If you missed my talk at Northwestern on the Friend Zone, and most of you did, I go over a lot of what I said in it in my interview with Amanda Marcotte here. My segment of the podcast starts about 8 minutes in. (The rest of the podcast is interesting, too.)
The one thing missing from the podcast that my talk had was … a gazillion terrible Friend Zone memes to illustrate all my points. So here are a couple of the ones I refer to in the interview.
Yeah, having had more than one sexually abusive partner who were both kind and courteous before any abuse happened this is really really just NO.
Obnoxious troll is obnoxious, but my stars, all the rest of you are killer awesomesauce. Go you guys!
Sparky I understand that women are socialized to “soften the blow,” but that that doesn’t make a white lie not a lie.
BTW is there any study that shows that women who firmly but politely say, “No, thank you” are in greater danger of violence than those who make up fake excuses?
I did NOT say that “women like asshole bad boys.” I suggested than some women like boys who are assholes in spite of the fact they are assholes. That’s am important distinction.
Nobody cares, racnad.
-15/10
wait… so racnad comes with a “Truth” that a majority of women expect men to ask them out, and it is a truth blah blah if you don’t accept it your in denial…
but women telling us that we fear saying “no” b/c men can be violent needs a study to back up?
Racnad, please be consistent in the level of proof you offer and demand.
Maybe I”m just a big meanie pants, but I’m not going to put in any effort to debating him. If someone else wants to, that’s fine, but he’s just impossible to get through to, and it’s not fun for me atm.
“100% of the blame for abuse is on the abuser.”
Yes, but if she has a pattern of picking men who are abusers she needs to take a closer look how she picks men. People who grew up in homes where there was abuse or alcoholism tend to pick partners – often subconsciously – who are abusive or alcoholic. Therapists know this.
@Racnad
“yes, but–”
Shut the fuck up. This is why you are an abuse apologist. Everything you say is yes, but.
Yes, you agree, o so reasonably, BUT you still put blame on her. FUck you.
Also, the therapist thing sounds familiar, but I’m still gonna ask your for a citation, cuz that’s just how I roll.
Fromafar, if I had that much fluff, I could probably sit on legos, too.
For anyone who needs brain bleach…
also, why not just any “no”? why does it have to be a polite “no”?
“needs to examine why she picks abusive men
needs to examine why she picks abusive men..”
I take it your gifs of tables getting overturned reflects the frustration you feel when your ideas are challenged.
lol
hey, racnad why don’t you say why you’re demanding proof from us (on the study showing women who say no met with violence …) yet you refuse to provide proof for your own claims? I know it’s a minor problem in comparison to everything else, but if you’re gonna be a troll at least be consistent.
“also, why not just any “no”? why does it have to be a polite “no”?”
It doesn’t have to be, but it is less abrupt and uncomfortable than “NO!” And more honest and unambiguous than falsely claiming to be too busy.
@racnad
No, they’re because you’re a terrible abuse apologist who should never be around another human being again.
Newsflash: I don’t care what you think of how women reject men.
I thought you were flouncing, anyway.
Men who have a pattern of abusing women really need to take a look at why they do that. So do men who troll feminist blogs looking for victim-blaming opportunities.
Is it your opinion that most women (not only feminists, but American women in general) don’t expect men to do the asking out? I understand we don’t all have time to fully research and document our blog comments, but if you have a different opinion, please express it and I will respect it as your opinion.
alternate question, since racnad’s not answering why he’s demanding different levels of proof than he’s supplying…
Why do i care if women lie to men they reject? I’m probably either not going to see him again (if we don’t know each other) or only see him at work (if we’re just coworkers). Otherwise i’d be comfy enough to tell him the truth. And it’s not like we’re obligated to tell random losers about our social life or the actual reason why we don’t wanna go out with them.
@ racnad
Are you being willfully obtuse or are you just that ignorant and stupid?
Try reading “Why does he do that?” by Bancroft
http://www.amazon.com/s/ref=nb_sb_ss_c_0_10?url=search-alias%3Dstripbooks&field-keywords=why%20does%20he%20do%20that&sprefix=why+does+h%2Caps%2C197
And then maybe a few more books about abusive behavior and just generally asshole behavior in people (not just men).
Abusers are predators. Women (and men) end up in strings of abusive relationships because predators look for weaknesses (like emotional turmoil from just getting out of an abusive relationship) and swoop in to ‘save the day’ only to turn into raging assholes once the relationship is too far along for the abused to escape easily.
You are trying to blame victims for the MO of their abusers. Seriously, Stop that shit.
It is my opinion that you’re really boring, but that your comments might be useful as a sleep aid for people suffering from insomnia.
@racnad
Yes, it is. The whole point of the friendzone concept is for men to express their ire towards women who, despite being on the receiving end of “nice” behavior, don’t wish to reciprocate. Whether they joke about it sometimes is besides the point. “Nice guys” are entitled shits because they believe that their “kindness” should be exchanged for intimacy of whatever kind.
@racnad
Lol you’ll respect people’s opinions?
Okay here’s my opinion: YOu’re an abuse apologist, and I’m not here to debate you. I think you should fuck off and not talk to another human being again, unless you get a personality transplant, and if you don’t leave, I will continue to mock you.
Because I don’t debate people who blame victims for their abuse.
“Men who have a pattern of abusing women really need to take a look at why they do that.”
I agree.
“So do men who troll feminist blogs looking for victim-blaming opportunities.”
You’re implying that I’m blaming victims. Can you quote that back? I don’t think I did.
Yeah, as someone who has been abused by men, I believe it’s time for you to fuck off. “Meaningful discussion” my ass – you don’t deserve one.
@cassandra
OT, but I couldn’t sleep much last night. I was awake for 4+ hours. I’d misplaced my sleepy pills 🙁
“I think you should fuck off and not talk to another human being again,”
I’m sorry you find ideas that challenge your own so upsetting.