be asked out but if most of us see a person we *really* wanna go out with we’ll ask them ourselves. I also think guys use the “most women expect guys to ask them out” as an excuse to be creepy, like you do.
I don’t know if there’s ever been a study about the subject. I only have anecdata from myself and other women. Since I don’t think we need a study to back ourselves up when we make decisions to make ourselves feel safe it is irrelevant.
Why is it so important to you that you get a hard no when you’ve been told we feel safer giving a soft no?
Maybe you get shut down because you consider your minor needs to be more important than the major needs of the women you want to date. Not because women want douchebags. After all, you’re one and you still get nos.
@racnad
No you don’t you little shit. Either that, or you need to work on actually putting your money where your mouth is.
Could quote them. You still wouldn’t get it. You’re too intentionally obtuse, and intent on blaming people for their abuse.
Here, I’ll give you a hint: every comment you say “Yes (it is the abusers fault) BUT”
Aw, look, he thinks I take him seriously enough to actually engage with him.
(Pats little troll on the head.)
lol racnad thinks it’s challenging ideas that are uspetting, not his blatantly shitty behavior.
here’s sort of how i imagine it in a slightly different situation that racnad might actually acknowledge as inappropriate (unsanitariness)
Alice: God, bob, you’re so rude”
Bob: No i’m not
alice: you said “i think everyone should jump in piles of poop” and then continued to talk about it after people asked you to stop
Bob: I’m sorry you find CHALLENGING ideas so UPSETTING
” The whole point of the friendzone concept is for men to express their ire towards women who, despite being on the receiving end of “nice” behavior, don’t wish to reciprocate.”
The whole point of the friendzone concept as “rape culture” for some women is to crap on men who already feel crapped on.
Hahahahahahahaha! You think this is first time we’ve heard this shit? You think you’re original?
@racnad
WEll, I do find victim blaming upsetting, because I’m not a shit human being like you are.
@racnad
Lol now rape culture craps on men.
Thanks for proving you’re a shit human being again. I can always count on that from you.
Rapists are crapped on too much? What wonderland are you in? Where i come* from people sing praises about them and act like it’s so sad that them being accused of rape will ruin their careers/futures
*USA
No, it’s to highlight the dynamics of misogyny in relationships and courting.
And no, I have no sympathy for men who think that being nice is payment for intimacy with women.
Never forget that women, collectively, are responsible for coddling the feelings of any man who’s in a tetch, no matter how unreasonable he may be being, ladies. It is our womanly duty to heal their emotional wounds with whatever orifice they would prefer us to offer.
@ racnad
For the last time, your hurt feefees from women rejecting you in ways that aren’t the EXACTLY CORRECT way you want is nothing compared to the real and present dangers women put themselves in just dating guys. Seriously. The biggest threat to men is heart disease, the biggest threat to women… men. Get over yourself.
Even Louis CK gets it you hateful little shit.
RE: racnad
BTW is there any study that shows that women who firmly but politely say, “No, thank you” are in greater danger of violence than those who make up fake excuses?
*smiles* My family has a history of multi-generational incest and rape. I’m pretty sure my nine-year-old mother’s polite but firm “no thank you” didn’t work on her stepfather. It certainly didn’t work on my rapist. But sure, you keep pretending that avoiding rape is that easy, sweetheart. Just say no!
it is less abrupt and uncomfortable than “NO!”
Yeah, god forbid someone gets made UNCOMFORTABLE. So I’m supposed to resist rape by saying no, but not TOO loudly, because that’s UNCOMFORTABLE. You really are a winner, dude. Why do I share a gender with you?
The whole point of the friendzone concept as “rape culture” for some women is to crap on men who already feel crapped on.
*laughs, pats your head* You really didn’t come from a rapey family, did you? Stupid child. You aren’t entitled to women’s bodies. You aren’t even entitled to friendship.
Have you ever been raped? Do you come from a rapey family? You aren’t citing anything; why should I see you as a challenge to my beliefs? Dear god, boy, you ain’t even TRYING. What are your credentials? Why should I take you seriously? Put some effort into it!
Wow. Idiot troll puts rape culture in scare quotes like an asshole and then expects us to pity him for being crapped on.
This is the third time we’ve gotten this pity party nonsense in two days Crapnad. It never goes over well with us so don’t bother.
*flings poo at Crapnad*
“Why do i care if women lie to men they reject? I’m probably either not going to see him again (if we don’t know each other) or only see him at work (if we’re just coworkers). Otherwise i’d be comfy enough to tell him the truth. And it’s not like we’re obligated to tell random losers about our social life or the actual reason why we don’t wanna go out with them.”
You don’t need to share the details of your social life with strangers or explain yourself. But if guy is doing something like staring at your chest when he talks to you and you tell him that then maybe he won’t act that way with the next woman he meets.
Here’s a reason to not lie: Maybe one day you’ll know a guy who assumes you’re lying about something when you’re being honest because he knows he’s been lied to several times in the past by women who found honesty uncomfortable.
RE: racnad
But if guy is doing something like staring at your chest when he talks to you and you tell him that then maybe he won’t act that way with the next woman he meets.
I’m a gay man. If you don’t want me staring at your balls and drooling, you better be polite when you ask me to stop.
@racnad
HOw fucking dense are you? It’s not women’s job to baby men into correct behavior.
And then he won’t get laid oh I feel so sad let me play him the worlds tiniest fucking violin.
so…. if *men* are rude to women or sexually harass us it’s our fault b/c women shouldn’t have lied to him?
it’s like… this is so wrong.
A) it’s not my duty to educate entitled foolish men
B) if a guy assumes i’m lying and takes that as a reason to invade my personal space and harass me, IT DOESN’T MATTER IF I’M LYING. it matters what HE did.
@LBT
No, you’ve got it all wrong! It’s okay for het. men to make women uncomftorable, but it’s not okay for gay men to make het men uncomftorable. That’s just obscene!
/sarcasm.
And if she doesn’t, then it’s her own fault if she gets abused.
Also, -29/10.
Fuck you. Men who stare at our chests know exactly what they’re doing and do not care. And by the way, adult men stare like that at obviously underaged girls the second they develop breasts. It’s not my responsibility to inform men that they shouldn’t ogle. That is basic etiquette that anyone should know.
By the way you fuckwit, I have tried telling men their behavior is inappropriate. They only ever make excuses. One of them even responded by licking me. The notion that creepers and harassers are perfectly nice guys that are just a bit awkward is laughably stupid.
I no curr if some angry sexist dude assumes that I’m lying because women in general are lying liars. Bye, angry sexist dude!
LBT,
Rape is an evil, ugly and destructive thing. But I’m not talking rape or rapists. I’m talking about lumping ordinary guys who never raped anyone into the same category as rapists because they have trouble establishing consensual romantic relationships and describe their failed attempts at getting a girlfriend as a “friendzone.”
Rancid,
We did not take you to raise. Grow up. Learn to treat other people, even if those people are women, with respect. They deserve it. You don’t deserve a date. If someone wants to date you, good for you. That’s not our problem. Men are fully capable of behaving like decent people. They don’t need women the world over to mommy them into it. How you behave is on you. You don’t get pity for willfully being an asshole, victim blaming, misogynist assbutt who no one wants to fuck. Get your own shit together. It isn’t difficult.
Cripes! The entitlement is strong with this one.